I still watch Archer and I still enjoy the new episodes. Some (okay, many!) have said that the series has jumped the shark. Opinions differ on when exactly that happened. Some argue that it happened when they left New York. Some argue that it happened when Archer went into a coma. Still others think it happened when Archer woke up from the coma.

I’m of the opinion that the show is still good, the coma seasons were awesome and massively creative, and that people expecting a series to be at its peak continuously are setting themselves up for disappointment.

Tonight’s post category comes from my old man hazy memories. I have watched every Archer season since it started. Along the way, quirky and fun little objects have gotten introduced and sprinkled into the series canon. Tonight I’m discussing my favourite ones.

As I mentioned in the first post, the plan is for this to be an ongoing off-season series on Saturday nights in which I present to you my five favourite somethings and then you comment and tell me:

• How I’m wrong
• Your Top Five
• Suggestions for the next top five list

Without further ado, I present to you my Top Five Obscure Archer Objects!

1 – Pam’s back tattoo

Pam’s tattoo is the third stanza of “The Destruction of Sennacherib”, a poem by Lord Byron. The poem itself references the biblical account (2 Kings) of the siege of Jerusalem by the Assyrians led by Sennacherib.

One of the things that I love about the series is that the writers throw in these references that add multiple layers to the story presented. In the biblical tale, the city of Jerusalem is freed from the oppressive Assyrians by a vengeful God through one of the archangels. It’s not clear if it’s Gabriel or Michael. They’re both defenders of Israel but Gabriel is more the talky announcing type while Michael is more the action fighting type. My money is on Michael.

This fits Pam’s character well as we know she is a fighter and she will defend her friends and the people she cares for to the end.

She also has 13 tick marks at the top. My guess is that’s the number of foes she has beaten in defence of someone. It’s left up to interpretation, so that’s my version. I welcome yours in the comments.

Pros:

It shows how much of a badass Pam is.

Topless Pam is always a good thing.

Cons:

The tattoo is only on screen for a short time, so you had to freeze the screen and do some research to understand the reference.

2 – Cyril’s Big Dick

Throughout the entire run of the series, poor Cyril has always been the butt of jokes. He has very low self-confidence, specially when Archer is around. Interestingly, he becomes a stud and truly comes into his own when Archer is in the coma.

In the very beginning, it’s made clear that Cyril has a big dick. It’s also pretty clear that Archer picks on Cyril because he’s envious of Cyril’s dick, specially considering Lana has …. appreciated it.

Many of the dynamics of the show are explained by Cyril’s dick size. It adds a whole layer of psychological background to the characters and it also provides insightful commentary on contemporary society and its values, obsessions, and insecurities.

Pros:

Good for Cyril!

It adds depth (pun intended) to the characters.

Cons:

It seems strange that Cyril doesn’t have more confidence given his massive cock. I’ve never had that problem…

3 – Krieger’s Vans

When I grow up, I want to own a full size windowless van and paint it like Krieger painted his vans.

I love everything about those vans.

As you can see from the picture above and as referenced in the series, Krieger is a big Rush fan. He is also a big Krieger fan. His vans reflect both of those facts.

Like Pam’s tattoo, you have to freeze the screen in order to catch the references, but man are they worth it!

Pros:

Every single Krieger van is awesome. No exception.

Krieger is not shy about nudity.

Cons:

They don’t make windowless conversion vans anymore. I could only buy used…

4 – The Pele of Anal

You’re probably shocked that Framboise is so far down the list. I figured I’d surprise you.

Framboise is the Pele of Anal and has banged Barry, Archer, and Cyril. However, the small detail that makes me happy is that she’s Head of HR, just like Pam. And we all know Pam is a FREAK!

Are the Archer writers telling us that HR ladies are the freakiest of the job world and need to be explored more fully? Maybe, but I’m not willing to chance it. I’ve got very little time left before retirement. I’m not that curious.

Pros:

Finally, anal sex is celebrated in mainstream culture!

Framboise is French yet she’s into Greek.

Cons:

Framboise could never have been the same after anal with Cyril…

5 – Mallory’s Desk Dildo

Some people have snacks in their desk. Others have alcohol. Mallory has an aubergine-coloured dildo.

In one of the early seasons, it was revealed that Mallory used the video conference system for sexy video chats with her friends around the globe. What’s great is that she has the dildo at the ready to get the job done!

I think my favourite part is that its colour is described as “aubergine”. Every single dildo should be purple if you ask me.

Pros:

A handy piece of equipment that should be standard issue on every desk.

Cons:

I wonder what the battery budget was. I didn’t see a cord…

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What say you in the comments?