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5 Dec JV NFL Fixtures Thread

King Hippo

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Thanks heartily to Wakey for his bad-ass Lesser Footy preview!

Texas A&M (+5.5) at Auburn (Noon, ESPN)

For some dumb fucking reason (likely waiting for Wolven Sort hoops), I had the tv muted on some kind of preview show.  Apparently, there is some sort of boomlet for Team Bonfire Cult to back into the playoffs.  I don’t get it whatsoever, and suspect they shit the pitch on The Plains (even though War Damn Eagle ain’t much account).

Oklahoma State (+5.5) at TCU (Noon, ESPN2)

Maybe not much meaning attached, but I bet this is fun.  A true contrast of styles, and nobody likes playing away to Bloodeyes.  At least Okie State gets off from the pain.

West Virginia (+6.5) at Iowa State (3:30, ESPN)

Does Hippo smell upset?  Or is it just the sweet musk of cousins giving into passion?  Or is it just gas from my bison chili?  Sorry, y’all.

Indiana (+13.5) at Wisconsin (3:30, ABC)

Unless all of the Hoosier State has #NuAIDS, this line should be 5-6.  At the MOST.  Hopefully, it will be good teevee watching, at least.  I must be missing something about Wisconsin.

BYU (-11) at Coastal Carolina (5:30, ESPNU)

Easily the Match of the Day.  I am soooooo looking forward to this clash, between two “who the fuck really knows how good they really are, but they sure have passed the eye test to Hippo” squadrons.  Original Recipe Team Big Love, away to the best nickname in all of sport.  Who else is named after a Canterbury Tales character?  The Chanticleer is also my favoUrite local coffee/pastry shop.  So yeah, I’mma bet the Chants.

Alabama (-29.5) at LSU (8:00, CBS)

I read somewhere that this is the biggest underdog  defending national champion has been, in at least 40 years.  How things change, in one simple Plague Year.  But not for Roll Damn Tide.  I mean, even 2020 has its limits.

Oregon State (+11.5) at Utah (10:30, ESPN)

Unlike Johnny Reb, Niiiiiiiicccccce Beaver quit talking, and actually went and done WON that-thar Civil War last week.  And now comes the inevitable letdown game.  I think their QB is ded for this week, which explains the size of the line.  But Team Secular Big Love has had quite the rampant case of NuAIDS.  All in all, pretty intriguing for a tweaker fixture.  Do watch!

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yeah right

Buk is buried here.

Don’t forget that.

https://medium.com/poem-of-the-day/charles-bukowski-bluebird-f4e80e5000ef

0
yeah right

My new place in Pedro is cool.

We’re the front facing unit in a 4 unit place.

They gave me a breezeway and a garden that needs major attendance. Major attendance.

Like palm trees and shit and.. they let this place go to shit.

No gardener.

I’ve got this.

4
Gumbygirl

Are your new neighbors cool? That can really make or break a place.

1
yeah right

The neighbor across the street has a Trump2020 flag but apart from that.
Pedro is actually a really amazing town.

Old school as LA gets.

Its very…I can’t even express this properly as a white gut but it’s very Latino in all the best ways.

I love this town.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Time for that shit to go

2
litre_cola

Wait, Pornhub is Canadian? I figured they were all out of Latvia or Honduras.

https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/pornhub-child-abuse_ca_5fcb8c2fc5b63a153452325e?ncid=tweetlnkcahpmg00000002

1
Doktor Zymm

Well they’re clearly hiding their identity by not spelling in Pournhub

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening

0
yeah right

G’day

1
Doktor Zymm

‘Sup

0
litre_cola

Howdy

0
Mr. Ayo

Post sunset greetings.

1
yeah right

So this is the part when you buy drinks.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ll leave some outside my door for ya

1
Gumbygirl

I bet Trump shows up at the Army-Navy game and gives a speech at halftime telling the cadets and the middies the election was stolen, and he’s really the biggest, bestest prezinent this country has ever had. Then I hope they boo him.
A girl can dream….

3
Mr. Ayo

I’m hoping they invite Biden instead.

