As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season. Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter B (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:
- Boobs
- Breasts
- Butts
- Blondes
- Beavers
- Boning
- Bass (the instrument, not the fish)
- B movies
- Balls
- Baristas (pours one for tWBS)
- Banging (of course)
And now for something completely different…
WE so proclaim:
World Sport Update
The 2026 Winter Olympics start next week. Coverage in the United States will be primarily on Peacock with the various NBC channels showing bullshit canned and delayed programming.
WE decree that these events in the Old Continent shall be watched live as much as possible and preferably during work hours. The schedule until OUR next message is as follows (all times Pacific):
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General Sports Update
The NFL post-season halts for a week due to the stupid Bye Week. The Supe, of course, will be next weekend with the New England Patriots taking on the Seattle Seahawks in Santa Clara, California.
In Europe, the Champions League draw took place to determine which teams play each other in the knockout round. Barcelona got a bye into the Round of 16 by finishing in the top eight. Your matchups are as follows:
Benfica, who just beat Real Madrid to sneak into the knockout rounds, have an opportunity to knock them completely out as they play them again.
Who is the coach of Benfica, you may ask? None other than José Mourinho, former Real Madrid coach, and architect of Benfica’s 4-2 win in the last game of the group stage. Real Madrid haters (looks in the direction of Puerto Rico) will be quite happy with this draw.
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Other Updates
No golf updates. OUR next tournament is next weekend.
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In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:
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OUR weekly funny:
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OUR weekly hot girl pic:
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OUR weekly music video:
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One last thing:
Have at it!
The local republican news/Cardinals flagship station has a “Making Valentine’s Day Memorable on a Budget” story.
Not sure why they’d need this? I thought dumb people were gong to find new status as smart and successful leaders in their communities? Also — jerking off in front of the mirror with a picture of Jessica Kirk on the counter isn’t any more expensive on a Saturday.
Maybe the idea is to fancy the process up a little with something exotic, like coconut oil?
I took notes. Too drunk from curling bonspiel. Loved it.
Is this video just fucking with me? I can’t be that blind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSV4G2uaXHo
I can’t even make out half the answer pics, WTF
Im right there with you. It just means we don’t see color and cant possibly be racist.
It is disturbing though, if you get the appropriate colored cellophane it is head smackingly obvious. I once showed up at work and someone said “Wow, everyone’s wearing green today” and i said “What are you talking about, im not wearing green and neither is she”. The brown shirt I thought I had been wearing for weeks* turned out to be green. Kind of even bright green. Supposedly
Everyone else very much disagreed. How has my gene line not died out yet?
*shirt wasn’t worn for days and weeks straight, just once every few weeks or so and with regular laundering
I got every one of them. I could even see the numbers behind the screen.
That makes sense because you’re awesome
It’s the burden I carry.
They should paint these tests onto womens’ breasts to ensure that men actually give this test their full attention.
I’m getting checked to ensure that I’m not a bot when logging in now. (if they only knew).
Assume that’s due to the recent site maintenance?
We’re trying everything.
Excuse us while we refurbish.
It’s a pain in the ass is what it is.
No problem at all, I appreciate everything you admins do.
If that’s what it takes to secure the Clubhouse… Then you have my sword.
Arise ser knight!
Yell at Internet Dad HARDER!
My favorite B is bodacious, likely spelled incorrectly but hey… Sid and I could care less…
I’m pretty sure that’s the correct spelling
We thank you.
Yeah, well as prince or whatever… no complaints. I know you included me in that royal we, so thumbs up on Lords of Acid and Mel Gibson. We approve
Indeed you are part of the Royal Court!
Huzzah!
See how it is…
US Royals and Royal-By-Coitus gotta stick together!
Bugonia was really solid.
Good watch.
Emma’s screams will be seared into my mind until I die.
She was incredible.
KAAPO KAKKO! ICE HOX back in front.
Edit: Totally posted this where I wanted.
Jesse Plemons was the best I’ve ever seen him.
Good film.
Oh no doubt. He’s been great in everything I’ve seen him in, but this was another level.
