[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

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Your “It’s Tuesday Which Means…At Least It’s not Monday????” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

theeWeeBabySeamus

/

, , ,

Wow, what a day.

I ended a relationship and got accused of hit and run.

OK, for the record, those two things are unrelated.  I was not accused of hit and run by the young lady I ended the relationship with.

Well, that’s not exactly true.  But she didn’t say it in those terms.

But the Raleigh-Durham International Airport Police have accused me of an actual hit and run.  On a fucking light pole….no shit.  Check this out….I got a real citation and everything….

…you did lawfully and willfully operate a motor vehicle on a public vehicular area and fail to immediately stop the vehicle [you] were driving at the scene of an accident and collision in which [you] were involved.  This collision resulted in property damage to two concrete ballards and a light pole belonging to Raleigh-Durham Airport Authority and….

Oh fuck it.  You get the point.

And what the fuck is a “Concrete Ballard”??????  The Baltimore Orioles used to have a pitcher named Jeff Ballard.  And he pitched like his hands were made of concrete.  Is that close?

And really?  Hit and run on a light pole?  You gotta be shitting me!!!!

If you’d used better concrete ballards to begin with, I could have never even bumped your precious light pole anyway….you get that, right?  So it’s kinda more your fault than mine.  In a way.  Sort of.

Anywhoooooo….

I have a court date and everything.  Should I buy a new suit or just show up in board shorts like The Dude  would?

Or maybe I should just abscond.

Fuck that parking lot.  AMIRITE???????

Fortunately, my insurance company has already settled with “The Parking Lot” I ran over.  And my truck named “Dave” even gets a brand new bumper next week in spite of the fact that it’s his damned fault I got caught to begin with….

Still Sexy After All These Years

Unrelated:  Could someone please remind me to take his license plate off the next time I go to the airport?  K, thx.

smgdh.

–

*Note….

I had already responsibly handled the property damage portion of this incident before I received the hit and run legal citation from RDU Police.

Yes, that means I’m kinda pissed off now.

–

So, What’s Going On Tonight?

Not a damned thing, more or less.

There’s baseball…

  • Red Sox at Phillies – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
  • Rays at Yanks – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)

Full Schedule

Let’s see, what else?  Oh, there’s also a four hour Fantasy Football Special on ESPN from 7pm to 11pm EDT.  But I guarantee you they know less than we do already.  If they knew shit, it wouldn’t take four hours to say so.  So fuck that.

Little League Softball (ESPN2) and Rodeo (ESPNU) appears to be what is rounding things out so….it might be a good night to read.

Hey, at least there will be crappy pre-season football beginning Thursday.  Right?

 

–

It’s Gonna Take A Team Effort Tonight

Seriously.  With such a crappy sports lineup tonight, we’re gonna need everyone pitching in to get this thing off the ground.

For now, Imma go clear my head by taking a drive and…

Awwwwww crap.

 

/calls insurance agent

(Hi!!!!!  Yeah, it’s me again!!!!!!)

Have a great night, everyone.

–

 

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Your “Can You Stop Testing My Breaking Point?” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] thanks to tWBS for stepping up and doing a great job with such short […]

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ted Gregory.

“The legend goes that Gregory was selected almost sight unseen by the team. He never played a game for the Broncos. He was traded to the Saints before the start of his rookie season and played just three games in his NFL career. Two honorable mentions for a Denver draft bust: WR Marcus Nash, the first-round pick in 1998 (30th overall), who had four receptions as a rookie in a short tenure, and Jarvis Moss, taken 17th overall in 2007, who had two starts in five-year career.”

R-Pax will be up there, but not as bad.

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Wakezilla

I’d say Nash gets a pass because 30th overall is essentially a crap shoot.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Hey Seamus, sorry to read about you and your ex and the whole H&R situation.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This made me giggle.
Thanks for the well-wishes though, my friend.

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litre_cola

Twbs you live in Carolina isn’t there a “Rubbin is racing” clause in your insurance?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Nah, Earnhardt fucked that up for all of us.

