Your Monday, Not At All Funday Open Thread

Your job sucks, the apartment/house is a mess but you don’t feel like cleaning , the kids/dog/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is/are howling at you-you need some peace, don’t you? Well here comes good old football to fill the void that family and loved ones can’t. Now just pull up your Chevy Silverado to the old TV, crack open a Bud Lite, and get face deep into a bag of Doritos while you wait for the Papa Johns to arrive. All better? All better. Now remember this feeling tomorrow morning when you get that twitch that tells you to plow into that damn crossing guard. GOD, Could She Take Any Longer To Walk Halfway Out Onto The Road And Back?

KC @ GB: She’s gonna be a sloppy one tonight folks. I checked the weather for the area and it’s 72 degrees but it feels like, ah, 72. There’s a 100% chance of rainy days and Mondays getting you down, as a skeleton once chirped. Here’s something to wrap your noodle around-Smith is only 4 yds behind Rodgers in passing yards. Rodgers pulls way ahead in overall charisma and endorsements though. The Packers rush D is a bit confused these days-they gave 141 yards to Forte but only 41 to Marshawn. JC will end up somewhere in the middle with some receiving yards to boot. Lacy and Davante Adams are listed as probable and if you tune in you can say that you were there when the WR TD drought ended because the Chiefs listed Kelce at the position. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Andy Reid is chewing the fat right now, trying to figure out what to do with CB Jamell Fleming. QB’s that pass on Fleming have a 111 rating. Guess where Rodgers is going to focus his energies? Hopefully, Justin Houston will get some pressure on Rodgers. Who the heck is Houston? He’s the guy that isn’t JJ Watt because the former actually led the league in sacks last year. The knowledge-I dropped it on you.

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King Hippo

Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Is Mason Crosby related to Bing Crosby?

Shogun Marcus

Mason likes to get beaten up, so maybe Bing was a great-great grandfather?

King Hippo

JAMES JONES WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna start a website called draftpresidents.com cause DEMOCRACY

makeitsnowondem

I’m going to start ReturnOfDraftKings to stick it to fantasy feminism.

Dunstan

“My team will consist of Reagan, Reagan, Reagan, and Reagan. And Reagan as a backup.” — Every Republican presidential candidate

King Hippo

Don;t forget Zombie Reagan!!!

blordinaryfagicmox

I’m going to start draughtpresidents.com, whoever picks Andrew Jackson wins every week.

Sill Bimmons

I’ll take FDR and Eisenhower from the 20th century.

JustStopDude

You may be joking but there is serious money on gambling in politics.

My old roommate in college now works in the House of Representatives as a communications director for some asshole. Cocaine, hookers, and gambling are pretty much the constant in DC.

nomonkeyfun

I’ll take James Buchanan, Carter, and Franklin Pierce.

I win right?

nomonkeyfun

http://i.imgur.com/0rhXt9w.jpg
In honor of next month.

Sill Bimmons

hngh

There are better looking women I suppose, but those two transcend physical beauty.

Sill Bimmons

also hngh

Martin

Something something

Spirit Fingers.

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Martin

This broadcast is not winning an Emmy.

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Brocky

Can I get a gif of smith juking peppers and matthews. I can’t imagine a better representation of their collective overratedness

Porky Prime

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All I got.

Brocky

I asked for a gif of alex smith, not a gif showing his career effectiveness

blordinaryfagicmox

Keeping all the players youve drafted is not a stroke of brilliance, it’s cheapness.

Senor Weaselo

And not gross incompetence drafting.

Redshirt

In Cincy, we call that a Mike Brown Special.

blordinaryfagicmox
Redshirt

Alright. That was the first Kansas City drive I’ve seen, but I think I’m up to speed.

Doktor Zymm

How many Lambeau leaps result in the fans stealing the player’s towel?

Senor Weaselo

Oh good, I can log in again!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If the Chiefs were a hardcore punk band they’d be: Jamaal Charles and the Shitdicks

Porky Prime

“Never Mind the End Zone…”

Doktor Zymm

The Dread Zone

Old School Zero

It’s going to be great when the next recession turns out to have started on Draft Kings.

Sill Bimmons

TRICKLE DOWN GAMBLENOMICS

Old School Zero

“President Trump has established the Cabinet of Draft Kings/Payday Lending/Online Degrees/Reverse Mortgages/Beanie Babies.”

