Your “Oh God – This Idiot Is Now Considered ‘Relevant’ Again” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL Nuggets:

• Julian Edelman is going to miss the first half of camp with a left thumb injury.
  • With no one available to tickle #12 taint, the field is open for a number two receiver to step up.

• With Cowboys camp opening this week, Ezekiel Elliott is still mulling a holdout.
  • He has two years left on his rookie contract, worth $3.853 million this season and $9.099 million on the fifth-year option in 2020.
  • Hilariously, sites are comparing the possibility to Emmitt Smith’s holdout in 1993.
    • Because as much fun as we make of Emmitt, there’s no fucking way Zeke is in the same ballpark.

• Can you kick a football? Then the Chicago Bears have an offer for you!

  

  • At the pre-camp press conference Saturday, the first 11 questions for GM Ryan Pace & coach Matt Nagy had to do with kicking.
  • The Bears currently have Elliott Fry and Eddy Pineiro on their camp roster, but have openly said they are also looking around.
    • Robbie Gould left them with a case of blue balls by signing his new Niners contract last week.

• The Dolphins have officially placed Kendrick Norton on the “PUP list” for the 2019 season.
  • Having one arm ends his career, but by doing this the Dolphins & the league will cover his medical costs and pay his base 2019 salary.

And, in case you need extra reason to hate yourself today, feel free to begin Peter King’s “Football Morning In America Training Camp Tour”.

• With special guest, Jeopardy champ James Holzhauer.

They talk about Jeopardy, sports betting, and – of course – his epic run through Trebek’s bank account, all while apparently having polished off some Sourdough Jacks.

Oh, and if the Denver commentists felt a bit of a fat chill over the weekend, that’s because ol’ Petey stopped off for some edibles time with new Broncos head coach Vic Fangio on July 20th. Good news: PK has declared Von Miller the key to the Broncos season. So say your goodbyes now, because he won’t make it to Columbus Day. Never mind the Madden Curse.

Tonight’s sports:

• MLB:
  • Cleveland at Toronto – 7:00Pm | Sportsnet
  • Red Sox at Rays – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
  • Cubs at Giants – 9:30PM | Sportsnet1
• WWE:
  • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • the “Road to Summerslam” begins tonight with a “Raw Reunion” of old people

Don’t worry – it gets better.