Good evening. Do you folks have a long weekend this weekend? Up here we do.
***Editor’s note. I am so hungover this is all I got today. I can taste my headache.
Travel Story is all the full portion you get.
I’m not sure if I have told this one as being a burnout is hard work. It was a gorgeous day in Vientiane, Laos and we had met up with a couple of Irishmen at a pub (shocker). We toured around the city market with them, then went off to shoot guns as you do in Laos. At the end of the AK47 range time Vinny had the idea that we should go bowling. Apparently bowling is very popular there so hell, why not?
We roll in to the lanes and everyone except us is dressed in white and very loud Laotian music is playing. It was league night apparently. The lovely proprietor gave us a lane and some shoes so off we went.
Vinny heads off to go get us some beers and when he comes back he is giggling to himself.
“Mate, if you go take a piss you’ll get a shoulder massage during it.”
“What?”
“Yeah, just like Patpong in Thailand.”
“Vinny, those are hookers in Patpong. Are there hookers in the bathroom here?”
“Nah mate, just wanted to see your reaction.”
Well, at the end of our session I need to use the W/C, and look at Vinny.
“Am I going to have to fight off a hooker in there?”
“No, no there ain’t hookers like that here.”
So I head warily in to the w/c. Look around, no one else in there and start to feel a bit at ease. Belly up to the urinal, start to go and out of nowhere a wee Laotian ninja suddenly is massaging my shoulders while demanding a dollar. Startled, piss goes flying anywhere and then I continue to pee and try to fight this guy off because I do not want a massage, nor do I want to have to pay for it.
Now my hands are covered in urine from the jockeying about with this ninja and he is demanding a dollar for the massage and a dollar for me to wash my hands. Where did he even come from??? I scoped the room out beforehand and I guarantee there were no feet in there. I am not one to argue so I gave him one dollar just to wash my hands and not for an unwanted massage.
Once I leave the w/c Vinny, his mate, and my now ex are howling laughing at me because they could hear the commotion that emanated from the bathroom.
- Beware of Laotian bathroom ninjas.
- Beer Lao is delicious.
Wine time.(ish)
I believe Dunstan asked about Canadian wine regions so we will start with the Okanagan Valley which is closest to me and I know it quite well.
Many years ago when I started serving in Lake Louise I would never recommend a Canadian wine as the industry was really not ready. Today however it has grown by leaps and bounds and has some fine stuff bothe white and red.
The key is to drink whites stuff from any vineyard north of Kelowna and reds from anything south of Penticton. Summerland and Naramata are a crap shoot for both as the climate in the middle is exactly that, the middle.
Too hungover to continue. Will pick this up next week.
Some wisps of the marine layer (layerus marinus) go by on final approach before the fiery crash landing on Runway 24R at LAX, which killed all the people on board and several pets also and burned so intensely for so long that there was nothing left but ashes and nobody can be identified and if remains are requested there are no guarantees that its even 20% human max and even then there’s no telling who it is but is most likely airframe or insulation or tires who knows its just ash but I was miraculously thrown from the wreckage without a scratch which is strange because I was in Seat 1A which is usually the third person to die after the pilot and copilot a split-second prior and that is also the worst seat on a 757 night flight because the fucking galley light is right in your eyes but they still think I died in the crash and I’m listed as dead so I’m taking the life insurance money and I ain’t never filing a tax return again.
https://vimeo.com/735315041
New painting for the DFO clubhouse would be rocking
Listening to people be Spanish in French while singing in a stylized way will clearly help me learn French!
I should just sing everything and if people don’t understand my shitty French it’s because CULTURE. It’s poetry homme!
Thunderheads (cumulonimbus incus) near Atlanta, 7/30/22
https://vimeo.com/735311810
Which of you was mocking the chance it would rain in SoCal this weekend?
It just started coming down here.
We had sprinkles in north or mid cal this morning as part of a chunky marine layer, just enough to clean my windshield
That was me!
And the Bears still haven’t won shit since 1985!
If you’ve never seen or heard the opera “Carmen” you’ll still know 90% of the music because it’s all in Looney Tunes or Dr. Demento
What’s Opera, Dok?
Anectodally, I think my snoring neighbor got a CPAP! Which good, he sounded like he had a problem. Now, insteaad of snoring noises through the wall there’s a regular vent sound and a click, better!
I can’t believe what an idiot I was not to get checked out for sleep apnea sooner than I did. I spent literally years being tired and drowsy all the time.