A boy can dream…

3
Horatio Cornblower

I hope you both get your wish. Trump starts speaking, there’s a sound of shattering glass, and then someone yells “By God, that’s Joe Biden’s music” as Biden struts down the stairs before hitting Trump with a ladder that someone has left under the stage for reasons that are never made clear.

4
litre_cola

I feel like Joe Biden’s music is very close to Boss Todd’s mix tape in the Camaro.

Last edited 5 years ago by litre_cola
2
Horatio Cornblower

At best it’s a mix-tape of the kind of music that the local oldies station just can’t stop playing.

0
litre_cola

With an odd Hendrix or Joplin tune in there.

0
Doktor Zymm

I’m thinking Big Band for some reason

0
Brick Meathook

R.I.P. David Lander (in the van) and this is one of the greatest comedy sequences in movie history:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqHZWdFVyyQ

2
litre_cola

SexiMexi lookin good. Did not but on WAC football this evening, last week the fighting Rainbows fucked me while I slept, didn’t even wet dream during the fucking.

1
Horatio Cornblower

LSU certainly put all their eggs on last year’s title, didn’t they?

1
litre_cola

How many guys from last year went to the NFL? I assume about the same as Bama.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Apparently all of them

1
litre_cola

None in the NFC East.

2
Horatio Cornblower

it hurts because it’s true.

1
litre_cola

“Well, this is a bit awkward. COVID-19 may cause long-term erectile dysfunction in men. Yet another reason to heed public health advice as the coronavirus continues to spread.”

https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/lx/another-reason-to-wear-a-mask-covid-19-may-cause-erectile-dysfunction/2621114/?_osource=SocialFlowTwt_PHBrand

1
King Hippo

Look, I was barely using me genitals as is…

1
Gumbygirl

Owning the libs!

3
Horatio Cornblower

I mean, I suppose it is difficult to get an erection when you’re dead.

2
Mr. Ayo

This really should have been the message from the get go.

Last edited 5 years ago by Mr. Ayo
3
litre_cola

Hippo, SexiMExi is coming up. Kings of Leon v Chivas Regal. Hopefully the curvy lineswoman is on this match.

1
King Hippo

#SexiMexiOnFiiiiire

1
King Hippo

One last bet – do I go with LDU de Quito coming back to win, or a late winner for Botafogo (since today has mostly butt-a-fuck-a’d Hippo)?

0
King Hippo

better yet, SPLIT THE BET wut cud goe rong???

0
Gumbygirl

Your post this morning was a masterpiece. I hardly understood a word!

Last edited 5 years ago by Gumbygirl
2
litre_cola

That was Wakezilla.

2
King Hippo

that imaginary man can RANT!

0
litre_cola

We live in the same city, have never seen him. Imaginary indeed!

1
Gumbygirl

I meant this one. I had it in my head that this was the third post today, quel dumbass! Wakezilla’s was good too!

2
King Hippo

It usually is, but since Wakey handled Lesser Footy, I just stand-alone’d the JV slate. Then, it became de facto night thread! Nice when non-planning works out like that.

1
Gumbygirl

Accidental excellence is still excellence!

1
Mr. Ayo

I’d bet the farm on Botafogo

1
litre_cola

Botofogo has sweet jerseys.

1
King Hippo

they conceded like within 90 seconds of my bet

1
Mr. Ayo

NAWT MY FAULT!

Or my farm apparently.

2
King Hippo

I mean, be nice to stick someone with all that #TractorDebt amirite??

1
Horatio Cornblower

The Mormons lose to Coastal Carolina in a game where both teams were ranked, if you were wondering just how fucked up everything is due to #NuAIDs

4
herodotus450

HA. Just a very clear “fuck you asshole!” from the crowd in the Clamzon-VaTech game

2
Horatio Cornblower

I do very much enjoy the newfound clarity in crowd noises these days. Baker Mayfield yelling “That’s really fucking cute” at a Jacksonville defensive front shift on Sunday was particularly enjoyable.

https://i.imgur.com/9adDYSp.mp4

2
King Hippo

WOW, by ONE FOOKIN YARD

1
Mr. Ayo

I’m sure they’ll enjoy soaking in that loss.

1
litre_cola

I am very confused by this practice. Is there penetration?

