The First Real Open Thread of the Season!

FOOBAW-TIME

Holy crap, it’s here.  We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years.  We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light.  Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.

But now, we’re here.  We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain.  Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.

 

FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gina Carano

Tennant Dr Woh Yes

Loki

Al Bundy2nd Half Post is up HERE

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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WCS

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

BrettFavresColonoscopy

No faith in the kicker, eh?

Sill Bimmons

So fucking Wheaton sucks too.

GODDAMMIT MARTAVIS WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

The Flyin Hawaiian David Kalaiki Alii

It’s too bad Larry Brown and Dexter Jackson changed teams after their Super Bowls, so they couldn’t get the opening-game fluffing that Malcolm Butler is getting.

King Hippo

go for it, you dickasses

Gratliff

As a running back, I don’t know that “The Alexa Bliss” is the style to ask for at the salon.

Stabby Pants

If they let Scobee back on the field…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Server down again, or 2 min warning, whatever I was just gonna post this pic

http://41.media.tumblr.com/4c68c221a8938707a2d7a47a54d8c37a/tumblr_nrbh9yXMie1suvylso1_1280.jpg

tundrajim

Subway shouldn’t be talking about fresh meat and foot longs, right about now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Blacklist = Bizarro Chip Kelly’s 53-Man roster.

PunchRockgroin

Can I butt in at this point and say this is in fact the very first time I’ve appeared on this blog?

Sharkbait

“Please forget about Jared”
–Subway

Smithchez

How the fuck you doin, boys?!

Moonbatting Average

O/U on Sabrina Instagram with sleeping Gronk: 48 hours

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Mwah, why didn’t we know that was coming? What do I pay you people for?” -Belichick to his SIGINT staff

ssi_bulldawg

Have we broken the WordPress?

“Begging for flag” from a Patriot = you are ordered to throw a flag.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Antonio brown : good at footballs

Senor Weaselo

Well this drive just screams “Another Scobee missed FG”

Dick E. Phuck

PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE INTERCEPTION.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit! Well done everyone! 500+ comments!

King Hippo

I’ve started listening to my depression songs!

WCS

I’m afraid to try to post anything. If the server breaks again, it’s my bad.

talkingcanofveggies

Jet fuel can’t melt steel beammmms.

– Pete Carroll State Farm Commercial.

Dick E. Phuck

mmmmm Jaimie Alexander

blordinaryfagicmox

I see the asshole nfl producers are already in midseason form with their touchdown-commercial-kickoff-commercial skills.

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Peyton Manning likes chicken parm sandwiches way more than any human should

Starring Hugh Jackman as Adrian Brody.

Mother Puncher

*Ma-stur-bate to coo-king shows*

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I heard Gronk keeps scoring. Does that mean we all have crabs?

phisherman

Nah- just herpes

Senor Weaselo

MORE NATIONWIDE ADS FOR THE NATIONWIDE AD GODS!

Tank Bricklayer

Hi, Everybody!

The Mighty Feklahr

Do we have Ape on deathwatch?

bourb0nblues

“HE GRONKS… I DIE… HE GRONKS AGAIN!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy shit, 500 comments already? Hard ass slaps all around.

Sharkbait

Mid season kommenting form.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

And once the technical difficulties are ironed out- the wave of comments shall be unstoppable.

Senor Weaselo

And think of all the +1 posts eliminated!

The Mighty Feklahr

+1

John Difool

Now witness the power of a fully operational Taek Star…..

Stabby Pants

Between the game and the servers:

http://i.imgur.com/FDgEyYd.gif

King Hippo

At least I can pass out at halftime. Sadly, I only took this as the “loser” half of my money Survivor/Loser pools, instead of doubling down. Still have to sweat the Cowboys Sunday night.

/hope they lose, just like I hoped I was wrong tonight

blackroseMD1

Have the Pats started kneecapping Steeler defenders? Is that why there’s only 10 defenders out there?

If so, did they outsource to Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilooly?

Dick E. Phuck

Fuck

Senor Weaselo

Gronk burning the Steelers in the red zone like the clap.

phisherman

Gronk blowing through Steelers DBs as fast as he does Coeds on spring break.

John Difool

This Pats offense is so white it’s like eating a box of saltines while trapped in a Prius on a highway outside of Whitefish, Montana in a blizzard while listening to the White Stripes

upstate underdog

Just think if Develin wasn’t hurt

phisherman

While snortoing coke

Senor Weaselo

“Go on.” -Joe Flacco

LeighAnne

“Tre’ Jackson, have you thought about changing your name to ‘Stanley’ or ‘Walter?’ It might be a better fit.”

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

It’s alive!

Gratliff

Gronk is raping me in fantasy already. The season has truly started anew.

phisherman

Hit on the Grit after the catch

The Mighty Feklahr

Adding Scott Chandler (Iowa Hawkeye) as their 2nd TE just makes me even gayer for the Pats.

phisherman

Picked up Bolden when Grey was cut- wrong Pat RB to pick up off the waiver wire

Sharkbait

I too, fell for the Bolden start.

King Hippo

I will never, EVER play or roster a Pats RB ever again.

Dick E. Phuck

“I’m not Danny Amendola! I’m Austin Collie!”
– Wes Welker

makeitsnowondem

I love that we’ve come all the way from a five-minute explanation on how picks are illegal but sometimes a team will run a “rub route” to “you’re gonna get a pick set there” with no excuses even contemplated.

upstate underdog

So Scobee gets cut at halftime, right.

Stabby Pants

Only if Tomlin can find a switchblade.

Sill Bimmons

They had them going and then Boss Todd got all fucking cute and fucked the whole thing.

It’s already all over but the crying:

http://jessjozi.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/fuck-d181d0bbd0bed0b2d0be-d0b4d0b2d0b0-d186d0b2d0b5d182d0b0-d187d0b5d180d0bdd18bd0b9-d0b1d0b5d0bbd18bd0b9-2560×1600.jpg