JJ Fozz’s Adventures in Hell

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jjfozz - August 22, 2021August 22, 2021

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(Editor's Note: This will function as the Open Thread tonight. What's better than a healthy dollop of vitriol for a Sunday Night?) I've been unemployed for a full year, despite having 30 years of experience in the marketing and communications industry. I also have a Master’s Degree from Johns Hopkins (doesn’t

Whither Thou, Lamar?

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jjfozz - September 12, 2020September 10, 2020

I need Lamar to prove himself. Yes, I'm that fan. Yes I love him. Yes I was overjoyed at last season. Then the motherfucking Titans came to Baltimore and blasted them right off the field. Partly because they figured out how to contain Lamar. So Lamar is the toast of the NFL,

Idiots Who Play with White Balls

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jjfozz - September 11, 2020September 10, 2020

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The last time my father hit me was on a golf course. He is built like a tank and is left handed. For a man of his build he is lightning fast. We were sitting in a golf cart after I had thrown a club about thirty feet and declared that

The Murder List: You Cannot Escape

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jjfozz - August 19, 2020August 18, 2020

"Let them hate, as long as they fear." Buckle up America, you're gonna hate and fear me after this fucking diatribe has been penned. News flash: I could give a shit. Like Frank Constanza said, "I got a lot of problems with you people, now you're gonna hear about it." Politics I am apolitical and

Quarantine Games for Kids

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jjfozz - April 7, 2020April 7, 2020

I have three sons who are locked down and they have exhausted every single option. You can only play so much full contact backyard basketball. My wife is at her wits end, I am running low on bourbon, so I'm deep into a bowl of downers from my college days. In order

Story Time with Fozz: A Place that I Love As Much as Bourbon

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jjfozz - February 12, 2020

About a year ago, a dumb shit friend backed into my car and screwed up the bumper and hood. He didn’t want to report because his son was getting on his insurance. Fine. No problem. So this guy, we’ll call him “Dumb Fuck Jeep Driver,” sends me to this body shop.

Growing Old and Why it Sucks

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jjfozz - February 1, 2020February 1, 2020

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be a fucking author with a few decent books under my belt. And writing for some heavy duty publications. Maybe nursing a decent drinking problem and knocking back drugs: hallucinogens, weed, possibly a drop or two of speed. Yes, I wanted

Ravens vs. Titans: Go Eat Sh*t Universe

jjfozz - January 23, 2020January 24, 2020

Before I begin the tearing open of this newly made wound, let me say a few things. 1. I thought this game would be tough, I didn't see the Titans fucking winning. 2. I though our loss to the Colts in a divisional game was tough. No fucking way. 3. SHIT FUCK DAMN

The Great Fozz Migration: Part II – Ebony, Ivory, and Shades of Grey

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jjfozz - November 19, 2019November 19, 2019

So we moved. That was a horrible experience, although our movers were fucking awesome. The guy's name was Frosty. So of course, you say, "Where did you get that nickname?" And he says, "Well, I used to be 100 pounds heavier and all my friends said I looked like the black

The Great Fozz Migration: Part I. Stress is My Master

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jjfozz - November 7, 2019November 6, 2019

My wife and I have been married for 18 years. For 17 of those we lived in the same townhouse. Entropy sucks. We were going to move several times, but the vagaries of the economy and my attitude, which resulted in getting canned and fucking up our income, prevented us