Narrator: Welcome back to the Under the Moosemas Tree Holiday Special, filmed before a live audience.

The scene: The DFO clubhouse. A shimmering glow fills the room and suddenly OSZ appears, followed seconds later by Covalent Blonde.

Covalent Blonde: …uck?

OSZ (confused): We’re…back?

Otto’s Brain appears mid-air. OSZ catches him before he can fall.

Otto’s Brain: Huh. Doktor Zymm must have finally locked onto our neural transmitters.

OSZ: About time! Wait…did you say neural transmitters?

Otto’s Brain: Umm…no?

Cue audience laughter

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van appears.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: …went to the Pearl Jam concert with these two girls and they went backstage and disa… Hey, there you guys are!

Cue audience laughter

The giant ape appears, still holding Horatio Cornblower.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Woo! You guys made it, too! The gang’s all here!

Cue audience cheering and clapping

The giant ape, looking annoyed, roars at the audience. The audience responds by cheering more, and pulling out their cell phones to take pictures. The flashes further enrage the giant ape.

Giant Ape: RAWR!

Horatio Cornblower (to the audience): You people might want to try living in the moment, rather than recording it and losing the emotional impact of the memory itself.

Cue audience laughter

Horatio Cornblower: That…wasn’t meant to be funny.

Cue audience laughter

Giant Ape (looking at Horatio): Ook?

Horatio Cornblower: Be my guest.

The giant ape roars again and charges into the audience. People stop recording and laughing and start running and screaming.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (lighting up and watching the carnage): Wow, man, just like my high school graduation.

OSZ (taking a hit): Mine, too. Should I even ask where the weed came from?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I’ve got, like, little stashes all over this place, man. The kitchen, the couch, the TV, your bicycle, Zymm’s lab…

Covalent Blonde (taking a puff): That ape is going to town.

The giant ape tears apart the audience risers, sending chairs and people flying. Several audience members run out the door. The giant ape huffs angrily, furrows his brow, and charges right through the wall after them.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Whoa, dude! He just broke through the fourth wall!

OSZ: You number the walls?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Oh, yeah, man. It helps with my spatial navigation.

The door to the secret lab opens behind them, and Doktor Zymm sticks her head out.

Doktor Zymm: Vat vas zat noize… Ach! You have returned!

OSZ: Hey, Zymm. Know a good contractor?

Doktor Zymm (looking at the giant hole in the wall): Zo…

Covalent Blonde (puffing and passing): Yep.

Otto’s Brain: We appreciate the timely return, Zymm, but you seem to have accidentally brought along an uninvited guest.

OSZ: A large, furry, angry guest that’s taken a shine to Horatio.

Doktor Zymm: Ach! Zo, zat is ze reason for ze feedback to poor Mooze.

Past Doktor Zymm, in the lab, Future Moose is high-kicking and singing showtunes.

Future Moose (singing):

One! Singular sensation

Every little move she makes

OSZ: That’s…Moose?

Doktor Zymm: Ja. Vell, Future Mooze. It ist...complicated.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Maybe someone should be doing something about, y’know, the gorilla, man?

Outside of the hole in the wall several screaming people run by, followed closely by the giant ape.

Doktor Zymm: Zat is…more up Zill’s alley zan mine.

Sill Bimmons (suddenly appearing behind Doktor Zymm): Did I hear mine name invoked? Verily, thou has but to ask, and I shall engage yon ape with mine scientific prowess.

The DFOers look at each other.

OSZ: Well, yeah, that’d be great, Sil…

Sill Bimmons: Enow! I hear thine plea and shall answer as only I can! WCS! I have need of your assistance!

WCS sticks his head out of the lab.

WCS: Now? Moose is starting on Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera, and I’ve never seen it.

Sill Bimmons: Curb thine cultural desires, my friend, for a challenge most worthy awaits us!

Several people go screaming past the hole in the wall in the opposite direction, pursued by the giant ape.