Did you also spend a lot of time yelling at your dog, kids and other relatives? If so, hi neighbor!
No, I lived alone and took a lot of naps.
Well, hi anyway!
Same. The mask sucks, but I don’t fall asleep when sitting down anymore.
Echo: “playing some stupid song with a similar name”
Me: “Never play this song again”
Echo: “ok”
Me: “play Carmen”
Echo: “Plays stupid song with similar name it just said it would never play again”
I fucking paid for this shit and it can’t play it. If it weren’t for all the reasons to hate Amazon I would hate them anyway.
Those clouds are “mares’ tails” (cirrus uncinus) and are well above 20,000 feet. They indicate a warm or occluded front is approaching, usually bringing rain.
I’m watching ‘The Last Movie Stars’ on HBO, and so far my main takeaway is that Joann Woodward and Paul Newman had a successful relationship primarily because Joann Woodward absolutely loved to fuck.
Just like Donald and Melania.
Unless you mean “each other”
There’s an interview with her high school boyfriend who remembered her wearing a dress made of doeskin that was so tight she couldn’t wear underwear.
Then Paul has a story about her clearing out a room so they could have what she called a ‘fuck hut.’
Joanne Woodward ruled.
If no ladies in your life have made similar efforts, this is totally a judgement on you btw
Wife has a “cry shed” so it’s the same
Hey, them’s still secretions!
Here’s a painting from the East Building of the National Gallery of Art.
I wonder if this guy really looked like this.
I guess Keanu Reeves really is immortal.
I guess Keanu and Mike Glennon have some similar heritage.
Well, Senorita Weaselo finally finished Horizon: Zero Dawn. Though I had to prevent her from starting Strikers first because we know how that would go (she would never finish Zero Dawn despite literally having only the last story mission left).
My scalp sunburn is getting better! Either that or I have drank enough to dull the pain! Either way, win!
Best not to chance it. Keep drinking.
The Mrs is getting bolt ons Tuesday.
First cool thing is she can’t drink with the surgery coming so these watermelon martinis are all MINE!
You know you ain’t gonna be able to play with them for awhile, right?
He can look at em and beat it, which is just as good.
Do they look nice while healing?
No idea. But they’re soulmates, so it doesn’t matter.
It depends on the way they’re inserted and how the cut is made.
With clothes, absolutely. Without? YMMV.
I do know this.
Modern fucking medicine my ass. This is some Civil War shit.
Explain watermelon martinis? Gin vermouth and watermelon? Or like watermelon and vodka in a martini glass? In which case, toss some basil in there, you’ll be glad you did.
Muddle mint and watermelon in shaker. Add Cointreau, vodka, simple syrup, and lime juice. Ice up and shake. Strain into Martini glass. Garnish with small watermelon wedge.
Sounds delish, but wouldn’t call it a martini personally. But mint and watermelon? Hell yeah
I didn’t come up with the name.
Or the 14 paragraphs about Ashleigh’s favorite summer memories that must be scrolled through (with ads) to get to the recipe.
Good advice. Also, strawberry basil ice cream is glorious.
Fully endorse. There used to be a place in Santa Monica on Wilshire with excellent strawberry balsamic ice cream but they closed like a year after I moved nearby. I should have done more!
Try not to confuse which melons are which.
Ninja Pee Masseurs is going to be my FF team name.
And he was Laotian, like Hank Hill’s neighbor.
“So…are ya Chinese, or Japanese?” Damn that show was funny.
Solid
I’m watching the CHiPs movie. It’s very poor. Although to be fair once I saw Stephen Mnuchin’s name as executive producer I was primed to hate it.
The one with Dax Shepard and the guy from AntMan? It’s dumb but funny.
And Mnuchin can die of gonorrhea and burn in hell.
It’s not yeahright making bread but we popped by a bakery this morning and picked up an apricot and sunflower sourdough bread that is fucking marvelous.
Just got my 4th vax.
“How are you doing health wise?”
“I am ridiculously hungover.”
Side eye from Mrs. Cola.
I need to find out if I can pay for a 4th since the US has scrapped plans to give em out to us under 50s. I had my last one back in October or something ridiculous like that.
HA HA YOU’RE TOO YOUNG AND HEALTHY TO GET SHOT UP
That strategy worked out real well when the Uvalde Police Department tried to put it into practice.
