Onward we trudge, with at least Most Glorious NFL Draft starting to peek around the corner. But alas, summer also lurks – we had one hell of a thunderstorm in North Cakalaky as I type this (Friday morning). At least it won’t be in the 90s when the clouds part. YET.
Less talked about than other surprises? The reformation of Unai Emery’s reputation, as he takes Aston Villa into legitimate Zooropa contention. I am strongly in favoUr of anything that makes the Redshite’s situation/budget more perilous, so expect that momentum to stop immediately (home to the Bonesaws, 7:30, USA). But fuck it, I will watch anyway. Such the masochist.
Spurs (lucky to be in 4th position) get yeah right’s resilient Cherries at home (10:00, USA), with Chelski/Trashbirds (Peacock) being the best match of the window. There is also Mighty Whitey away to Very Room-Temperature Oatmeal Everton – but Litre and Hippo have both mostly packed it in for the season. Fulham is probably the only true “safely mid-Table” side, with fuckall to play for (no chance at Europe, nor relegation). I still suspect Everton will go down, but might be saved by Bournemouth having nothing to play for (ie, already safe) before Matchday 38 at Goodison.
Leicester are away to control-own-destiny City of Men (12:30, NBC) for spotlight dancing. Yeah, good luck with that, Dean Smith.
Rum Ham hosts the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols to start Sunday Funday (9:00, USA), with Forest hosting Men Untied (11:30, USA) to follow. Will Handsome Mikel let the Redshite filth Draw him a 2nd week in a row? Otherwise, they should have too much firepower for the Hammers. As to the late fixture, I suspect Steve Cooper gets the Robins Hood sack with a loss, maybe with a point. They need to win at home, opponents be damned. Men Untied really fucked up in the Zooropa quarters on Thursday, so who knows whether they’ll be demoralized or focused/pissed off.
It’s been a fun season, who knows what is around the bend?
Off to axe throwing with my buddies. It’s way safer than the Uber rides we’ve been taking.
Swiss goalie gets “Player of the Game” for making only 54 saves. Pathetic.
So ready to be the Leafs goalie
[nods in agreement]
-Ed Belfour and Curtis Joseph
That moment when you realize that Thomas Keller has OCD.
https://www.tiktok.com/@flavorsbyale/video/7215445370908773674
I could do without the shit below the video. Is this why no one posts stuff from TT?
They have a garden up in Yountville across from French Laundry that is sort of like a park – you can just walk around in it, there’s no fence or anything. I presume they would hassle you if you started stealing vegetables but otherwise the staff there is very pleasant and welcoming.
“What’s it like, walking around with several bunches of stolen broccolini in your back pocket? Did you give it a light char before you braised it? Did you feel bad about it at the time?”
-Yeah right, working on the first few sentences of his cooking-centric mystery novel
Turns out it wasn’t parsley at all.
It was ARSENIC!
Canadians women’s hockey team is up 3-0 on the Swiss and the shot total is 43-8. This is a semi-final, btw. So if anyone tells you that the talent gap in women’s hockey has narrowed, (I’m sure this comes up in normal conversation on the regular) you can tell them to fly a
kitedrone.Out-shooting the Swiss has paid some dividends
Rikki: “Wait. Is this a math thingy or a money thingy comment?”
Heading out to Pat Benatar. Gonna throw my underwear at Pat and scream “show us your tits” at Neil Gerardo, or whatever her husband/guitarist’s name is. Should be a fun evening.
The walk was incredible today. About 4 miles by the yachts at the Cabrillo yacht club. Lots of folks exercising. There were some folks dancing to house music while on roller skates and I almost joined them.
In retrospect I should have.
Need to work on my spontaneity.
Little windy but it was glorious.
It’s nice here too. Perfect day for hanging laundry, of which we’ve done three loads.
/this might be a humblebrag but it’s also a bit weird at the same time
One of my tasks is to purchase fresh fruits, veggies and all the commodity proteins (fish, chicken, beef, pork, etc.) When the pricing market dips greatly on something I text the wife and ask her how much I should buy.
Me: “A flat (case) of blueberries is only $10! How much should I buy?
