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Your “Just Stay Inside With Friends” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL Noise:

  • The Packers are going to release Jimmy Graham.
    • It will save $8 million against the cap – money they plan to use to attract former Falcon Austin Hooper.
  • Michigan became the 16th state to legalize sports gambling.
    • In honour, they had Barry Sanders place a ceremonial first bet.
      $20 each on the Tigers & Lions to win their divisions.
      • At the MotorCity Casino’s new two-story FanDuel sponsored Sportsbook.
        • It will have six betting windows, 67 HD televisions and 54 betting kiosks.
    • The first actual bet was by a state representative on Michigan State winning the Big-10 tournament.
    • The state’s other 22 casinos, all tribal, have plans to open sports books later this year, with some, like Firekeepers in Battle Creek, set to take action as early as later this spring.
  • Most teams are restricting their pre-draft travel over Covid-19 concerns:
    • Most 345 Park Avenue employees will “be encouraged” to work from home.
    • Daniel Snyder has suspended all travel for [Redacteds] employees.
    • The Steelers & Saints have “limited commercial air travel” for all draft-affiliated employees.
      • Which means someone has to drive Mike Tomlin around to college pro days, which should be an awesome road trip experience.
“I said hold that in – we gotta get to Columbus by noon!”

First it came for the sports; now it’s come for the entertainment we need during the quarantine:

It better not stop the porn industry. We’ll all die.

Tonight’s presumptive sports calendar: all games scheduled when I typed this at 10:00AM PT

Note: 3:00PM PT Edit

  • NHL: MOTHERFUCKERS!
    • Penguins at Blue Jackets – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
      • an empty arena game
    • Panthers at Stars – 8:30PM | Sportsnet360
  • NBA:
    • CANCELLED SUSPENDED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE!
  • NCAA:
    • DON’T WANT TO RISK KILLING THEIR UNPAID LABORERS!
  • Futbol:
    • European leagues – still playing
    • North American leagues – suspended 30 days
    • South American leagues – does Suarez still bite?

It’s all gone for at least 30 days. March Madness is cancelled. So is the Australian Gran Prix, although the  Indy Car race in St. Petersburg, FL this weekend will still take place, albeit with no fans. The Canucks have set NHL precedent by asking for available arena dates in July, so they might try & conclude a full season. The Canadian PM is in quarantine because his wife came back sick from Europe.The President has the finest minds from Trump University working on this 14/3.

Finally, a final word on all the Covid travel nonsense, from a rational person unapologetic about their time in the public spotlight.

https://twitter.com/The_OJSimpson32/status/1237859421390114819

When it comes to allaying fears, I think we can all trust The Juice.

Oh Lord. Moose? A Gif party, perhaps?

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ALXMAC

Speaking of solo, this is one of my all time favs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqFnDWdUBi8

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Gratliff

MI schools closed for 3 weeks. Guess I’ll be working from home/knocking out my Steam backlog

1
ALXMAC

Where are you on the Mitten?

1
Gratliff

Crook of the thumb

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ALXMAC

I ask B/C my 70 yr old Dad is aboot to take my 13 yr old niece to the NW LP for Spring Break this weekend. I’m trying to talk him out of going.

1
Gratliff

On the bright side, might not be a lot of people in TC this time

2
Old School Zero

Okay, I wrote a post again… prepare your heinouses! It’s super stoopid!

3
Senor Weaselo

Better you than New School Zero.

If you’re still here and NSZ is from an apocalyptic hellscape, that means it gets worse.

4
Old School Zero

I very much fear that NSZ didn’t jump into our timeline, but pulled us all into his.

3
yeah right

Fuck yes!

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WCS

I’m going to be so fucking bored for the rest of month.

Even my work has extended Spring Break “indefinitely.”

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Senor Weaselo

That’s to get you ready for distance learning!

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Gratliff

Missing NHL so much right now

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Senor Weaselo

The CBS New York 11:00 news is being given by the LA newsroom.

1
Gratliff

Gonna be thinking for a while about how they burned 1.5 trillion at the altar of the free market

4
Gratliff

But how will they pay for it I scream as I slam the patio door into my dick repeatedly

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Senor Weaselo

Doubling student debt?

2
Unsurprised

But it’s loan, bro. They’re good for it!

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Old School Zero

Ding dong bonds, man… Ding dong bonds, yo.

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Brick Meathook

They didn’t burn it. It burns only if you sell. Hold, or buy at discount now if you have the cash. The flip-side of the world being so connected that Russians are voting for Bernie! also means that the world is so connected that this STD can be stopped with proper management, common sense, and Christ’s Love for all his children.

