Holy crap, it’s here. We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years. We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light. Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.
But now, we’re here. We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain. Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.
FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2nd Half Post is up HERE
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
No faith in the kicker, eh?
So fucking Wheaton sucks too.
GODDAMMIT MARTAVIS WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
It’s too bad Larry Brown and Dexter Jackson changed teams after their Super Bowls, so they couldn’t get the opening-game fluffing that Malcolm Butler is getting.
go for it, you dickasses
As a running back, I don’t know that “The Alexa Bliss” is the style to ask for at the salon.
If they let Scobee back on the field…
Server down again, or 2 min warning, whatever I was just gonna post this pic
http://41.media.tumblr.com/4c68c221a8938707a2d7a47a54d8c37a/tumblr_nrbh9yXMie1suvylso1_1280.jpg
Subway shouldn’t be talking about fresh meat and foot longs, right about now.
The Blacklist = Bizarro Chip Kelly’s 53-Man roster.
Can I butt in at this point and say this is in fact the very first time I’ve appeared on this blog?
“Please forget about Jared”
–Subway
How the fuck you doin, boys?!
O/U on Sabrina Instagram with sleeping Gronk: 48 hours
“Mwah, why didn’t we know that was coming? What do I pay you people for?” -Belichick to his SIGINT staff
Have we broken the WordPress?
“Begging for flag” from a Patriot = you are ordered to throw a flag.
Antonio brown : good at footballs
Well this drive just screams “Another Scobee missed FG”
PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT THE INTERCEPTION.
Holy shit! Well done everyone! 500+ comments!
I’ve started listening to my depression songs!
I’m afraid to try to post anything. If the server breaks again, it’s my bad.
Jet fuel can’t melt steel beammmms.
– Pete Carroll State Farm Commercial.
mmmmm Jaimie Alexander
I see the asshole nfl producers are already in midseason form with their touchdown-commercial-kickoff-commercial skills.
Peyton Manning likes chicken parm sandwiches way more than any human should
Starring Hugh Jackman as Adrian Brody.
*Ma-stur-bate to coo-king shows*
I heard Gronk keeps scoring. Does that mean we all have crabs?
Nah- just herpes
MORE NATIONWIDE ADS FOR THE NATIONWIDE AD GODS!
Hi, Everybody!
Do we have Ape on deathwatch?
“HE GRONKS… I DIE… HE GRONKS AGAIN!”
Holy shit, 500 comments already? Hard ass slaps all around.
Mid season kommenting form.
And once the technical difficulties are ironed out- the wave of comments shall be unstoppable.
And think of all the +1 posts eliminated!
+1
Now witness the power of a fully operational Taek Star…..
Between the game and the servers:
http://i.imgur.com/FDgEyYd.gif
At least I can pass out at halftime. Sadly, I only took this as the “loser” half of my money Survivor/Loser pools, instead of doubling down. Still have to sweat the Cowboys Sunday night.
/hope they lose, just like I hoped I was wrong tonight
Have the Pats started kneecapping Steeler defenders? Is that why there’s only 10 defenders out there?
If so, did they outsource to Tonya Harding and Jeff Gilooly?
Fuck
Gronk burning the Steelers in the red zone like the clap.
Gronk blowing through Steelers DBs as fast as he does Coeds on spring break.
This Pats offense is so white it’s like eating a box of saltines while trapped in a Prius on a highway outside of Whitefish, Montana in a blizzard while listening to the White Stripes
Just think if Develin wasn’t hurt
While snortoing coke
“Go on.” -Joe Flacco
“Tre’ Jackson, have you thought about changing your name to ‘Stanley’ or ‘Walter?’ It might be a better fit.”
It’s alive!
Gronk is raping me in fantasy already. The season has truly started anew.
Hit on the Grit after the catch
Adding Scott Chandler (Iowa Hawkeye) as their 2nd TE just makes me even gayer for the Pats.
Picked up Bolden when Grey was cut- wrong Pat RB to pick up off the waiver wire
I too, fell for the Bolden start.
I will never, EVER play or roster a Pats RB ever again.
“I’m not Danny Amendola! I’m Austin Collie!”
– Wes Welker
I love that we’ve come all the way from a five-minute explanation on how picks are illegal but sometimes a team will run a “rub route” to “you’re gonna get a pick set there” with no excuses even contemplated.
So Scobee gets cut at halftime, right.
Only if Tomlin can find a switchblade.
They had them going and then Boss Todd got all fucking cute and fucked the whole thing.
It’s already all over but the crying:
http://jessjozi.files.wordpress.com/2014/05/fuck-d181d0bbd0bed0b2d0be-d0b4d0b2d0b0-d186d0b2d0b5d182d0b0-d187d0b5d180d0bdd18bd0b9-d0b1d0b5d0bbd18bd0b9-2560×1600.jpg