Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 15)

DFOing Good

Beastmode Ate My Baby - January 1, 2016January 8, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where the DFOers are recovering from New Year's Eve. Moosemas Gorilla is passed out on the floor with a (mostly empty) bottle of banana daquiri in his paw. Covalent Blonde is sitting on the couch next to Old School Zero, while Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Under The Moosemas Tree (A HRTN Holiday Special, Part 4)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 25, 2015December 24, 2015

Narrator: Welcome back to the Under the Moosemas Tree Holiday Special, filmed before a live audience. The scene: The DFO clubhouse. A shimmering glow fills the room and suddenly OSZ appears, followed seconds later by Covalent Blonde. Covalent Blonde: ...uck? OSZ (confused): We're...back? Otto's Brain appears mid-air. OSZ catches him before he can

Under The Moosemas Tree (A HRTN Holiday Special, Part 3)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 18, 2015December 18, 2015

Narrator: Welcome back to the Under the Moosemas Tree Holiday Special, brought to you by Vodka. When in doubt, pick Vodka. The scene: The DFO clubhouse. While WCS and Sill Bimmons hang lights on the Moosemas tree, Future Moose and Doktor Zymm lean Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, who is still under

Under The Moosemas Tree (A HRTN Holiday Special, Part 2)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 11, 2015December 11, 2015

Narrator: Welcome back to the Under the Moosemas Tree Holiday Special, brought to you by Beer. Remember, for all your holiday needs, there's Beer. The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Darkest Timeline Zach Morris is finishing stacking up boxes of cookies against a wall. DTZM: Well, that's the last

Theatre Review: Ho Ho Horrendous

WhyEaglesWhy - December 10, 2015December 10, 2015

An unavoidable part of every critic’s job is sitting through the bad as well as the good. It is simply a hazard of the profession. However, enduring “Christmastime Is Here” as staged by Miss Othmar’s class at St. Paul Elementary School is a sacrifice not to be asked of anyone.

Under The Moosemas Tree (A HRTN Holiday Special, Part 1)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 4, 2015December 3, 2015

Narrator: The Under the Moosemas Tree Holiday Special was filmed before a live studio audience. The scene: The DFO clubhouse. Future Moose is sitting alone on the couch, looking forlorn. [DOOR FLIES OPEN] Darkest Timeline Zach Morris enters, hauling in the top half of a huge holiday tree. DTZM: Hey, Moose! Want

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 14)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 27, 2015June 14, 2016

The scene: A dank, dark basement. Ballsofsteelandfury wakes up on the floor. Ballsofsteelandfury: Whoa, I need the number of the truck that hit me. Last thing I remember is... Oh, crap... [DOOR FLIES OPEN] The Angry Girl Scout stands at the entrance to the basement, glaring down at Ballsofsteelandfury. Angry Girl Scout:

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 13)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 20, 2015November 19, 2015

The scene: 30,000 B.C., around dinner time. The DFOers who are lost in this era are yet again in the midst of trouble as the tribe that captured them has summoned their god, who happens to be a gigantic ape. PK (looking up at the huge ape): Wow, that is one

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 12)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 13, 2015June 14, 2016

The scene: Doktor Zymm's secret lab inside the DFO clubhouse, where a large naked man has suddenly appeared. DTZM: What the heck...? The large naked man simply stares menacingly at Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, before breaking into a huge grin. Giant Naked Man (laughing): Ha! I so had you going! You make

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 11)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - November 6, 2015June 14, 2016

The scene: 30,000 years BC, more or less. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van is curled up on the floor of the hut, clutching his bag of weed tightly. Covalent Blonde is attempting to wrestle it away as Horatio Cornblower and OSZ try to reason with him. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: No

The Tale of The Texan

WhyEaglesWhy - October 31, 2015October 30, 2015

A few years ago, on Halloween night, a lovely young lady consented to accompany me on a date. HEY, COME BACK, THAT'S NOT THE SCARY PART! After a romantic dinner at Sizzler, we drove to Lovers’ Lane so I could work off that five slices of cheese toast. It was at a

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 10)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 30, 2015June 14, 2016

The scene: Halloween night, one year ago. Otto Man, dressed up as Spider-Man, is walking down the street. Otto Man (singing): Otto Man, Otto Man, doing whatever an Otto can... In the distance, a car approaches slowly. Otto Man: Man, I'm sure glad OSZ talked me into dressing up tonight. Every