Sexy Friday – 20260130

TGIF! What will you be doing with all your football free time this weekend? I’ll be working because I put off this project until both football and Kraken hockey won’t be happening.

Word Count Filler Time

Fun facts about Ulysses S. Grant.

Popular stuff
He’s on the fifty dollar bill, he won the Civil War, and he was president.

Early Life
Jesse Grant secured an appointment for his son Ulysses at West Point back in 1839 because it was free and he didn’t think his son had any acumen for business. Ulysses has zero interest in the military, but he went and graduated in 1843, fought in the Mexican war, and remained a cog in the military machine until he retired in 1854. He then proved his father right by failing at farming then real estate before retreating to work as a clerk in his father’s store at age 37. A year later the Civil War started, Ulysses returned to the army, and was promoted to brigadier general.

Civil War
Ulysses toiled about initially with defensive tasks but he wanted to fight. In 1862 he was given approval to attach Fort Henry on the Tennessee River and Fort Donelson on the Cumberland River with 17k troops and gunboats. Fort Henry was defeated in two days. A week later he began his attack on Fort Donelson and after two days victory was imminent. The fort commander was General Simon Bolivar Buckner who just so happened to know Ulysses because they fought together in the Mexican War. Buckner tried to negotiate terms of a settlement but Ulysses would only allow an unconditional and immediate surrender. Buckner had no choice but to accept and call the terms “ungenerous and unchivalrous.” Dude, you’re in a war, what did you expect?

Cigars
The victories made Ulysses famous and also gave him the habit that killed him. Prior to this time, Ulysses only occasionally smoked a pipe. The gunboat Commander gave Ulysses a cigar when he talked to him after being wounded in the Fort Donelson attack. After leaving the ship he was notified of a Confederate attack and went straight to battle still clinging the cigar in his hand even though it had gone out. Reports surfaced that Ulysses conducted the entire battle with that cigar. As a result many people sent him cigars and paraphernalia. He gave away as much as he could, but there’s only so much you can give away when you have 10k free cigars around you. By 1864, having been promoted to lieutenant general, Ulysses would start smoking after breakfast and smoke around two dozen cigars a day. In 1866 he tried to cut back and was down to 10 to 12 cigars a day.

Consequences
In 1868 Ulysses was elected president for the first of his two terms. In 1884 he felt some pain while eating a peach. A small cancerous growth was found in his mouth. Ulysses didn’t have it treated until the fall of that year, but by that time the growth was too large to be operated on. He struggled with it until his death in July of 1885. So a man that never really smoked and didn’t care for the military died a war hero from smoking.

Eh, he made it to 63 in the 1800s. That’s not too shabby. Just make sure if your vices can kill you, that you really enjoy them while you can.

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Sexy Time

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!

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blaxabbath

“Hey honey! Do you know where my home ASU jersey is?….No no, not the white one with Sparky; those are too nice. I’m looking for the new James Harden one that I wear when we’re about to be clowned at home in front of a crowd of Arizona fans celebrating a school-record 22-0 start while we get jackstomped…..Yeah, that’s what I said, Dear, Jackstomped at home. Have you seen it?”

– Massamba Diop, Starting ASU Center

https://x.com/SunDevilHoops/status/2017312914013823115

blaxabbath

“Not really much of a smoker” can also be shortened to the simplified, ‘Smoker’.

WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This song goes so fucking hard, I almost pulled the car over the first time I heard it while driving past Eagle Rock on the 134 on the Loyola Marymount college station KXLU and as soon as I had the chance I jotted down some lyrics so I could look it up later.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_fYRU0FdtU

yeah right

Can you imagine being a 20 year old you, back in the day,
That could have whatever food you wanted that was nearby, and have it delivered to your door when you were baked?

Motherfucker probably had to stop at 3 different stores by the time I was done ordering on the way here.

Don’t forget Popeyes!

Don’t even.

Gatoraids

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Man, Letterkenny and Shoresy are not only great, they’re really fucking rewatchable

yeah right

In about four weeks to giving that a go again.

Horatio Cornblower

New season drops 2/21 in the US, (Shoresy), so I’ll probably rewatch the whole thing between now and then so I can SET THE TONE!!!

My daughter loves the show. She was ready to fight Maria when she didn’t immediately fall for the kid who sang karaoke to her in the last season.

Last edited 1 month ago by Horatio Cornblower
yeah right

If nothing else it just keeps a good drinking mood.

Horatio Cornblower

This video is wild. Might be my favorite thing ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTAAsCNK7RA&list=RDVkVy2FeqIyc&index=9

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Welcome to 2005

yeah right

/ dying

Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna send you 6 Greens and one of them is gonna be piss. Good luck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Your offer is acceptable

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My favorite of theirs, guess there’s no formal video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bc0cSWg6VkE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This one’s a close second though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BxfpbyV-uc

Sharkbait

I’ve still got some Superb Owl squares left if anyone else wants to be a degenerate gambler with me. $5 per square

Last edited 1 month ago by Sharkbait
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oh shit, did I pay you?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, took two more squares and paid you. May the odds be forever in my favor.

