I don’t know about you but it looks like an absolutely beautiful fall day out there. A great day to work in the yard, as a matter of fact. But I won’t be doing that AT ALL. Because of the football, you see. Glorious, glorious games with frothing at the mouth giants trying to disembowel some other guy because he prefers to wear a uniform with a different colour on it. Existential, huh? No? Well, umm, here are the games…
Det vs SD: Melvin Gordon makes his debut against last year’s best rushing defense. Sure there are Suh pieces missing but Melvin [giggles quietly to himself] has some work to do. Welcome to the NFL buddy. These teams rarely play each other so that’s important. The Bolts have 8-8 written all over them.
Ten at TB: I can only assume that this will be the featured game because the NFL is a stupidhead. Titans! Bucs! Oh My! Mariota begins the massive uphill struggle that is getting acclimated to the whys, wherefores and whatchamacallits of the pro game. Evans plans to play but if he’s a no-go don’t blame me for starting him in fantasy. (hamstrings are a such dicey thing with wideouts) Winston gets the start and I miss Giraffe already.
Cin at Oak: This one is for all the chili that you can pour over Ramen noodles. Hey, we’re on a budget! The dangerous (to himself) Dalton has quality help in Green and Hill and he’ll need it because it looks like Khalil Mack is the second coming of [insert name of your favourite defensive player here]. Cincy has never won in Oakland-they’re 0-9.
Bal at Den: This here is the feature game for the 4:25(?) slot. E.S.T. RULES! Apparently the Broncs are dialing it back on O because Peyton can’t feel his fingers or somesuch. I don’t get what the big deal is, I hardly have any feelings at all and I’m fine. Although CJ is a fine back the Ravens are always quite stuffy on D so we’ll see where that goes. Smith, Sr., just get this year over with so that you can get into the booth and be the most interesting talking head since David Byrne.
NO vs Ari: Carson is back! Fans are hoping that last year’s surprising-est team (9 games in) that flew under most folks radar is back and that the window to glory is still open. On paper that seems to be the case. On the other side, Brees has to adjust to the loss of Graham, an aging Colston and the addition of Spiller. Regarding Spiller, and I never get tired of saying this, “He can’t run between the tackles!”. I think Brees will manage just fine with these new variables. If his arm was chewing gum I’d say that there’s still some flavour left. Not sure about that D though…
Haahahahahahaha!
STEWART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I KNEW Kordell would make difference some day.
Awesome.
How the fuck do you catch the ball in the end zone and then hand it to the defensive player?!?
The Baltimore way….?
ELITECEPTION 2: ELITE BOOGALOO
Hyfkytdkytdkgfckgfdkgfdkgfdkyfditrditfditrdjfds
Holy fucking shit!!
Has Flacco thrown it downfield or to anyone other than a RB today?
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They’re not booing….they’re chanting “Jooooeeeeeee”
HOW MANY MINUTES TILL SNF?! Today is not a day where I have patience for down time.
Fuck! Fuck fuckitty fuck fuck!
Fuck.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/5ef0921c5de2fb31473aa011e8cb55ef/tumblr_ntrytqx3jd1s4gcbto2_400.gif
Elite “throw it 7 yards short and pray for an interference call” play.
Totally fucking clean. Total bullshit
WITHIN FIVE YARDS OF LOS NO FUCKING WAY
That’s a shit call.
Donk on Donk violence
I mean, can’t be tired, they were off the field 11 goddamned minutes
Come on, two stops; just two
Heidi has no pants.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/ce845e0a78d0d6cf6024c562633500c1/tumblr_n1awvdCHgN1rol2yio1_1280.jpg
Nice dimples.
KILL KILL KILL
“What is Anne Coulter, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann?”
Elite under-throw.
I liked the Broncos fan just shown with the Git Er Done Hat with a confederate logo.
/klassie look
Why does Flacco keep throwing screens?
One step closer to my prediction of a Cardinals Super Bowl. Granted, this prediction was the result of a half-assed poll of two of my co-workers and myself, with one co-worker voting for whichever team she thought had the better looking QB. (She’s now anti-Tom Brady cause Garroppolo is dreamy)
If a non-Broncos team is going to win the Super Bowl this year, I want it to be the Cards with a healthy Carson Palmer. That guy deserves it.
oh please
Donks D starting to get undressed…
Eh, you don’t unzip a properly laced corset that way
Motherfucker
Unfuckingreal on that toss play. I’m not saying I will murder Wade Philips but
Not murder if justified ,, ppl forget that
“He needed killin, Judge,” is sadly no longer viable.
Nicely done.
Winston just into triple coverage… in a clean pocket.
noooo
http://i.ytimg.com/vi/7ZeFDe44Ddo/maxresdefault.jpg
STOP PLAYING SOFT
No glance is worth a light.
So never check your mirrors.
Keep the head traumas moving
GODFUCKINGDAMNIT
I know, elite ness may prevail. Skip has a hard on right now
oh Godammit
we like to keep shit interesting
C’mon. One more stop…
YEAAAHHHHH DOOONNNKKKKSSSSSSSSS
/hears in-com-plete
//sigh
RIP Moses Malone
http://pe2.samondeo.com/images1/moses-malone-10.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/2686f3ff6294507ad2eb36c1796346d9/tumblr_nif0ymeGe21tgisego1_500.gif
We’re losing America!
No. Really?
And now I will play G-Love and Special Sauce, I-76.
Fuck yes, Sill. Without him the Sixers never win that ring.
Back in the day they called him The Black Hole because if you passed the ball in to him it would never come back out.
Out-of-control beard Andrew Luck looks like he’s trying out for the Soggy Bottom Boys.
Out of control beard Andrew Luck is just “unshaven Tuesday Andrew Luck.”
So, if a tailor asks “How do you dress?” Do you just say, “I don’t.” ?
Go with Smart Casual Homeless.
Just rememered the Broncos are down a starting safety. Gulp.
“What’s a starting safety?”
-Giants DC
Next man up!
I’m used to teams where the secondary is more like the quintendary.
“Safeties aren’t that important”
-John Schneider
“Safeties aren’t important”.
-Plaxico Burress
Place your bets on the first Bengals player injured in garbage time. My money’s on Eifert.
If only Sean Peyton knew of some way to create additional incentive for his defense….
One other thing bro 3 brought over. ..He’s a card carrier and he brought some of that pharmaceutical shit.
I’m higher than Aunt fucking Jemima right now.
Edibles? Edibles fuck me up hard
just smokeables. serious smokeables.
Had to get off the edible bandwagon when I got $80 worth of useless rings.
Now I ride that Magic Flight. THANK YOU, MY PTSD!
All the teams that didn’t hire Bruce Arians are fucking idiots. (Lookin at you Bears)
I’m just impressed the Bidwills can be fucking hands off enough to not fuck with their Executive/Coach of the Year team.
Rob Ryan gives up game winning td. Then checks scoreboard to confirm that he is still in the NFC South.
woo, that guy
Would you say, maybe, you call that guy some other guy for some reason?
11 minute drive, the longest duration of Peyton’s career, and it’s a field goal. Nice.
And they will still lose
All the David Johnson’s? All the David Johnson’s.
Ladies and gentlemen …
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f363b435c2a8f12fadbbd9e035630616/tumblr_nujh5zXrey1uq3x5lo1_1280.jpg
Yes please