Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Special guest Star DJ TAJ! Let’s make some scratch made Mexican Food Again! WOO!!

Welcome back people.

As we near the completion of another season of Sunday Gravy I’ve started to notice that I’ve hit my annual “Finish line is close and my ass is dragging” moment that inevitably hits me right around August.

I blame the NFL for most of this since they’re just teasing the fuck out of us with real actual news and pretend-like games featuring uniforms that we recognize.

I ended up watching a bit more of the Hall of Fame game than I usually do. Guess I had been abandoned out in the desert longer than I thought.

Then again, I’ll shoulder some of the blame too. It’s a long ass time between the “Owl” and the start of the next NFL season and I can actually feel the creative part of the brain firing off an occasional short circuit radio burst every now and then.

As mentioned before, I will indeed continue cooking throughout the majority of the NFL season, it’s just that I’ll be back to the very familiar gameday staple foods that are required during an NFL season.

The inspiration for our menu today was simple. I had a couple of dough balls in the freezer, technically it was dough for naan, but as referenced previously those very same doughballs can be used to make a kickass tortilla.

Tortillas? Brain immediately thinks slow roasted, Mexican style, savory meat dish.

You know what that means! Carnitas!

We’ve got a guest in the kitchen today, DJ TAJ is joining us for the festivities. He began his part of the menu a day before since he prefers his menu addition to have at least a 24 hour flavor mingling period prior to serving.

Take it away!

PICO DE GALLO ALA DJ TAJ!

“This, like other recipes, is easy to do and even easier to screw up. Hope you’re good with a knife.

This is a tomato dish, one more time in case you’re high, you need good tomatoes.

Ready to do a little math? If you need to smoke a blunt feel free, I’ll wait here until you’re ready for me. Cool, so now we can continue.

If you use your thinking toque you’ll do 60% tomato and 40% onion, No, I don’t like that, I want some more God Damn onions!

2 NICE tomatoes, diced and de-seeded like a pro.

Cool Eddie Van Halen’s wife tip, slice a 1/4 inch off the tomatoes very top, cut out the core and then use your thumbs to stick down in the seed pockets and just pull your thumbs up and out come all the (do it over a sink silly pants) seeds, thanks for a lifetime of love Val, miss you forever Ed.

1/2 of one large onion (Oh hell I don’t care, brown, white, sweet yellow, shit man surprise me) finally diced.

If you look close here you will observe the tomatoes are more “cubed”

The onions are clearly diced much smaller and yes I am closer to 55% tomato and 45% onion, good eye. That’s the way I like it and I’m after all writing this drivel.

Now comes the scary part, for you see you will be handling a chili pepper and if you’re not smart you will dance in hell with my mom.

When handling any pepper there will be oils when you cut them so you WILL get said oils on your hands. Here try a trick, after slicing the Jalapenos wipe your eyes, noses or better yet go take a wee wee and touch your tired little soldier. Count to ten and then grab a washcloth to bite on. Sorry ladies I don’t know if it works for you also but you could insert a digit and let us all know for sure, and thanks for your dedication to science.

1 fresh Jalapeno pepper de-seeded and vein removed, diced very fine

Now comes an ingredient that I loath. You see every smarmy asshat who thinks they can cook put this shit on everything. They put it in their coffee for Christ’s sake, they even put it on “The little children’s ice cream!” Thank you Stanley Kubrick.

Yes I am talking about Cilantro and it smells a bit like barf.

One head of “Shitty” Cilantro with stems (look at the photo) removed the best you can and VERY finely diced.

Now you can use 2 cloves of garlic finely minced or you can cheat like I did this time. I used about 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon (I eyeball it to cover the onions) of garlic SALT and 12-14 grinds of FRESH ground black pepper. If you use the fresh garlic I’ll be needing a good pinch of kosher salt. Now you see that little sum bitch lime? Go on grab it up. Squeeze entire lime in but if using an orange only half of an orange or as needed.

I used lime this time because I was shopping (yum, pork rinds and pecan pie) drunk, most times I use half a nice fresh orange or better yet (specially in summer) a nice fat tangerine, please no seeds. Stir it all together and let SIT FOR 24 HOURS at the very least, (stirring every 5 or 6 hours) two days is better yet. You will see the tomatoes and onions become translucent.

