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The King’s Saturday Night Message To The DFO Peoples and Open Thread 2026-2

ballsofsteelandfury

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As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season. Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter B (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:

  • Boobs
  • Breasts
  • Butts
  • Blondes
  • Beavers
  • Boning
  • Bass (the instrument, not the fish)
  • B movies
  • Balls
  • Baristas (pours one for tWBS)
  • Banging (of course)

And now for something completely different…

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WE so proclaim:

World Sport Update

The 2026 Winter Olympics start next week. Coverage in the United States will be primarily on Peacock with the various NBC channels showing bullshit canned and delayed programming.

WE decree that these events in the Old Continent shall be watched live as much as possible and preferably during work hours. The schedule until OUR next message is as follows (all times Pacific):

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FMsf6wQXoAAtb58
Soraya Beads
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***

General Sports Update

The NFL post-season halts for a week due to the stupid Bye Week. The Supe, of course, will be next weekend with the New England Patriots taking on the Seattle Seahawks in Santa Clara, California.

In Europe, the Champions League draw took place to determine which teams play each other in the knockout round. Barcelona got a bye into the Round of 16 by finishing in the top eight. Your matchups are as follows:

Benfica, who just beat Real Madrid to sneak into the knockout rounds, have an opportunity to knock them completely out as they play them again.

Who is the coach of Benfica, you may ask? None other than José Mourinho, former Real Madrid coach, and architect of Benfica’s 4-2 win in the last game of the group stage. Real Madrid haters (looks in the direction of Puerto Rico) will be quite happy with this draw.

***

Other Updates

No golf updates. OUR next tournament is next weekend.

***

In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:

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https://www.liberator.com/esse-tantric-chair.htmlFB_IMG_1768480830982

***

OUR weekly funny:

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OUR weekly hot girl pic:

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FB_IMG_1768330464052

***

OUR weekly music video:

***

One last thing:

Have at it!

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blaxabbath

The local republican news/Cardinals flagship station has a “Making Valentine’s Day Memorable on a Budget” story.

Not sure why they’d need this? I thought dumb people were gong to find new status as smart and successful leaders in their communities? Also — jerking off in front of the mirror with a picture of Jessica Kirk on the counter isn’t any more expensive on a Saturday.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe the idea is to fancy the process up a little with something exotic, like coconut oil?

1
BC Dick

I took notes. Too drunk from curling bonspiel. Loved it.

3
Mr. Ayo

Is this video just fucking with me? I can’t be that blind.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSV4G2uaXHo

Last edited 2 months ago by Mr. Ayo
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Mr. Ayo

I can’t even make out half the answer pics, WTF

0
Bogdanski

Im right there with you. It just means we don’t see color and cant possibly be racist.
It is disturbing though, if you get the appropriate colored cellophane it is head smackingly obvious. I once showed up at work and someone said “Wow, everyone’s wearing green today” and i said “What are you talking about, im not wearing green and neither is she”. The brown shirt I thought I had been wearing for weeks* turned out to be green. Kind of even bright green. Supposedly

Everyone else very much disagreed. How has my gene line not died out yet?

*shirt wasn’t worn for days and weeks straight, just once every few weeks or so and with regular laundering

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Brick Meathook

I got every one of them. I could even see the numbers behind the screen.

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Mr. Ayo

That makes sense because you’re awesome

3
Brick Meathook

It’s the burden I carry.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They should paint these tests onto womens’ breasts to ensure that men actually give this test their full attention.

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2Pack

I’m getting checked to ensure that I’m not a bot when logging in now. (if they only knew).

Assume that’s due to the recent site maintenance?

Last edited 2 months ago by 2Pack
4
yeah right

We’re trying everything.

Excuse us while we refurbish.

It’s a pain in the ass is what it is.

4
2Pack

No problem at all, I appreciate everything you admins do.

If that’s what it takes to secure the Clubhouse… Then you have my sword.

Last edited 2 months ago by 2Pack
2
yeah right

Arise ser knight!

2
blaxabbath

Yell at Internet Dad HARDER!

1
2Pack

My favorite B is bodacious, likely spelled incorrectly but hey… Sid and I could care less…

sydney-sweeney-12
Last edited 2 months ago by 2Pack
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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m pretty sure that’s the correct spelling

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2Pack

We thank you.

sydney-sweeney-housemaid
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Bogdanski

Yeah, well as prince or whatever… no complaints. I know you included me in that royal we, so thumbs up on Lords of Acid and Mel Gibson. We approve

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Indeed you are part of the Royal Court!

Last edited 2 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
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Bogdanski

Huzzah!

1
WCS

See how it is…

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ballsofsteelandfury

US Royals and Royal-By-Coitus gotta stick together!

0
yeah right

Bugonia was really solid.

Good watch.

2
Mr. Ayo

Emma’s screams will be seared into my mind until I die.

1
yeah right

She was incredible.

1
Mr. Ayo

KAAPO KAKKO! ICE HOX back in front.

Edit: Totally posted this where I wanted.

