“It Takes Two” (Playoff Games)-Your Monday Night Open Thread

I just learned that Rob Base died recently. That tune birthed the practice of using that James Brown ‘yelp’ as a beat and goddamn that was annoying but he had an outsized influence on rap and dance coming together and one can’t deny that.

I mention ‘two’ because there are two playoff games ce soir. Baseball is trying its best to be relevant with a large slate this afternoon and another one this evening but there’s hockey and also a New York-based team playing on the hardcourt and that always gets outsized attention.

Car/Mont:

I initially called this as a five game series but the Canadiens look more than capable of winning one of the next two at home. I think goalie-ing will be their downfall because Jakub Dobes-though he had a great regular season-is a bit wonky. He performs well coming off a loss but the nature of those losses don’t inspire much confidence. All in all, the fella is just 24 years old and most likely has a great future ahead of him.

NYK/CLE:

The Knicks are running roughshod over the playoffs so far. I read a stat somewhere that after this number of games played they have the greatest positive point differential of all time. It sits at +222 and no other team is over 180. Much like me taking a boatload of mushrooms and then renting ‘They Live’, they’re peaking at the right time.

Brissett Pulls Out:

That’s what a gentleman does, right? He’s the Cards starter this year and is making only 5 million and change. No non-rookie QB starter in this NFL economy should be taking that measly paycheque home. Hell, Arch Manning is probably pulling down more than that.

Times Are Changin’:

I gave the Bears a hard time for drafting another tight end (Sam Roush) fairly early when they already had Loveland. Hold on, they might know what they’re doing. There’s a great deal of talk that the Rams two and three tight end sets employed towards the end of the season completely flustered DC’s and was mainly responsible for their success. This is a stupid copycat league and apparently teams are climbing on board. And why not-the Rams employed a mix of pass catchers and blockers at the position that together accounted for 103 catches, 1,138 yards and 17(!) TD’s. A word to fantasy bros out there-look for a 2nd tight end rather than a 3rd WR on teams that put this ‘latest thing’ into practice.

Tell me about your free Monday, was there a BBQ or a pic-a-nic involved? Did you travel? Did you eat a whole hog or are you saving that for the most holy of holidays, July 1st. (and do you feel icky, now that the Nazi’s are slowly co-opting that day for themselves?)

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Senor Weaselo

In other news… RIP, Sonny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdakJqKPRDE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, aren’t you supposed to be wrapping a bandana around your wing-wang right about now?

Gumbygirl

95 is a good long run. Who sez the reefers aren’t good for you?

Gumbygirl

.

1000010877
Bogdanski

Damn, I think he was the last one left from “A Great Day in Harlem”. I cant imagine the mindset that says “I am not innovative enough. I’m gonna go spend three years practicing in the middle of a bridge”
RIP

SonOfSpam

Great run, still stupid news. RIP indeed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Whoa, I was listening to him yesterday out of nowhere

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t even complain about that one; Montreal got thoroughly outplayed in OT.

yeah right

Another goddamn amber aneurysm!

I got the first one!

SonOfSpam

Yeah, and YOU DIDN’T FIND THE KID!

They’re right to keep after you.

Gumbygirl

Me too. It’s been a noisy couple of days. Late last night it was helicopters looking for a hit and run driver for two hours. Today it was motorcycles heading to the national cemetary up the street behind my SIL’s house. They call it Rolling Thunder. It’s thunderous, all right! Even noisier than the planes at March, which is also up that street.

Senor Weaselo

I thought about driving down the the Henry Hudson, parking my car (above 59th so I don’t get dinged for the congestion charge) and taking the train down to Penn for the party, but I need my suit still relatively clean for gigs tomorrow and Wednesday.

Four more wins may change my outlook on the answer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Stupid reddit ignoring my awesome joke.

1000002035
Senor Weaselo

That would be the mohel, sir.

yeah right

Follow up joke, it won’t be long now!

Doktor Zymm

Today I learned that the average NBA player flies 40k miles over the course of a season while it’s 20k for the NFL

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s actually less of a disparity than I’d have thought given that they play 82 games in the NBA.

