Football is so close I can almost taste Andy Reid’s discarded bib from his blitzkrieg-like invasion of a now bankrupt Golden Corral location in the suburbs of Kansas City. (The tater tots put up a valiant defence but were overwhelmed after 10 minutes of hardcore hand to mouth combat). The fantasy football drafts are also close by. Here is FANTASYPROS consensus expert ranking of the top ten:
Adrian
Jamaal
Le’Veon
Eddie
Marshawn
Antonio
Gronk
Dez
CJ
Demaryius
I think Jamaal is going to fall due to the enormous number of touches he had last year and I might throw T.Y. in there somewhere but this seems to be a solid list. Thoughts? Strategies? Sleepers? Are you in an interesting league or one that has ran its course? Open thread?
Killing Collinsworth
Idea #2: build a man sized cheese grater, use it on Collinsworth, sprinkle him with rubbing alcohol between scrapes.
We should do a post on the many ways of killing Collingsworth. I bet you we get over 100 comments on that one.
#376 – Find a way to swap his soul with Frank Giffords’s two days ago.
The one thing slightly better than football
http://i.imgur.com/gxONe3r.jpg
I count two, possibly three.
Just a reminder, this is supposed to be the Stillers’ #1 D.
Yeesh.
It’s not supposed to be. I read that very few starters are playing.
Do your lying eyes deceive you?
Lots of first-stringers in there.
I’ve been lied to! I’m actually not watching the game yet.
Aghast! Am deeply ashamed of any spoiling!
No worries. It’s my fault.
Norv Turner + Teddy Bridgewater = UNSTOPPABLE REGRESSION TO THE MEAN
Two teams I could give a shit about, zero players I’m actually interested in watching, a completely meaningless, sloppy, penalty-filled mess of a game…and I’m still glued to the TV set. God I love football.
It is EASILY the best thing in my life, nay, in all of life generally.
5 minutes in and I’m planning new ways to kill Collinsworth.
Idea #1: coat him in honey, shove him into a closet full of fire ants for two days.
Last year, 800 komments on the HOF game open thread. 2013, 1,200+.
O/U on this year?
Here? You want DTZM to have a breakdown?
Nah, I’m talking there. That one place that no longer exists.
Heh. Double digits if they are lucky and get some trolls.
Tim Brown seems like a good guy.
The Vikings matte helmets have grown on me.
I’ll stay here and write 10000 comments, out of pure fucking spite for those dicklicking buttholes at Uproxx
On Uproxx?
BOSS TODD FUCKIN WOO
Cave-in, Minnesota?
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/1502426/metrodome-roof-collapse-o.gif
holy shit holy shit holy shit football football football FOOTBALL FOOTBALL
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Landry Jones? Damn. I was hoping for Charlie Batch.
Charlie Batch has been mummified.
Mixed marriage going on in Yinzerville.
Uproxx Sports editor is a little pee-pants baby: https://twitter.com/ChrisMottram/status/629728015627517952
Yes. I just asked him if he should be tweeting about Bud Light. Fucking shithead.
He’s over in the former site’s live blog being all buddy buddy with the remnants. He’s the dirt worst.
Not to mention the fact that he doesn’t understand the difference between banning people that are dicks and censoring to avoid upsetting a sponsor.
He seems a tad shrill.
I think “shill” is more his game.
There can be only one quintessential Steeler:
http://www.steelers.com/assets/images/imported/PIT/photos/clubimages/2014/02-February/tempJoeGreene_0028–nfl_mezz_1280_1024.jpg
AMEN
God finishes Chuck Bednarik’s job.
Fuck Dick LeBeau.
Enjoy Nashville, dipshit.
Thank you sir may the Steelers lose the AFC Championsip in a controversial overturned TD.
Nah.
I think I’m going to post milquetoast comments on the KSK open thread
Change your uproxx username to Footsteps Falco.
Over/under – how many times greater will the Stillers’ ratings be in Yinzer-land than the Bucs’ meaningful, regular season primetime game?
I say 5.7x
Stillers early, Bucs late.
One time for a friend’s birthday party we bought the game Operation and every time he went to open a present, he had to pull a part successfully. If he failed he had to take a shot. We did this because the year before we had picked words randomly out of the dictionary and if he spelled them right = present, if wrong = take a shot. The next morning his mom told us he’s dyslexic and maybe we should do a different game the next year.
Are you sure we’ve never hung out in the same group of friends? Because that’s fucking classic.
You are giving me ideas for this year’s birthday party!
But I don’t want Owen Wilson to escape. I want him to be ground into finely chopped hamburger and set on fire.
this shit is hall of fame worthy
http://perfect-curves.tumblr.com/post/125815914698/donna-solomons
Indeed
RIP Junior Seau.
Aaaaand the terrible towels come out and ruin the evening
METHADONE! SWEET, SWEET METHADONE!
