Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
On hold for another buncha quotes [in bed].
Work blew up last week, and its been crazy since, so have not had the usual time to go looking for random quotes. Hoping for next week. But, shrugs, we’ll see. I have some ideas where to get more, but have not had time to research it.
Got most of my list done last week when off, and saw the New Jurassic Park movie in an actual theatre. Was better than I thought it was going to be.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
March 28th, of every year, because of February 5, 2017.
Sharkbait
February 3, 2008.
Super Bowl XLII.
18-1 season record…
NAWT FACKIN FAI-UH! THIS WAS OWAH SEASON! ONE FOAH THE HISTORY BOOKS!
LemonJello
September 7, 2008.
Bernard Pollard.
Tom Brady suffers season-ending knee injury in the first quarter.
LemonJello
I just realized I can get 20% off shame pizza with my AARP membership, I’ve been leaving money on the (shameful) table!
*It’s a little known fact that you can join AARP at any age, I’ve been retired at heart my whole life
Doktor Zymm
I have the usual guy stuff in my shed. But these babies have some family history that I plan on integrating into the renovated place for my soon to be newly wed daughter. These come from an old railroad line near our families lake cottage in the Wisconsin north woods. As kids we collected a bunch 50+ years ago and my parents kept the best looking ones. Mom sent me six of them a few years back. Soon I will drill a hole in the tops, run an LED light with rustic wiring through each, mount them in a staggered line on a weathered wood plank, and mount it above the dining room table. I hope it turns out nice.
2Pack
Update on Bear, the Breeder Dog That Was Tossed Aside:
As he was taught, he tries to mount Ruby here and there and Ruby is having none of it. Bear is a simple sort of doggo and is at sea.
scotchnaut
Sometimes a perfectly good hammock will get a teensy bit contaminated with radioactive material. Seems a shame to throw it away so it gets chucked in the shed
Doktor Zymm
/writes spec script about a radioactive hammock terrorizing Manhattan
//working title “The City That Never Sleeps Even Though You’d Think It Could Sleep Because Of The Omnipotent Hammock But The Hammock Is Killing Everyone”
///cashes Netflix check
SonOfSpam
What really happened, the spiders in the shed mutated and started weaving full sized hammocks instead of webs. I think they’re still just eating flies, but there ARE a couple of interns missing…
Doktor Zymm
We’re about to hit the local avocado tree for one last big score. How I’m feeling about that (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
UPDATE: We got seven. There’s a decent amount remaining up there but they are beyond the range of my extendable pole.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“they are beyond the range of my extendable pole.”
Oh, so like my clitoris for some people?
-D.Favre
Horatio Cornblower
Family vacation update (like you fuckers care)
My mom has beceome a HUGE pain in the ass. Trying to find the local news station actually made me want t o burn down the house.
My sons are dicheads, there was a water balloon incident today that caused tears adn temper tamtrups from my nices. (You don’t have to throw a balloon like Nalon Ryan, son.)
My wife got ipissed as a ll shit cause my sons were making fun of her. ICE UP DOSN!
My two best friends are coming down to the beach and I’m gonna get so fucking hammered, you can’t measuer it with current standards of meaurement. even like, metrics.’
More to ome. come.
jjfozz
I stand by my twin theories that either Tomlin has some crazy bets going on over what crap he can handle and still hit 0.500 and/or it’s a kinda meh gypsy curse. Like Thinner but he just ran over the gypsy’s foot so she just cursed him to never suck enough to get a decent draft pick
Doktor Zymm
“Oh yeah, I know her. She’s cool.” — Jeff Fisher
Dunstan
Oh Crap I think Bagel got into the gummies again.
Calm down Bagel, you can’t touch the sun.
DJ TAJ
It’s kind of funny that the biggest sporting events over Independence Day weekend are a tennis tournament in England and the Club World Cup featuring primarily non-American teams. Except of course for the Nathan’s taco eating competition, which could be argued as the MOST American sporting event in existence.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
My wife’s coworker offered me a ticket to the Dodgers/Astros game on Friday night , the catch is I have to drive and buy him beer. That’s a no for me.
Jimbo
“Enjoy your $40 ticket!”
(buys $80 in beer that I can’t enjoy because I have to drive)
SonOfSpam
Also he’s kind of a loud mouth eye-talian dude, no offence obviously.
Instead we are driving out to the desert to visit some friends and celebrate America by blowing up a small part of it.
Jimbo
SonOfSpam
Well, P.Diddy’s likely going to walk on the most serious charges, so everything continues to be awesome.
