TGIF! Did anything happen this week? Quiz time for me! Let’s see, abortion pills, corrupt judge, secret government documents, oh there it is! T-Swizzle is back on the market. I’ve always been fond of the number 13.

Survival – Personal Edition

So today we’re going to talk about being lost in the mountains.While this seems easy to avoid, ask anyone that got lost in the mountains and they’ll tell you it was actually far easier than they imagined. So easy, in fact, that they recommend anyone heading into the mountains to prepare as if you will get lost. Now before we all traipse out there, let’s get that preparation out of the way.

• First, don’t go alone. Always have someone with you. That doubles the odds of having a sane, rational mind addressing the situation and remembering all the important things you’re supposed to do as well as all the dumb shit not to do.
• Second, tell several someones where you’re going and the dates you’ll leave and return. At least one of these should be expecting to see you on your return.
• Dress for success. You need 3 layers:
  1. Long underwear. This layer won’t provide warmth, but will remove sweat from your skin.
  2. Parka. This layer traps warm air in a space above the first layer.
  3. Breathable jacket. This layer repels water from the outside but allows water out. Gore-Tex is the standard here. The goal here is to keep you dry. It’s easy to go from wet to dry, but extremely difficult to go the other way.
• Have a heat source. Waterproof matches, lighter, and Trioxane packs from your local military surplus store. Dryer lint will also work if you want to put that stuff to some use.
• Shelter. A lightweight collapsable tent works here. Also, a small space blanket. This will have a silver, foil-like side for insulation and a very important orange-gold side that we’ll discuss later.
• Signaling device. Something as simple as a mirror to reflect light, whistle, and/or flares. Standing around waving your arms is not nearly as noticeable as you think on a mountainside.
• Food and water. Lots of carbs is the guiding principle here. And not pasta. We need dry carbs that can be transported and eaten without heat. Bagels, trail mix, granola bars, that type of thing. This will give us energy without requiring a lot of effort to consume. I won’t insult you by expounding on the water portion except to say one of those water filtering devices should be packed.

So, now you’ve prepped and are ready to head out to the mountains. And just like that you’re lost. Like I mentioned, it not only happens, it’s not that hard to accomplish. Here’s some tips to help you in these trying times.

• The number one cause of death in the mountains is hypothermia. Despite what some people may claim, humans are tropical animals. Well at least weather-wise. As such, your number 1 goal is to stay warm. And the best way to do that is to not get wet.
• Do not panic. You can do that later when all these tips amounted to the square root of jack shit. Remember, you properly prepared by telling someone where you were and when you were going to be back. Well, when you get lost and don’t get back, that responsible person will report you lost and, viola, people will be searching for you. Keep in mind, searches are normally conducted during daylight, so during the night relax, stay warm, and get some sleep.
• Also, find some shelter. This doesn’t mean pull out your hand axe and build a cabin. Use the surroundings to find a natural shelter. You just want to stay out of wind, precipitation, and the cold. If the mountain is snow covered, dig a trench and cover with limbs and leaves. No need for a cave here. Avoid valleys as that area will be the coldest.
• During the daytime, let’s employ those signals. Use them at the highest point possible. Visually, they’ll be more apparent, and in case of a whistle, the sound will travel further. Make sure to spread out that space blanket, orange-gold side up. That color does not naturally occur unless you’re hiking around an open mine so it will stand out.
• Stay put. The more you wander the harder it will be to find you. Search teams work in areas and if you’re moving you’ll likely find yourself in an area they already searched and they won’t be looking for you there. Also, you’re lost. Where the hell do you think you’re going anyway?
• If you get frostbite on your toes, well bad news, you’re just going to have to endure it. You see, while frostbite, your toes won’t have any feeling so you can still walk. You warm those puppies up and the pain train will roll into town and you’ll be immobile. Just keep those fellers protected and dry until you’re found.

And let’s just skip ahead to you’ve been found. Now enjoy the weekend and rest up. Work needs you in the office Monday.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to what’s most important: Commenting and drinking!