NFL News:
- Proof that the NFL has access to my location: moar Seahawks news
- The Seahawks have terminated the contracts of Doug Baldwin & Kam Chancellor due to failed physical designations.
- Chancellor was expected, as he famously refused to retire, and collected $6 million against the cap last year.
- Baldwin was a bit of a shock, given that he was one of Russell’s consistent, if not favourite, targets.
- The Seahawks have terminated the contracts of Doug Baldwin & Kam Chancellor due to failed physical designations.
- Jags linebacker Telvin Smith announced he’s taking 2019 off from football for, essentially, some “me time”.
- Specifically, that,
- At this time I must take time away from the game & get my world in order. I must give this time back to myself, my family, & my health.
- The Jags found out Smith’s decision via social media. They responded in kind:
- Specifically, that,
Statement from the @Jaguars:
“We will not have a comment about Telvin Smith’s statement at this time. We need to have a conversation with Telvin to understand the situation and the circumstances.
“If there is a way we can support him we need to understand that.”
— Tad Dickman (@TDickman89) May 9, 2019
(LOL “Tad Dickman”)
- Nick Foles is finally safe in Jacksonville – The Jags have released Cody Kessler.
- While he’s never amounted to much in his short career, he’s not Colin Kaepernick, so he’ll end up a backup somewhere during the season.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: remember, for the snarkiest preview on the internet, check out my prediction post.
- Carolina at Boston – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Raptors at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- Game 6: Raptors up 3-2
- Nuggets at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN / Sportsnet1
- Game 6: Nuggets up 3-2
- Raptors at 76ers – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN
- MLB:
- Mariners at Yankees – 6:30PM | Sportsnet360 / MLBN
- NCAA:
- College Baseball:
- LSU at Arkansas – 7:30PM | ESPNU
- College Baseball:
- Futbol:
- Liga MX: Club América vs. Cruz Azul – 9:55PM | UNI
- Martial Arts:
- Professional Fighters League: From Uniondale, N.Y. – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
This is the actual definition of “a lot, yet nothing” on TV tonight. Be sensible.
Ah, peaty scotch, how I’ve missed you so
Oh, kids. This new Paradise Hotel show… SOMEONE needs to do a post on it.
We have to talk about last night’s episode of Paradise Hotel: Chlamydia Stew
I’m stealing that title!
Good night, sweet Horse Balls.
This is the greatest escape from any Buffalo Bills since Catherine Martin was rescued.
Her nickname wasn’t Catharine the Great by any chance?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102926/
Fuck the doctors. I made burgers tonight, and that’s what the Lipitor is for, isn’t it?
Damn right!
AT LEAST MY NOSE ISN’T GUSHING BLOOD!
Holy shit Chernobyl on HBO is fucking intense.
It’s a good thing that it’s fiction because that would be scary as fuck if it really happened.
/ phone rings
“Yes?”
I get that there are kids who don’t know. I read some kid on reddit saying they didn’t realize 9/11 was real. But there are people in the orbit of our ages who don’t know anything about Chernobyl or at least how truly awful it was (is, I guess) and that’s unforgivable.
I remember the weather watch was the most important news on the West Coast for a long time during that.
Some of us were paying attention.
Did they do that after Fukushima too?
This also reminds me that the Gulf is still suffering from the Deepwater Horizon explosion.
Dude, we still have shit washing up on our beaches.
Dude, when the guys who made Secret Hitler realized how many backers didn’t know who Hitler was, they commissioned a comic to explain who Hitler was. Fucking frightening.
The new high school curriculum has a course called “Genocide Studies 12”, where we are supposed to teach all of their 4Chan minds about the evils of the 20th Century. I can’t wait for the Muslim kids to call the Holocaust fake news.
PSA from the distillery in my neighborhood.
The Subaru Brat.
–
Somebody had to hold on to the keg.
Damn straight.
I can’t embed tweets from mobile, but this is a gem:
https://twitter.com/tsgnews/status/1126534941737738242?s=19
A banner day for free speech.
When did I get a pickup?
This week has sucked. Lady BFC has a friend staying with us so opening a bottle of wine for sharing. Will switch to whisky after dinner.
Batman Returns is one of the rare sequels that’s way better than the original.
Terminator?
T2 is the greatest movie of all time.
Aliens?
Full disclosure: I can’t tell you which one I like more; they’re simply different styles of film. Alien is more sci-fi/horror; Aliens is more a sci-fi/war movie.
Hey, I typed two consecutive sentences using (I think) a proper semi-colon!
Yes; very different types of movies.
Oof. That’s always been a difficult one precisely for that reason. I don’t know. Those two belong in their own grouping.
I think Alien is better – the corporate intrigue makes the story more interesting – but that is simply my opinion and I will not fault anyone who disagrees.
I am on all my medication, only 1.5 beers in, and I can honestly say that I hate everyone and everything and I wish I was in a coma.