I prefer Bulova
Wake up from my vodka-infused nap to see the ICE HOX up 2 goals on the despicable ICE WANNA BE AL DAVISES only for them to then concede a goal.
In summary, naps are good.
Sigh, and a bullshit penalty lets the stupid ICE HI I’M MARK DAVIS’s tie it up.
That nap should have never ended.
Great news, McJesus and Pals are eating shit too.
THAT’S KRAKEN HOCKEY BABY!
EAT SHIT VEGAS!
In my house:
“One of the children is sick! Call Shock Trauma! Get Hopkins on the line and get the very best medicine there is! It could be Covid, or lupus, or leprosy! No time to waste.”
“The mother gets sick: send for the wisest doctors from every corner of the world. Alert the media, the president, and the chiefs of staff. This will not stand!”
Father gets sick: “Hey, asshole, you gonna take the trash out or fucking lie on the floor all day?”
It’s never lupus.
So if you’re sick and drinking tea, you can load it up with as much bourbon as you can stand and no one says a word. Fucking cool.
Tastes pretty good in tea also
Hotty Toddy good this time of year
bourbon, honeyh tea, lemon juice, some cinnamon if ya kinky
That’s called rheumatis medicine in this house.
Back from the bar. Made myself an A La Louisiane and then it’s off to sleep. Probably.
You went to a bar?
After lunch?
UConn just beat Creighton so badly the coaches started the handshake line with the ball in play and a good 10 seconds on the clock.
I have to wonder how this affects the Maple Leafs chances to win the Stanley Cup.
UConn reloaded so completely they should change their name to U2ndAmendment.
I’m finally watching Christine. It’s Courgar from Top Gun! It’s Dangerfield’s kid from Back to School!
It’s also so weird how much Alexandra Paul seems to have changed between the 80s and Baywatch, Maybe it’s jus the haircut and nosejob, but it was significant.
Hmmm maybe when I finish my Brockmire rewatch I’ll do a Cougartown rewatch
I can’t rewatch series, even ones that I really like.
This had been Horatio Cornblower with ‘First World White People Problems’
My brain is fucked up so I like the comfort of a rewatch in these horrific times
I can only do it monster-of-the-week type shows like the XXX Files and Supernatural.
Ahem. I meant X-Files, of course. No idea why I said the other thing.
I’ve now taken two calls for two different people walking on the iced-over rivers.
These people not only consume natural resources but also vote.
Well, they won’t vote if you take your goddamn time letting first responders know they’re wandering around on top of a frozen river!!!!
Funny. I was just thinking how the right to vote is meaningless since it’s not like we have any more choice than the North Koreans of whom we’re allowed to vote for.
Just…..why?
It’s not just WCS’s people. A guy I follow on social media for weather was posting today reminding people to stay off the Connecticut River because it’s a tidal river and the ice never actually settles and you will die.
At least the Monahtgonnabeworkinghereanymore isn’t a tidal river.
When the algae removes itself from the gene pool.
A lot of people being idiots with no survival instinct doesn’t make it any more explicable though
Beating ASU is always nice. Not sure what to generally think other than this is a team of machines. That’s a super novelty and so much fun. And I hope this rendition of the CATS wins it all becauss it’s going to get real old real quick.
UConn definitely picked the right Hurley as a coach.
I’m gonna miss Bobby. He has been key to keeping the rivalry alive through this ENORMOUS separation.
Ummm did I read this wrong or is former QB Russell Wilson in the Epstein Files??
Wait, Russell Wilson wanted to fuck a Gulfstream GIV? Do I have that right?
That tracks
He’s always seemed a bit… unique…
JFC, he’s mentioned in the Epstein files and still comes across as the biggest weirdo that ever weirded.
*second biggest behind Elon
I dont want the franchise to know but….mention to the biggest shitheel my biggest personal secret about showing a wad.
Warning on the power bank I bought:
Do not drop, strike, crush, or impact with excessive force
Ok, when I’m dropping and crushing it I’ll make sure to only use reasonable force
You’ll make a fine cop.
Took a call for every parent’s worst case scenario…
Also talked a woman down from wanting to off herself.