This includes you, soldier, so don’t let Jesus down.

Dismissed, men. Carry on.

4
yeah right

I’m holding for 11 more years.

I sold off once too early during Black Friday and it cost me a goddamn fortune.

Long haul people.

Long haul.

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Senor Weaselo

Well, I got a new laptop! Our long national nightmare of almost two years is over.

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scotchnaut

“A new laptop after two years? That’s a long time between dances.”

-Cinnamon*

*not her real name

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Old School Zero

Dude! You got a De–

/OSZ is flattened by a space shuttle falling out of the sky

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Senor Weaselo

No, I did not.

I need to re-upgrade Finale though which sucks.

1
Gumbygirl

Ok, what fucking time is it? My phone says 7:30 but channel 7 in LA says i’s 6:30. Did they reverse Daylight Saving Time and not tell anyone? Is the Coronavirus killing time as we know it?

2
herodotus450

Time came down with the carnivorevirus, it’s running a little behind.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

It’s 8 o’clock now…

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Don T

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Unsurprised

gif

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Don T

I coughed today. Hope it’s emphysema.

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herodotus450

Since the major sprots are canceled, Michael Vick must be receiving a lot of desperate phone calls right about now.

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Unsurprised

It could just be to get grey market cold & flu medicine from Ron Mexico

1
Sharkbait

I forgot how much I loved Civ games. I see a lot of Civ building while “working from home”

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herodotus450

I’ve long* tried to get a multiplayer DFO Civ n game going.
*: long as in 5 drunken minutes on it
*: also, heh, long

1
Sharkbait

Civ 6 is what Im playing now. I’d be down.

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herodotus450

I think Dok is a known player, and this one weirdo named Sharkb–oh. Sharkboh. Yeah, Sharkbo. Hardly ever see him around anymore. Hey his name is kinda like yours?

2
Dunstan

Yeah, time to feed that addiction some more.

2
yeah right

Oh shit, I didn’t think about the currency swing.

Everybody gonna be gaming now.

Youngest right hosted a panel last week for women in gaming. She works for Microsoft and she talked to some of the most prestigious women in video games. From platform developers to game developers to the movers and shakers in the industry.

It was on national women’s day and they broadcast this feed live to every Microsoft store on the planet.

Youngest right gonna have a say.

1
Gratliff

Up to the ripped Mac season and the sex doll is still fantastic

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scotchnaut

As brilliant as the show was/is, the out-takes are fookin’ brilliant. Go to 4:15.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UB0F_Jah_R4

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Brick Meathook

I bought long in Amalgamated, and I’d advise you to do so. Don’t be a sucker.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

What about Confederated Products?
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litre_cola

The Copa Lib game I am watching has had 3 red cards and 2 brawls. One right now. It is crazy.

1
litre_cola

2 more red cards.

1
litre_cola

and 2 more for dudes that left the bench.

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King Hippo

Sudamericanos know how to HATE

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

This is like Howard Hughes meets 2001: A Space Odyssey

1
Sharkbait

My company is stress testing our VPNs tomorrow by having all offices work remote. I see this test going smoothly.

4
Old School Zero

Work IT products always work uniformly for everyone, including Stan who can’t use the office toaster oven without summoning the fire department.

6
Unsurprised

My job is deemed essential. Perfect timing, that.

2
scotchnaut

Your tendency to swallow and not spit behind the dumpster could save hundreds or maybe thousands of lives. Well done, sir!

4
Unsurprised

But I’m trying to lose weight

1
scotchnaut

Have you tried Bulimia? Ask your doctor if Bulimia is right for you.

0
Unsurprised

Well, I do have dental insurance now …

0
Old School Zero

It’s a damned good thing I like tinned sardines, and that the shower wand is within reach of the toilet.

Unrelated (or is it?), but is there a good time slot tomorrow (or soon thereafter) for me to post something short and stupid? I know what you’re thinking and it’s not Bloomberg, I promise.

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, please! 1 PM DFO time is available.

1
Old School Zero

Solid. I’m on it!

1
Unsurprised

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scotchnaut

“You can feast on the goo, we’re on #TeamPoo.”