Wife: [she has a ton of aunts, uncles and cousins] “Uh, how about 12?”
Me: “Done!”
/she then goes around delivering said item to those that want it. Today she’s making the rounds with ears of corn because the price on that item has bottomed out.
Corn here doesn’t peak until July but you can get real decent corn as early as late May. That’s a steal for blueberries.
The corn out of the U.S. is fantastic. I’ve stolen so much business from the local Mennonites* at the wholesale level that I rarely get calls** from them asking me to distribute the many other items that they grow.
*she’s a cut-throat business in the veggie world
**most of them not having a phone might be a factor
I bought some Mexican corn the other day that wasn’t bad. Not as sweet as it will be in a month or so, but it worked for skillet corn.
“Steal blueberries? I wouldn’t recommend it, unless it’s in pie-on-a-windowsill form.” – Jim Tomsula
How is that a humblebrag?
I insist that the folks that receive the food from my wife bow down at her feet and kiss her toes? Maybe I’m not sure what a humblebrag is…?
The Canadian women are tied 0-0 with the Nazi gold-hoarding Swiss but the shots on goal are 18-2. The law of averages favoUr those plucky canuckians.
Feisty Canuckians up 1-0. #mathdontlie
https://doorfliesopen.com/2023/04/15/ides-of-april-lesser-funhouse/#comment-1050120
Hooray! It’s that time of year when I engage with my fair-weather fan-hood of the Massachusetts Celtics! I am hearing really great things about this Jay-len Tay-tum fellow.
Not only is Haaland a monster but Man City in their last ten games has outscored the ‘competition’, 37-4. I believe the phrase most often used is ’rounding into form’.
I was told there would be no math.
A friend of the Dr. Mrs., let’s call her Hilda, was given a pleasant note that her father – who she had a very strained relationship with – wrote to her as he was dying. Hilda soon realized that he had smeared this letter with a substance that he knew she was allergic to.
I’m not sure whether this is a “knock over his gravestone with her car” level offense, or “dig up his corpse and drag it around behind her car” level offense.
He did not find enlightenment on his death bed.
That’s more of a pour a shit ton of acid over his grave and let it seep down and dissolve what’s left of his retched body.
I almost admire that level of vindictiveness.
These things are not mutually exclusive, so I vote for both
She needs to include that lovely anecdote in his obituary.
Beth Mowins is on the NBA call on ESPN now. Let’s listen in!
We’re live from Philly where the Broken Nuts are visiting the Seven Sexers in the frost round of the Eastborn playons!
I love you.
“Named it!”
— Emmitt Smith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBciPj48wQg&ab_channel=ThatsGoodSports
I wasn’t aware the Donks have out-Paul’d the Pauls drafting so badly for this amount of time. Hippo’s insanity makes a little more sense now.
Going to go outside and mow the lawn. I expect the grass will put up more resistance than Leicester City is to City of Men.
Manchester City front office guy, this past off-season: “De Bruyne is one of the best passers, nay, best players in the world. What can we do to make him even better?”
Locker Room towel boy, who is high as balls: “What if you got him a giant fucking Viking to kick the ball at and just see what happens.”
FOG: “You’re fi…No, hang on, let’s play this out….”
Oh look, De Bruyne and Haaland combined on a goal again.
City of Men: Win By Ten
Arsenal are going to have to win out, including against Man City, to take the title. MC isn’t fucking around.
Not even that upset about the draw at Liverpool, (although starting out at 2-0 and then drawing is not what we’re looking for), but that 1-0 loss to Very Aggravating Everton is going to bite Arsenal in the ass.
Win out and Draw City also works. But yeah, I wouldn’t count on no help.
Toffees everywhere, quite grateful for how thoroughly Lester have given up.
You know how I like to tout that an Oscar nominee lives a few houses away from me? I just learned that the parents of Kevin Feige (the guy who tells The Avengers et. al what to do) live even closer.
That is pretty cool and all, but, they’re REALLY tired of you looking in their windows all night long.
What are you talking about? It’s two hours per night, tops. I have a lot of other houses in the rotation I have to get to, I can’t spend all my time over there.