Doktor Zymm

They tend to have 2 or 3 in a row in the same city, so I think that accounts for it

yeah right

Yep and divisional rivals and such.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not really, no – the Celtics only had one such DOUBLE SHOT last year (against Orlando):

https://www.espn.com/nba/team/schedule/_/name/bos/seasontype/2

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But on further consideration, they *do* tend to take road trips, where they will spend the entire week in a particular region, so that probably accounts for things.

WCS

Gas up the chopper, just up some rails, and get the bike warm.

Mr. Ayo

I’m going to be so useless at work tomorrow.

Assuming I make it there.

Last edited 15 hours ago by Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

Hell yeah, fuck yeah, let’s set the tone!!

Horatio Cornblower

I was just drinking again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY3fI-Y21vg&list=RDmY3fI-Y21vg&start_radio=1

but thanks to Les Habs and Vichy Hartford I apparently need to line up the cocaine, rev up the motorcycle, and tell the helicopter crew to open the hatch.

Gumbygirl

Amber Alert on my phone scared the shit out of me. I flung my poor cat off the couch. Sorry Henry!

yeah right

Got one too.

I’ll keep an eye out!

Doktor Zymm

I have those turned off, I feel a little guilty about it but not too much since I don’t really go anywhere a kidnapped kid might be other than places like the highway where there are lots of other people too

ballsofsteelandfury

How can you turn them off?

Mr. Ayo

In the settings app, obviously.

Doktor Zymm

Yup, what Ayo said

SonOfSpam

Same, checked out the front window, didn’t see the kid, reported the same to the FBI, and Kash just announced he found the kid and is on the way to my house. Maybe I’ll get some cheap bourbon out of it.

Gumbygirl

She’s not here, the dog would be barking.

2Pack

What’s up with this having to get a VAR on my comments chit…

Horatio Cornblower

You retired and the rest of us hate you for it. We had to come up with something.

2Pack

That splains it…

jjfozz

This is my son. The soon to be high school graduate.

That is my mother’s walker.

I had to stop him from riding it down the hill.

IMG_1640
Horatio Cornblower

Way to take away a learning opportunity.

Mr. Ayo

Dammit. You should have just taken a video for us, yourself, and his sake.

jjfozz

My luck he would have wrecked the fucking thing and i’d be out $150

Horatio Cornblower

I guarantee DFO would have reimbursed you within seconds.

Redshirt

I would say something, but I drove Dad’s wheelchair at its maximum speed of 7 MPH. To be fair, my Dad suggested I try it once, but in a wide-open space and clear ground like he did on our residential street, not what I did, on the narrow path, a 90-degree curve, up the ramp and through a doorway into the Living Room.

Doktor Zymm

You didn’t set up any jumps??

Redshirt

That wheelchair was very heavy. If it got air, it would create a divot in pavement.

Doktor Zymm

He won’t be getting that applied physics credit now!

SonOfSpam

So are the Knicks actually good, or is the East just that bad they’re gonna lose hilariously in the Finals?

Redshirt

I’m thinking this is a supernatural thing.

LeBron James was going to Free Agency, the idea that James could return to Cleveland to end is her career and the Basketball Gods decided they needed to step in and put a stop to that idea before it could ferment.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t follow the NBA at all, so I can confidently say I have no idea.

yeah right

Yes

Mr. Ayo

They stink. The East blows. The real final is happening on the other side of the bracket.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right now they’re playing like they picked up one of those Super Mario invincibility stars. Whether that survives first contact with whoever comes out of the West is debatable. But if they keep playing like this they can (and probably will) beat anybody.

jjfozz

“When I’m home, I always say that when they’re on the tv.”

“That” is the N word, “they’re” are black people

The person who said this?

My “Christian” mother in law.

Yes, Jesus was preaching that the entire time.

Redshirt

+1 is sympathy for you.

If God has the sense of humor I think He does, when she shows up for her Final Judgment, He’s going to assume the form of Morgan Freeman.

SonOfSpam

Yikes.

(Didn’t know you married Paula Deen’s daughter)

jjfozz

Fuck you dude. My wife is nothing like that. So again, fuck you.

SonOfSpam

I was comparing your MIL to Paula Deen, but eh, let the hate flow through you and whatnot.

jjfozz

Apologies, misread.

SonOfSpam

No worries, good on you for standing up for your Mrs.

