Instant Non-Hippo Thoughts – Post Superb Owl Edition

Ye Olde Hippo decided to boycott this year’s game for one reason or another. Maybe he knew that Brady would win and he didn’t want to be subjected to the never-ending dick-slobbering that would ensue.

It’s funny because I thought that RTD was the one that was trying to cut down on the porn.

Anyhoo, he’s not here to give you his recap, so I am here to fill in and recap the really important things that happened yesterday. Here we go:

DATELINE: 8:00 AM Pacific Time

LOCATION: Greater Los Angeles Area, My Bedroom

My stomach grumbling woke me up from a rather nice dream I was having featuring someone that looked like Cory Chase and my lady friend. Getting old sucks, kids. Don’t do it if you can avoid it.

I got out of bed and stumbled towards the toilet. It’s a good thing it’s nearby. I take my phone with me because I do not want to run with my bare ass and possibly a dingleberry to my bed to pick it up if anyone calls. Yes, even on a Sunday at 8 AM, I could get work calls.

8:13 AM – I make my first DFO comment of the day. I complain about how early it is. It’s not banner-worthy, but hey, they can’t all be winners.

8:15 AM – I check the Live Soccer TV app to see what games are on. Athletic Bilbao is playing Valencia and in a few short minutes Liverpool will take on Man City. Time to wipe and turn the TV on.

10:30 AM – After a two-course breakfast of Metamucil (getting old REALLY sucks) and raisin bran (no you have a fiber problem!), I realize that my favourite team, Toluca, is playing and that Tigres is playing Palmerias in the World Club Cup Semifinal! I turn one TV onto one game and the other TV onto the other.

12:03 – I post my happiness on DFO about Tigres beating Palmeiras and moving onto the final! Again, they’re not all winners, folks.

12:05 – Barcelona is playing at Real Betis. I turn off the lower TV and tune in on the upper TV.

1:15 ish – Messi didn’t start the game because the coach is an idiot. Barcelona is down by one and looking bad.

1:17 PM – Messi enters the game and promptly scores. I raise a middle finger to Koeman and to Bartomeu.

2:00 PM – Game is over and Barcelona has won. It’s another 1:30 hours until kickoff at least. What to do? Oh yeah! There’s last night’s Fremantle-West Coast AFLW game! Apparently, it was played in the rain. Sounds like fun.

3:30 PM – I suppose the game will start soon. I turn on the lower TV to the local CBS station on my digital antenna. It is UNREAL how much of a delay the streaming channels are on!

3:31 PM – Yeah, I can’t do this. I put the game on mute and look for something else on the upper TV. For some stupid reason, no one is counterprogramming, so I have to go to Amazon Prime.

3:35 PM – I choose the Mexican version of Last One Laughing. I saw the Aussie version in 2020 with Rebel Wilson and I liked it. This one has Eugenio Derbez as the host and I only recognize one comedian (La Chupitos) out of the 9. There’s a hot chick there, though, so I hang around.

4:25 PM – The hot chick has been eliminated and the Bucs have taken the lead after both offenses fail to score in the first three possessions of the game. The OVER is not looking good.

4:45 PM – Oh shit! I forgot to check my squares! Lemme see… I have the dreaded 2-2, which is hilarious. I also have Chiefs 3 and Bucs 0, which is promising! The Chiefs need to hold the Bucs to a FG on the next possession and no one score for the rest of the half to win money!

4:55 PM – Holy shit, it happened! Bucs FG good! Wait what? Offsides?? On a fucking FG attempt? What kind of asshole LINES UP OFFSIDE on a FG attempt???

4:56 PM – And there’s the immediate TD toss from Brady to Gronk taking away any possibility of me winning any money in the squares pool. It’s that kind of day, kids.

HALFTIME – It’s a good thing I have this thing on mute. It’s a lot more surreal watching the performances and not knowing what the fuck is going on. Why do those people have white masks on? Is that a COVID tribute? I’m not turning the volume up to find out.

Did I mention that I made a kickass mac and cheese in the morning? The secret ingredient? Top Ramen chicken flavour packet. Trust me on that one. You’re not going to get this kind of advice on Yeah Right’s Sunday Gravy!

Start of 3rd Quarter – I should really start making dinner. I’m going to try this YouTube hack I saw for cooking frozen dumplings.

End of 3rd Quarter – Holy shit that worked like a dream! That shit was easy and delicious! Oh, and the Chiefs are kicking field goals while the Bucs are scoring touchdowns. This game is over.

End of Game – I check DFO. Holy shit 1200 comments?!? Good job y’all!!

***

Overall, I think the main reason that the Bucs won this game is the matchup between the Bucs’ defensive line and the KC offensive line/New York turnstile. It was ugly. Mahomes was running for his life all day and he STILL managed to hit his receivers in the face mask only for them to forget to use their hands.

Seriously, the Chiefs had so many dropped balls, you would think they were middle schoolers and Random Hot Hollywood Actress showed up at the dance.

I have no idea who is hot nowadays. One of the benefits of COVID is that there are no new movies and no new TV commercials telling me what brainless bimbos and mimbos are starring in movies in theatres near me.

Yes, you could make an argument that the refs were favouring the Bucs. And there were certainly some questionable calls such as the PI at the end of the half where the leg of the Bucs receiver caused the Chiefs DB to trip and fall on the WR.

At the end of the day, though, the only thing that matters is that you all were just ON FIRE with the Andy Reid son jokes. Good God!

I believe RTD is working on a post recapping all the best ones. You truly outdid yourselves and I am very proud of you all!

I am now watching the Chilean version of Infieles after watching the Colombian version of Infieles on the Pasiones network. Lots of bare boobies and asses. It’s been a good day.