Later, at Rikki’s:
I should make it clear that if I *was* going to peer in through a neighbor’s window – and I cannot stress enough that I am *not* going to do this, ever – it’d be through the window of my lesbian neighbor who looks a bit like Olivia Munn.
Goddamnit, Cherries.
What a finish
Mighty impressive. Seems like Everton’s problem was Everton all along. But Frank Lampard also wasn’t helping matters any.
Holy fucking hell what a game! Cherries!!!
Everton – truly the tonic for whatevs ails yinz. Congrats on Rising Up, White Men.
We are for sure safe now.
Southampton, Leeds, Forest go down.
Sham Town for sure. Two of Robins Hood, Toffees, Foxes, Leeds (in order of most likely to do the drop to least).
The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat.
The lesser footy contingent of the clubhouse is truly a land of contrasts.
God must know how insufferable I’d be if I ever got whiff of the thrill of victory. Thanks A LOT, God!
Woo!
Now you are seeing the light.
Yous got rid of Scott Parker. That was my only problem with you lot.
Completely fair and justified.
What a delightful account to follow.
https://twitter.com/wpiootbgw/status/1647260337018732544
ah don’t like ppl playin’ on mah phone!
I don’t understand soccer talk.
Tottenham fucked up.
I hosted a surprise party last night for my neighbor who turned 40 a couple weeks ago. It went swimmingly. Completely surprised him, and everyone had a lovely time. The best part was knowing that everyone likes him a lot, which ensured that none of the guests would LA-style flake at the last minute.
Today is the Canadian League opener. I am taking Decilitre to the bar where all the supporters will be. This could go two ways. He could eaither do swimmingly and be engaged with the folk. Or he could be a dickhead 5 year old and we last 1 pint…
I have a 5-year old boy too. I’d give you 70/30 odds that it goes well, based on my experiences.
Godspeed.
He does come down there with me for EPL games and I usually get about an hour and a half. This will be a different beast as the place will be packed. I am bringing a coloUring book for some time.
He does know the songs too, so that will help. It legit was one of the top 5 Dad moments when there was a rain delay before a match last year and we were under the bleachers and the chanting and singing began. He had the hugest smile on his face and then one of the lads gave him a drum when the game had started.
Will always remember until the dementia kicks in.
That’s a proud dad moment.
I got about the same amount of time. I was able to get second halves of Lions games in with him if he got chicken strips and got to yell “St. Brown!”
Improve your odds, get him his own pint.
He does taste our beers. Not a fan. Did like an apricot weissbier though….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlDq04YDJ6Q
I think Deci is good for at least 2 pints. He’s a growing boy. He’ll be putting them away like his father in no time!
Aston beats Team Bonesaw 3-0?
Emery better not accept any invitations to any embassy parties.
Just bought tickets to Pat Benatar at a casino arena, so may as well go ahead and get that AARP application started.
I hope the mosh pit isn’t a battlefield.
This concert ain’t for children, or something.
Pat is one of Mrs. Horatio’s favorites. I can tolerate her*.
*Edited to reflect that I can tolerate Ms. Benatar. I’m actually quite fond of Mrs. Horatio.
Does the dwarf get in half price?
This is superb work Scotchy.
The idea of 50+ guys half-heartedly pushing each other around and some having to quit because ‘I threw out my back!’ makes me laugh.
I will be getting in to that territory if Pennywise keep touring the next 5 years.
I go to shows by bands like Social Distortion and X, and I stay in the back so I don’t get an ear ache and out of the pit so I don’t simply dissolve.
Yeah, that’s me, the old guy in the back vigorously tapping my foot and nodding along to the music.
I’ve also been wearing earplugs so me ears don’t ring for days after
Same
He’s going to Pat Benatar.
Hit him with your best shot, fire away.
He should stop using sex as a weapon.
Eh, speak for yourself.
Except for my lawn, that’s off-limits.
Yep we have packed it in after the FA did us dirty with the Mitro suspension. We be safe and now hope to play quite mediocrely in order to not have most of our players poached.
You know where this shit may or may not happen?
Canada Wine Country Women’s Soccer League Team (working title: Fighting Blaxii)
BC Dick and I walked past the stadium last weekend, needs some work but when that powerball comes in we are laughing.
