[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"THIS GUY, RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM PETE HEGSETH BECUASE HE LIKES TO DECLARE HIS BOMBERS HAVE DESTROYED SOMETHING WHEN THEY REALLY HAVEN’T" – LemonJello

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The King’s Saturday Night Message To The DFO Peoples And Open Thread 2026-7

ballsofsteelandfury

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WE are in August, people! The off-season is almost over. As your newly-crowned King of the DFO Fantasy Football leagues, champion of the Freezer Vodka League, newly-appointed COMMISSIONER of the Freezer Vodka League, and Benevolent Monarch of the DFO Peoples, WE pledge to you, OUR loyal subjects, to share our knowledge and update you on the goings-on in the Realm every Saturday Night in the off-season (except during the Mundial!). Tonight, WE present to you a list of things that Amuse US that start with the letter G (We shall go in alphabetical order going forward) and that OUR subjects should develop an interest in:

  • G-spots
  • Gyros (the food)
  • Goals (the fútbol kind)
  • Gifs (the funny kind)
  • Greens (the golf kind)
  • Grilling
  • Gambling
  • G-strings
  • Grounding (the electrical kind)
  • Granada (the city)
  • Granada (the fruit)

And now for something completely different…

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WE so proclaim:

Fantasy Football League Updates

As you may remember, we have relegation and promotion in our two DFO leagues: Freezer Vodka and Lowratio and I have been made the clueless commissioner of Freezer Vodka.

The four players relegated from Freezer Vodka were:

  • Dok Zymm
  • Gumbygirl
  • Rev
  • Game Time Décision

The four players promoted from Lowratio League were:

  • Don T
  • Bogdanski
  • RTD
  • Litre

The relegated teams have been deleted from Freezer Vodka. Lemonjello has sent out invites to those four players to join the Lowratio League. Invites were also sent to the 4 promoted teams to join the Freezer Vodka League.

Anyone that does not wish to play this year should let Lemonjello and I know so that we can offer spots to anyone wanting to play. Do not feel any obligation to play if you’re not into it. We don’t want ghost teams in the leagues.

The Freezer Vodka League is scheduled to draft at 5 PM in the evening of August 31, 2026. You will note that I increased the number of teams to 18. That was because when I deleted the teams from last year, something in Yahoo fucked things up and the new teams could not join. Let’s be honest, this league is going to be run about as well as this site! At least it will be better than the Canadian football FF site…

***

World Sport Update

The Liga MX season has begun. Tonight, we get:

  • Querétaro v Tigres 4 PM Pacific
  • León v Pachuca 6 PM
  • Atlas v Monterrey 6 PM
  • Cruz Azul v Atlante

This is Atlante’s first game back in the First Division in many many years. No, there is still no Relegation/Promotion in Liga MX. What happened is that the Atlante owners bought the Mazatlán franchise and got its spot in the first division. It’s not just FIFA that’s corrupt….

***

In this space, WE shall share OUR Thing Of The Week. Today’s Thing:

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OUR weekly funny:

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OUR weekly hot girl pic:

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FJ0n-XPXwAEq8de

***

OUR weekly music video:

***

One last thing:

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53 Comments
WCS

Just took a call from a female acquaintance from decades ago. My mom and her mom were good friends, until she died. I hadn’t spoken (or even thought) about the caller in probably two decades. I sincerely hope she gets the help she needs.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did she recognize your voice?

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WCS

I’m sure forgot I existed two decades ago. I recognized the name, and where she was calling from fits the area where’d I suspect she lives.

Though she did say she’s currently homeless. Someone stole her medications because we live in Ass World.

Easy there, Balls. Not that kind of Ass World.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

So what non food gyros exist?

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WCS

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There’s one that can get you to Siam and Prussia.

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Fronkenshteen

Mood preparing to drive to Virginia Beach tomorrow. Between the fuckawful construction zones and trafficky wasps nests of Charlottesville (entitled), Richmond (reckless), and Williamsburg [begins nose-breathing like Tony Soprano], it should be a fine morning: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JjvMZq_-UFA&pp=ygUSbGFsbyBzYWxhbWFuY2EgbmFw0gcJCaMLAYcqIYzv&ra=m

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WCS

I drove from Charlottesville to Williamsburg once a week for work back when. I honestly loved it. That area of East Virginia is fantastic, but that’s just me.

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2Pack

Ciao tutti. My favorite G has always been… the Girls…

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2Pack

And Garter belts…

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WCS

Dirt Rams just acquired Tarik Skubal because of course they did.

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yeah right

Down voted because fuck the Dodgers.

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Bogdanski

Rocking dog! The Padres rocked! I’m at PetCo and it’s rocking!

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Mr. Ayo

I think “containment” is an aspirational phrase at this point for Spokane’s Fire Department,

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Last edited 13 hours ago by Mr. Ayo
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WCS

Where are you?

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Mr. Ayo

Hell apparently, This photo is from my mom in Spokane’s safe area for evacuees. She’s still looking for a place to sleep with the complication of having cats.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I knew someone in Spokane that could help.