Seems like a good mix.
Note to self: Gummi Bears are made completely of nitroglycerin.
Can we love you anyway or is that not helpful?
This is why I can’t drink. Now if only I can get the overeating under control I’ll just hate everyone but not want to die.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/soccer/ban-it-like-beckham-phone-costs-soccer-star-right-to-drive/ar-AAB8G4P?OCID=ansmsnnews11
The 9/11 hijackers became much better once they attended flight school
Seven Nation Army now? Come on Bruins fans
At least it’s not Wagner.
WAG-NAH IS THE FACKIN BEST!
Really puts the Honus on the reader to get the joke.
I would expect a bunch of nativist homers from Boston to hate the idea of a seven nation army on principle.
Mrazek is the only one giving s shit out there. Poor bastard.
So disappointed in all you guys, what with making me stay up this late. If you could show the least amount of discipline from here on out…
SNOOZY TIME!
HEY!!! I WILL NOT BE TALKED TO THAT WAY!!!!! I ALWAYS SHOW A LACK OF DISCIPLINE.
Beer #2.
Look at the artwork on the can!
And the beer is just as good. Double IPA, all Galaxy hops, (which are probably my favorite), and 7.8% ABV. Also some oats or something. Whatever. What are you, my mother? I don’t have to be in Court tomorrow until 11!
You’re defending your mother in court again? You must relish the opportunity to get her off one more time.
Relish, onions, sauerkraut. The works.
Fuuuuuuck I owe you beer. Fucking Monkish keeps doing Friday midday releases. Fingers crossed they do one on Saturday this weekend. (They will definitely do one tomorrow mid-day)
Come on OT!
Who’s OT and are you sure they won’t mind the dry cleaning bill?
Did Marty Brodeur pull a Curt Schilling and lose all of his money investing in a Rhode Island video game company? That would explain all these commercials he’s in.
He did lose all his money but it was because he banged his wife’s sister.
I thought it turned out that was just Claude Lemeiux in drag?
As a Whalers fan I would pay a significant amount of money for Claude Lemieux to get fucked in the ass by a broke and angry goalie.
He, Marchand, and Pronger all star in my Saw 35 spec script. Those cowards in Bollywood won’t make it though.
Chris Pronger was such a dipshit with the Whalers. He was maybe 19 with a shit-ton of money and about as much sense as he has now after all the concussions.
You beat me to it. I never miss a chance for a good “Uncle-Daddy” reference.
I thought Curt just lost all of the state’s money.
At least if Carolina loses because of Dougie Hamilton, a former Bruin, it’ll kinda be like Boston losing.
So Carolina is now just straight up trying to murder people now?
Isn’t that how you score in hockey?
You’re confusing hockey with Rollerball.
[shakes finger] Oh Carolina!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A463-fWyVp8
“There is no such thing as a ‘tasty bean salad’.”
-excerpt from my weight-loss journal
Oh man. Nicholson’s Joker is such a fantastic sadistic psychopath.
No wonder everything for the decade after was the exact opposite. The 90s sucked.
I’m not sure who I want to win the Bruins – Hurricanes series. All of my friends are Bruins fans, so if they lose I’ll hear about it there. But on the other hand, it’s (kind of) Hartford so…
Earth-killing meteor.
Bruins, then root like hell for the West in the finals.
All the adults in Batman (1989) except for Kim Basinger look old as Hell.
/watching ‘Boss Baby’ muted
This movie just might have skooched “Black Christmas” out of my personal top ten “Scariest Movies I’ve Ever Watched”.
Everyone involved in making that belongs in prison forever.
I’ve gotta make a long story short here but I’m listening to some guy tell his buddy about his unpublished novel about a guy who’s obsessed with pirates who discovers he was a pirate in a previous life who goes back in time and meets his previous pirate. That’s as much as I heard. I wanted to lie and tell him I would read the shit out of that novel, if only that were possible, which it is not.
Pirate meets Anti-pirate? Wouldn’t that make the universe implode?
I really hope you’re at a bar.
Orchids of Asia
LACMA!
Sounds like Season 8 of Fortnite.
Back in the earlier versions of Civilization, when you got to pick your leader name, this was my go-to when playing as Rome.
Are the Raptors really good or really bad?
Drinking this beauty tonight. It’s a new one, and my kids give me shit about my shoes as well. Jerks.
More information, por favor.
Well, I wear New Balance 619s to the gym and around the yard, and apparently that’s a classic Dad shoe, so my son makes fun of m…Oh the beer! From the label:
“An Imperial Milk Stout…with chocolate, coffee, graham crackers, marshmallows, toasted coconut, coconut milk powder, dutch cocoa powder, vanilla salt water taffy, salted caramel….” and then the usual hops, water, malt, yeast.
Frankly I bought it for the can and the jokes and had my suspicions, but it works. Possibly because it’s 8.2% ABV, but it works.