Sill Bimmons: Gather the ape’s attentions, good WCS, while I retrieve from yon lab the instruments of his defeat!

WCS (taking the Santa hat off the still-immobile form of Darkest Timeline Zach Morris): Okay, just don’t leave me hanging out there.

Sill Bimmons (striding into the lab): Fear not!

WCS takes the Santa hat and goes outside, waving it to get the giant ape’s attention.

WCS: Hey, Roddy McDowall! Over here!

The giant ape stops chasing screaming people and glares down at WCS.

Horatio Cornblower (still in the giant ape’s grip): Yo, WCS! You may not want to get him angry at you…he’s not exactly shy about ragestomping anyone who gets in his way.

WCS (still waving the hat): Ah, I’m not afraid of this overgrown flea factory!

The giant ape huffs again and stomps the ground. WCS falls over and the ape approaches menacingly.

WCS: OK, Sill, I’m thinking now is the time for one of your trademark dramatic entrances.

Sill Bimmons approaches dramatically from the air via his jetpack.

Cue rescue music:

Sill Bimmons: Well done, WCS! Thou hast given me the time to craft the necessary compounds, and bring to this creature the bitter taste of defeat!

Sill Bimmons whizzes around the giant ape’s head, triggering his jetpack to unleash a torrent of red smoke. The giant ape swats at him ineffectively.

Giant Ape: Ook! Ook-ook!

WCS: Hey, is he…shrinking?

The giant ape, still clutching Horatio Cornblower tightly, shrinks and shrinks, until he’s at normal ape-size. This also reduces Horatio Cornblower to about six inches tall.

Horatio Cornblower: Um…guys? Did you all just get bigger? Please tell me you got bigger…

Sill Bimmons: Success! Yon ape is colossal no more, and now merely a large but statistically probable member of his species!

WCS: Ha! Not so big anymore, are you…

The formerly giant ape glares at WCS, huffs once, then decks him with his free paw. Picking up the Santa cap, he wanders back inside the DFO clubhouse.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van (from his seat on the couch): Hey, ape-dude, have a seat, man.

The ape huffs and sits down between Marc Trestmans Windowless Van and Covalent Blonde. OSZ sits down on the arm of the couch, holding Otto’s Brain, and turns on the television.

Covalent Blonde (putting the Santa hat on the ape): Hey, it fits!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Hey, man, it’s like, football, man!

OSZ: “Like” football is right. It’s Dallas at Philly.

Covalent Blonde: Eh, it beats all those stupid holiday specials.

On the television the Dallas QB throws an interception that turns into a Philadelphia touchdown. The DFO clubhose erupts into laughter and mocking.

Doktor Zymm: Und again zey Romonobyl, even vithout ze Romo.

The ape huffs happily as everyone laughs.

Horatio Cornblower: He’s one of us, all right.

Sill Bimmons flies in through the hole in the wall, depositing a loopy WCS on a chair.

Sill Bimmons: The apish one doth seem at home here. Verily he truly be a…

WCS (rubbing his jaw): Moosemas Gorilla?

The DFOers all turn to look at the ape, who is clutching Horatio in one paw and an open beer in the other.

Narrator: And so, Door Flies Open learned the true meaning of Moosemas that day, a meaning most profound, and one which would come to serve them well in the days ahead as… Ow!

An empty beer can bounces off the narrator’s head, and Moosemas Gorilla huffs happily.

Covalent Blonde (to the Narrator): Hey, chuckles, make yourself useful and go get us some brewskies.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: And, like, pretzels, man. And cheese dip.

Doktor Zymm: Und schnitzel.

Horatio Cornblower: And some of those little, tiny doughnuts.

Narrator (getting out a notepad and a pen): Okay, hold on…I used to be a waiter at Appleby’s…just let me write all this down.

Sill Bimmons: Verily, I doth proclaim this Moosemas to be a holiday of great mirth and merriment!

WCS: Merry Moosemas to all!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: And to all, like, a great high, man.

To be continued…in 2016!