INTERIOR – UCLA’S WASSERMAN FOOTBALL CENTER OFFICES – MIDDAY

Coach Chip Kelly sits alone in his office, busy typing on his computer. He pauses briefly to put on a headset and listen to his work, his eyes unblinkingly focused on the screen. A smile crosses his face just as a series of knocks sound at the door.

CHIP KELLY: [Suddenly scowling but not looking up from the computer] The bell!

The door knob moves back and forth followed by another set of knocks.

KELLY: Ring the bell!

???: [Muffled] But Coach, you already know I’m–

KELLY: PRESS. THE BUTTON.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL4wA8mGxJU

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

WILTON SPEIGHT: S’up, Coach?

KELLY: Wilton, my boy! Good to see you!

SPEIGHT: [Sitting] Sorry about the knock. I know it’s not your policy, but does it really have to, uh, “ring,” for this lo–

KELLY: [Interrupting] How are you feeling?

SPEIGHT: Pretty good! That’s actually kind of why I’m here.

KELLY: Oh?

SPEIGHT: Well, I was thinking about next year, trying to go, like, pro. I know I don’t have good enough numbers for the draft, but maybe as like, a backup, ya know? Maybe with the help of some of your connections in the NFL or whatever.

KELLY: The… NFL? [Thousand yard stare]

SPEIGHT: [Notices the gaze and shifts uncomfortably in his chair] Uh, yeah, Coach…

KELLY: [Lost in thought] “The big time,” as one of my predecessors called it. The place that exists just to tempt you enough to leave the place you love. To take all of your hard fought collegiate knowledge and call you a phony. A fool. So many people question and doubt you. Say you don’t know what you’re doing. That you can’t cut whomever you want. And when it’s done with you… [Snaps back to reality] It’s not a place for good kids like you, Wilton. Too many liars, traitors and stuck up people who just won’t buy into my system.

SPEIGHT: I know, man. But it’s like, my dream! Just to get to be on the same field and put on the same helmet as some of my heroes, you know?

KELLY: Heh, I can understand that. My heroes wear a kind of helmet too…

[A FIGURE appears in the doorway]

DORIAN THOMPSON-ROBINSON: [Knocking on the open door frame] Hi Coach. Hey Wilton. Sorry I didn’t ring the bell, but it’s still, uh, quacking.

KELLY: Oh, Dorian. My boy.

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: [Taking a seat] Can you please not call me that, Coach?

KELLY: Why not? Wilton doesn’t seem to mind it one bit, do you?

SPEIGHT: Hasn’t bothered me, man.

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: [Sighing] Well I didn’t mean to interrupt you two, but I was thinking now might be a good time to go over some of my play ideas for next season. Before finals start and I have to fly home for Christmas.

KELLY: Fly home? [Quizzically]…You, didn’t grow up on an island, by chance, Dorian?

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: There aren’t any islands in Vegas, Coach. [Pauses] Well, not any good ones…

KELLY: I see. Well I’m afraid I am not interested in any of your picks right now. I was just about to show Wilton this little video I made.

SPEIGHT: Oh, will it, like, help me with football?

KELLY: It will help you with life! Which, includes football. [Turns monitor around so it is facing the two seated students]

“Chip Kelly here with a special shoutout to the American Freedom Party and the RAM boys. You guys are patriots in my eyes and the whole country. Keep on waking them up and don’t let these dark days get you down. Never stop fighting, and don’t forget about Boman, Laube and Rundo when the time comes. Remember to stand, not kneel, for what you believe in. God bless and take care.”

SPEIGHT: So, what was that all about?

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: [Laughing] Did you seriously post that?!

KELLY: Sure did, right before you boys walked in. Looks like it’s getting quite the number of views already!

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: That’s the same kind of thing those White Supremacists tricked Brett Favre to do last week!

KELLY: You mean the old quarterback from Southern Miss? Good kid. [Takes a slip from his coffee mug]

SPEIGHT: I’m… confused.

THOMPSON-ROBINSON: A bunch of anti-Semetic whackjobs fooled Brett Favre by paying him to–

KELLY: [Spit take] HE GOT PAID?!

[Banner image via]