Dunstan

“Classiest cabinet ever. Our meetings will get HUGE ratings.”

Sill Bimmons

Get all the Season One Shopkins you can get your hands on.

They’re going to go bonkers right before Xmas.

No lie.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/_JdkloDrrZY/hqdefault.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I’m going with a resurgence in organized crime due to the ease of laundering money via one day fantasy websites.

Sill Bimmons

Guerilla means “little war.”

Porky Prime

Patrick Ewing was a little war?

Doktor Zymm

I’m not sure what message I’m supposed to take away from that Adidas ad.

litre_cola

Is it me or should this game be a hell of a lot more lopsided? Seems like the city of Green Bay home to the Packers LOMBARDI LOMBARDI LOMBARDI should be winning by a lot more?

Senor Weaselo
Doktor Zymm

I should head out to the Saddest Place on Earth (Indiana casinos) this weekend and play some cards. I thought that Rodgers’ fumble must be like some asshole who called all-in without pot odds to chase his flush against your set hitting on the turn, but then the flag is the board pairing on the river and bailing you out.

Redshirt

I’ve been the asshole in that situation. It put him on tilt. The poor guy gave me $700 that night.

Doktor Zymm

Implied tilt odds!

King Hippo

Dunno about you, Redshirt, but usually I’m just doing that because I’m bored and/or drunk.

Also, the redneck coastal Washington “Indian” casinos are pretty depressing, too.

Redshirt

I did it because the board wasn’t paired. One more suit and I had the nuts.

Redshirt

Nevermind. I misread the comment. I’ve done both. My poker strategy involves luck and prayer.

JustStopDude

Green Bay kills people on these plays…when the officials don’t call the penalty…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

For a team named the Chiefs, they sure defend like Custer

Redshirt

Not sure if its been said, but they redid the Uproxx website and now its completely screwed up. They completely destroyed the Raw Open Thread.

I thought you guys would get a kick in Uproxx fucking themselves over.

Sill Bimmons

Stupid UPROXX.

Old School Zero

Wow. That’s baaaaaaaad.

Doktor Zymm

It’s always impressive to watch collective incompetence. How many people did they have working on that, and how many people had to approve it before it went live? Well done, all.

Porky Prime

I can’t post at all on Uproxx anymore. I think they Silled me.

Senor Weaselo
Old School Zero

Based on the recent rulings regarding “Tuck Rule” sort of situations, if that play had been reviewed, I’m pretty sure it would have been ruled a safety.

Dunstan

Well, maybe now that Goodell and Kraft are no longer best pals, perhaps. Otherwise, the “Brady Exception” applies.

blordinaryfagicmox

It would have been ruled that Rodgers never completed the act of catching the snap, so therefore an illegal snap penalty.

The Maestro

FUMBLEEEEE

The Maestro

WelpWelp

Doktor Zymm

Reason #1034292 why Bill Clinton is better than Dan Snyder.

If he was named “Ha-ha Snyder-Dix” Dan Snyder would have already sued him for defamation.

WCS

Over on the based balls sport, Cardinals center fielder Steve Piscotti just got fucked up by Carpenter. Face, meet knee. It was ugly. They had to cart Piscotti off the field. He was clearly unconscious.

JustStopDude

See in DC, they just exchange blows in the dugout. Its more efficient.

Senor Weaselo

At this rate the entire Cardinals team will be dead by the LDS. And they’ll still make the World Series because it’s an odd-numbered year.

blordinaryfagicmox

Green-18?

makeitsnowondem

Is Jamaal Charles the fastest person who’s ever competed in the Special Olympics at any level? Got to be, right?

PhilSimmsKentuckyMethCookbook

“I proved everyone that teased me wrong by being a huge man that can run fast”.

Doktor Zymm

Aaron Rodgers is 31. Thus we most likely have another 7-9 years of Green Bay being competitive. What a great time to live in Chicago.

PhilSimmsKentuckyMethCookbook

Little known fact: the Native American tribe in the Missouri area were called the Dinkndunks.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

And checkdowns are considered wampum.

Sill Bimmons

Nasty outfield collision in PIT.

Piscotty being backboarded off the field.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That was awful. Hopefully it’s precautionary.

Sill Bimmons

Indeed.

Old School Zero

University of Phoenix is no less gambling than Draft Kings. FACT.