If you didn’t screw anything up it should look a little something like this.

Now you can put this on anything, Fish? Yes! Chicken burrito? Hell Yes. Your spouses tainted undies?

Well use discretion occasionally.”

Now back to your regularly scheduled food dude.

Since that pico has finished its two day rest we’ll get down with the rest of the powwow. 

Procure some pig.

Look at the price! Holy fuck! It’s the yellow sticker on the bottom and yes, that’s for approximately 3 1/2 pounds of beautiful pork shoulder. Six dollars and 89 cents. I’ll take that shit anytime they want to offer it.

Let’s make with the carnitas action.

Cube it up!

I left these in slightly bigger chunks than normal. Sometimes the blade bone will fuck with you and it will run down the entire length of the shoulder basically forcing you to use bigger chunks.

This was one of those times.

Grab your pot or Dutch oven and get to work.

Add the pig to the pot along with some chicken stock, the standard 32 oz carton will be just right. Next a 12 oz beer, onion, garlic, salt, pepper, cumin, chile powder and an orange that’s been cut into wedges.

These will cook on a very low simmer for at least 3 hours. If you cook on the stove top you will have the luxury of being able to season as you go.

Of course we need the obligatory pot of beans.

That would be half a pound of dried, picked and rinsed pinto beans, a medium onion, 4 or so cloves of minced garlic, salt pepper and a couple of chile de arbol pods. Along with the pork this will simmer on low for 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Always remembering to cook some bacon and add in the bacon grease right at the end for bacon fat flavor!

After the pork has finished reaching the whole fall-apart, melted fat, delicious porky stage break it up in small chunks and we will put it under the broiler for just long enough to get some crispy action going.

Get it under the broiler for just a few minutes to crisp up.

Now for the tortillas.

Heat up the skillet.

[sigh]

That previous shit I mentioned about the homemade tortilla thing from the frozen dough?

Well fuck.

It did not come even CLOSE to working today and I’m still puzzled as to why. I HAVE done this before and it was awesome and this shit today was pretty goddamn far from awesome. The dough was way too sticky and no matter how much additional flour I used to revive it, the shit did not work right.

You know what? I have some of those fucked up kitchen days myself.

It’s true.

Despite decades of experience sometimes the shit just happens. Back in the 70’s we called it “low bio-rhythms” like the bunch of hippy new-age dipshits that we most definitely were.

We push on anyway dammit. Break out the store bought tortillas.

It was around this time when I realized that I may have permanently broken my old carnivore mind.

I couldn’t even finish this plate.

I was really worried that being a Monday through Friday vegetarian for these last many months may have mega fucked my carnivore-ness forever. The pork was cooked like it always is but I just didn’t get that endorphine rush of pure piggy satisfaction that I used to.

That scared the shit out of me.

I tried some the next day and it was good but… It wasn’t awesome.

Upon additional reflection I decided to blame the temperature in the kitchen for the affliction. I thought it was a cop out though. Like telling the wife “NO NO NO! My dick isn’t broken! It’s just too goddamn hot in here! Yeah! That’s the ticket!”

I really did break out in a serious sweat at the end of the cooking session though. I had the oven cranked with the broiler going to crisp the carnitas. The cast iron was still throwing off serious fucking caloric action after the failed tortilla shit and it was hot and humid outside. Sweat was pouring off of me.

Not the optimum time to sit down to a plate of hot food.

See! My dick is indeed not broken!

I’ll get it back! I promise! You’ll see! Next week I will be throwing down some meaty meat goodness and I’ll eat it like the goddamn human savage that I’ve always been!

I swear to god!

Freaked my ass out there for a bit but I’ll be fine.

Goddammit when do we have football starting already? I’m ready like a motherfucker up in here!

Thanks as always for stopping by folks. We’ll get through this. Holy shit the season is right there.

Come back next week and we’ll get this train a-rollin’ for these last few weeks of season 8.

I look forward to it.

Be well everyone and stay cool out there!

PEACE!