-Two Girls

2
Unsurprised

Fitting that I’m re-watching Counterpart again. You should see it, too. Amazon Prime. Two seasons. Cut short in its prime (so to speak) because Starz is, well, Starz.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

So, guess this means I should break my self imposed booze ban

2
Sharkbait

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blaxabbath

Know what else sucks about having a disgusting President? You can forget about someone who not only rises to the occasion but has a bit of a sense of humor about it. Who goes, “hey look, I know it sucks being inside from work and all this shit getting cancelled but, check it out, everyone gets free streaming of The Wire this week.”

5
scotchnaut

Maybe your financial portfolio is suffering right now. You should have taken my advice and gone all-in on Empty Stands LLC like I told you. You have no one to blame but yourself.

2
Sharkbait

I think the Premier League might be the next stop on the cancellation express. Arsenal’s manager tested positive.

3
litre_cola

Mighty WHitey plays against our noisy neighboUrs tomorrow. Boris ain’t got time for your virus.

0
King Hippo

I will NEVAR forgive the Arsenal contingent if Arteta infected our Don Carlo.

0
BC Dick

The women’s world curling championship, too.
For shame, you dirty pangolins.

4
Dunstan

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

3
scotchnaut

Canceling the women’s curling championship during this Covid scare makes a whole lot of sense because whenever I watch them play I get hot flashes.

4
herodotus450

This is an all brooms on deck type of pandemic.

4
scotchnaut

Kinda tired of your sweeping generalizations, tbh.

2
Redshirt

You all will be pleased to know, I voted for a Democrat in the Ohio Primary. State law prevents me from videotaping inside the County Board of Elections and my voting booth, but I was able to find surveillance video to submit as proof that I did in fact vote Democratic.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKqGXeX9LhQ

7
ballsofsteelandfury

Ha ha! Did you hold your nose while doing it?

0
Redshirt

No, but the old lady gave me a Republican ballot by accident. I jokingly said nice try. Then they gave me a Republican ballot from 1976. Though, I was very tempted to vote for Reagan and try to undo Carter’s presidency, I decided that undoing Trump’s was more important.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

Liga MX is still playing!

1
litre_cola

You are damn right it is. Chivas will beat the frauds!

1
Redshirt

What the hell is ESPN gonna talk about now?

0
King Hippo

so long as NBA players send tweets, they’re content

3
Brick Meathook

DUIs, baby-mama beatings, etc

4
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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4
Sharkbait

Can I unsubscribe from 2020?

1
Dunstan

Remember in mid-2016, when we were bitching about what a shitty year it was because Prince and David Bowie had died? Yeah. How little we knew.

7
King Hippo

Dear fuck, whatever will we stick to now??

2
litre_cola

Our chests? Just need a damp cloth to clean up.

1
scotchnaut

“Our guns.”

-The NRA

1
Gumbygirl

The sheets, if I know you wankers!

10
ballsofsteelandfury

This is banner material right here.

2
Redshirt

The virus literally took away all the sports! What else are we gonna do?!

1
BC Dick

We’ll go back to the basics. Books and ritual sacrifice.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s good that all these events are getting canceled because the Chargers were starting to get really mad at everyone for copying their idea of not playing in front of any fans.

6
jjfozz

Maryland is a complete and total fucking monkey house right now. It’s awesome.

3
litre_cola

Can we gamble on the monkey fights?

1
litre_cola

You can do anything you want in Thailand if you have enough baht.

1
Dunstan

That’s why I like big baht, and I cannot lie….

2
SonOfSpam

/watches “spend March Madness at Buffalo Wild Wings” commercial
//sheds single tear at the loss of March Madness
///sprouts a hardy semi at the thought of BWW losing lots of business

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“When you’re here, you’re sports!”

2
Redshirt

We have yet another cancellation. This year’s April Fools’ Day is called off. Because no prank anyone can think of can top the shit that happening right now.

6
Brick Meathook

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Beerguyrob

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jjfozz

Funny story. You all know my family is big time Italian. My wife suggested we have our reception at a Mason’s Lodge. “Masons? Fuck them. They hate catholics. I’m not giving them a dollar of my money!”

3
scotchnaut

I’m sorta glad the 9pm Sillycuse/Louisville tilt has been squashed because drinking like a champ until 11pm last night and getting up at 5am this morning and going to work was hellacious. I mean, I’d do it again but just like the current GOP, it’s really hard on the constitution.

4
litre_cola

You can still gamble on South american futbol. Bleergh be praised!!!

2
King Hippo

The Strongest y Vasco da Gama!! C’mon, Daddy needs some black market terlet paper!

1
litre_cola

I have found a stream for the Gremio game. This could be my last fix for awhile.

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