Win some, lose some…
Apparently, I’m doing such a god jorb, they want me to stay until 06:00.
Looks like yinz are stuck with me for a while.
What’s going on?
Doing the Lord’s work man (unlike the actual Lord).
Yeah, that Guy has really been slacking of late.
Some parent got a look at the tuition costs for their kid’s first choice college?
On that note, my nephew is graduating college a year early. It’s awesome from a financial perspective, but he’s talking about hanging around his college town the extra year which seems…questionable. Basically he’d become a townie.
The resignation in this man’s voice…
He knew something bad was inevitable.
Balls is trying to usurp Hippo’s throne, but I am loyal to the true king.
Whatever, pretender.
We’re introducing my mother-in-law to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I’ll be chatting with some high school friends at one of their 50th birthday parties later on, and then I think we’re pulling an all-nighter to watch the Australian Open final.
Found a funny:
A melania screening sounds like something health insurance covers under preventative care.
Laugh all you want, but they have already sold 23 tickets for the primetime Saturday night screening at the largest multiplex near me. TWENTY THREE!
https://bsky.app/profile/papabear333.bsky.social/post/3mdn2fswvps2r
I spent some extra time at the barn today to give the horse I usually ride a bath. She has chronic diarrhea and it gets matted onto her legs and she gets poop dreadlocks in her tail. It’s been extra bad recently since there’s also a bunch of mud from when it was raining mixed in there, forming a poop/mud combo paste, and she has her winter coat so there’s a lot of hair for the paste to attach to.
It was a nice warm day so me and another lady spent about an hour with shampoo and conditioner and scrubby gloves and brushes and removed probably 10 lbs of crap, then sprayed on a bunch of lasersheen so it’ll hopefully stay kinda clean for a few days at least. She’s been on every probiotic and digestive aid there is and nothing helps, it can’t be comfortable. They need to invent horse bidets!
Anyway, that was a long way to say I feel like I’ve earned a good dinner, but not sure what I should order. Suggestions?
My Little Poopy and Friends never quite caught on with the focus groups
Beef stew, or perhaps chili
Is that what she should order or what to do with the horse?
Horse is too lean for chili.
I have an Amex offer for Little Caesers and I haven’t had their pizza in years, so what the hell, worth a try, afaik they don’t put sugar in the sauce so it can’t be that bad. They have a Detroit-style pizza (the best style imho) which I haven’t seen anywhere else around here so if it’s halfway decent they might become my go-to shame pizza
No sugar? That’s a bonus.
After reading that I’m not really hungry, so I’ll just wish you luck.
Poop Dreadlocks sounds like a fantasy football team name, going on the list!
Is a horse bidet not simply “a hose”?
I thought it was another horse’s mouth
Pretty much, but they can’t operate it themselves
Stupid horses.
Not having opposable thumbs is a pretty good excuse, also keeps them off social media
Wise horses.
That lady with the pizza has great big tits.
What pizza?
You can tell I’m from Connecticut because I immediately noticed the pizza and thought it looked awful.
We’re such a bunch of assholes in this state.
I thought we could tell you’re from Connecticut because you smell like Nutmeg
Never nutted a Meg before.
Artichokes and olives are great pizza toppings though
-huge intake of breath-
Someone likes salt.
Good artichokes aren’t that salty, if they’re stored in brine it overwhelms the artichokiness. Olives on pizza go great with beer since the salt makes you thirsty, but I usually won’t combine them with other salty toppings like pepperoni. If I had to pick only one pizza topping it would be onions
You’re exactly half right.
And the olives must be black.
Racist!
–MAGA
Pepperoni. Mushrooms. Black olives.
Besides, you’re a commuter state wedged between NYC and Boston, the alternative to being an asshole with an overly-inflated sense of pizza worth is to crawl into a hole and die from low self-esteem or to become New Jersey
At least New Jersey has two NFL teams.
At this point they only add to up to at most one team.
I got stuck on the tantric chair and didn’t make it to that picture until now.
Evening. I’m off to my neighborhood jazz bar to catch some local music and have a burger.
Wait. You said JAZZ bar….