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Mr. Ayo

I just put on pause a major stressing work project yesterday because my doctor two weeks ago told me I was basically redlining. (150/80/80 blood numbers for you newbs)

And I was (WAS) back down to normal numbers yesterday. Now I’m above those bad numbers. So if you don’t hear from me going forward, just know my heart kerploded.

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ballsofsteelandfury

That sucks, man. I hope things improve soon.

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2Pack

Be well Buddy, take care of yourself. I pray your Mom will get through this safe. Things can be replaced but she cannot. Just a real bad place right now but you face it clear eyed while dialing things down on yourself. Take it step by step and know the friends here love you.

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Brick Meathook

Keep an even strain. Don’t let events you can’t control dictate you; control those events that you can. You can’t help your mom if you explode.

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Doktor Zymm

This is my current watch and it is so much better thn any modern smartwatch. Most of them make it a pain in the ass to set the time manually, instead making you synch with your phone. This sucks if you want to do the very simple task of putting your watch on your destination time zone at the start of a flight. And god forbid you cross the international date line or are using ship’s time rather than local time

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2Pack

I’m even more old school.

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Brick Meathook

The Casio G-Shock on the left is the same watch as yours, except mounted in an impact resistant case. All the Casios are the same basic timepiece dressed up differently; it’s a great timepiece but it should be at the $100 price point. Don’t pay more.

On the right is my Speedmaster, which I bought 20 years new at a very good price at Feldmar Watch in Beverly Hills, after I haggled by pitting them against another watch store owned by fierce rivals. Blood feuds can work to your advantage.

The best timepiece I’ve ever owned is the little Casio in the middle, which I bought at a Walgreens just to use for navigation while offshore sailing. This has no functions other than telling time and date; no light, no alarm, no nonsense. All you can do is set it and then choose between 12 and 24 hour time display. It cost about seven bucks. The original battery was rated for 7 years and it lasted 13.

I always replace the cheap Casio plastic straps with nylon NATO straps, and I replaced the Speedmaster’s stainless steel bracelet with black nylon because it looks better (this is the official NASA astronaut watch going back to Gemini). The strap on the little Casio cost three times more than the watch.

That little Casio only gains 4 seconds a month which is insanely accurate. The G-Shock time-synchronizes automatically every night, so that’s cheating. The Speedmaster has large errors depending on what position it’s in, so it’s okay for short moon trips where you’ve also got radar and computer navigation, but for longer trips to Mars and such you’d be fucked.

Before I took the photo I synchronized the timepieces to the G-Shock, which was synchronized to my phone. Somehow the little Casio is 1 minute fast and the Speedmaster is 2 minutes fast. I have no idea how I managed to do that.

https://ibb.co/WWyZ3Zkn

This is what they look like in the dark:

https://ibb.co/q30nNQLf

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, it has finally cooled off enough to push some weights around. Off I go.

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litre_cola

Don’t forget to vacuum afterwards.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A B-52 box set and you run a Metallica video? For shame!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pB4G9WBYMFo

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litre_cola

Currently on reddit there is a discussion on what people think a long drive. We were way ahead of the curve here at DFO.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Yup

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Mr. Ayo

lol, Elks. Learn how to count, eh?

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WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Oh right, just texted my mom your number!

Be civil.

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Mr. Ayo

Now dropping pink flame Sam Darnold two blocks from my mom’s house.

Outlook is grim.

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Mr. Ayo

Many neighbors didn’t leave in time and are no longer allowed to leave. This seems odd.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Sorry, you gotta stay here and burn. I think it’s a stupid rule too, but it’s not my decision. Take it up with the neighborhood council.”

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yeah right

May Zeus hear your prayers.

That’s fucking terrifying.

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Mr. Ayo

I can’t imagine what my mom is going through right now. This fucking sucks.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thank goodness she’s safe.

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Gumbygirl

Took me a minute, but lol. I’m thinking of calling my fantasy team ” House of Tards”. Offensive? I certainly hope so! I’m wishing and hoping your mom’s house is spared.

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Doktor Zymm

Oh wow, looks like there are a few fires around there. Nasty

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Mr. Ayo

Yeah, and the winds are around 40mph, gusting, and swirling. The firefighters are just guessing at this point.

3
yeah right

Our new house familiar, Momo.

He’s already adjusting.

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Doktor Zymm

KITTY!

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yeah right

What’s wonderful, he’s hiding out for the first hour or so after being “Left Behind” but as soon as we put punk music on, he walked straight to the speaker and stuck his nose in the subwoofer.

Yeah, me and this cat are gonna be friends.

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Gumbygirl

Looooooook at him!

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Mr. Ayo

MO!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, Siamese? Get ready for a very clever, very chatty cat.

3
yeah right

He’s already been talking.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Just picked up my new cholesterol med. Looked up the side effects and found they were limited to potential joint pain and possible diarrhea.

Gonna wait until my trial is over this week before starting that one.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…possible diarrhea.

So your new “cholesterol med” is lettuce?

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Brick Meathook

How about some matzo ball soup in the Fairfax District:

https://ibb.co/8LBhgxJz

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Gumbygirl

Looks like a floater, the best kind!

2
WCS

“They all sink in the laundry hamper…”

Najeh D., current parts unknown

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