Glory Hallelujah, First Fall Saturday 2023

Technically, it was still summer before.  And summer can get right fucked.

It’s not all rainbows and sunshine, as we get NO early morning fixture.  GUH.  Only three in the 10:00 window, as we go “Sunday heavy” this week, with some “name teams” in Zooropa.  City of Men hosting Robins Hood is…asking a lot to carry a window (USA), but I suppose everyone like’s to see HULK SMASH.  A well-kept secret is how badass their cheaply bought “backup striker” (Julian Alvarez) is playing.  There is also the Uncle Woy Dawby (Palace/Mighty Whitey) for your streaming pleasUre.

Spotlight Dance is…Praise Beesus hosting terlet-swirling Everton??  But the teevee guide says 12:30 and NBC, so I guess it is.  Burnley and Men Untied steam at 3p, which is both accurate and weirdly scheduled.

Don’t want to get to deep in the Sunday weeds yet, suffice to say the USA fixtures are awful, while the likes of the North London Derby are Peacocked.  BLECH.

Florida State (-1.5) at Clemson (Noon, ABC)

Time for St. Dabo to play the Rodney Dangerfield “No Respect” card, but I just can’t possibly believe this much in a 21st century Semenholes squadron,  Both these teams can eat shit, for all I care.

Oklahoma (-14) at Cincinnati (Noon, Fox)

This looked WAY more interesting before JV WKRP lost to Miami last week.  That’s the OHIO varietal of Miami, to clarify.  Still, anybody thinking Steerfuckers North is legitimately good might just want to think again.

Auburn (+8) at Texas A&M (Noon, ESPN)

There will be panic and/or possibly blood in College Station if Bonfire Cult loses this one.  I’d pay good money to watch Bobby Petrino disembowel Jimbo on live teevee, wouldn’t you?

Colorado (+21) at Oregon (3:30, ABC)

When Vegas begs you this hard to bet the underdog moneyline?  You really, REALLY shouldn’t.

UC-Los Angeles (+5) at Utah (3:30, Fox)

That said, Vegas clearly believes way more in Westwood Klavern than Hippo does.  Original Recipe Big Love all the way, y’all!

Ole Miss (+7) at Alabama (3:30, CBS)

Yes, I get it.  Nick Saban is surely pissed off.  But he still ain’t got no quartered back.  Or maybe he just pulled a genius move in getting the fanbase off Milroe’s back?  Because options 2 and 3 sure looked bad, and not-just-bad-for-Bama, PAAAAAAWWWWWLLLLL.