Gatoraids

o she’ll like the third verse at least

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdcD99Pd0oo

Doktor Zymm

Yikes

Maybe remind her that Italians were called “white n-words” well into the 20th century

Last edited 15 hours ago by Doktor Zymm
Mr. Ayo

Ice VAR is the worse.

I mean, after VAR itself.

Bogdanski

ICE is probably the actual worst these days

yeah right

Just watched Glory and goddammit that movie just kills me every time.

Think I’ll watch Les Mis next and retire in a pool of bubbling goo.

Horatio Cornblower

Montreal up 3-2 with 11:32 to go, (VAR pending), hell yeah, fuck yeah.

Horatio Cornblower

Hell no, fuck no, that one’s coming back for offsides.

SonOfSpam

Tu as parlé trop vite, petit imbécile.

SonOfSpam

Pardonnez-moi — au lieu de “petit imbécile” j’aurais dû dire “propriétaire d’un nain sexuel”

Last edited 15 hours ago by SonOfSpam
jjfozz

Chopped on a Deserted Island.

That’s it. We’re done as a species

Piss on the fire and call in the dogs.

jjfozz

Dear Hollywood, you insipid, soulless chasm of shit and pus, can we please stop with the “bad guy walking and whistling some cutesy tune before he kills somebody” scene.

I know you would have to put down your $15 fucking coffee, but try.

You fucking pack of syphilitic hyenas.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, never seen Ray Lewis whistle.

jjfozz

He’s more of a harmonica guy

SonOfSpam

“Hey, I wonder if he knows Mouth Harp Mortimer. Has a pallet up near Salinas.”

-Jim Tomsula

Mr. Ayo

This factory of sadness, I call it a GKN Aerospace tank because it’s become an out of control disaster that will soon fail.

Redshirt

…and my neighbor is shooting off fireworks. Because nothing says “honoring those who paid the ultimate sacrifice in war” like shooting off explosions and mortars which was likely similar to the cause of said ultimate sacrifice.

Last edited 16 hours ago by Redshirt
Redshirt

That would track. They do shoot off for most occasions. New Years Day. Arbor Day. Thursday.

Redshirt

I knew I should’ve gassed up today when the price was $4.24. I should’ve guessed Pvt. Bonespurs and his daddy Bibi would mess this up.

Also, way to celebrate Memorial Day, Dingleberry!

WCS

So. Much. Winning.

Redshirt

I just want to walk around in Germany in the late ’20s and early ’30s to compare it to the current times. It just couldn’t have been as stupid as it is right now. Its just…ITS IMPOSSIBLE!!!

SonOfSpam

Well, see, they had ACTUAL economic issues (due to WWI) so people were poor and desperate, so it was easy to believe a “these people are causing all our problems” maniac.

Unlike current MAGAland, which is just a bunch of really really stupid people.

Doktor Zymm

You might want to read Isherwood’s Berlin Stories

Doktor Zymm

Can we dump all the Nazis into the straight of Hormuz? I don’t think that’ll actually shift the conflict at all, but I bet we could talk Trump into it by calling it a brilliant tactical negotiating ploy

Redshirt

Do we have to limit it to Nazis, though?

yeah right

Thanks to Horatio, I’ve given up on baseball and I’m watching nothing but war movies.

Isn’t this what you wanted!

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio Cornblower

That said, a good war movie is a hell of a way to kill a night. I recommend ‘A Bridge Too Far’ or maybe ‘Kelly’s Heroes’ if Sharkbait isn’t paying attention.

yeah right

If I had 4 hours of life left tonight A Bridge Too Far would already be playing.

yeah right

A Bridge Too Far is on Tubi.

Away we go.

Horatio Cornblower

It was on Netflix a while ago, although it’s since left.

Took three days of my free time, but I got it done.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just heard a stripped down, soulful cover of Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” for a Lays potato chips commercial. That song was flaccid enough to start with, it really didn’t need that kind of abuse.

yeah right

Right up your alley.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey!

SonOfSpam

(laughs as though this doesn’t apply personally)

Doktor Zymm

The top draft pick in the FOURTH round gets $5.1 million a year

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m available if any NFL GMs are curious

Horatio Cornblower

Damn, there’s no way I’m going higher than the 6th.