Horatio Cornblower
Redshirt
Walked the San Diego Zoo today, saw cute animals, just as cute children pretending to be animals, and a metric fuckton of people more interested in their phones than everything to be seen. Thanos did nothing wrong.
ArmedandHammered
It was 2-0 Mexico, but now it’s 1-0 Mexico New soccer rules I guess.
SonOfSpam
Fox viewers are wondering if Honduras is one of the 3 Mexican countries.
Jimbo
Hawaii is pretty okay so far. I got home to two chirping smoke alarms and no AAA batteries so that was a very dad experience to deal with after BIG TRAVEL but before dropping my bag and taking off my shoes.
I’m gonna grill tomorrow.
blaxabbath
A huge thanks to the guy that just explained the word “plethora” to me. It means a lot.
2Pack
Captain promised to “fly it like he stole it” and get us to Chicago quick, lol
Doktor Zymm
Damn shame about Michael Madsen.
I’ve touched on this before, but my mom’s family knew the Madsen family when they all still lived on the south side. My grandparents were friends with his parents, and my mom was besties with Michael’s sister Virginia when they were younger (she’s been in a ton of movies)
Anyways my mom and her family moved to Indiana few years later but they all stayed in touch somewhat, even after Michael and Virginia got famous.
My mom didn’t know Michael as well as she knows Viriginia (he was older than the two of them) but I can tell this is going to make her upset
Brocky
Did I miss something? Why is this going to be Maestro’s last quiet summer? Are you and the Lady Maestro having a baby? Enquiring minds want to know!
Gumbygirl
Our little concertmaster arrives mid-November!
The Maestro
I don’t think AI like, gets us, man.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Hello and happy ding dong diddly goddamn weekend everybody!
Home for the weekend!
Cooking on Saturday for me and the bro and Eldest granddaughter and The Wahini and son in law and, AND!
Eldest granddaughter has a boyfriend who she’s bringing plus another best friend.
I Get to Show OFF! In the kitchen.
Honestly, I was pretty fucking floored to find out my granddaughter has a boyfriend.
Don’t tell anyone but I thought she was more of a girl girl.
I’m not disappointed just surprised. He seems like a good kid too.
Held our seats at graduation.
Bring it!
yeah right
Our little villages Sagra, or annual festival, starts tonight and runs through Monday night. So I can enjoy a long weekend, dancing under the stars (hopefully with the flirty blond across the street) and really nice fireworks for a small village of 4000 people. For those of you who are celebrating, and those who are not, have a great weekend. Wish me luck on the bumper cars… don’t need to throw something out…
2Pack
Tonight in Iowa, Trump was holding a Nazi rally, and was riffing about getting a loan at the bank, and there are “some good bankers, and some Shylocks” and holy shit we’re just going straight to 1930s Germany without passing Go.
I’m sleeping in tomorrow because I can, but I ain’t celebrating shit except the fact that you guys are around.
SonOfSpam
Germany v. Poland should be over in like 5 minutes, if history is any guide.
King Hippo
Redshirt
Found a funny:
EXPLORER 1: what should we name this new land we found
EXPLORER 2: how bout Newfoundland
EXPLORER 1: damn that’s fucken good
rockingdog
Princess and Duke WCS have been asleep before fireworks started.
Lil’ and Lil’er WCS are at their mom’s.
I don’t work on a major holiday that is Friday.
I don’t think I’ve had an “open” Friday night in at least a decade. It took me until now to realize that.
EDIT: My guess would be Christmas 2015
Three kids, one ex-wife, one quasi-princess, an entirely new career ago, and two Stanley Cups ago….
WCS
Fellow commenters, I’m not saying this to make you jealous but I’m going to get some action tonight!
Narrator: He was talking about eating cheese, crackers and kielbasa sausage in copious amounts. His wife fell asleep an hour ago.
scotchnaut
For the sake of comedy, I hope they rebuild RFK stadium on the same site and call it RFK Jr
Doktor Zymm
Sigh. As a pet owner I wish this was the only Boom Boom we’d be hearing tonight.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Your pets are great so I am sympathetic, but some pets…
Doktor Zymm
Sharkbait
I discovered Lowratio’s side gig!
Doktor Zymm
(lying on couch; having moved in hours; listening to Super Bowl Marathon)
Me: “I don’t think I’m going to move until Monday.”
TV: “Up next, the 2005 Pittsburgh Steelers!”
(five seconds of me frantically looking for the remote; turns TV off)
Me: (panting) “I guess its time for me to find some dinner.”
