This map:
What is this map, you say?
Allow me to explain. This map was shared by Son of Spam in the back room. He created it using a site called “Where I’d Live” and it reflects his personal choices as to where he would live in these United States
I thought about creating one for myself, but I’m a pretty easygoing guy. I can live pretty much anywhere. I’ve travelled quite a bit throughout the United States and I’ve enjoyed pretty much every state I’ve been in. The only places I would not live in are pretty much every foreign country outside of Brazil, Australia, and certain countries in Europe. Yeah, my ass ain’t going back to México.
Instead, I decided to ANALyze Spam’s map. As always, I have some questions…
- What makes New Hampshire worse than Maine, Vermont, or Massachusetts?
- Isn’t that essentially the same place?
- What kind of sketchy corporation are you trying to set up in Delaware?
- How the fuck is New Mexico better than any of its neighboring states???
- Do you have Hollywood Star money to live in Montana?
- Isn’t that where they set Brokeback?
- When you chose Illinois, you really only meant Chicago, right?
- What in God’s Frozen Tundra would lure you to Wisconsin?
- Wait. It’s the cheese, isn’t it?
- Does Minnesota have cheese?
- Why would you live in Minnesota if they didn’t have cheese?
- Or did you really like the movie Fargo?
- Do you realize that Fargo is in a completely different state?
- How many DFOers could identify that state without looking at a map?
- I’m thinking the best they could do is say it’s one of the Dakotas, right?
- Oregon, huh?
- Why didn’t you tell us you were a white supremacist?
- Or do you just own a lot of Nike stock?
- How the fuck do you “reluctantly” live in Hawaii?
- What would Blax say?
- How is New Jersey a “Maybe”?
- Is that because of The Sopranos or because of Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle?
- Is Maryland on the list as a “Maybe” only because you’re afraid of Fozz?
- Is Michigan an option only because you can drive to Canada from there?
- What color would you put for Canadia?
Incidentally, the same site also allows you to create a map of which states you have visited. Here’s mine:
Before you ask, clearly you can’t visit a place that doesn’t exist…
Which states are YOU ruling out?
Okay Dakotas, here I come . . .
Not a lot of submarines make it to the Dakotas.
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Not too shabby and have lived in 5 states so far. There’s a good chance this map will not expand.
There are very few states I wouldn’t live in, but only in certain parts.
Like I’d live in Louisiana, but only New Orleans. Columbia, MO was gorgeous. Key West, FL? Absolutely, just not on Duval Street. I’ve had a good time in parts of Texas. Not so sure about the rest of those states, and Arkansas can get fucked entirely.
It knows what it did.
First time I drove through New Mexico, I got a ticket
Second time I drove through New Mexico, our vehicle got broken into in Albuquerque and my backpack with my clothes got stolen.
There won’t be a third.
I would like to enjoy watching Michigan sitting the bed and rolling around in it, but knowing Ohio State is playing next makes me afraid the Universe is baiting me again.
If Texas’s Marching Band had any balls, they’d play “Mr. Brightside” right now.
Or even better, OPP
I would’ve picked “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell due to them spying on other teams, but with everything that’s happened, that almost seem pedestrian by comparison.
Thanks for coming, Michigan.
And with that, I think Redshirt is probably coming?
You felt that? Sorry, next time I’ll give a warning.
“God, I’d kill to feel anything when that happens”
-D. Favre
Michigan’s QB is legitimately terrible
Only paid him $5M signing bonus, too.
Unpopular opinion alert – Arch Manning will still be the best professional QB currently in the JV ranks.
Manning has flashes but is still young. Only downside is, he’ll forever be compared to Uncles Peyton and Eli.
He’s waaaayyyyyyy better than he was in September. Needed time to adjust to the speed of new level, but he looks like a 1(1) to me now.
I wouldn’t give him 1(1) yet, but he is easily on his way. Honestly, ideal situation would be what Patrick Mahomes found himself in. Drafted into a good team with an established QB so he could spend the first year learning how to play in the NFL and wouldn’t be asked to lift a terrible team up. Even something like Ben Roethlisberger was in his rookie year, where he has talent and playmakers so he don’t have to be superhuman, just don’t make any mistakes.
I’ve not watched him much but he sees passing windows at a pro level already. His absolute basement is a Tyrod Taylor-type that can start at any given time.