That first dose feels soooooo nice.
Landry Jones looks like a much less cool Jesus Quintana.
Norv Turner. Not dead.
THIS DINNER MRS. FOZZ JUST MADE, WE CALL IT THE NASTY BLOW JOB, JUST STICK IT IN YOUR MOUTH AND DON’T COMPLAIN
I wonder how lameass KSK’s open thread will be.
Hopefully our server can keep up here; it’s preseason for us too.
Noticed they were deleting mentions of DFO.
Nope, not petty at all.
Here we stand, Apeless but unafraid, for we stand together in these tumultuous times.
Let the football commence.
Fuck, Mr. Robinson is a fucking pile of hot shit
That’s why Mrs. Robinson had the fling with Dustin Hoffman.
Why all the hatin’, Fozz?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mbyt3au3iY1rhtqsio7_500.jpg
Gentlemen. Ladies.
/assumes too much
So do we stay here for the game or should we open a new post?
It feels right here.
Let’s all fuck a stewardess (NOT a flight attendant dammit) up the ass tonight in honor of The Giff.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/2dc5a99f6416d189fda0a1dd7491d18c/tumblr_nj8ixoB00p1s4xa8lo1_r1_500.gif
Even if you’re a woman.
Mr. Robinson might just be the worst thing I’ve ever seen on TV. And I watched Mr. Box Office!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/01c0d26255388c9d61c9a73b0a5d71f1/tumblr_nkybd30KHa1r84h3xo1_500.jpg
Monday off.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/24c036a85d9ff8aa3d4206355b444ae7/tumblr_nhcwfqbnmy1sjkhs5o2_1280.png
Don’t need no warrant…………..
FOR MY PANTS!!
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Lucky!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b0683660c1383d574283efded8fc045a/tumblr_nim43xbdqW1qdiaboo1_500.gif
Moi aussi. Me is hap, hap, happy.
SHIRT ANGRILY OFF!!
http://31.media.tumblr.com/fe25e3a10ce1bdae6bbdcfa9d2773b9e/tumblr_nhizhvbIVK1r426i4o1_250.gif
I remember the first year I did fantasy football, and I cashed at the end (we get payouts for Top 3 in overall points for the season in addition to playoffs) thanks to that ridiculous run Steve Beuerlein went on for the Panthers where he threw like 4-5 TDs every week.
I consistently won by like 80 or lost by 5 and the frustration would have killed the current-aged heart o’ mine.
The first time I made the playoffs was thanks to the garbage time long-strike combination of Jeff Blake to Carl Pickens. It’s too bad I have few fantasy skills apart from dumpster diving,
I romped through a league and then lost a champeenship to a guy that picked up Beuerlein and Muhsin Muhammad.
If he’s dead that would be great.
1999 was your first year I take it? Personally, I will never play fantasy football because it would distract me from the game and could cause situations where I would have to root against the Dolphins.
Yup. When I started my legal career in DC (lasted 18 whole months!). I still drive back to NoVa for the auction every year.
Frank Gifford is fucking whores in heaven.
Or he’s in hell being spit-roasted by Don Meredith and Howard Cosell.
Too soon?
NEVAR!!!!
Finally! A release from the hell that is Kathy.
Hooray! I got two of ’em!
Those of you looking for WR “darts” – Denver’s Cody Latimer. Kubiak isn’t as shy about giving young skill position guys reps as Foxy was, and Latimer has immense physical tools.
We’ll see about the hands, but fast and pretty strong.
Nice to have a 6’2″ guy in there if/when teams double up Demariyus in the red zone.
I entered a CBS 40$ pay league draft in early august (because the addiction is real) and unfortunately was randomly assigned 1st picked in a snake draft format.
Would vastly prefer 6th through 9th this season, or honestly an auction draft for that matter, but c’est la vie.
Long story short, I went with the ALL DAY childbeater. Only other pick that tempted me was Lev Bell- this draft was before his suspension reduction
I believe in Le’Veon, especially in PPR. He plays every down, and is a monster in the passing game. The last truly complete back in the modern game. Just an awesome player.
He also lacks an “upside” backup, which means he is in no risk of losing touches, and you can get the game 1 and 2 starter (the cromulent at best DeAngelo Williams) dirt cheap. Win-win all around.
So the rumors are true, there is a KSK refugee camp. Thank you Jeebus!
Le’veon is injury prone and suspended so no.
/watches as he leads the league in rushing.
I grabbed him when he was in a walking boot and lost a portion of my hearing due to the laughter of my ‘friends’. He helped me to 2 champeenships last year.
You know those championships that are like, double championships?
http://40.media.tumblr.com/41e5494b118bd98eb9b72e9260ab6a62/tumblr_njw2su6D3t1u7iuu2o4_400.jpg
/wishes Otto Man would stop by to say hi
Chocolate microscopes?