Sharkbait

Got ya for all 3.

yeah right

I’ll check in tomorrow.

When things aren’t….

Dammit, I need a beer.

ballsofsteelandfury

Great job with the pics!

2Pack

Ayo was on fire this week.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ugh, I should go to sleep but on the other hand I’m a little hungry and this scotch glass is getting low….

Sharkbait

I need a refill as well. Martini?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s why having boxed wine is so critical. No mixing necessary!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Trinidad Sour was enough work so just scotch after that.

ballsofsteelandfury

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought about making a lemon drop but see above.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, you don’t have to lift it that high

Horatio Cornblower

I sort kinda not really dated a girl while I was in law school who loved lemon drops. She also had amazing oral skills, which made up for the fact that she was batshit insane.

Eventually she let accidentally revealed that she was a huge racist and that was a bridge too far for me, despite her skills.

After like another three weeks because, hey, I was just trying to change her views, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Was she Australian?

–Ghost of twbs

Horatio Cornblower

Connecticut WASP.

So the racism thing really shouldn’t have set me back as much as it did.

yeah right

Was her name Robin by any chance?

Horatio Cornblower

It was not.

yeah right

Damn. Thought I knew her mom.

Horatio Cornblower

Hell, I’d have another beer…

2Pack

The elementary school I went to was named after Grant. As was the tank that preceded the iconic Sherman.

Well done as usual Ayo. That first lady looks like she needs my help in the kitchen.

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2Pack

She’s got the look.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me too. Even now she’s ultra hot

Horatio Cornblower

As bad as the Epstein situation is, some of the fall out is simply hilarious.

https://bsky.app/profile/goldengateblond.bsky.social/post/3mdowidyt5k2a

Gatoraids

occupy Little Saint James was denied so it became Occupy Mars

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, what did it say?

Gatoraids

Jeffrey telling Ghislaine to email Elon that there was no more parties on the island cuz they didnt want him there

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, but there’s an email from Elon first all but begging to come to one of the parties.

It’s since been deleted so it’s quite possibly bullshit, (NAWT on the internet!), but I still laughed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of embarrassed that this YA ice dancing show the Dr. Mrs. is watching features a song that I really dig.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2kUX_Fmj7k

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve seen that act before

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R95Midbkof0

Gatoraids

In honor of todays release of molesters

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcxP7oSdYLA

Brick Meathook

Grant hears a good one, 1866

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Gatoraids

from Andrew Luck

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Doktor Zymm

Still have an extra ticket if anyone wants to go watch rugby with me in Vegas on Feb 28th!

Since no football on Sunday I think I’ll do my taxes, I think I have all my forms available

Gumbygirl

I need my Social Security 1099, but other than thatI think I’m ready too. Better than last year, when I had to file an extension because of the Department of War(thogs)

yeah right

I would love to but youngest right is bringing littlest right and brother Taj has his daughter coming from Maine just to thaw out.

Thats the 20th.

Have fun.

Wish the timing synced better.

scotchnaut

Whitmer Cup Update:

Michigan up on MSU 52-50.

Brick Meathook

Another dead abandoned mall?

No!

It’s another data center in Ashburn VA!

IMG_0610
Horatio Cornblower

Ready access to fresh water is highly overrated.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Fuck you”

–The people of Flint, Michigan

Last edited 1 month ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
Horatio Cornblower

Lead builds strong bones, because it’s got Vitamin R!

Redshirt

Yet another movie bombs in the box office.

IMG_0189
NotShogunButShogun

That’s one box that’s never been bombed.

Horatio Cornblower

Probably should be, based on who’s been there at least once.

Gumbygirl

Bug bombed

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I can’t wait it for it to underperform The Hottie and the Nottie and that Tucker Max movie, whatever the hell it was called.

NotShogunButShogun

Beer in hell. It was quite bad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s still seats available…

1000001788
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Imagine buying a pair of tickets in the back row so you can sex it up in an empty theater and then someone had the audacity to not only buy tickets, but to actually buy tickets next to you.

Redshirt

“Tonight, on a very special Mystery Science Theatre 3000…”

NotShogunButShogun

I would do that… except then I’d see it

NotShogunButShogun

Some days the random of my music app seems to forget who I am and must be beaten into submission. Other days it’s perfect. Today is the latter. I will take this win.

Redshirt

Same with my Facebook feed. It took a little while to get it into my specifications. Apparently the default is “guy Benson and Stabler arrests at the end of the SVU episode”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Like every other sentient thing, sometimes algorithms go on heaters.

Gatoraids

Having a special exhibition tournament of sumo tonight for a retiring Yokozuna where at end they all cut his top knot. Doing casual matches and things like whatever comedy sumo and sumo dance offs are. better than pro bowl, be nice if they did this with retiring probowl lineman.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ritualistically cut out the CTE parts, sounds like great TV!

