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Sexy Friday – 20250829

Mr. Ayo

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TGIF! We are so close. One more week of edging and we’ll have football back. Oh, and there’s a long weekend. Hooray!

Word Count Filler Time

Here’s some headlines that are less than clear in their intent.

Doctor Testifies in Horse Suit
Must of been laundry day

Diet of Premature Babies Affects IQ
Just ask wormbrain

Oprah, Madonna Talk Marriage
And you thought TNT was exhausting

Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly
Pal, they were already there

Groom Sues Bride of 4 Mouths

General Eisenhower Files Back to Front

God Gets a Parking Caution: “No Exceptions” Say Police
They are not messing around in DC

Dumped Fish Remains Upset
We all deal with the end of a relationship differently

Airline Travel Safer Despite More Accidents

American Ships Head To Libya
Have to read the article to find out whose

Woman Not Injured By Cookie
Phew!

Lack of Water Hurts Ice Fishing

LA Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide
No need, folks, nature will do that on its own

Lawyer Calls Soul As Witness
Obviously not his own, what with not having one

Thanks to President Clinton, Staff Sgt. Fruer Now Has A Son
Him and several others

Tortoises Held Hostage As Lobster War Turns Nasty

Snow Storms May Be Precursor To Winter
Unlike sand storms, which are a precursor to a South Carolina JV footy match.

Blind Bishop Appointed to See
They can do that?

Diaper Market Bottoms Out

Ancient Blonde Corpses Raise Questions
All stupid questions no doubt

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice
The paid version is not much better

California Governor Makes Stand on Dirty Toilet
Sir, the dais is over there.

Reason For More Bear Sightings: More Bears
Buddy Cole signal activated

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
The end of one hell of a party

Cuts Could Hurt Animals
But better than bullets

Nude Scene Done Tastefully In Radio Play
Dude, just fake it next time

Word count achieved, let’s move along.

Click here to get to commenting

Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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yeah right

We’ve got a baseball game next Friday!

With astute dignitaries!

4
litre_cola

Cheezies included for all!

2
Sharkbait

He’s finally asleep. Time for some rye.

4
Mr. Ayo

LFG. Ready for a *censored number* shot.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay.

Oh, wait. You meant for yourself.

2
WCS

Not my call, but reading a sedan into the front porch of someone’s house. The driver then attempted to flee the scene, but, buddy, you’re not going far with half the engine strewn on this guy’s lawn.

Took out a fire hydrant and a utility pole, too. If you have “INTOX DRIVER” on your BINGO card, be prepared!

2
Gatoraids

you moved to Kansas City?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m back from drinking the promised margaritas (and eating burritos). I’d drink another margarita but I’m out of lime juice. So…shots?

3
Mr. Ayo

Dangerous gambit, but I’m in.

The Taco Bell has fortified my stomach somehow.

4
WCS

And the septic tank braces for the morning…

3
litre_cola

2 left here in a city of 2 mill.

1
litre_cola

I will do one from afar. What spirit?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tequila.

1
litre_cola

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1
yeah right

I’ll drink a beer along with yez.

2
yeah right

The night before the long weekends turns into fucking Mad Max on the freeways out here.

It’s less traffic so you can drive a little faster and these fuckers are trying to get to a long weekend.

Got to get my ass off the 405.

Happy Friday!

Last edited 7 months ago by yeah right
5
litre_cola

Picture below may contain Strawberry jam for you sir.

1
yeah right

Give the missus my best and thank her profusely.

1
Gumbygirl

Ugh, I know. I went over to Riverside today, and on the way home, I just couldn’t face the 60. It would be a complete shitshow on a Friday afternoon before a holiday weekend, so I opted for surface streets. A jillion lights, but worth it for my mental health. Thank you, President Van Buren, I thank Dog for your lengthy Avenue! I had my mammos grammed this morning at the crack o’ dawn. I ‘m going to bed. I’ll be sorry when I’m wide awake at 4 am, but I can’t keep my eyes open now. Good night my darling dears!

5
yeah right

Good night and may you and the mammos sleep tight.

