Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! It’s here, it’s queer and it’s not going away. I don’t know what that means but it sounded good in my head. I hope everyone is prepared-feel free to tell us what you’re eating/drinking to celebrate this most wonderful of days. As for you guys and gals lurking out there, sign up, get in here and lose your dick joke virginity. No one is going to be shoved into a locker because Horatio reaaaaaaally likes it in there and is sure as hell not going to give it up at this point. [in superhero voice] TO THE GAMES!
GB vs Chi: Good news-Cutler had some new charisma dampeners installed during the offseason. It will influence his play in no way whatsoever. The Packers look to be headed to the NFC Championship even without Jordy and it starts with a win here.
KC at Hou: I’ll go out on a limb and say that the wideout TD drought ends today with a toss to Maclin. I think Kelce, the best tight end after the human TD machine that is Gronk, will grab one also. Houston has a problem-they are 2-12 without Foster and there is only so much that Hopkins can catch. Sounds like a losing formula.
Cle vs NYJ: After this game one team will have a head start on their inevitable descent to the basement of their division whereas the winner’s same path will be delayed by one game. I’m thinking the Jets follow the lead of their eventual starter at QB and take this one on the chin.
Ind vs Buff: 32 yr. old Gore’s last hurrah will take place in Indy. The guy has done remarkably well for someone who has blown out a knee, had major surgery on both shoulders and fractured a hip. The Tyrod Taylor Era begins in Buffalo. It will be characterized by sailing balls, long scampers, ugly low-scoring games and a 2nd place finish in the AFC East. Maybe.
Mia at Wash: Does anyone cheer for the Washington franchise any more? They’ve got a powerful stink coming off them these days. Here’s hoping Miami slaps Snyder into the 21st century.
Car vs Jax: The Jags perhaps maybe making incremental progress? (sentence sponsored by PK) Bortles looked better in the pre-season, there’s a new RB in town and Robinson, Lee and Hurns aren’t the worst set of wideouts in the league. (I think the Titans, Niners and Browns are fighting for that distinction) If Funchess works out the Panthers will have a devastating aerial attack next year but I’m told there are still some games to be played in 2015.
Sea at StL: Business as usual for the ‘Hawks. I remain surprised that coach Carroll has been able to sustain this amount of success after the debacle that was his tour as leader of the Jets. One of the stars of a snarky post I did about “breakout” fantasy players may get the start at RB for the Rams. Step up to the mic Benny Cunningham and try not to trip on the way. The Rams are 3-17 against Seattle the last ten years. Ouch.
EDIT: The afternoon games thread is LIVE.
Well, I predicted a fist fucking and just got four fingers with hangnails.
Oh well. Back to disappointment for me.
Helluva contest in Chicago.
Nick Foles played basketball AND baseball, folks. I believe a gauntlet has been laid down.
Probably should have stuck with either of them.
Foles should be THE DFO Mascot, because he flies open both ways
NICK FOLES: A BASED OF BALLS, A BASKET OF BALLS TYPE PLAYER
Ah good, at least Chicago is going to shit this one away, as expected.
Cobb
http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSF5Bt2_71Qwwij6J7Kq-BYkTC-PJN-m-F0k2U28yjVDrB8qizdZpbf9PM
Fuck me, what a catch with essentially one arm.
Cobbdown! Despite the interference
Miami has tried so hard to lose this game, too.
Washington now going with their ‘Shitting the Bed’ game plan.
Next up : ‘Screwing the Pooch’
I didn’t catch the name, but, a Jet is dead. Number 96?
It’s 55 Maldin I think.
They are out there for a LONG time.
Just flipping channels and public television is showing ‘Lawrence of Arabia’; there’s a good way to spend four hours on a shitty day.
That’s a great movie and Lawrence In Arabia is a great book.
It is, but vastly better on a big screen.
/70mm snob
//fell asleep when he got the DVD out of the library
///JAW FLEW OPEN when he saw it in a theater two years ago
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Punt returned for TD by Landry for the Dolphins.
Hooray, I may yet survive Week 1 of the Eliminator!
GAH Cleveland’s uniforms surprised me! Got me full in the face!
They are awful; I thought the TV at the gym was out of focus for a good five minutes.
