Meanwhile, at the Luxor

INTERIOR, LUXOR CASINO & HOTEL – MAIN STAGE

[A large audience sits in their seats and murmurs in anticipation of the premiere of Las Vegas’ most talked about new show. After a few moments, the lights shut off, and the stage begins to fill with smoke.]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome, everyone, to the Luxor Hotel and Casino! I would like to remind you all to please, silence your cell phones, and stay seated in your chairs for the duration of the show! Remember, our performers WILL be making their way from the stage into the audience and will be looking for YOUR participation! You might even be welcomed up on stage! NOW, ladies, gentlemen AND beings of inconceivable horror, please put your appendages together for Las Vegas’ most ELECTRIFYING NEW SHOW…!

[There is suddenly a blinding flash of lightning and deafening clap of thunder. Three figures have suddenly appeared on stage shadowed by a screen, as the audience members that are not bleeding from their eyes and ears begin to roar with applause.]

ANNOUNCER: BOOOOLLLLLTTTMAAAAANNNNN GRRROOOOUUUPPPPP!!!!!

[The BOLTMEN continue to drum out the beat to Thunderstruck. The screen is slowly raised as the lyrics begin and the BOLTMEN start to dance around, doing jumping jacks, pushups and air guitar moves so extreme, the entire audience in the first rows’ heads explode.]

[The song suddenly changes and three fleshy looking drums begin to grow from the ground in front of the BOLTMEN. They play along to the beat, and with each hit, the drums themselves seem to let out a cry of pain.]

BOLTMEN: Ftaghu zhro shogg syha’h sll’ha wgah’n ebunma nog shagg cgeb Yoggoth…

[As they continue, a portal to another world begins to materialize behind them, and white tentacles belonging to an Old One start to creep outwards.]

BOLTMEN: …bthnk f’vulgtm Tsathoggua nglui ph”fhalma geb naflshugg kn’aoth vulgtm ph’hrii, Azathoth Shub-Niggurath lloignyth h’hafh’drn hlirghyar h”ai h’wgah’n k’yarnak lloig!

[Upon finishing the incantation, the tentacles shoot into the audience, and begin impaling audience members, to be dragged on stage. Those in the upper balcony clap in hypnotized unison, and start to fling themselves over the railing. One tentacle retrieves a living helpless soul in a cowboy hat and places him at the feet of the middle BOLTMAN.]

[Blood flies as the man is reduced to nothing but bones. The drums intensify and BOLTMAN discards his drum sticks and begins to play with the remains before him.]

LUXOR EXECUTIVE #1: Um, excuse me, Mr. Boltman?

[Cut to Luxor Executive Board Room]

BOLTMAN: WHO DARES TO INTERRUPT BOLTMAN DURING HIS MOST ROCKIN’ SALES PITCH?! [Head bangs and puts up devil horns]

LUXOR EXECUTIVE #1: This sounds like a very, uh, high end and impressive show, that you have clearly given a lot of thought, but I am very worried about the physical harm to our guests. The Luxor Hotel and Casino thrives on repeat business and–

BOLTMAN: BOLTMAN CARES NOT FOR THE FATE OF THE HERETICS! ALL WILL BE CONSUMED FOLLOWING THE SAN DIEGO SUPER CHARGERS DEPARTURE TO THE LAND OF TINSEL! NO HUMAN WILL BE SAFE FROM BOLTMAN’S UNENDING FURY!

LUXOR EXECUTIVE #2: But why bring your show here, Mr. Boltman? Surely you have a good thing going with your current employer. If you’re willing to relocate here, why not continue with them after–

BOLTMAN: BOLTMAN WOULD NEVER BEND THE WILL OF THE CURSED SPANOS CLAN! BESIDES, BOLTMAN OWES A LOT OF SOULS TO ELDER GODS IN THIS TOWN, AFTER MANY ILL-ADVISED BETS ON HIS LEGION OF SUPER SOLDIERS! BOLTMAN MAY BE POWERFUL, BUT NEEDS HIS KNEECAPS FOR ALL MANNERS OF CHAOS! [Runs in place while beating his chest]

LUXOR EXECUTIVE #1: I’m sorry, but I just don’t see this project being a good fit for our establishment. We will have to pass. You could always try your luck with Circus Circus or perhaps even a casino off the strip.

And that’s when the screaming started.

ANNOUNCER: BOLTMAN GROUP – Likely coming to your doorstep, January 2017! There will be no escape… from the fun!

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