1
litre_cola

Pre-packing for LA

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Where’s the Foles jersey? Not enough room to pack the matching hog?

3
litre_cola

Foles is a big dicked hero. If I am going to make Dok Zymm, and Larry from Regina wear bad jerseys, I have them.

1
2Pack

Tuesday I go back to work. I need a haircut. These two weeks of working vaca were much needed around the house. I knocked out about 8 or 10 small nagging projects so my mind is now pretty clear.

Time to start accumulating small nagging projects again, the cycle never ends.

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8
litre_cola

On our way home from dinner at our beloved French spot I ducked into a Wendy’s.
“What are you doing?”
“Stoned litre will appreciate this later.”

I bought a Spicy Chicken, and I appreciate wine tipsy me.

Last edited 7 months ago by litre_cola
5
Doktor Zymm

On my flight to Chicago I got a flash flood warning from an unnamed canyon. Curious to see what emergency alert I’ll get on this flight

3
WCS

SNAKES ON THE PLANE

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0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MEXICANS ON THE PLANE!

0
WCS

COACH PRIME will not be undefeated this year. Georgia Tech wins, 27-20.

3
Sharkbait

Over under on number of snaps Shedeur sees this season?

0
WCS

This is #ThePauls, so he’ll be forced into action Week 8. He’ll suffer a season-ending injury before the game is over.

1
2Pack

Nude scenes are always done tastefully here to Ayo. I’m interested in lady number 3 today. Ciao tutti.

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4
Mr. Ayo

Another discerning choice. Well done, sir.

2
Doktor Zymm

The UK has all the best headlines

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5
Doktor Zymm

Wish we still had good newspaper journalism like this

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9
SonOfSpam

This was after Brexit, so, yup.

2
Sharkbait

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1
Doktor Zymm

Something something Scottish diet

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7
Sharkbait

Sharkbait 2.0 is having a rough time with the jetlag. Putting him to bed has been a four hour event with me and Mrs sharkbait taking turns trying to get him the fuck to sleep.

6
WCS

Where are you/returning from?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Worcester.

4
SonOfSpam

it’s spelled woostah smh

5
Sharkbait

I used to work for the Islanders AHL affiliate in Bridgeport. In their first season, the scoreboard actually said Wooster the first time the Worcester Ice Cats came to town. I let someone know and it got changed by the time doors opened.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Absolutely stunned someone in Bridgeport was able to spell it at all, even with your help.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah last I remember the city council had issued a resolution that “letters” were actually demonic sigils.

0
litre_cola

Do they do the sauce there?

1
Sharkbait

Back from 3 weeks in Australia

3
Horatio Cornblower

Apply the scotch directly to the throat; stop fucking around and coating his gums with it.

9
Doktor Zymm

The return from Australasia is always a bitch, usually fine heading there but takes me a week to readjust on the way back. Assume it’s worse for kids

2
Sharkbait

Sharkette is almost back. We’re gonna have to run 2.0 into the ground tomorrow. No naps, no days off, do your job and all that

4
Horatio Cornblower

Back a little earlier from the poker tournament than I’d like. Set a perfect trap after flopping a set, got a guy to go all in chasing for a straight and called him, then he had the absolute gall to catch the straight.

I swear, that man had the boorish manners of a Yalie.

Last edited 7 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
5
WCS

Guess you’ll have to settle for a flush next hand, while wiping your tears with your degree from Brown.

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3
Horatio Cornblower

At least it’s not Princeton. Imagine losing to someone from that clown school.

1
Bogdanski

Dr Mrs Bogdanski is a Cornell alumna, and she tells me, during the hockey games at least, the chant while playing them was “Princeton’s in New Jersey, Princeton’s in New Jersey”

6
SonOfSpam

That’s some good taunting.

1
Doktor Zymm

You must have got my luck from last night. I had the second nuts lose something like 7 times

2
WCS

I had the second nuts lose something like 7 times

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4
Horatio Cornblower

Gotta love those nights. They make poker so much fun!!

/grits teeth hard enough to create a pound of enamel powder.

2
WCS

Tarleton State HATES TEH TROOPZ!!!!!11!1 Just beat Army, 30-27 in OT.