BC Dick

I’m going to watch this Everett-Kitchener memorial cup game. TSN did my city right with their city shot going into the game.
Not the like the Brier. I think they had a handicam set up in a hotel balcony across from the rink that caught 80% parking lot

jjfozz

Drove real fast tonight. Listened to songs really loud. Blew out the cobwebs from my brain. Goddamn I love music.

yeah right

Life is nothing without music.

ballsofsteelandfury

I played golf, avoided a toxic explosion, and worked out.

Overall, a great day!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does the second item in the list mean you went to Taco Bell today?

Doktor Zymm

He said ‘avoided’ so I assume the Taco Bell was closed

SonOfSpam

Apparently we’re not gonna splode, probably just ooze into the groundwater, fucking up Little Saigon for the next couple generations.

jjfozz

THIS BALLS OF STEEL AND FURY I CALL HIM MT ST HELENS CAUSE HE WAITED A LONG TIME BEFORE EXPLODING

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He calls that tantra

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As such we also would have accepted “I CALL HIM STING…”

King Hippo

Every time I hear “Red Eyes” by The War on Drugs, it blows my mind all over again. So, so, so good.

litre_cola

It is ok to be wrong, I mean look at your pizza with out cheese preference.

Doktor Zymm

I saw non-dairy pizza at the store today and thought of Hippo!

Mr. Ayo

Or as everyone else calls it, non-pizza.

Doktor Zymm

Between that and the cauliflower stuff there was more non-pizza than actual pizza

Horatio Cornblower

Got to go to a BBQ at a friend’s house and catch up with almost the entire college crew, except for the one dumbass who got remarried and has two kids under 12 and is spending his mid-50’s chasing them around to travel soccer games.

Probably too much sun, just enough beer, and not enough brisket.

Mr. Ayo

I’ve never had much problems with streaming apps until ESPN decided to go the unlimited route. And now it only works half the time. Guess I won’t be watching the Knicks finish off their sweep tonight.

litre_cola

Making Pizza tatertots tonight. Low class but so damn good.

Gatoraids

tater tots underrated

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I feel like they’re accurately rated

Doktor Zymm

Best industrial byproduct EVAR

Gumbygirl

That caused such a slobberin’! I will be making those soon, you are a genius! Well, for a CanaUdian. You are a genius in Celsius!

Don T

All I did was chores today. With a dip at the beach because martyrdom ain’t my vibe.

ballsofsteelandfury

Did you bring your caipirinha?

Don T

Sadly, no. Too much sugar. If only one could stay 48 forever…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just trade some of the sugar for power and women.

King Hippo

“It Takes Two” also applies to double-headed dildoes ppl forget that

Horatio Cornblower

Never thought my answer would be a resounding “no” to the question of “would you like to see Jennifer Connolly use a double-ended dildo with another chick?” but then I saw ‘Requiem for a Dream’ and, well, here we are.

King Hippo

No kidding, some great filmmaking and acting to make that NOT sexy…

Horatio Cornblower

Everyone should see that movie once, it’s that good.

Anyone who sees it twice belongs on a watch list.

Mr. Ayo

For the record, folks, you are not put on actual watch list if you watch it more than once, or twice, or more.

At least, I have not been informed of such a list.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s no bigger crime than Julia Roberts winning the Oscar for Erin Brokovich over Ellen Burstyn for her role as the mother in Requiem, and I liked Julia Roberts in Erin Brokovich.

Mr. Ayo

WTF. I thought until just now the mom story was from a different movie. Damn, they could have made at least two masterpieces from that script.

SonOfSpam

I barely finished, but to be fair I was already fired up by the Leto disarming.

Horatio Cornblower

Who among us?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, I feel icky about American Nazis every day, not just on holidays.

Mr. Ayo

Wienie Race! And not a single innuendo!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jn0J_XEd4w

WCS

Don’t you hate it when your slick dog gets loose and slides out of control?

Gumbygirl

Squirts right out of the bun!

Doktor Zymm

Hot sausage action!

Mr. Ayo

It should be noted that the only offense that was successful in a 3 tight end formation last year was the Rams. EVERY ONE else was statistically worse than their average formation, as in negative EPA.

This 3-1 alignment is very much a wildcat type of fad and it’s already over.

Horatio Cornblower

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Last edited 17 hours ago by Horatio Cornblower
Doktor Zymm

I can see Ben Johnson going with 4 TEs and somehow making it a success, suddenly Caleb’s kinda haphazard mid-field throws become dangerous

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