Gonna watch some Britbox (my cheap subscription is up in about a week) and have a beer. Might go out to my corner bar later, but that will require putting on real clothes so not 100% sure I will
New Death In Paradise Christmas special is now available!
God damn, Marty Supreme is a great movie. 2.5 hours and it felt like 1. What a rush.
I put in 2 hours 40 minutes with ‘Frankenstein’ last night. I would not say it flew by, (not that kind of movie), but it’s very, very good.
Coul have used more boobs.
Has anyone noticed that most movies no longer feature naked breasts?
I know right? Gwyneth showed a bit of nip in Marty Supreme, but not the full things.
I bailed on that one after 15 minutes. Going to try again at some point.
Fun fact! The Doktor Viktor in Del Toro’s movie had the same crazed stare + hair combo of my late compadre /spills beer
Also, here’s my where I visited map so far.
What that map tells me is that either you were in the military or you have some REALLY interesting stories.
Or both.
Also that the Dakotas have a restraining order.
Completely unnecessary and undeserved. I would never step foot in such a dumb and depraved land.
Not military and I’m not that interesting either.
You have lived in a LOT of states!! That’s pretty interesting!
Oh wait, Philly should be on the visited list. And Delaware on the Never Visited list, I know it exists.
My current mood.
Youse guys is all welcome up here.
I saw the Other Diggs news on ESPN’s tracker just now, and they didn’t even credit YOU for breaking the story first, ARSEHOLES.
I hang by the bike racks, I got sources
Me: “What are the youngest and his girlie doing tonight?”
Wifey: “I’m getting worried about you-I told you last night that she’s headed to Mexico with her family tomorrow morning.”
/me, later on, watching a vid about 1979 McDonald High School All-Americans
“Greg Kite? He went to BYU. Antoine Carr? Wichita State. Quinton Dailey? USF. Terry Fair? Georgia. And they went to the Final Four! Teddy Grubbs? DePaul but he had serious mental health issues. Steve Stipanovich? He was a bum that went to Mizz.”
Gaslighting or early on-set dementia-you make the call.
It’s called priorities
I swear to fuck, there will be a day when I can’t even remember my own name, but I could get every opponent right – in order – of Jim Valvano’s miracle run in 1983. Which I watched at 9 years old.
There’s absolutely no rhyme nor reason to what we remember.
#spiritanimal Alert
My two killer sports trivia questions that I could answer were the starting lineup of the 1974 NC State squad and all the host Olympic cities in order from 1896 and onwards.
“Antwerp, 1920 Bitches!”
I was born in June of ’73, but I can 100% say I was alive for the ’74 title and 99% sure I “saw it” (my mom says I would never take a nap and my parents would have had it on).
Dad always said the 1973 team (that was on probation) was even better.
“OK, but last night I wasn’t listening to you.”
I see you’re still in the fever stage of Covid.
I could’ve sworn “Hail the Victors” would’ve been replaced:
The Human League – Don’t You Want Me (Lyrics HD) – YouTube
My definition for visited here is whether I’ve stayed at least overnight. If you count driving through or popping in for a couple hours then I’ve got more
I would count driving through. Hell, if I’ve pissed in a state, I’m counting it!
That would fill in South Carolina, Alabama, Iowa, and Nebraska then. Kinda surprised but don’t think I’ve been to Wisconsin. I should do that at some point
That would really fuck up my map then. I’m not counting that.
Really enjoying the lack of Wyoming thing.
Wyoming is not a state! Garfield said so!
Nothing someone says while standing in a plate of lasagna counts.
Matt Rhule with the backwards camo-cap looks like he’s trying to be “Michael Scarn” from The Office for Halloween.
Selected answers:
Pat Bowlen was from Edmonton, so that is one tick in favoUr of the Prairies
Even Baltimore has some nice areas, but yeah, Annapolis is a great little town. I’ll still stick with the DC suburbs tho
Years ago I had a co-worker move to Minnesota for a job promotion, he lasted 2 weeks. We joked that there was still leftover cake from his going away party when he came back.
2nd and 25? JV NFL BLITZ!!
In the Year of Our LAWD 2341, Oldham have been promoted to the Premier League!
Any luck for the Fightin’ Taskmasters yet? (Chesham Utd)
No, I will try inviting them FOAR a friendly tho. See if we can get them funded a bit!