0
WCS

And then there’s this. It’s like looking at the Arc of the Covenant:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Cleveland_Browns_first-round_draft_picks

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Mr. Ayo

They should approach their drafts like an office pool. Let the secretary pick based on some random thing like alma mater mascots. They’d be better off, right?

2
Wakezilla

I mean, they already tried that approach. Remember when a homeless man told them to draft Manziel?

3
Mr. Ayo

O. M. G.

R. I. P. Mayfield.

1
Sharkbait

Yikes. That’s a brutal list

1
litre_cola

Akili Smith was a CFL hero!

/played once then got cut.

1
WCS

So, about the same career he had in Dallas?

2
Redshirt

Okay (takes a shot of Jack Daniels). Lets do this!

1960s: Bob Johnson was a good pick and solid player. Greg Cook was an excellent pick before he got hurt. His blown out shoulder cost Cincy a Super Bowl.

1970s: Don’t know most of these players. Before my time. Issac Curtis was a part of the ’81 Super Bowl team. Archie Griffin is the only two-time Heisman winner. He was drafted 24th overall by Cincinnati and was never heard from again. Jack Thompson was a harbinger of QB busts to come.

1980s: Anthony Munoz. Enough said. Other than Tim McGee (solid WR), I don’t know any of these guys.

1990s: … (takes another shot of Jack Daniels)…(takes another shot of Jack Daniels)…okay. Lets stare into that abyss.

1990: James Francis: Starts off the Decade of Debacle with an average at best player.
1991: Alfred Williams: Great player. Probably praises the Heavens for Free Agency.
1992a: David Klinger: Yep, THAT David Klingler. Product of a Run and Shoot Offense. Tried to turn him into something he wasn’t. Didn’t give him the O-line to protect him. Rumors of Paul Brown on his dead bed telling his son, Mike, not to draft Klingler are unsubstantiated.
1992b: Darryl Williams: Decent player really.
1993: John Copeland: Was great in Tecmo Super Bowl 3: Final Edition. Didn’t translate on the field.
1994: Dan Wilkinson: Underperformed, but probably because of coaching.
1995: Ki-Jana Carter: Actually a very good pick…at least until the Silverdome Turf Monster got involved.
1996: Willie Anderson: Excellent pick. If he played for another team, he’d be in the Hall of Fame. FACT!
1997: Reinard Wilson: Oh, yeah, I forgot about this guy.
1998: Takeo Spikes and Brian Simmons: Two great picks that fixed the LB corps for a few years. Too bad about the rest of the team.
1999: Akili Smith: Yep. THAT Akili Smith. Didn’t study. Didn’t try to learn. At least he admits it though.

(shudders, crying, drink another shot of Jack Daniels)

2000: Peter Warrick: Had college talent. Didn’t translate. Probably has to do with the QBs. Most likely. Its the QBs.
2001: Justin Smith: Please see 1991.
2002: Levi Jones: Rare bread of good bad player. Technically good, not great.
2003: Carson Palmer. Great player before the knee. Very good after until the arm.
2004: Chris Perry: The first “…what?!” pick of Marvin Lewis’s career.
2005: David Pollack: Another “Great pick but got hurt” pick. Broke his neck, but he’s fine now.
2006: Johnathan Please see 1991 and 2001.
2007: Leon Halll: Very good choice. Solid player.
2008: Keith Rivers: Okay pick. Got destroyed by Hines Ward on a Blindside Block (a Steeler with a bad hit – unthinkable!) and wasn’t the same after.
2009: Andre Smith: Levi Jones 2.0.

(primal growling, finishes bottle of Jack Daniels)
2010: Jermaine Gresham: Average TE. Responsible for one or two Playoff Losses.
2011: A.J. Green: Hopefully he gets the recognition he deserves. If not with the Bengals than with someone other than the Steelers, Ravens, Browns or Patriots.
2012a: Dre Kirkpatrick: Okay pick. Good, but not great.
2012b: Kevin Zeitler: Overrated. Way overrated.
2013: Tyler Eifert: Yet another “Great pick but gets hurt” pick.
2014: Darqueze Dennard: I honestly forgot we had this guy.
2015: Cedric Ogbuehi: Bengals get cocky by drafting a hurt player. Set the franchise back.
2016: William Jackson III: Too soon to tell, but his name was coming on the radio quite a bit on pass breakups.
2017: John Ross: Bengals pull a Raiders by drafting a fast receiver. It worked about the same.