Gatoraids

at end releasing them like the Berserkers in the Beastmaster in service of the SHIELD

Horatio Cornblower

I stumbled on one of the Avengers movies and it reminded me that Paul Bettany, who plays Vision, lobbied really hard to get a supporting role in ‘A Beautiful Mind’ because he wanted to meet Jennifer Connelly and he got the role and fucking married her!!!

Talk about setting your goals high and hitting them.

Last edited 1 month ago by Horatio Cornblower
Gatoraids

Did he ever make the banner tho?! Probably not…

Horatio Cornblower

Fair point.

NotShogunButShogun

Clearly the mark of a well-spent life.

Doktor Zymm

Looks like the Seahawks are gonna be for sale after the Owl. Should we all chip in a few DFO bucks and make an offer?

Horatio Cornblower

I can forgo Applebees for a couple of weeks.

Senor Weaselo

Listen Marshawn…

Horatio Cornblower

No, those are Skittles.

Senor Weaselo
Gumbygirl

But then you’ll miss out on those cheeseburgers in the molten cheese lake! Just throw in an IOU, like Wimpy.

SonOfSpam

Gonna buy it to ruin it, so the Rams win all the games from now on.

Step one: GM Matt Millen

scotchnaut

I hear Joe Judge is available for the Head Coach spot and kid’s parties.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nah, give Josh McDaniels one more shot!

WCS

You can have a pre-owned Mike McCarthy!

Horatio Cornblower

Team physician “Dr.” David Chao.

scotchnaut

Is there a push to have more minority ownership? Because I’m willing to do blackface so we can make a positive impression.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t believe Scotchy has been Justin Trudeau this whole time and I only just noticed!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(Steve Tisch is co-owner of the New York Vertically Enhanced Persons)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

(Jimbo scooped you)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Freeze frame of an imminent tragedy:

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Horatio Cornblower

Sounds like a couple of buildings are gonna be renamed, probably for slave owners, in the near future in an effort to improve appearances.

SonOfSpam

Only guy I know personally that went to Tufts is gay.

Does that mean Steve Tisch is gay? Statistically, yes it does.

blaxabbath

He grooms boys to be gay, I believe is the logic.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

None of you were helpful in suggesting a cocktail for tonight, so I finally tried my hand at a Trinidad Sour.

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Jimbo

Trinidad Sour is also know as the Nicki Minaj, ppl forget that.

Gumbygirl

Did you make it with Wink? Do they even make Wink anymore, or did it get Crushed by Squirt?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wink?

Gumbygirl

.

1000008658
Horatio Cornblower

I got here late. My contribution:

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SonOfSpam

I must have that. How far is CT, like 10 miles?

Horatio Cornblower

10ish.

Get my contact info from BFC or Don T in the back channels, where I am no longer welcome, and I will ship it to you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or let’s just show up at your house!

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio’s in California next week. Come one, come all!

(please bring food)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m cooking lamb chops tomorrow if you want to come here, but I’m not delivering dinner til DC thaws

SonOfSpam

That’s mighty generous. We can exchange beer; have you tried “Schaefer” yet? It’s quite lah-di-dah.

scotchnaut

“Shave her?” I hardly…you know where this is going.

Horatio Cornblower

Tried it? Sir, I wear this as a T-shirt!

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SonOfSpam

Oh that is art.

Horatio Cornblower

Bought it off the inter webs. Red Bubble, I think. It was like $15.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s awesome that they named an IPA after Tom Hanks’ son.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s awful. I mean, even for an NFL owner.

Redshirt

(scribbles over one of the many references to Donald Trump and writes in “Zac Taylor”)

Brick Meathook

Grant at Cold Harbor, 1864

00A67DE6-D91D-47AE-B8DC-51CE8E3B8A16
Horatio Cornblower

Where the strategy “hi diddle diddle, straight up the middle” worked about as well as might have been expected.

(not sure he’s in a regulation uniform there)

SonOfSpam

The original hat said “NFL”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m toying with using some of the pineapple juice I’ve accumulated as a byproduct from Costco pineapples to make a French Polynesian 75 where the lemon juice is replaced (or accentuated) with pineapple. If all goes well it should end up tasting like a Singapore Sling.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Not again with the pineapple juice!”
–Rev Dr Mrs RTD, Esq

Horatio Cornblower

/vacuuming intensifies

Gumbygirl

The first drink I ever ordered in a bar was a Singapore Sling. I was 14.

yeah right

Scandalous.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me guess, this is the guy who paid for it.

1000001783
Gumbygirl

My friend Denise’s dad paid.

And somehow, that sounds even worse

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Put it with rum

Unsurprised

I was watching The Driver last night. Man, imagine if someone made a movie like that these days …

Anyway, Isabelle Adjani was Monica Bellucci before Monica.