2
WCS

Happy Friday night/evening, comrades.

Should be another interesting shift. It’s the start of a long (huh huh huh “long” heh heh heh) weekend, the last of “summer.” What shenanigans will we discover this time?

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6
rockingdog

Found a funny:

RoboCop: *about to arrest me*

Me: before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them

RoboCop: i’m going to let you off with a warning

9
Brick Meathook

RFK Stadium, today

https://ibb.co/VY9TDwjJ

4
Mr. Ayo

They’re missing some seats.

0
Mr. Ayo

Also, one of the greatest inventions of the USA is the right turn on red. What kind of god forsaken municipality denies that while having to also look at this misbegotten structure? Madness. Also, love the Fred Smoot Love Boat tribute.

2
Doktor Zymm

I see they let Fred Smoot keep a tiny container home there!

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is it on fire today?

Because it was like a week ago.

0
litre_cola

On week today DFO night out at thr Anahrim Angels of Los Angeles game. There will be cheezies and Big Turks. Any other LA based DFOers that aren’t murders want to come let us know. There are 6 plus Larry from Regina coming. IYKYK

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, you didn’t tell me LARRY FROM REGINA is coming!!!

2
litre_cola

He is. You will meet him on Saturday

1
Horatio Cornblower

Larry from Regina!?!?

/starts pricing flights from CT

2
rockingdog

Ummmmm……Trump wasn’t seen yesterday by the White House press pool. He wasn’t seen today. He has no public events scheduled this weekend. Trump hasn’t been seen in public since Weds, and it’s unclear if he’ll be seen in public until Tues.

That’s pretty damn weird…

2
Redshirt

Still posting on NotTwitter, though the recent posts do seem a bit less manic than usual.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When he goes I am going to have to be very careful not to follow him into the dark by celebrating too hard.

I’ll actually feel a little bit cheated if he just up and dies without suffering for a while, though. Ideally we’re talking about Death of Stalin type stuff.

2
litre_cola

Friday?

0
Doktor Zymm

Debilitating spray tan accident would be fun

1
Horatio Cornblower

I am going to jerk off to the point that death by dehydration becomes a real issue.

1
rockingdog

IMO a possible outcome is debilitation without death…

2
WCS

Stroked out finally.

1
ThurberHerder

Maybe he’s just shy

2
Mr. Ayo

OMG Mariners. This has all gone quite pear shaped quickly.

0
King Hippo

Not that he ever looked not-like he drinks a quart of vodka every morning…but Hugh Freeze really looks ROUGH tonight

2
Mr. Ayo

Speaking of, I’m so drunk I’m trying to pick my dinner based on which one will be less unpleasant when I throw up half of it in the morning.

7
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m going to drink margaritas tonight!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Though in retrospect I should have been drinking hurricanes.

0
King Hippo

With age, a man learns to think ahead like that. SMRT!

2
Mr. Ayo

After much deliberation, I chose Taco Bell delivery. I’m sure tomorrow will be great.

3
Horatio Cornblower

That’s S-M-R-T, because with it coming out both ends you’ll be finished twice as fast.

3
Jimbo

They’re finally sending Lee Corso to live at a farm upstate.

8
King Hippo

Trent Green urinates on floor in solidarity

8
Doktor Zymm

At least they saved the cost of a cremation

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8
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a built-in feature designed to ensure that the victim’s ghost doesn’t come back and steal all of Space Karen’s ketamine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmHPzXl236w

1
Brick Meathook

https://ibb.co/cXkCmCdC

6
Horatio Cornblower

That’s an all-time headline.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is basically my attitude towards having food delivered. I’d just as soon go pick it up myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V66XdulPrBM

2
Doktor Zymm

Counterpoint

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2
Don T

Good evening from the hawtest event in the worldT: Bad Bunny’s residence 25 mins. walking from my Apt. Warmup act, chickens
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PE ERRE ES OTRA COSA

12
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Today is the 20th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina making landfall. Thank God the Kid Diddler administration gutted the funding for the agencies that provide warnings about these kinds of natural disaster, ensuring that nothing like that will ever happen again.