(breaks bottles of Jack Daniels over head; passes out)

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WCS

Redshirt, you’re my favorite devout NFL fan/seemingly reasonable conservative. Please don’t change.

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Wakezilla

EA loved David Pollack. I remember he was pretty measty in Madden. I’m actually shocked to see he only played 2 years in the league.

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WCS

Falling down a flight of steps, and fracturing your spine, AKA the Cincy Bengals Special, will do that.

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Redshirt

Tried out Madden 18’s Longshot thing. It is a nice escape, though my friend’s inability to shut the hell up kept giving me negative character issues. I quit before it went to the logical conclusion of me choosing whether or not to punch him in the throat for closing me my shot with an NFL team.

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Sharkbait

If they did something like that for the NHL franchise I’d buy it again. Instead it’s now a $60 roster update

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nomonkeyfun

You lost the shot to win with an NFL team when you picked the Bengals.

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Redshirt

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In my defense, my earliest memory of watching a Bengals game involved the 1993 Patriots. If you’re a stupid kid and you have your hometown team in white jersey with tiger stripes on their helmets and the other team with a bland as hell jersey that somehow has at least two competing color schemes, who do you root for?

So that’s it. Now you know why I’m a Bengals fan. Because of the shitty Patriots uniform they wore for one season in 1993. If they would’ve gone straight from the 1980s red one to the underrated ones of the late 90s, I’d probably be happy as a Colts fan or maybe even a Steelers fan.

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Wakezilla

I don’t remember those jerseys at all. It reminds me of a pro-bowl jersey

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

The Madden 19 update of the mobile version is out. It’s… well, it’s something.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

“Awwwww Mom, how am I going to dunk them?”

-Elisha

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nomonkeyfun

“I love the creme!!!”

-A. Schwarz

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Sharkbait

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lERqGULWxs

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Mr. Ayo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M87k7wy1clE

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Mr. Ayo

Also, they really should consider flexible bollards

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

And it moved!

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Mr. Ayo

Or the disappearing ones

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, who the fuck parked those cars? None of them are in the lines.

And don’t you dare say “tWBS did”

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Mr. Ayo

Obviously you didn’t. Those bumpers are still pristine.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, smartypants. That was funny.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

My son is taking the alcohol education course UConn requires all new students to take.

One of the alternative they suggest to drinking is bowling.

There is absolutely no way that bowling is not greatly enhanced by bowling.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Typo or not…..

YOU DECIDE!!

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Horatio Cornblower

Fuck it, I’m leaving it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Bowling²

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Redshirt

Not. Because imagine the added fun of picking up a split if you have to roll a hoop down the lane.

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Spur

Bowling increases the odds of Munson

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa, weird, and now I’m sad. I will explain…

My middle school shop teacher, coolest dude ever, used to organize bowling field trips for us. Great guy.

Then he bought a car from an organized crime chop shop (unknowingly) and then got pulled into an investigation and was being asked to testify. He agreed to do so.

Then he conveniently got dead a couple of weeks before the trial.

True story.

His last name was Munson.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry, didn’t mean to piss on the party.
It just struck me weird. Hadn’t thought of Mr. Munson in years.

Carry on.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Germans LOVE that.

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Spur

and Big Ern McCracken was not the villain of the movie. He never forced Munson or anyone else to do anything else they didnt want to do.

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Mr. Ayo

You can bowl sober?!? What’s the point?

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Senor Weaselo

Oh, that Alcohol Edu bullshit? Good times, good times…
/Not good times

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

My parents always blamed a flood for the VHS tapes tracking acting up when Kate Winslet got drawn like a French girl and when Eddie Murphy’s Royal Penis got cleaned.

