Taste the Pants-Free Lifestyle-Your Late Games Open Thread

I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…

Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.

Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.

Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.

Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.

NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
854 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
phisherman

Haahahahahahaha!

King Hippo

STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JustStopDude

Awesome.

How the fuck do you catch the ball in the end zone and then hand it to the defensive player?!?

entropy

The Baltimore way….?

fleshwound_NPG

ELITECEPTION 2: ELITE BOOGALOO

Sill Bimmons

Hyfkytdkytdkgfckgfdkgfdkgfdkyfditrditfditrdjfds

entropy

Holy fucking shit!!

JustStopDude

Has Flacco thrown it downfield or to anyone other than a RB today?

King Hippo

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re not booing….they’re chanting “Jooooeeeeeee”

Doktor Zymm

HOW MANY MINUTES TILL SNF?! Today is not a day where I have patience for down time.

phisherman

Fuck! Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck.

JustStopDude

Elite “throw it 7 yards short and pray for an interference call” play.

King Hippo

Totally fucking clean. Total bullshit

Sill Bimmons

WITHIN FIVE YARDS OF LOS NO FUCKING WAY

makeitsnowondem

That’s a shit call.

phisherman

Donk on Donk violence

King Hippo

I mean, can’t be tired, they were off the field 11 goddamned minutes

phisherman

Come on, two stops; just two

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

Nice dimples.

Sill Bimmons

KILL KILL KILL

Dick E. Phuck

Elite under-throw.

litre_cola

I liked the Broncos fan just shown with the Git Er Done Hat with a confederate logo.

/klassie look

JustStopDude

Why does Flacco keep throwing screens?

Doktor Zymm

One step closer to my prediction of a Cardinals Super Bowl. Granted, this prediction was the result of a half-assed poll of two of my co-workers and myself, with one co-worker voting for whichever team she thought had the better looking QB. (She’s now anti-Tom Brady cause Garroppolo is dreamy)

makeitsnowondem

If a non-Broncos team is going to win the Super Bowl this year, I want it to be the Cards with a healthy Carson Palmer. That guy deserves it.

Sill Bimmons

oh please

fleshwound_NPG

Donks D starting to get undressed…

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Eh, you don’t unzip a properly laced corset that way

King Hippo

Motherfucker

makeitsnowondem

Unfuckingreal on that toss play. I’m not saying I will murder Wade Philips but

King Hippo

Not murder if justified ,, ppl forget that

entropy

“He needed killin, Judge,” is sadly no longer viable.

Senor Weaselo

Nicely done.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Winston just into triple coverage… in a clean pocket.

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

STOP PLAYING SOFT

blaxabbath

No glance is worth a light.

So never check your mirrors.

Gratliff

Keep the head traumas moving

King Hippo

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT

phisherman

I know, elite ness may prevail. Skip has a hard on right now

Moonbatting Average

oh Godammit

King Hippo

we like to keep shit interesting

King Hippo

C’mon. One more stop…

Sill Bimmons

YEAAAHHHHH DOOONNNKKKKSSSSSSSSS

/hears in-com-plete
//sigh

Martin
blaxabbath

We’re losing America!

entropy

And now I will play G-Love and Special Sauce, I-76.

laserguru

Fuck yes, Sill. Without him the Sixers never win that ring.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Out-of-control beard Andrew Luck looks like he’s trying out for the Soggy Bottom Boys.

entropy

Out of control beard Andrew Luck is just “unshaven Tuesday Andrew Luck.”

Doktor Zymm

So, if a tailor asks “How do you dress?” Do you just say, “I don’t.” ?

litre_cola

Go with Smart Casual Homeless.

King Hippo

Just rememered the Broncos are down a starting safety. Gulp.

blaxabbath

Next man up!

Doktor Zymm

I’m used to teams where the secondary is more like the quintendary.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

“Safeties aren’t that important”
-John Schneider

Romonobyl

“Safeties aren’t important”.

-Plaxico Burress

Mother Puncher

Place your bets on the first Bengals player injured in garbage time. My money’s on Eifert.

blaxabbath

If only Sean Peyton knew of some way to create additional incentive for his defense….

laserguru

One other thing bro 3 brought over. ..He’s a card carrier and he brought some of that pharmaceutical shit.
I’m higher than Aunt fucking Jemima right now.

phisherman

Edibles? Edibles fuck me up hard

laserguru

just smokeables. serious smokeables.

blaxabbath

Had to get off the edible bandwagon when I got $80 worth of useless rings.

Now I ride that Magic Flight. THANK YOU, MY PTSD!

Doktor Zymm

All the teams that didn’t hire Bruce Arians are fucking idiots. (Lookin at you Bears)

blaxabbath

I’m just impressed the Bidwills can be fucking hands off enough to not fuck with their Executive/Coach of the Year team.

blaxabbath

Rob Ryan gives up game winning td. Then checks scoreboard to confirm that he is still in the NFC South.

Doktor Zymm

woo, that guy

blaxabbath

Would you say, maybe, you call that guy some other guy for some reason?

Senor Weaselo

11 minute drive, the longest duration of Peyton’s career, and it’s a field goal. Nice.

phisherman

And they will still lose

phisherman

Yes please