4
Jimbo

.

redcross-kanye
5
Doktor Zymm

If anyone is looking for a good book to mark the occasion
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Last edited 7 months ago by Doktor Zymm
6
King Hippo

This was maybe his very bestest work. I could nae put it down.

2
SonOfSpam

Oh, that’s Devil in the White City guy…will have to pick that up.

3
DJ TAJ

A most excellent read.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Natural disasters in the Gulf Coast are going to affect red states almost exclusively, and quite frankly I hope it’s horrific. Will it indeed be tough banana for quite few people who do not deserve it? Yes, but we need to make a brand new omelet here, and we’re not going to do that without cracking a whole of eggs.

I should probably eat something. I’m kind of irritable and my metaphors are definitely leaning towards breakfast.

1
Sharkbait

The COTW will be back in it’s regularly scheduled slot next week. Jetlag is hitting us hard still, the kids especially so. I had something half assed I could have run, but I didnt like it and it needs some more work.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…something half assed…

You made the right choice. Balls would have been calling for your head and I don’t think any of us would have been crazy enough to stand in his way.

3
Sharkbait

Despite half assing it being the DFO way, It needs more work for sure

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Full ass or nothing! The fuller the better!

2
Horatio Cornblower

“I had something half assed I could have run, but I didnt like it and it needs some more work.”

/pushes Dallas 2025 preview under the carpet with his foot

0
Doktor Zymm

At least your Dallas preview was more full-assed than Jerry Jones’s negotiation with Parsons

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Why are there so many flies in the house?” – my mother-in-law, as she heats up fish soup on a ninety degree day, the same exact day that the garbage is collected, in fact

7
SonOfSpam

If a new strain of COVID breaks out, I know where to start the investigation.

(kidding, this bunch is gonna ignore it and let everyone die)

3
Doktor Zymm

“Why are there so many flies in this entryway?”
-My neighbors that constantly put their trash in the entryway for a day or two before taking it the extra 30 second walk to the trash

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Our neighbor is on Ozempic and it looks like he’s been throwing out a bunch of food in the compost bin. I hope he gets his portioning figured out, cause it’s pretty nasty.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Complaints About NBA Referees Growing Ugly

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6
scotchnaut

“I’m not racist but Whoopi Goldberg started to get real aggressive on that morning show after Joe Biden, I mean that Obama guy got elected. She showed her true colors.”

-A family member, less than four hours ago

6
SonOfSpam

THIS FAMILY MEMBER I CALL THAT PERSON KIM KARDASHIAN BECAUSE THE BUT IS DOING A LOT OF FUCKING WORK

3
herodotus450

And don’t even get me started on season 4 of Next Gen.

0
Horatio Cornblower

She let Ted Danson do blackface; they should celebrate how not-woke she is!

0
King Hippo

BayBay with the “Big Lots Notre Dame” alternate kit

1
SonOfSpam

I mean, Baptists ARE just dollar store Catholics.

1
King Hippo

I like how “A River Runs Through It” called Methodists “Baptists who could read.”

2
Doktor Zymm

I remember one that was like “Cop shot in argument with spouse” where it turned out the cop shot himself. Not funny really, just not a very good headline

3
SonOfSpam

Then there was the one where the midget psychic broke out of prison.

“Small Medium At Large”

9
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did you hear about the midget inmate climbing down the prison wall?

He was a little con-descending

3
Horatio Cornblower

Lowratio, right now:

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Last edited 7 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean it’s kind of funny, assuming he was waving his gun around and threatening her with it.

4
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, it was definitely a better outcome than I expected

3
Gumbygirl

When we got married, our local paper put “Gumbygirl and Gumby wedding” in weirdly big font. Right below our announcement, in slightly smaller font, was the headline for another story-
” Pregnancy classes to begin”

10
ballsofsteelandfury

#6 is a helluva picture.

However, the fave this week is #9. My goodness those are some plump tomatoes!

3
SonOfSpam

Yeah, it’s a good pic, but I’m gonna wait until dinner to judge.

2
Mr. Ayo

And they’re in season. Dig in now.

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