Either that or they were kind enough not to bring it up to me.

3
Spur

Great Movie and great insight on the Post Trump years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRBu-FxD5W0

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Horatio Cornblower

Pictured: tWBS leaving the airport.

WHAT A DAY!!! WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY!!!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey did you spot the easter egg in DFO Radio?

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Spur

Batman and Wonder Woman should not be love interests. Gal Gadot should be sitting on my face.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Weirdest. Threesome. Evar.

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JustStopDude

https://i.imgur.com/mAt4OJS.mp4

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Spur

Good Lord Justice League blows. Warner Bro. just doesn’t get it.

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Wakezilla

Outside of the first 30 minutes, which was absolutely shit, I thought the rest of the film ranged from meh to pretty good.

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

In fairness, that was her purse, and she didn’t know him.

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Brocky

Boy I sure hope that driver didn’t fail to immediately stop the vehicle they were driving at the scene of an accident and collision in which they were involved.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, you guys are really fucking beginning to piss me off now.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I BACKED INTO IT, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, HALF ASLEEP AFTER A CROSS COUNTRY FLIGHT AND IT WAS POORLY LIT.

Well, at least it was after I hit the light pole.

AMIRITE????

Hehehehehe, oh come on that was funny.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In all seriousness…

Insurance dude did ask me… Did you do this on purpose?

(because I was quite pissed at RDU Parking Authority for other reasons)
((but no, dude, I didn’t fuck up my truck on purpose))

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, under different circumstances…..

“Yes, I backed into that pole on purpose.” Might get you paid.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

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Sharkbait

You know someone tried doing that exact thing on purpose before.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

So when is tWBS-Palooza?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Folks

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Confession: I’ve spent the majority of my life confusing sharon stone and michelle pfeifer.

I know they don’t necessarily look alike, I know they have had very distinctive film roles, but for some reason I think of the other when 1 is mentioned

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theeWeeBabySeamus

FWIW, I think one could probably confuse Sharon Stone fairly easily.
She’s stupid, is my point.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

I was very confused when I learned about Mekhi Phifer

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If that is your biggest sin, we are fine with it.

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JustStopDude

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Roger Stone, the guy on the far left, actually re-tweeted this image that has been circulating.

He didn’t notice the swastikas on the space suits…

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Sharkbait

Bullshit. The guy with the fucking Nixon tattoo on his back (no, seriously, it’s there) notices little shit like that

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t know; he’s losing his edge: he’s not even the smelliest turd in the bucket anymore.

0
Sharkbait

Also, I wish this was the Challenger Crew Photograph.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Why do I feel as if this is aimed at meeeeeeee??????

IT WAS JUST A DAMNED LIGHT POLE!!!!!!!!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Nice Tits!”

-Joy Harmon

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Just does to show ya, if you’re more worried about appearance than proper technique, its gonna cause problems

– Phil Simms

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Man, identifying concussion symptoms in Ben Roethlisberger has got to be the hardest job in sports.

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Senor Weaselo

Is he coherent? If yes, then clearly he has a concussion.

1
WCS

THE BEN HAS BRAIN OUCHIES BUT COACH SAYS THE BEN WON’T THROW TO CATCHMANS THIS WEEK ANYWAY SO THE BEN HAS MANY CLOCK CIRCLES TO LET BRAIN OUCHIES GO AWAY

5
Brocky

People complain about Christmas coming earlier and earlier every year.

I dont give a shit because I get excited seeing Halloween candy in Walgreens in August

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

People complain about Christmas coming earlier and earlier every year.

In my experience, coming earlier and earlier does earn one his fair share of complaints.
Oh wait, you meant….

Never mind.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

Something something ending relationships?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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(and also no, ya damned smartass)
😛

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

I kinda remember a quote from this skit:

Fred and George after ogling lindsay as hermoine: yeah we’re going to go bludgeon our beaters.

Harry: ah, you’re gonna go play quidditch?

Fred and George: not exactly…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is triggered]

– Spencer Lanning

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“……..”

