The 2017 Redacteds : We are Not Enthused

Doktor Zymm - August 9, 2017August 9, 2017

It seems that "Kinda like last year, but slightly worse" is not an adequate team preview, even if I tack on "Third in the NFC East." Where is the overexuberant and unrealistic optimism of the typical Redacteds fan, you may ask? And I would respond that third in the NFC East

2016 Washington Preview

Team Previews

Doktor Zymm - August 26, 2016August 26, 2016

An office, deep in the semi-abandoned Walter Reed Annex National Park Seminary grounds....Doktor Zymm sits at a desk, Scot McCloughan enters Doktor Zymm : Guten Tag Scot! You are here to see das Dummkopf, ja? Scot McCloughan : I figure I should at least check in with him, now that the season is almost here.

Better Know An Olympic Sport : Eventing

DFOing Good

Doktor Zymm - August 6, 2016August 6, 2016

Three Day Eventing is the most dangerous of the equestrian events, combining dressage, cross-country, and stadium jumping. It is also what I competed in when I rode in high school, it's a pretty big thing in the MD equestrian community. In fact, this is someone I rode with at my

Draft Town : Not Actually A Real Town

DFOing Good

Doktor Zymm - May 4, 2016May 4, 2016

Welcome to DRAFT TOWN SPONSORED BY OIKOS TRIPLE ZERO!! As part of the Chicago draft, the NFL set up DRAFT TOWN SPONSORED BY OIKOS TRIPLE ZERO. It's sort of like a county fair, but with less livestock, fewer carnies, only one ride, and more opportunities to buy NFL Merchendise. It also

Thunor’s Day Night Open Thread

DFOing Good

Doktor Zymm - January 21, 2016

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This is a water bear. You are not nearly as awesome as a water bear. Besides having the scientific name Tardigrade, which is way cooler than Homo Sapiens, these little microscopic cuties can survive being frozen. Just this last week, some scientists revealed that they revived some water bears that

Drinkin’ classy on the cheap

OH WE GON DRANK

Doktor Zymm - December 31, 2015

Much like the feel of fine velour on your thighs, we all crave the taste of fine champagne on our palettes, especially when we all have to buy new calendars. However, that shit is expensive and really kinda pointless. As you probably know, champagne is fizzy wine that comes from

When you prefer your Clucks Fustered : NFC East Playoff scenarios

DFOing Good

Doktor Zymm - December 16, 2015December 16, 2015

We've all heard about the possibility of a 6-10 division winner, or the high likelihood of a 3-way tie in the NFC East. However, with 3 weeks to go, and discounting game ties, there are actually 512 combinations of game wins and losses between the four teams concerned. Here are

Let ‘Em Play! (91% of the time)

Doktor Zymm - November 6, 2015November 6, 2015

Earlier this year, the NFL set a record for most accepted penalties through week 3. There has been speculation that this increase in penalties is due to fewer full-contact practices as mandated in the CBA, and further speculation that the refs are idiots that can't

The Monkey’s Paw : A Texan Tale

Doktor Zymm - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

Years ago I went to a dinner party. In attendance at this party were an old soldier, who had traveled extensively in India and a Houston Oilers fan. After dinner, over brandy and cigars, the Oilers fan was complaining about Bud Adams's management of the team. He

Dysfunction and Mediocrity : A [*Redacted] s Bye Week Update

Doktor Zymm - October 30, 2015October 30, 2015

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Eli and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Game

DFOing Good

Doktor Zymm - October 20, 2015October 20, 2015

Based on the story by Judith Viorst I went to the game chewing gum, and now there's gum in my helmet and the locker room at Lincoln Financial smells funny and I accidentally put my jersey on backwards and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible,

MMQB Mad Libs : ONLY IN NY!!

Doktor Zymm - October 6, 2015October 6, 2015

PK Mad Libs! ADJ: Noun: Verb (Past Tense): Noun (Plural): Noun: Noun (Plural): Verb: Verb: Animal: Noun: Noun: City: Noun: Superlative Adjective: Adjective : Body Part: Adjective: Noun (Plural): Verb ending in ing: Adjective: Adjective: Body Part: Verb ending in ing : Something about baseball: Adjective: Noun (Plural): Try it function myFunction() { var x = document.getElementById("frm1"); var y = [ " people. PATs missed