Dunstan

Also true of Arby’s.

Moonbatting Average

Match.com

Shogun Marcus

Match.com? Pof? Okcupid?

Sill Bimmons

And VW diesel emissions.

blordinaryfagicmox

“moist” count: increment it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Ha-Ha Clinton Dix: What Really Happened Between Lewinsky and the President

Sill Bimmons

That’s good.

makeitsnowondem

Travis Kelce is Andy Reid’s #1 target (non-food division).

King Hippo

Fuck you Kelce. Shitstain motherfucker.

Sill Bimmons

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Doktor Zymm

Hooray Mr. Smith! Making great strides for tiny handed people everywhere!

Dunstan

“Hi, I’m Alex Smith, and I have Direct TV.”
“Hi, I’m Tiny Hands Alex Smith, and I …. also have Direct TV.”

makeitsnowondem

Really want to have a Meow The Jewels listening party with lady snow’s three cats. Is this animal cruelty.

The Maestro

yes

Sill Bimmons

I don’t know what Meow The Jewels is.

Shogun Marcus

Remix album made on a dare of Run the Jewels using cat sounds.

Sill Bimmons

I don’t know what Run The Jewels is either.

Old School Zero

Just listened all the way through today. That shit is awesome.

Shogun Marcus

Proceed. Mine didn’t mind. Dogs liked it too.

makeitsnowondem

Given recent events, it’s probably a good thing Husain Abdullah stopped the clock from running.

Sill Bimmons

It’s not Texas, so he might have been OK.

Better safe than sorry!

Old School Zero

Oh, good. There’s apparently a Ryan Seacrest clothing line at Macy’s. You, too, can look like a hopeful tampon.

Porky Prime

/saves “Hopeful Tampon” for later use

Porky Prime
nomonkeyfun

Just heard Boomer say that Rodgers is a once a talent, that you want to watch throw the football.
He then said, Montana used to be that guy. Proceeds to say, “When I was playing it was Marino.” The man lost to Montana in the Superbowl. Did I hear him develop CTE in real time?

Porky Prime

Hey, I just realized I’m logged into DFO and it’s not even 1130pm yet!

/checks over shoulder for wife and children
//quiet
///too quiet
////good

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Andy needs a timeout to discuss some things.
http://i.imgur.com/i8JTb9K.jpg

jjfozz

I wish they had the Packers more on prime time games, I wish we could see one more fucking Lambeau Leap. I wish they could mention Lombardi one more time (I’m Italian and it gets on my fucking nerves). I want to hear how the “fans are actual owners!”

It would be nice to see the NFL start to grow interest around other teams in other markets.

Fuck Green Bay.

Sill Bimmons

HOUSTON (AP) — jjfozz Named Texans NFL Outreach Coordinator

Dunstan

Well, the league has generously allowed taxpayers in other cities to get that Green Bay experience by paying for a stadium.

Porky Prime

Fozz…it’s Titletown.

Shogun Marcus

You’re right, but go fuck yourself.

For the record, i can’t stand it either and I live here.

blordinaryfagicmox

I wish we could learn how much of the GB roster was “homegrown” as opposed to trades and FA signings.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Mmmmm I’d like to hold that Tamba Hali fellow myself…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Yes, and other things

makeitsnowondem

Lazy Magnolia 10 is a pretty good beer.

Old School Zero

your mom;s a pretty good lazy

ah whatever

blordinaryfagicmox

I wish NFL games had more commercials so they could be longer. And not different commercials, just more of the same 5 over and over and over again, I’m not completely sick of them yet.

JustStopDude

Have you tried Fan Duel?!? I stopped even pretending that I am going to pay my child support. Its changed my weekends THAT MUCH!!!!

Porky Prime

Real mean do Draft Kings AND Fan Duel. Did you see? Bobby DeAngelo from Trenton NJ won over 2 BILLION DOLLARS.

Anyone else all the winners they show have that same greasy slicked back hair and “bros before hos” punchface?

Sill Bimmons

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King Hippo

I would be able to go to sleep had I started Clay instead of Kelce. Of course, no sane person woulda done that, but still.

litre_cola

i need Devante Adams to outscore Maclin, so here I am.

makeitsnowondem

All I need’s 52 more points from Mason Crosby.

Brocky

Tha dahkie is fakkin!