Last edited 2 months ago by Mr. Ayo
1
yeah right

Jesse Plemons was the best I’ve ever seen him.

Good film.

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Mr. Ayo

Oh no doubt. He’s been great in everything I’ve seen him in, but this was another level.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I prefer Bulova

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Mr. Ayo

Wake up from my vodka-infused nap to see the ICE HOX up 2 goals on the despicable ICE WANNA BE AL DAVISES only for them to then concede a goal.

In summary, naps are good.

0
Mr. Ayo

Sigh, and a bullshit penalty lets the stupid ICE HI I’M MARK DAVIS’s tie it up.

That nap should have never ended.

0
Mr. Ayo

Great news, McJesus and Pals are eating shit too.

0
Mr. Ayo

THAT’S KRAKEN HOCKEY BABY!

EAT SHIT VEGAS!

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jjfozz

In my house:

“One of the children is sick! Call Shock Trauma! Get Hopkins on the line and get the very best medicine there is! It could be Covid, or lupus, or leprosy! No time to waste.”

“The mother gets sick: send for the wisest doctors from every corner of the world. Alert the media, the president, and the chiefs of staff. This will not stand!”

Father gets sick: “Hey, asshole, you gonna take the trash out or fucking lie on the floor all day?”

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s never lupus.

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jjfozz

So if you’re sick and drinking tea, you can load it up with as much bourbon as you can stand and no one says a word. Fucking cool.

4
Doktor Zymm

Tastes pretty good in tea also

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Gatoraids

Hotty Toddy good this time of year

bourbon, honeyh tea, lemon juice, some cinnamon if ya kinky

1
yeah right

That’s called rheumatis medicine in this house.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Back from the bar. Made myself an A La Louisiane and then it’s off to sleep. Probably.

1
yeah right

You went to a bar?

After lunch?

1
Horatio Cornblower

UConn just beat Creighton so badly the coaches started the handshake line with the ball in play and a good 10 seconds on the clock.

I have to wonder how this affects the Maple Leafs chances to win the Stanley Cup.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

UConn reloaded so completely they should change their name to U2ndAmendment.

1
Unsurprised

I’m finally watching Christine. It’s Courgar from Top Gun! It’s Dangerfield’s kid from Back to School!

It’s also so weird how much Alexandra Paul seems to have changed between the 80s and Baywatch, Maybe it’s jus the haircut and nosejob, but it was significant.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hmmm maybe when I finish my Brockmire rewatch I’ll do a Cougartown rewatch

0
Horatio Cornblower

I can’t rewatch series, even ones that I really like.

This had been Horatio Cornblower with ‘First World White People Problems’

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

My brain is fucked up so I like the comfort of a rewatch in these horrific times

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can only do it monster-of-the-week type shows like the XXX Files and Supernatural.

Ahem. I meant X-Files, of course. No idea why I said the other thing.

3
WCS

I’ve now taken two calls for two different people walking on the iced-over rivers.
These people not only consume natural resources but also vote.

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Horatio Cornblower

Well, they won’t vote if you take your goddamn time letting first responders know they’re wandering around on top of a frozen river!!!!

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Unsurprised

Funny. I was just thinking how the right to vote is meaningless since it’s not like we have any more choice than the North Koreans of whom we’re allowed to vote for.

1
Doktor Zymm

Just…..why?

1
Horatio Cornblower

It’s not just WCS’s people. A guy I follow on social media for weather was posting today reminding people to stay off the Connecticut River because it’s a tidal river and the ice never actually settles and you will die.

At least the Monahtgonnabeworkinghereanymore isn’t a tidal river.

3
Unsurprised

When the algae removes itself from the gene pool.

0
Doktor Zymm

A lot of people being idiots with no survival instinct doesn’t make it any more explicable though

0
blaxabbath

Beating ASU is always nice. Not sure what to generally think other than this is a team of machines. That’s a super novelty and so much fun. And I hope this rendition of the CATS wins it all becauss it’s going to get real old real quick.

2
Horatio Cornblower

UConn definitely picked the right Hurley as a coach.

0
blaxabbath

I’m gonna miss Bobby. He has been key to keeping the rivalry alive through this ENORMOUS separation.

0
rockingdog

Ummm did I read this wrong or is former QB Russell Wilson in the Epstein Files??

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Horatio Cornblower

Wait, Russell Wilson wanted to fuck a Gulfstream GIV? Do I have that right?

6
BrettFavresColonoscopy

That tracks

3
WCS

He’s always seemed a bit… unique…

1
Mr. Ayo

JFC, he’s mentioned in the Epstein files and still comes across as the biggest weirdo that ever weirded.

7
BrettFavresColonoscopy

*second biggest behind Elon

2
blaxabbath

I dont want the franchise to know but….mention to the biggest shitheel my biggest personal secret about showing a wad.

1
Doktor Zymm

Warning on the power bank I bought:
Do not drop, strike, crush, or impact with excessive force

Ok, when I’m dropping and crushing it I’ll make sure to only use reasonable force

4
Horatio Cornblower

You’ll make a fine cop.