JFFumble, good. Mauldin down, bad.
The [*Redacted] s are performing their “Salute to Offensive Penalties”
Its nice and tasteful.
Orders for Sadness are really taxing the Factory’s capacity right now
JOHNNYEIGHTBALLFUMBLE
Do the [*Redacted] s actually know how to play football?
Nope.
Manziel is going to need a drink after this.
Johnny Football everyone.
I know it’s the Bears but watching Lacy run like this must make Packers fans even more rabid about McCarthy going for all those FGs in the NFC Championship last year.
Soooo my stream of redzone is studdering ultra bad, any help?
Happening to everybody, probably sunspots.
Genuinely surprised broadcasters don’t refer to Graham’s touchdowns as slam dunks.
T.Y. having knee examined.
If it was a foot injury you know Rex would be jackin’ it.
FUCK
He’s gotten about 35 looks from Luck already. Luck is going to run him into the ground this year.
BasketballDOWN!!!!
There’s gonna be overtime isn’t there. I should order a shot.
You should order the bottle.
You should call a cab.
I suggest watershed gin
Maybe a couple, just to be sure.
If you need encouragement from RGIII to win a game you just may need some sort of an intervention.
Wilson with a clear path to the end zone, chucks it into coverage. Guess he doesn’t have a special water for better decision making.
The Lord told him to save himself for the entire season.
>guy came into bar 1-1/2 ago
>orders bacon, white russian
>takes 2 sips, eats 1 strip
>says “I’ll be back in 10 mins”
>leaves wallet and drink AND BACON
>just comes back
>”oh look, the Seahawks are getting their asses kicked. Oh shit, here’s my wallet!”
/facepalm
That guy?
Peter King.
What kind of a person leaves bacon un-eaten?
White Russian and bacon, breakfast of champions
Did you take the bacon?
How many pieces of bacon ended up in your pocket?
I almost pirated that bacon, but as a sloth, I had not made my way to his plate yet. It was a long way down the bar.
10 – 10 Fins/Skins. That will be all the scoring for this game today.
Until Cousins self-safeties himself in overtime.
a completely deserved result, for maybe the two worstest coaches in the league.
In DC we got a barn burner…er I mean dumpster fire..
Do we chug for any receiver that gets mentioned they use to play Basketball, or is that just for Graham?
Whoa. There’s ANOTHER elite athlete that at one time played basketball?
Dolphins going for the tie i see.
Phins/Skins: Failbuki Theatre
#fuckingref
John Lynch is not terrible on play by play. When did that happen?
What do the fucking Dolphins have against Lamar Miller?
There’s only one real way to listen to “The Final Countdown”:
Rex Ryan: “Goddammit…there goes my boner…….i’m still pretty hard though…”
Luke McCown: Verizon spokesman.
http://s1.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/Saints-Backup-QB-Luke-McCown-Stars-in-a-Hilarious-Verizon-Ad.jpg
A second rate QB for a third rate comm. company.
Can’t complain for him, nice work to get an endorsement deal.
Another family game day tradition, instead of just refrigerating your beverages break out the ice chest and ice them beers down.
Something makes you feel more like a man when you grab an icy cold, dripping beer from right out of the ice chest.
Hell yes!
All that and Luck couldn’t be bothered to throw to Hilton
/chugs Mallort while looking at Seahawks offensive line
No, nothing is worth chugging Mallort.
The Mahtian.
“Hooston, we have a wicked pissah up he-ahh….”
No dahhhkies on Mahhhs. Ouah women ahhhe safe
Huh, so the Dolphins realized that they have a good receiver on their team..
Not sure which is more confusing to Luck at this point, Bills Defense or fire.
Does anyone else sort of expect Boger to start talking dirty.
“Hoading on the offence number eleventy nine”.
So, Angelenos…are you totes hype for the Rams now??
Well, we endured them before. At least I could take surface streets to the game!
The game day experience in Inglewood will be…. in Inglewood.
There’s a Church’s Fried Chicken right across the street and I’m pretty sure the Sizzler is still there.
Europe was paid in hot pockets for that commercial appearance.
And they were happy to get them.
What’s great is, they could have replaced them with their stunt doubles and NOBODY WOULD KNOW.