Hey guys, as a long time reader but never Kommentator at KSK I want to now join the growing chorus of ‘Fuck you Uproxx’. That feels better.
Now to business: Amari Cooper as a sleeper? If he’s as good as he looks so far, Derek Carr will look his way more often than I look at the Alison Brie’s boobs Tumblr. And that is a lot.
Welcome! Happy to have you join us. With regards to Cooper (and I say this as a Raiders fan who intends to overdraft Raiders out of sheer homerism), from what I’ve been reading Carr has really been building a rapport with Crabtree, so he might be more of a priority.
I’m a big believer in garbage time offense WRs.
Again; This could be both a football and non-football observation. \
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Can I join the “fuck uproxx” bandwagon too? I’m good at joining bandwagons. I got on the 49ers bandwagon when I was 8 in 1989. Then I joined the NY Yankees bandwagon in the early 90’s. Fortunately I hate everything that comes out New England so I spent a good decade hating Brady.
I remember a time when drafting rookie wr’s was a complete waste of time. The college game has caught up and those days are gone. Take a flier on that guy.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/a3a46f76d6bc1c8c69ce4e7bad0fb545/tumblr_nfentil35s1rzynyko1_500.gif
Hey guys serious question? How can I get my original avatar back. I can’t look at Peter King’s face much longer
Go into your user page and put the image in all the way at the bottom. Or you can use Gravatar if you have that. Or you can email it to [email protected] and I’ll do it for ya, because I’m nice like that.
Nevermind, yours was easy to find, so I just did it for you. Customer service is the DFO way!
Honest question, kids: are we still going to have a Gratuitous Simpsons Quotes league?
If it happens my team is “Yabba Dabba Doo!”.
I’m in 3 or 4 leagues, and one of them, every year, I have to remind people 30 times to sign up. (Yes, I almost always end up as the commish, so thanks OSZ, so I don’t have to do another one.) Otherwise, they all have different rules, so I keep them all. I have one that’s a 2 keeper ppr, one that’s a 2 QB, otherwise standard Yahoo league, and one crazy league that’s all based on how long the TD is. Then, of course, there’s the league with you fine folks. Speaking of which, I totally want to liveblog our draft here.
My old league (founded circa 1998) is very tired but we still plug away. That’s why I liked last year’s deal on “The Site That Shall Not Be Mentioned”. Alive blog of the draft?
[insert gif of Andy Reid crashing through a wall and yelling “Oh Yeah Right!]
Scotchnaut XII: So Very Tired
http://31.media.tumblr.com/0fa041b0ad476d4ea6f648714c413f87/tumblr_mw6hzyJl441rnde1eo3_250.gif
Something l struggle with every year:
How is standard scoring in leagues so slanted that you wouldn’t draft a qb first?
Just based on touches alone, a mediocre qb stands to get as much value as a top tier rb. Just my thoughts
Most drafters group the positions in terms of relative value. If there are a ton of qb’s that can put up points then their value decreases. A running back that can play all three downs (ie. is not taken out on 3rd for a pass-catching back) has a greater value because he is on the field more often than his stone-handed cousins. In this pass-happy league you can get a point-heavy qb in the 5th and beyond. Therefore, best to load up on positions that have more relative value.
http://i.imgur.com/NIVQjmW.jpg
Shhhhh, your stealing a line from tomorrow’s preview!
Odell Beckham?
I’m not wedded to this top ten-who would you kick to the curb?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/20ed2f8d365bb0b175cbe9d59fb02d4a/tumblr_mwknqkwKyk1rnr47go2_250.gif
No Dez? I hate him but he’s a huge target in the red zone.
This could be both a football and non-football observation.
His mom was a kind of target for a while….
Fook! He was in the top ten!
Oh, crap! I’m sorry. Went blind for a minute. I’m an idiot, sorry.
No, I’m the idiot. I edited to fix my mistake. You’re good.
Khloe Kardashian’s top ten baby names?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m84tmvNfOP1qa4kw5o1_1280.gif
Top ten baby daddies?
There are 4 directions and 5 senses … + Jesus because Kanye is God (per Kanye).
One more time for anyone who missed it: my #OregonTrailLivetweet begins in about eight minutes on @makeitsnowondem. Check in and see if I used up all the good jokes last time I did this!
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http://blogs.mydevstaging.com/blogs/dadabase/files/2012/08/oregon10.jpg
Too much meat, asshole. Now you starve! And Christina gets cholera of the cancer of the AIDS.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8ffdb1bf524e5dd7581ce525a7eba9c7/tumblr_mwj8f9Jy9g1r8gsqgo2_250.gif
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I woke up this morning feeling like I had cholera – does that help?
Nah, I’d die of dysentary on the Trail anyway.
http://i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/599/855/846.jpg