1
Mr. Ayo

Yes, just no movement.

0
King Hippo

and remember kids – in the ear doesn’t count!

1
herodotus450

Fun fact: This comment could be referring to either BYU or VaTech.

1
King Hippo

may we watch sportsball in interesting times

0
King Hippo

Shite, they have plenty of time for a Hail Joseph Smith

1
King Hippo

Chants can almost run this here clock out.

0
King Hippo

thusly ended teh Mormon stormin

1
litre_cola

They can go have some milk and vanilla wafers to drown their sorrows.

2
King Hippo

anything goes on Sabado noche!

0
King Hippo

uh, was that Forcibly Non-Gendered Turkeys OL…in blackface???

1
litre_cola

I do not want to alarm anybody, but Vontaze Burfict has been arrested.

2
Gumbygirl

Shocking. Next you’ll try to tell me OJ Simpson is a murderer.

2
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

So my plan to indoctrinate the kids with BattleBots not only worked, but Lady Commander is now fully invested. Starting them over on last season after watching the premiere, and this is fantastic.

I enjoy watching RoatoR lose most of all.

3
yeah right

You do realize this will require recaps?

0
Unsurprised

I think I’ll have another one of these stouts.

2
litre_cola

Good evenin. 3rd glass of wine poured, just got stoned, bets on New Zealand regional futbol, 3rd division in Japan, and some Paraguayan stuff. (No,You have a problem!) SexiMexi football later. All is ok-ish.

2
yeah right

I’m heading for the vino right now. Saturday night pinot noir action.

1
litre_cola

From where and by who?

1
yeah right

It’s called Line 39 and it’s from Northern California. They don’t get specific but it’s on the 39th parallel.

1
litre_cola

Fair enough, if its good, its good! Except for Barefoot, that is the worst wine ever.

2
King Hippo

why are none of my insane live bets working???

2
litre_cola

You need to get on the Regional New Zealand shit, or some 3rd Div Japan futbol!

1
litre_cola

I got fucked by a Paraguayan game. DAMMIT!

1
yeah right

Oh kids. I’m still doing the cook on Saturday instead of Sunday during football season and today I made a pork tenderloin that would bring you to tears.

I was reflecting while having dinner and that might be one of the most difficult cuts of meat to do exactly right. It can go from trichinosis to shoe leather just like that.

I fucking nailed it.

Standard sear, mustard rub and coat with fresh garlic and fresh rosemary. Wrapped in foil and 40 minutes at 350.

Goddamn.

4
Gumbygirl

That sounds sooo good! I’m thinking shrimp scampi tonight. But I may have to kill Gumby first, he’s telling jokes again.
” The wife just asked why there is loud music coming from a canopy in our back yard. I said now is the winter of our disco tent.”

3
TheRevanchist

That’s a good one. Keep passing those along.

Then feel free to murder to your heart’s content.

2
yeah right

I sear the loin in canola oil about 5 minutes per side and sprinkle on salt, pepper and Hungarian paprika. The mustard is a mix of dijon and spicy brown. It was perfect.

3
litre_cola

Gumbygirl, here ya go.

  1. Preheat the oven to 350°F [180°C]. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper.
  2. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, baking soda, and salt and whisk together. Add the butterscotch chips and set aside. In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, cream the melted butter and sugars on medium-high speed until thick, light, and glossy, 3 to 5 minutes, scraping the bowl with a rubber spatula as needed.
  3. Decrease the mixer speed to medium-low and add the egg and yolk, one at a time, beating well and scraping the bowl after each addition with a rubber spatula. Add the vanilla and mix to combine. Add the dry ingredients all at once, mixing just to combine. Remove the bowl from the stand mixer and add 3 cups [105 g] of the potato chips to the dough, combining and crushing the chips with a rubber spatula.
  4. In a small bowl, crush the remaining 2 cups [70 g] potato chips. Scoop the dough into 1 1/2-tablespoon balls with a cookie scoop or measuring spoon, rolling each ball in the leftover crushed chips, and evenly place 12 on the prepared baking sheet.
  5. Sprinkle each cookie with flaky sea salt, and bake for 8 to 10 minutes, rotating at the halfway point, until lightly browned. Remove from the oven and press down on each cookie with a spatula to slightly flatten.
  6. Repeat with the remaining cookie dough.
5
Gumbygirl

I am ALL IN! I bet these would be good with chocolate chips too. Thanks!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

¡Jesús!