Redshirt
Ayo has been Malorted
Doktor Zymm
“It’s Not Coming Home” can apply to England not winning this tourney and the British Museum’s response to requests for artifacts from former colonial countries.
scotchnaut
He’s like a modern Hercules, a true hero for our times
Doktor Zymm
Translation: Me wearing black clothes to look thinner.
Jimbo
The inventor of the heat index has died.
He was 88, but felt like 107.
2Pack
Little Devils Stairs Overlook
Skyline Drive, Shenandoah National Park
July 5, 2025
Brick Meathook
/had to sit down the foster dog yesterday-didn’t go well
Me: “Hey buddy, why don’t you jump up onto the couch-wanna give you some news.”
Bear: [wags tail excitedly] “I sure hope it’s good.”
Me: “It sure is-we’ve found you a new home. It’s in Winnipeg!”
Bear: [stops wagging his tail] “Winnipeg! Winnipeg? Are you fucking kidding me? That’s where culture goes to die!”
Me: “Uh, well, it was either that or a trip to a farm up-province, ifyouknowwhatImean.”
Bear: [crosses paws against chest] “Fine. It’s just fine. But don’t be surprised if I piss on the living room floor a few times before I leave.”
scotchnaut
Shit did Mexico just score?!?!
rockingdog
Mexico scored. America shit the bed.
scotchnaut
Also the result of both countries’ most recent elections.
SonOfSpam
Hey Monty Python is on Turner Classic Movies. No more sprots tonite.
SonOfSpam
The Dr. Mrs. is at a K-Pop concert. I should probably get drunk and watch porn something from that list of important films I’ve been meaning to see.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don’t see Fisting Firemen 7 unless you’ve seen the first 6. There’s a lot of backstory.
SonOfSpam
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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As God as my witness, I have no recollection of writing that comment.
Well . . . . . I ain’t flying out of D.C. tonight. Every flight is massively delayed; apparently they’re grounding planes due to electrical storms and alien plasma surges. I got rebooked tomorrow at 9 AM, after the Van Allen Belt fires are extinguished.
In the meantime I’m gonna sit here in the Delta Club and drink for free and then go back to my (east coast) home.
Better safe than sourry. Maybe ICE can deal with these aliens as well.
Blame the Jewish Space Lasers. LOUDLY.
Did they put you in first class for the trouble?
No they KEPT me in first class because that’s how Brick rolls.
They did offer me a complimentary blowjob, which was nice of them, but it was from a baggage handler named Russell so I had to politely decline. There ain’t enough free booze in the Delta Club for that shit.
I mean, if anyone could handle your sack…
Sitting in the Delta Club in National Airport is to witness a parade of douchebags.
U.S. Capitol with Airplanes ‘n Shit
National Airport, Arlington VA
https://ibb.co/qLnnzC12
Still Life with Infused Water
National Airport, Arlington VA
https://ibb.co/VcLJt08V
Like the photo from the article is yours
No sir, it is your post with an image of my photo.
I’m usually on the underdog during these thingys but it looks like maybe Sweden can do some damage.
This Sverge kit is really kewl.
Also, Asslani reminds me of Everton great Trevor Steven. That run down the right, and putting it on the plate for the trailing attacker. REALLY good footy.
“Did I hear something about the English team serving up bangers?”
One of my bestest college platonic friends was Polish. She was an absolute smokeshow, too. She’s the one who went to see “Friday” with me at the dollar theatre, when we were the only white folk there.
This has been a pointless Hippo anecdote. MOAR may or may not follow. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION.
You didn’t try the “kielbasa in the popcorn” thing?
TRUE HIPPO FOLLOW-UP – Kasia did come to my apartment in Carrboro once (I was in law school, like 40 minutes away), when mad at her boyfriend. I let her bitch, get rip-roaring drunk. I was a GOOD platonic friend, damn it.
Then, when I was tucking her in on the living room couch, she gave me a look that I (likely incorrectly) took as an invitation to kiss her. I 100% would NOT have gone further. But I thought it would sully our friendship, and taking advantage since I wasn’t drinking. It was the only time we ever had any “boy/girl” tension in the air, and we never spoke of it.
That’s a good Hippo.
I was always erring on the side of respectful too, and while I missed some opportunities, I also have zero trouble sleeping. (Specific to that issue anyway)
Which is funny, because the missed opportunities are what keeps me awake.
(not really, but there are one or two incidents – like that time I got “the look” from a Persian party girl at a soirée in Beverly Hills – that make me want to shake my reflection in the mirror and scream “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? SHE WAS GIVING YOU THE GREEN LIGHT!”)
oh my fuckballs, a PERSIAN no less (they’s really beautiful as a baseline)
THIS GUY KING HIPPO I CALL HIM THE GROUP OF GUYS THAT LADY BRETT ASHLEY WAS HANGING OUT WITH IN THE BEGINNING OF “THE SUN ALSO RISES” BECAUSE ONE CAN DRINK IN SUCH SAFETY WHEN IN THEIR COMPANY.