Yikes, and I mean that as a compliment.
You can have mine. I’m waiting for the one that works against the current variation, and when that one comes out I’ll be waiting for the one that works against whatever variation is currently circulating then.
Gonna be really ironic when I die of shingles.
Thanks! Even if new ones come out in September as planned, I probably won’t be able to get one until the end of year anyway, so no spacing issue. I guess I should just get in a locker so they think i’m you when they come around with a jab?
I gotta get a booster so I don’t have to test for bora bora this winter.
Every very random once in awhile I’ll make something in the Sunday Gravy test kitchen that rewires my brain completely.
I just had quite possibly the best bread I’ve ever eaten and yes I made it.
But get this? It was from a dough ball from 3 weeks ago that I put in the freezer!
What the fuck?
It was a perfect baguette. Perfect.
The crust, the chew with almost a sourdough element.
How did that happen? I must know.
/ breaks out culinary science book
// switches TV to Alton Brown.
I think I hear something about this, but damned if I remember what. Anyway, hooray for freezers!
I’m going to make a batch of fresh dough, divide it in two and freeze both to make two different meals with fresh bread.
For SCIENCE!
Do it! Can’t wait to hear results
Think about the ease, whenever you want fresh bread you defrost, let come to temperature, rise once and bake!
/ grabs Bunsen burner and tin foil hat
Sound plan
The good bread places around here bake a special bread with yeast that is “Madre levita” aged yeast. In some cases (according to a nice bread lady I know) the line, maintained by keeping a small portion of the working stock and adding more flower and water to it each night letting it raise overnight, it is aged 250 years!
My haircut right now is essentially a modified Chelsea cut, or if you prefer, a reverse mullet, in that the back of my head is shaved while I look like a perfectly normal lady with hair from the front. I was out in the sun for a long while yesterday, and have discovered that despite the half-centimeter of hair, my scalp is susceptible to sunburn. Just rubbed in some numbing aloe stuff and poured myself a Scotch
If I don’t wear my very used Vikings cap when I walk I’ll put a big splat of sunscreen on my bald spot.
Yesterday I walked a good six miles with my cap on and the tan line was ridiculous so today I walked without the cap and with the big splat of sunscreen to even it out.
I do think I evened out my glove tan from horseback, but I also find it entertaining to have very silly tan lines so it’s almost a disappointement. At least my watch tan has persisted for over 30 years!
I’ve got a killer sock tan going.
/not so killer
// sad really
/// total dad vibes
I wear a headband while swimming these days because I don’t like wearing a cap but my forehead gets torched if I use sunblock only.
Just don’t mix up the Scotch with the aloe.
Bill Russell dying suuuuucks
(not heard in Southie)
I was shocked by seeing it. He was a living legend.
Man, these Cubs pitchers live to hit Giants.
Like David and Goliath except most of the Cubs players probably aren’t Jewish
I can tell. This pitching isn’t kosher at all.
And another player is hit.
I really hate when I mix up what is for the Gs, and what is for the hustlers.
It’s hard out there for a pimp
I have generally enjoyed my travel to places with aggressive hookers, as it’s fun to see the men having to be cautious for once. I have some excellent memories of men asking me to walk them home so they could avoid street harrassment! Back in maybe 2005 on La Rambla in Barcelona I was walking with a guy and got a bit ahead of him when he came running up, grabbing my arm, and shouting back to a pursuing lady of the evening that ‘he was with someone’ 😆
I hope her response was that a threesome would cost extra.
I don’t think her English was that good unfortunately. I let him flounder for a bit while I laughed my ass off, I hope she was able to get whatever whatever she needed. It wasn’t long after that Barcelona got overtouristed and cleaned up. There weren’t any hookers on La Rambla when I was there in mid-2019
“Who are those scantily-clad women?!”
“Oh, I hired them for the night.”
“Why are they painting the house?”
“Its cheaper this way.”
This is brilliant
I didn’t make it past “I have generally enjoyed my travel to places with aggressive hookers”.
Me too, but I’m one of those guys who has to see how the scene ends even after I’m done.
Kind of.
Sort of.
Not quite.
Yup!
Shows that I would enjoy as Vaudevillian slapstick:
Better Call Saul
Atlanta
Rescue Me
I have heard of the first one, but have not watched any of these.
Better Call Saul is some of the best television I’ve ever seen.
A must watch.
You don’t even have to watch Breaking Bad first!