If Carolina gets past this round I am going to channel my inner Sherman and burn Raleigh to the ground, then sow the earth with salt.
Apologies to our Carolinians in advance, and go Whalers! Never forget!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJtiepwpKFw
Horatio’s inner Sherman, artist’s rendition:
I do look good in aqua.
Your dancing could improve though
The other option is Boston. I’ll allow it.
I will happily root for either San Jose or St. Louis in the next round, regardless of the Eastern winner.
I don’t know, is there an Imagine Dragons cover I can listen to?
OH HELL YES
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1D2C1FbI-0&ab_channel=RoadshowFilmsNZ
The first one was disappointing, but that might be because some guy in the theater wouldn’t stop talking until I yelled “Hey shut the fuck up” and the rest of the theater applauded.
At the end of the film I turned around, figuring we were going to fight, and it turned out it was a 12-year old with his family.
Anyhoo, now I wait for films to come out on Netflix.
You know how I know how you never lived life? You never dropped a pepperoncini pepper into your Bloody Mary/Bloody Ceasar drinky-poo.
LOL
What are his feelings regarding pledge pins on uniforms?
Well, he’s gotta do *something* now that he’s solved the opioid crisis and brought peace to the Middle East.
I don’t think his human skin was made properly, I guess since the reptilians think they now have control they don’t have tobtry as hard.
I, for one, am prepared to skin Ted Cruz and wear his face on my own, for the good of all humanity.
I’d do it for a large supreme pizza
Arbitrary Shout-out Time-The ’99 Rams are darlings because ‘Kurt Warner Story’. That unstoppable O was stopped dead cold by a Tampa D in the conference championship game. The only reason they made it to the Super Bowl was Ricky Proehl making an insane catch against double coverage. The final score of that game was 11-6. Eleven. Six.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_t-6iZk8dJk
Canes tie it up. yooooo
Bruins score first with a sweeeetttt goal…. yoooo
Aaron Hicks on his 3 game rehab assignment in Tampa: “I’ve spent way too much time in Tampa. I’m definitely tired of Tampa now.”
Yeah man. I get it.
Well the other option is meeting the Yankees… in Tampa. At the Trop.
Well, I saw Endgame. Honestly…
However, I liked the credits, especially for the original Avengers as their send-off film with their theme in the background.
Fair enough. As a Marvel comic nerd, I thought Endgame wrapped up the story neatly.
Now, give me the 1984 Jim Shooter version of Secret Wars on the big screen.
Sam Adams is merging with Dogfish Head for a lot of cash-esh:
https://www.brewbound.com/news/boston-beer-company-and-dogfish-head-agree-to-merge-in-300-million-deal
While they’re staying technically “independent,” there’s only one good thing that came out of this, which is that Dogfish is likely to be made more widely available through distribution. There is a lotttttt of bad that can come out of this too though.
OWAH SHITTY BEEAH IS BETTAH NO ONE DENIES THIS
Sam Adams is merging with Dogfish Head
I thought I was the only one that had access to Moose’s browser history. Huh.
Oh that is sublime.
Ah, I remember when I bought stock in Sam Adams at around 40 and turned it around in a year or so at 50 for a nice tidy profit of 25%. Wonder how it’s doing these days…
[checks stock price]
Jim Koch gets to pretend he’s making cool craft beer again. Good for him.
Dogfish makes one good beer, their 90 minute, and otherwise has been passed by so many breweries that they’re not worth checking out any more. The guy that runs Sam Adams thanked Trump for the tax cut for billionaires, so fuck him too.
Ah, Cincinnati weather. Where it alternates between periods of not raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you make plans to go outside, but when you do it starts raining so long you cancel your plans to go outside, but then it stops raining long enough you….
OC/DC
“I’ll take “What is Redshirt’s favourite classic rock band for $600, Alex.”
Redshirt is the Ohio Jack Torrance?
Well I have been staring at a closed, winterized pool for nearly nine months.
Dude, go up to the pool and say something. Try to find some common interests. “You into chlorine?” or “Are you into the ‘Above Ground’ movement?” Something like that.
“Are you poor black communities in the 70s? Cause that’s a lot of crack you got.”
herodotus with the desperate “Last Call” approach. smh.
Apparently, Baldwin is gonna retire but for financial reasons the C-Hox needed to release him first or something.
Also, thank you for laughing at “Tad Dickman” so I don’t feel so alone.
“Maturity” is a patina of lies.
I hate coming in early because I’m always online. This place is emptier than the L.A. Coliseum during a Chargers-Rams game.
Equally Empty:
Warren Sapp: Checking account
Cincinnati Bengals Scouting Dept.
Mark Davis: Fashion Sense
Ha, the Spanos clan never had a place for a soul to reside, that would imply they were supposed to have one to begin with.
Trent Green: Purple monkey dishwasher