Hippo, you have encroached on my territory, by highlighting a thunderstorm in my prior territory.
Next year, early fall, I will schedule a DFO open trip to OKC for barbecue, football and insane thunderstorms. I’d never actually felt the concussive effects of a storm until being in my current middle of nowhere home.
Like the Shitty Beatles from Wayne’s World, our NBA team’s moniker is not just a catchy name. While NC had some crazy weather, this is nuts.
I’m that picture of Morty all “I’m in.”
Odd weather seems like a worthwhile “experience trip”.
ABQ balloon festival had a ad for Oct. Might be neat.
Oklahoma also has some really good breweries, including Coop, which sells beers like F1 all over the country.
Anthem, based here, also sells Golden One nationally.
also. the GRATEST steer fucking!
Steer fucking is too hard, these days.
Sheep fucking has become the thing here, for these lazy millennials, as the population is not industrious due to the opioids.
I blame Ryan Reynolds and Rob McIlhenny, making everyone want to be Welshmen.
Bad tie for those gentlemen this morning.
you mean baaaaad
Wales – Where the men are men and the sheep run scared.
There was a sailor when we were in Scotland who was charged with “interfering with sheep.” Gumby made a special trip to visit him in the brig to make fun of him. ” Are you my daaaaaaddy?”
(sic)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8pgb4xmuLI
I was at a barbecue in Tulsa and some guy there talking about what the sky looks like when a tornado is forming. It sounded super interesting and scary to see in person.
Look up the phrase “be the Buffalo, charge the storm.” The storm lines here are nuts.
We are also three hours from the Cowboys new JerryWorld, which is a cool stadium to watch a game.
This sounds superb.
A friend owns one of the local breweries. We can tour five within 15 miles of my area, and then there is an amazing coffee liqueur called Prairie Wolf Dark that can start the days off.
Possible breweries:
-Coop
-Anthem
-Lively Beerworks
-Twisted Spike
-Angry Scotsman
-Prairie Artisan Ales
-Core4
-Vanessa House
-Stonecloud
We also have a top 50 breakfast place in the country (Cafe Kacao), and there’s a cool nature preserve where we could do a hike among Buffalo.
Stop drilling you’ve struck oil!
Which is also something they say in Oklahoma when the fracking-related earthquakes get to be too much.
I spent a few days in Tulsa years ago on a work project, going through the archives of oil tanker logs. Somewhat ironic give the landlocked location, but if you ever want to take a trip to Crazytown, get hold of the ship logs from one of those bad-boys on a multi-week run.
I can only imagine. I did some work up in a shale patch in North Dakota and it was like Mad Max times.
I bet BDSM State would be a very interesting JV NFL roadtrip, too.
We talkin Sooners of Cowboys? Either way count me interested.
teh ones with the PADDLES obvs
Both, but Hippo was talking Okie State Cowboys
That’s about an hour and ten minutes north of OKC. OU is 30 minutes south.
Live from the breadline.* Terrible weather for administrative work 🤬
* to buy almond croissants
I’d trade yall straight up for panhandle Florida.
Tallahassee can be an Independent like Notre Dame.
The U.S. Congress already owns PR.
Counterpoint: Puerto Ricans can’t be owned
House Chamber Seat Back | US House of Representatives: History, Art & Archives
I mean in term of being a voting member of the US.
My heartfelt condolences…
[looks out at ice-covered lake, swears quietly to self]
Almond crossaints? Did somebody fall in love last night?
This morning 😋
I would assume PR smells tropical and nice but big diffuser energy on that table.
(is it to cover up the weed like incense back in the day?)
Heh. It’s the Mrs.* It’s her place.
* we are bound by a joint Costco membership
*these are the ties that bind
Look at Don T., rating breakfast the next morning. You suave bastard.
Napoli needs to keep an eye on Lazio trying to sneak up on them. They play Verona tonight so that should pad it for them by another 3.
Marika, of course, requires no padding.
I wish that I could give you Two Balloons Up.
She rates her own emoji if ever a lady did.
Clubhouse IT geeks, get after it.
I found these two:
And this
Since she’s prone to let the nip slip I’d go with this one.
Is that a real emoji?
She’s unreal.