I really need to travel more:
Cursed by the Midwest, but open to the coast:
Ok, this is WAY more confusing than Spam’s map
So many questions….
He seems to be afraid of mountains, especially rocky ones.
As you can see from the first picture, I’ve only visited a handful of eastern states. As for my reasoning:
Yes-States: Born and raised in the Midwest, so that’s why OH/KY/IN make the cut and the surrounding states. I like forests and lakes so that’s why the green extend a bit further than you’d/I’d think and why AK just barely got on the board. I also like the coast and vacationed in GA, so GA/FL/LA would be possible. WA/OR is a marginal green but only do the scenery.
Maybe-States: When you take away the coastline, I’m not really fond of the southern states. They are nice to visit and vacation, but not sure if I want to live. Also, the Northern states with the cold would really turn the coastline into essentially background noise.
No-States: While I do like to drive around, I do like something to see. Flat grassland or flat desert wouldn’t really interest me. The Rocky Mountains would like nice to drive and visit, but not something I’d want to live in. That’s also why CA got downvoted a bit; too much people, too much noise.
All of the south, especially Texas is a big No for me.
I’m forced into cheering for their FITBAW flagship today, and it really feels gross.
I have a buddy who moved to Houston, and he says Texas Tech are the only grads/fans that aren’t completely insane/intolerable
Rooting for Texas is 2025’s way of going out laughing and pointing at me.
I’ve got friends in Austin who really like it. I feel like most states have at least one town that’s great and as long as you can avoid interacting with the rest of the state (and can potentially leave quickly) it’s all good.
The one good thing about Texas is with its size, you have several unofficial territories and divisions of the state. I would imagine the eastern side of Texas near the Gulf Coast is practically another country compared to the western side bordering New Mexico.
It truly is
Oxford, MS is reportedly like that, too. It’s like a separate fucking COUNTRY from the rest of Mississippi.
SIL has been there over 30 years and she still feels uncomfortable visiting some of the smaller towns.
Watching this “Cheez-It Bowl” is much like the product itself-it’s ok to ingest in small amounts but the risk of suffering from diarrhea remains high.
2-4 inches of snow on top of the quarter-inch of ice already on the roads.
Be careful, yinz guys and gals.
My brother and his ladyfriend are in from Salt Lake, with the Fightin’ Utahians bowl game is on.
Lil’ and Lil’er WCS are here. Due to the weather, I have advised her highness and Duke WCS not to come. I just don’t trust the road conditions.
What’s the happenings in the Clubhouse for the final Wednesday of 2025?
My plans for Wednesday evening involve rubbing one out to Tuesday Weld. Why? Because I’m a procrastinator, that’s why!
The Heiress and I went to party with my cousins. So you lnow, get louDER and spend a coupla days at the beach #bliss
Lived in Virginia. HATED IT.
Have been to Oregon, could 100% live there. Really the only non-Cakalaky I could stomach.
If I had the money to live on the ocean near San Diego? Sure.
Maybe Boise or coastal Maine would be ok?
Otherwise, the whole country is “none for me, thanks.”
Charlottesville & Hampton Roads = amazing
Roanoke = Satan’s taint
yeah I dated a gal in C’ville for about a year, and always thought it looked pretty kickass. Though I guess one could likely say that about at least 3/4 of college towns. Even Athens, GA would likely be ok, I bet.
Important question: If you’ve only been in an airport in a state, does that count as having “visited” it? I would say no, but I’d like to hear other opinions. Or read them, assuming you’re not in the room with me.
It does not.
Depends on the context, but in general no
Dude, this has been fun as I await the stroke of midnight here at ’70’s reenactors fest. My US gigs…
And current local…
Nice! !
My Europe map:
New Hampshire is a red state, the only one in New England
Legend also has it NH is where the WORST of the Massholes choose to live (because they like all the Bahstahn standard jackassery but want no dahkies and no taxes).
It’s at least purple, and yeah, it gets penalized for that.
And not just because of general hatin’ (which is fun!), but red states are increasingly run by batshit weirdos, and I truly believe that would eventually affect your quality of life to some degree.
Also…hatin’.
“This map was shared by Son of Spam in the back room.”
Please understand this is exactly what you think it is.