[pulls up Zubbbazz pants]*
Kelly and I were amazing Euchre partners that laid waste to any team in our residence. One night she knocked on my door wasted, wanting to consummate the relationship without a full deck. I tucked her in and let her sleep it off.
/we did do it a few times over the next few years though
*kidding! Who the fuckstick would ever wear those?
Hey hey. I’m here to support Flu and hex Chelsea
———-🔥
didn’t work sourry
Denmark deserves a tie here-they played above their heads-they aren’t there just yet finishing-wise.
Except for the part where one of them played *into* the other’s head.
Typical Wimbledon
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DLw-vAMtznp/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
“Fucked my prop bet parlay!”
-40 Year Old White Guys Who Failed Even With The Advantage
“Taylor Defeats Karen” sounds like the name of a comedic suburban romp about a neighborhood newcomer overcoming the local busybody aired on the Hallmark Channel, doesn’t it? But it’s actually the result of a tennis match.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tennis/comments/1luqfg6/wimbledon_qf_5_taylor_fritz_defeats_17_karen/
oof, Friendly Fire Trent Greening
Just saw the replay. She went down faster than Nancy Reagan at an industry party.
Would love that Danish player Veje with a little bit of ranch, ifyouknowwhatImean.
I do not.
[hangs head] “Veggies with ranch dip” was the reference
/it’s a helluva hard go making bad jokes on a Tuesday afternoon, I’ll tell you what!
Like, wearing cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat? Yeah, I could see that being pretty sexy.
I found this article fascinating and sobering, yet this is the sentence that I found most interesting:
“Most of our conversations since he left the Bureau have involved debating the relative merits of New Order versus Joy Division. If the fact that I sang along to “Every Day is Like Sunday” while he stood next to me at a Morrissey concert actually represents an imminent danger to the Bureau’s integrity, then, for the first time in nearly a half-century on this earth, I’m truly at a loss for words.”
https://www.lawfaremedia.org/article/goodbye-to-all-that
Organized crime in the U.S. must be popping open fresh bottles of champagne every morning. These guys are going to make J. Edgar Hoover look like Eliot freaking Ness.
galdurn law enforcement ought be listening to GOOD MURRIKAN music like GA/FL Line smgdh
You’d think that listening to Morrissey would really bolster this guy’s anti-immigrant credentials. Maybe he needs to add some Clapton to his favorites playlist?
“There shall be no dancing to Joy Division, or any kind.”
Wow. We are so fucked.
Damn. Danish girl wanted the goal so bad-if she hit the trailing Lassie they’d be up 2-0.
Rooting for DANMARK because not only do they start identical twins, they also both play for Everton.
Replay ref has been very kind to the Danes so far.
Lady VAR wants some dramatics in this Group!
Denmark! Germany! Celebrating Bob Dylan, I figure, because there’s lots of Blonde on Blonde action.
So in Portuguese the word “no” means “in”. It seems like this could cause problems.
A stupid mouse got itself trapped in one of my buckets in the yard so I let the cat have it. I’m starting to regret it. It’s taken her so long to finish the job that I’m thinking this will probably be the last kill of her life.
I guess sometimes the wild kingdom is a bit awkward.
I’d be less distressed to see it suffer if it were a rat.
As part of the desert survival training my unit was responsible for we had a snake house. It had at any given time 6-8 poisonous and non poisonous snakes that we had to feed. We had a very big 6 foot western diamond back rattlesnake that we would buy rats for every couple of weeks. I was surprised how difficult it was to get the snake to eat it. I guess staging the event was un natural causing the hunter to pause.
But stupid mice need the most killing!
The JPP digs are never not funny.
Thanks GTD, it was a pretty fun week.
Update: I did get to dance with the blond across the street. Had to dance with her daughter also cuz… y’know… ole gentleman and chit… But the fireworks last night were cancelled due to high winds. They are gonna try again tonight. Mid week explosions!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjDga1qeDrI
Thanks, laughing like an idiot.
“She’s talking about that Dove model by the pool.”
You have to expect it when you do something stupid that gets you hurt, the “Remember when we had those blasting caps, and you said hold my beer? Good times, BTW, How is the replacement jaw working out for you?”
See: any ER in Napoli at 0100 New Year’s day. They are famous for the maiming that fireworks inflict each “celebration”.