Your Thursday Evening Holy Cow It’s CARDINALS SEASON! Open Thread

Hello to my favorite gosh-darned people on the internet from your old pal, Internet Dad.  I’m wandering in tonight as a last minute replacement for our usual bunch of slapdicks, so let’s really let loose.  It’s weekend custody Dad tonight, so get ready to eat a cold can of chili over the sink and have some odd conversations with my new girfriend Shanice.  She’s a sweet girl really, don’t mind the tattoos and don’t tell your mother she smokes in the house.

Anyhoo, HOW ABOUT THOSE CARDINALS!  Getting hot at the weirdest time of the year, right before the trade deadline, ready to add some payroll to the most locked up lineup in baseball.

Paul Goldschmidt looks like Paul Goldschmidt, Paul DeJong is flat raking, and Matt Carpenter’s voodoo cursed corpse is nowhere to be found.  Seriously, that dude has fouled approximately 1,400 balls off of his foot this season.  VOODOO!

Regardless (Irregardless?  I never know) of that, let’s talk about some other stuff on tonight.  As you know, it’s getaway day across the majors, so tonight’s entertainment will likely be a couple of games.

You’re looking at a slate of: (All Times DFO Local)

Yankees at Red Sox (makes wanking motion with both hands)  6:10

Twins at White Sox 7:10

Indians at Royals 7:15

Rangers at Athletics 9:07 (Just, why)

and for the true masochist

Orioles at Angels 9:07 (also, WHY)

Enjoy tonight’s, um, sports?

You can also do what I’ve done all summer, which is watch the fantastic game shows ABC has all summer.  I’m hooked on Card Sharks, hosted by my spirit animal, Joel McHale. Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski is partial to  Press Your Luck, but the real killer is Holey Moley.  For the uninitiated, it’s mini golf with obstacle courses and Rob Riggle announcing.

I know some of you soured on Rob during his pregame skits, but I love the guy.

Anyhoo, be nice, play well with others, keep the gifs sfw MOOSE and it’s OPEN THREAD O’CLOCK SOMEWHERE