Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 53)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 28, 2016October 28, 2016

The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse, where Cookiethulhu has just pulled the Man in Plaid #2 out of his mouth in front of several semi-horrified DFOers. Well, DTZM looks horrified. As does WCS. Doktor Zymm looks strangely fascinated, Sill Bimmons is rubbing his chin and nodding solemnly and Ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 52)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 21, 2016October 20, 2016

A note to our loyal readers: Here at the busy offices of Hard Ride To Nowhere we're sure to read each and every piece of fan mail that comes across our desks. Over the past year the query we've most often come across is: Whatever happened to those two detectives?

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 51)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 14, 2016October 13, 2016

The scene: The Door Flies Open clubhouse. A meeting is in progress. In attendance are Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, Ballsofsteelandfury, WCS, Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Sill Bimmons, Doktor Zymm and Cookiethulhu. They're sitting at a wooden table. It has the club logo in it. It's pretty cool. Hey, remember when

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 50)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 7, 2016October 6, 2016

The scene: Future Moose's bedchamber. It's still yuuuge. And Future Clone Debbie Harry is still pillow-fighting Future Clone Lynda Carter in a seemingly endless replay. Future Moose himself is searching the room, looking behind dressers and curtains. Future Clone Debbie Harry (hitting Future Clone Lynda Carter with a pillow): Tee-hee! Future Moose

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 49)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 30, 2016September 27, 2016

The scene: Wally's World of Waffles, where Future Clone Debbie Harry and PK are finishing off a 36-inch waffle. Granted, most of the ingestion was on PK's side of the table. And there are two empty syrup jars in front of him. And a few empty plates that once had

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 48)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 16, 2016September 15, 2016

The scene: Future Moose's future palace bedchamber. It's pretty opulent. And by “pretty opulent,” I mean it's yuuuge. Like, seriously big. Think of the house you grew up in, add in your first three apartments, and you're close. I mean, there's a tennis court in here. Full-size, mind you. Hard

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 47)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 9, 2016September 8, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, hours after the NFL Opening Day game. The DFOers are still partying hard, because football is back! And also because most of them haven't been in the same place since last Moosemas. There's drinking, and dancing...well, not so much dancing. Most of the members are

HRTN Opening Day Special

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 8, 2016September 6, 2016

The scene: Out front of the DFO clubhouse. DFO prospect Cookiethulhu is busy sweeping up the street when Beerguyrob comes out of the clubhouse with a six-pack of beer. Cookiethulhu: I think that's it, sir. The street looks quite orderly now, I must say. Beerguyrob (motioning Cookiethulhu over): Good job, kid. I've

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 46)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 2, 2016September 1, 2016

The scene: An empty road somewhere in the Midwest, where Future Moose recently ran someone over. That someone is now biting Moose on the arm. It seems pretty fair, all things considered. Ballsofsteelandfury (approaching): Hey, what the hell...? Future Moose (sighing as the man continues to bite at his outstretched arm): Well... Ballsofsteelandfury

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 45)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 26, 2016August 24, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. At night. On a deserted road. It's kind of spooky. It's even spookier because there's a body in the road. I mean, that's never good. Sitting in the car that just ran the poor guy over are Future Moose, Ballsofsteelandfury, Low Commander of the

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 44)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 19, 2016August 18, 2016

The scene: Somewhere in the Midwest. Future Moose is driving his new car...which isn't really new. In fact, it's kind of old. And a bit leaky. It might creak a little bit when it brakes. And the exhaust fumes when it accelerates might just be a global warming tipping point.

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 43)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 12, 2016August 11, 2016

The scene: The John Tyler Junior High Dungeons & Dragons club. A young Percival Po sits behind his Dungeon Master screen, rolling a variety of polyhedral dice. Also playing are young Marc Trestmans Windowless Van, Brocky and Old School Zero. Young Po: You reach the end of the corridor...what do you