It would actually be kind of cool to watch Breaking Bad after Saul if you’ve never seen either.
It might confuse the viewer how the production values for the first part were better than the last though.
/watching On The Basis of Sex
It’s the story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg and her gender discrimination suit that she won. There’s no mention whatsoever of her refusing to step down from the Supreme Court while there was a Democrat president in place. Thanks so very much, Ruthie. You’re partially responsible for the shit show that’s going on right now.
but HURR DURR Obama wud of just appointed a CORPORATIST in her stead obvs, VOTE STEIN1!!1111
Thank you! Its really annoys me when people treat(ed) her like the 1st Female Justice, almost like the real first one doesn’t count because she wasn’t the right party.
I don’t blame her for not retiring when HeWhoShallNotBeNamed won, because the GOP showed they wouldn’t nominate anyone, so at that point, she should’ve done everything to stay alive.
However, in 2014, she was 81. I don’t know how healthy she was, but at 81, there is a lot that can take you out. Once the GOP clinched the Senate, she should’ve called it a career and spent the rest of her life giving speeches and rallies. Who knows, maybe if she’s on the campaign trail, she may convince people like me to give Hillary a chance.
It’s really tough for me to say this because I adore everything about her but you are absolutely correct.
To be fair, she always acknowledged and was friends with Sandra Day O’Connor. Yes, she should have stepped down, but she had to be a workaholic to get where she was, and that shit doesn’t just go away. She accomplished a lot and enjoyed being on the court. It’s not her fault things went shit and they would have anyways (maybe just slightly later), so I don’t begrudge her a few extra years of intellectual fulfillment.
In regards to her hero worship, I’m referring to her fans, not herself. I consider Ginsburg a great Supreme Court Justice and a greater role model. Our views may have differed, but she will always have my greatest of respect.
Ah yeah, the fandom thing has been odd to say the least. Some of it must be timing, and she did have charisma, but still very odd.
Addendum: I have had Thurgood Marshall on my dead person cocktail party invite list for ages. He apparently enjoyed a good cocktail and was super fun at parties in addition to be a judicial rock star
.
Have you tried resuming drinking?
Oh God no.
If your wife is around and up for it, I recommend a beer that’s basically water and some sexy fun time.
MDMA or GHB?
10-pin bowling, yeah? Does anyone else even do 5-pin?
“Not allowed on the Sabbath, that’s why we can have 10 and a place to do it.” -New Yorkers, 1733
Oh man, that “nothing can touch it” hangover headache, and your writer brain goes to guns and bowling!
/our brains is all conspiring to kill us, is me theory
Not that I was inspired by Hippo but I just deleted our 20 year old legacy fantasy football league. I replaced one manager who wasn’t playing at all last year and one of the other managers decided they wanted to take the opportunity to reform the league to his liking and ignoring my suggestion to restart the league fairly.
Having been really close to quitting for a couple of years now. I simply deleted it and said goodbye.
There were a couple of our writers in the league so apologies Rev and Maestro but it was too much work.
Rev/Maestro, you are welcome to join me in taking the Painfully Complex Auction League back up to 12!
(crickets chirp infinitely)
Nichelle Nichols. Damn. She was a trailblazer. And always kept her pimp hand strong!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhwV2qNpWn4
There’s a reunion behind the Hale-Bopp comet tonight . . .
The boy drank you under the table, eh? One day he will. Can’t wait to teach him. He’s going to love good wine in a whisky glass.
I am a trash human. Apologies for the brief post.
Embrace DAT #WASPshame yo
Dis you party boi?
Speaking of trash, that footlong Subway Club was a big mistake.
The gallon of vodka to wash it down, however, is not.
Well, won’t be until tomorrow.
PRAY 4 Ayo’s toilet (assuming he NAILS IT, otherwise PRAY 4 Ayo’s cleaning lady)
Anyone who thinks the toilet is the dirtiest part of a house has never cleaned out a sink drain.
making your child do so is a good way to get them to finish college
Psht. Great story! Hope your head gets better.
Nah, that’s just the hangover hitting your shame center. It’s one of the more annoying aspects of drinking. You can interact with no one and still feel like you made a total ass of yourself
Kingsley Amis wrote an essay about hangovers in which he insisted that every hangover has a physical component and a metaphysical one (characterized often by guilt and shame).
He is absolutely correct, even if some of his guilt and shame is totally legit by reason of being English