This is a transcript of a conversation overheard at another table about the St. Louis Rams, soon to be the Los Angeles Rams of Inglewood.

The actors involved are:

Fat guy with mullet (FGWM)

Skinny guy with mullet (SGWM)

Guy In Camo (GIC)

Wife With Perm (WWP)

Here is their story.

FGWM: So, the Rams this year.

SGWM: Eh, who gives a shit? The Rams suck, and have sucked, and will suck next year.

GIC: Listen, they did some stuff! The defense is good, and they brought in a new guy at Quarterback, and they drafted that big Georgia kid to run the ball! They should be good!

FGWM: They also drafted half of their line this year, to add to the guys here that already sucked.

SGWM: Whole side of the line is rookies. Big, fat goddamned rookies.

WWP: Another round of Bud Light Limes!

GIC: Yeah, but Foles is good! He made the Pro Bowl or some shit!

FGWM: Listen, Foles may be average. And that would be an upgrade on what they’ve had over the last two years. But average isn’t good. It’s average! The receivers aren’t good enough to make him better, they have a first time dude calling plays, and for the love of sweet baby Jesus, there’s 2 goddamned rookies and a bunch of castoffs on the line. Foles is gonna get murdered waiting on those giant receivers to get open, or on Tavon Austin to break a damned jam at the line. Then we’re back to watching backups get their asses handed to them.

GIC: But Gurley (heh heh) is gonna be real good. He’s like Adrian Peterson without all of the kid beatin’!

SGWM: I must’ve missed it when he didn’t get hurt in college every goddamned year. But oh, with a crappy line full’a rookies I’m sure he’ll stay healthier. Dumbass.

WWP: Fireball shots and toasted raviolis!

FGWM: Look, we all know the score here. The Rams are leaving and we’re gonna all have to root for the Chiefs or whatever. It’s true! So who really gives two shits about what the Rams do here? LA Ram fans want them to suck because then we won’t come to the games. The NFL wants an excuse for them to leave, so they hope they suck so we don’t go. We KNOW they will suck because they are a football team in St. Louis and it’s not 1999-2001. Stan Kroenke is gonna pack up his stupid little mustache and his Wal-Mart money and the Rams and take it all to Los Angeles. So good riddance. Take your overrated defense and your boring offense and get the hell out of my city. And take Jeff Fisher’s overrated ass with you.

WWP: /Passes out into a cracker pizza

End Scene