0
Dunstan

Nice. It’s ironic that so many people who don’t have confidence in their cooking skills unknowingly gravitate towards the hardest things to cook right (pork tenderloin, chicken breasts) instead of relatively foolproof cuts. Of course, they do this because the just don’t know that things they find unfamiliar and intimidating (pork shoulder, chicken thighs) are much harder to screw up.

The striped bass looked good today, so I grabbed one and am probably going to do a salt-crust, and try out my new Instant Pot pressure cooker on some white beans. The rest of the weekend is Christmas baking.

4
litre_cola

It’s all about that bass.

3
Gumbygirl

No treble.

2
Unsurprised

comment image

6
rockingdog

found a funny:

The Mandalorian is really just the story of a man who absolutely cannot stop making best friends

2
herodotus450

I haven’t seen a limp-dick Tennessee performance like this since Andrew Jackson lost to John Quincy Adams in the 18-(mumble mumble) presidential election!

2
King Hippo

I don’t see them challenging anyone to a game of horseshoes.

2
King Hippo

Galdurnit, Original Recipe Big Love, let the Chants have their day!

1
Dunstan

Bad news: the grocery store is already playing Christmas carols
Good news: they have the good eggnog in stock

3
herodotus450

Jenny Dell, TURNCOAT Jenny Dell, apparently working for the SEC Network now.

1
King Hippo

How does one say “Forget Hayyyyyellll” in Masshole?

0
herodotus450

This focaccia I’m making I call it a superfund site because there is oil in places where there usually isn’t oil.

6
Dunstan

So, like the side of Rudy Guiliani’s face?

4
herodotus450

This bread product tried to bargain for a pardon, but thankfully I took away its phone privelages so trump couldn’t get the message.

4
Mr. Ayo

Uh oh, someone just gave up the Leed.

0
Unsurprised

Parents: how’s this technique?

https://imgur.com/gallery/cqtpaGv

0
LemonJello

Did he give that cat all of Hippo’s pills?

1
yeah right

Not bad. I used to use the kitchen sink. Less water required and lets you keep a hand on the kid while bathing.

Fortunately I haven’t had to do that in over 30 years.

Hey! I also bathed my cat in the kitchen sink!

1
LemonJello

THIS MICHIGAN STATE TEAM, I CALL THEM THE 300, BECAUSE THEY’RE GOING TO GET WIPED OUT

2
Unsurprised

And like the real Spartans, it’s more than deserved

0
Unsurprised

Hey, Lagunitas. What do you have in store today?

Willettized coffee stout aged in rye oak barrels. 13.1% ABV.

comment image

4
Unsurprised

It was really good. And sweet.

0
yeah right

It got turned into Irvine Meadows which was a solid outdoor amphitheater. Saw a few shows there. Last was Rush back in like 2013-2014. Also went to a couple of Irish festivals there.

They sold the land for fucking condos. Just what Irvine needs more of.

1
SonOfSpam

Best ever – all other band members openly hating Dennis DeYoung for turning Styx into a high school drama club skit.

4
Dunstan

I attended a few Jimmy Buffett concerts there. Good times!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I attended the first ever Weenie Roast there and one of the early Lollapaloozas. Awesome venue.

0
yeah right

That was the same way I felt when I knew there was no Santa.

0
SonOfSpam

I liked Auburn too, which is always bad, and they’re about to go down 8. I may have to start writing “teams I like this Saturday” columns so the rest of DFO can make $$$ going the other way.

1
SonOfSpam

My brother just sent me some old pictures we took at good old Lion Country. Hard to believe that place existed here.

1
herodotus450

ESPN apparently recycling headlines, reporting that Vontaze Burfict arrested for battery

1
herodotus450

Arent there only 80-something players on college teams? Why the fuck do they have duplicate numbers?

1
SonOfSpam

Only 80-whatever are allowed to travel. For home games you can have like a million.

2
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