2
WCS

Took a call for every parent’s worst case scenario…
Also talked a woman down from wanting to off herself.
Win some, lose some…

Apparently, I’m doing such a god jorb, they want me to stay until 06:00.
Looks like yinz are stuck with me for a while.

What’s going on?

7
SonOfSpam

Doing the Lord’s work man (unlike the actual Lord).

2
Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, that Guy has really been slacking of late.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Some parent got a look at the tuition costs for their kid’s first choice college?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

On that note, my nephew is graduating college a year early. It’s awesome from a financial perspective, but he’s talking about hanging around his college town the extra year which seems…questionable. Basically he’d become a townie.

4
WCS

The resignation in this man’s voice…
He knew something bad was inevitable.

0
Gumbygirl

Balls is trying to usurp Hippo’s throne, but I am loyal to the true king.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

comment image

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Gumbygirl

Whatever, pretender.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re introducing my mother-in-law to Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I’ll be chatting with some high school friends at one of their 50th birthday parties later on, and then I think we’re pulling an all-nighter to watch the Australian Open final.

1
rockingdog

Found a funny:

A melania screening sounds like something health insurance covers under preventative care.

9
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Laugh all you want, but they have already sold 23 tickets for the primetime Saturday night screening at the largest multiplex near me. TWENTY THREE!

1000001794
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Doktor Zymm

I spent some extra time at the barn today to give the horse I usually ride a bath. She has chronic diarrhea and it gets matted onto her legs and she gets poop dreadlocks in her tail. It’s been extra bad recently since there’s also a bunch of mud from when it was raining mixed in there, forming a poop/mud combo paste, and she has her winter coat so there’s a lot of hair for the paste to attach to.
It was a nice warm day so me and another lady spent about an hour with shampoo and conditioner and scrubby gloves and brushes and removed probably 10 lbs of crap, then sprayed on a bunch of lasersheen so it’ll hopefully stay kinda clean for a few days at least. She’s been on every probiotic and digestive aid there is and nothing helps, it can’t be comfortable. They need to invent horse bidets!

Anyway, that was a long way to say I feel like I’ve earned a good dinner, but not sure what I should order. Suggestions?

4
Gatoraids

My Little Poopy and Friends never quite caught on with the focus groups

3
Brick Meathook

Beef stew, or perhaps chili

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that what she should order or what to do with the horse?

4
Unsurprised

Horse is too lean for chili.

0
Doktor Zymm

I have an Amex offer for Little Caesers and I haven’t had their pizza in years, so what the hell, worth a try, afaik they don’t put sugar in the sauce so it can’t be that bad. They have a Detroit-style pizza (the best style imho) which I haven’t seen anywhere else around here so if it’s halfway decent they might become my go-to shame pizza

0
Unsurprised

No sugar? That’s a bonus.

0
Horatio Cornblower

After reading that I’m not really hungry, so I’ll just wish you luck.

1
Gumbygirl

Poop Dreadlocks sounds like a fantasy football team name, going on the list!

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is a horse bidet not simply “a hose”?

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought it was another horse’s mouth

0
Doktor Zymm

Pretty much, but they can’t operate it themselves

1
Horatio Cornblower

Stupid horses.

3
Doktor Zymm

Not having opposable thumbs is a pretty good excuse, also keeps them off social media

4
Unsurprised

Wise horses.

3
Brick Meathook

That lady with the pizza has great big tits.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

What pizza?

4
Horatio Cornblower

You can tell I’m from Connecticut because I immediately noticed the pizza and thought it looked awful.

We’re such a bunch of assholes in this state.

5
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought we could tell you’re from Connecticut because you smell like Nutmeg

3
SonOfSpam

Never nutted a Meg before.

2
Doktor Zymm

Artichokes and olives are great pizza toppings though

1
Horatio Cornblower

-huge intake of breath-

2
Mr. Ayo

Someone likes salt.

1
Doktor Zymm

Good artichokes aren’t that salty, if they’re stored in brine it overwhelms the artichokiness. Olives on pizza go great with beer since the salt makes you thirsty, but I usually won’t combine them with other salty toppings like pepperoni. If I had to pick only one pizza topping it would be onions

2
SonOfSpam

You’re exactly half right.

And the olives must be black.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Racist!

–MAGA

3
Gumbygirl

Pepperoni. Mushrooms. Black olives.

0
Doktor Zymm

Besides, you’re a commuter state wedged between NYC and Boston, the alternative to being an asshole with an overly-inflated sense of pizza worth is to crawl into a hole and die from low self-esteem or to become New Jersey

0
Horatio Cornblower

At least New Jersey has two NFL teams.

4
Mr. Ayo

At this point they only add to up to at most one team.

4
Mr. Ayo

I got stuck on the tantric chair and didn’t make it to that picture until now.

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I’m off to my neighborhood jazz bar to catch some local music and have a burger.

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Last edited 2 months ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
5
ballsofsteelandfury

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Wait. You said JAZZ bar….

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