-Siegfried and Roy

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rockingdog

found a funny:

My wife said I need to grow up.

I was speechless.

It’s hard to say anything when you have 45 gummy bears in your mouth

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theeWeeBabySeamus

rockingdog: NO!!!! YOU GROW UP!!!!!
[Mrs rockingdog pulls gummy and spit off own forehead]

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now this is just turning into a German fetish.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Welp, a hail storm just trashed my yard/ garden. The soul crushing of the past week continues.

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Thunder replaced by sirens; at least I’m not at an emergency destination.

Just looking at the bell peppers it looks like somebody was shooting at them.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That sucks. My bells haven’t done shit this year though. Friend a coupla miles away? His have rocked this year. It’s been a weird year.

I’ve got some nice Ghosts and Habaneros coming in now though. By this time two weeks from now, they will be killing Senor Weaselo.

I hope.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

All the leaves are gone off the pablanos, Cayenne; we’ll see if they recover enough to harvest.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No leaves on the tomatoes. Oh well, easy high water bill, easy go.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I shoulda just bought a pool.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

When I came back from the UAE, doing about a year there on a job, I was immediately arrested at the airport.

My idiot younger brother had stolen my truck. What he had not told me was he was drunk and claimed by identity.

I spent Christmas eve and some of Christmas day convincing the cops not to throw me immediately in jail.

3
scotchnaut

You must have been feeling Low…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IippcraBPKA

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JustStopDude

I was feeling more homicidal…

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So more like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn05f4WYFJ0

0
scotchnaut

The beds were small, Dude. THE BEDS WERE SMALL!

0
Senor Weaselo

Did you proceed to beat the ever-loving fuck out of him?

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scotchnaut

ABSOLUTELY TRUE FACT ACCORDING TO A BARTENDER THAT I WORKED WITH IN OTTAWA-

As a kid, Tom Cruise beat him to a pulp during recess one time.*

0
scotchnaut

*MAYBE!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Was the bartender ret- um, mentally deficient?

0
scotchnaut

Not sure but he did have a salt and pepper beard.

/makes you think, doesn’t it?

1
scotchnaut

She’s on record that Tom Cruise was one of her best lovers.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, once you fuck Sonny Bono, the bar isn’t very high.
Yes, that’s a “short” joke.

4
scotchnaut

Cruise is 5’9″.

/”drops mic”*

* thinks that he totally owned Seamus

Narrator: “Not even close.”

0
ballsofsteelandfury

If Cruise is 5′ 9″, I’m 6′ 5″ without the afro.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO

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Brick Meathook

Cruise is 5’9″ if he stands on a box.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cher’s box.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

it sez 5’7″, and that is prolly favorable.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Well, he probably does love eating ass…

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Yes, and we reciprocate!”

-John Travolta

1
Brocky

https://youtu.be/iiV7LvJ08VA

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Brocky

I’ll admit, this vid through me for a loop

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

North Cakalaky: where parking bollards have more rights than black people

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

I wish I could differ with this statement.

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scotchnaut

You brought this on yourself…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOSZwEwl_1Q

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scotchnaut

Seamus-if you’re going to share too much I’m going to Cher too much-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsKbwR7WXN4

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, be happy I didn’t share the details of why my recent relationship ended.

DON’T YOU TEMPT ME!!!!!!!!!!!

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

This song is now stuck in my head. You’re a monster.

0
scotchnaut

The good kind?

0
herodotus450

Concrete Ballard discovered the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald ppl forget

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

Which of course…”Cemented”… his place in history.

1
WCS

And my family continues to ask why I left the Catholic Church..

https://www.cnn.com/2018/08/14/us/pennsylvania-catholic-church-grand-jury/index.html

0
scotchnaut

“But WCS, 300 Sodomites is a small minority of the overall number of priests in Pennsylvania. smh.”

-WCS’s family

2
Senor Weaselo

I imagine your defense will be “Dave’s not here”?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice.

0
scotchnaut

Serious Question: Is there a more poignant/heartfelt celebration of a player’s career than what Rocket Richard experienced?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DS_x0FwuqY

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