Guten Tag, drones, and welcome to the third season of Monday Morning Mock Drafts, courtesy of yours truly.
At this point you’re probably thinking things like, “What, the Super Duper Bowl hasn’t even happened yet; shouldn’t Hippo Thoughts be here?” and “Aw good Christ, not this shit again!” to which I respond firstly, yes, and Hippo will no doubt be back next week to give us his thoughts he thunk about the Owl, but there’s no football this week so Don asked me to fill in and since I do very little else around these parts I said “sure, if the site works” and earlier today it wasn’t but now it is, so fingers crossed! and secondly, hey screw you, man.
You all know, and ignore, the rules. Make your pick, then wait 30 minutes or 10 picks before making your next pick. Try to stick to the topic, even though that’s about as lost as fucking cause as The South’s reasons in hindsight for that unpleasantness back in the 1860’s.
This week’s topic is a holdover from last year, and comes courtesy of Redshirt: “Quick & Lazy Breakfasts”. Now lazy is something of a subjective call, so whatever you consider ‘lazy’ you just go with your heart. Breakfast, however, is breakfast, the first meal of the day. Your quick and dirty lunch means nothing here, and you lazily dialing in a shame pizza of dinner is just as irrelevant. First meal of the day, you’re lazy, it’s quick, you pick it.
Redshirt gave me the topic, and in return I bequeath him the first pick. I actually remembered to write it down when he suggested the topic, so with the first pick in 2026 Monday Morning Mock Draft Redshirt has taken “energy drink and a Pop-Tart”
With the second pick I will take Stopping At Dunkin’ Donuts And Ordering An OJ, A Hot Chocolate, And Their Turkey Sausage Breakfast Sandwich. It’s in my hands in 3 minutes or less, (and tastes like it, too!), I don’t do anything but hand over cash for it, and I get to stay in bed twenty extra minutes because I’m not eating at home.
The rest of you are on the clock…
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