/Stadium lights darken and fog machine kicks in
//Music and laser show began

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nqby02qjKD8

///Screen flashes “R U E“

I CAN’T HEAR YOU INTERWEBS!!!!

Coming in first he is leading the poles and not just the ones where he finds his future wives. The man who has shown the easiest way to make $5 million is by starting with $10 Million  – Donald “Made in China” Trump

In 2nd is the man who says he is not his brother, but his brother is his best foreign policy adviser. – Jeb “the Chosen One” Bush!!!!

Jokers have played him for a fool this past week, but back in Wisconsin he made the Unions look like fools it’s – Scott “These Boots were Made for”  Walker

He made headlines bashing Obama to his face at a prayer breakfast and said prisons prove being gay is a choice. – Ben “the Brain” Carson

He’s been described as having Obama’s education with Sarah Palin’s politics. He is the pride of Canada, the Terror of Texas, and a real Wild Stallion – Ted Theodore Cruz Esquire!

Next up we have your Uncle’s favorite candidate. He once said he would dress up like a woman to shower with a bunch of teenage girls – Mike “No <3” Huckabee

This next legislator has a keen eye of defense. Going as far as voting against his own Immigration Bill. His grab for power is more awkward than his grab for water – Marco “Don’t Say Polo” Rubio

He is named for the writer of the book most Neo-Con’s swear they have read, and we are not talking about the Bible.–  Rand “the South Park Conservative” Paul

This man needs no introductions you read his name and think “MMMM Krispy Kreme Donuts”. More Republicans would vote for him, but he accidentally shook hands with Obama after Hurricane Sandy. – Chris “For whom the Bridge Tolls” Christie

And coming in last taking the 10th seat. The man who thinks only God fearing immigrants should be allowed into this country– John “Who Am I” Kasich
The remaining candidates get to hang out at the kiddy table where they will have the opportunity to talk to that weird kid who isn’t allowed to read Harry Potter because something something witchcraft.

There you have it folks tune in a Thursday night at 9PM and drink heavily and mystify at the spectacle of our supposed saviors from Hilary Clinton assault Cleveland, or just watch to hear what troll questions slip into the moderation via Facebook.