Your job sucks, the apartment/house is a mess but you don’t feel like cleaning , the kids/dog/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is/are howling at you-you need some peace, don’t you? Well here comes good old football to fill the void that family and loved ones can’t. Now just pull up your Chevy Silverado to the old TV, crack open a Bud Lite, and get face deep into a bag of Doritos while you wait for the Papa Johns to arrive. All better? All better. Now remember this feeling tomorrow morning when you get that twitch that tells you to plow into that damn crossing guard. GOD, Could She Take Any Longer To Walk Halfway Out Onto The Road And Back?
KC @ GB: She’s gonna be a sloppy one tonight folks. I checked the weather for the area and it’s 72 degrees but it feels like, ah, 72. There’s a 100% chance of rainy days and Mondays getting you down, as a skeleton once chirped. Here’s something to wrap your noodle around-Smith is only 4 yds behind Rodgers in passing yards. Rodgers pulls way ahead in overall charisma and endorsements though. The Packers rush D is a bit confused these days-they gave 141 yards to Forte but only 41 to Marshawn. JC will end up somewhere in the middle with some receiving yards to boot. Lacy and Davante Adams are listed as probable and if you tune in you can say that you were there when the WR TD drought ended because the Chiefs listed Kelce at the position. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Andy Reid is chewing the fat right now, trying to figure out what to do with CB Jamell Fleming. QB’s that pass on Fleming have a 111 rating. Guess where Rodgers is going to focus his energies? Hopefully, Justin Houston will get some pressure on Rodgers. Who the heck is Houston? He’s the guy that isn’t JJ Watt because the former actually led the league in sacks last year. The knowledge-I dropped it on you.
Bucs 2 on 0 out bottom 9th.
After what Rosenthal did yesterday, you have to like your chances.
Not so much now.
I’m Googling symptoms of a nervous breakdown watching this.
Basedball game is over, time to watch this snuff film on ESPN.
“I like what Andy Reid did there”
Well yes Jon, everyone enjoys a good combo platter.
The Chiefs should try deflating some footballs.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/11bedca0ea450d58468227f6174f485a/tumblr_nufubg7xMZ1st4bmvo1_500.jpg
My view on the KC offense.
FO’s new stat, Air Yards Less Expected, is my new favorite football thing. ALEX for short, and the leader in negative Air Yards Less Expected on third down this season? You guessed it.
ooh, I’ll have to read the background on that. Is it more a play calling thing, or a completions thing?
Check it: http://www.footballoutsiders.com/clutch-encounters/2015/clutch-encounters-broncos-stun-chiefs
I will continue to watch the [*Redacted] s play, because I want to see if my 5-11 prediction is right, and I will continue to watch the Bears play, because it’s more fun to make fun of Bears fans when you can be really specific, but it looks like my only realistic rooting interest is gonna be Arizona this year. Go team my Dad likes that is also where my company HQ is located! WOOO!
This is relevant, because the Packers play the Cardinals in week 16.
I know talking about baseball on here gets some grumbles, but at least a scoreless baseball game has the advantage of (usually) being over quicker.
How the hell did this end up as a reply?
Toyota: our cars never hit traffic
I haven’t seen that kind of escaping of certain doom since I left my first fiance at the altar.
Hey, I resemble that remark.
Dinosaurs have feathers! When you eat a chicken it’s basically eating a dinosaur!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/700e28ebc20d2c3dffc9437b152531fb/tumblr_nqjg3lPDUS1rj28rmo1_1280.jpg
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/4892902/hnnnng-o.gif
I know. Judi Dench gets me all hot and bothered too. I can’t watch “As Time Goes By” without losing control.
Gruden sounds like he’s having a stroke.
I never knew that Seattle was loud . . .thanks NFL!
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Best Bond girl of all time. Also, the oldest at the time of filming.
She’s no Christmas Jones.
You sir, are correct.
“I must be dreaming.”
Serious question for a sec: when the writers were putting this together in the ’60s, did they intend for her name to be as straight-up a sexual innuendo as it is now? Or did it just happen afterwards?
Pretty sure Ian Fleming was a raging pre-vert and misogynist.
Yes, and yes.
I stand corrected. This is the sexist Bond girl.
http://media.giphy.com/media/1EB6ir5VrJE64/giphy.gif
The Life Guards invade nomonkey’s apartment, take him off to Long Kesh.
All of those were intended. P.S.; there is a pretty good documentary about the original Bond film makers and producers.
Yellow and green overalls with tophat is more than just a poor life choice.
Who is the alternative to Tiny Hands in KC?
Despair.
Bigfoot
Chase Daniel, of all possible people to be employed by a midWestern team, with the most midWestern name possible…
The 2015 KC Chiefs
– a Lars Von Trier film
I thought Andy Reid ate him while filming Too Many Cooks.
Wow. Those holograms in front of Alex Smith are amazing. They almost look like they’re really there!
2pac runs a great crossing route
Left at an Alex Smith sack…came back to an Alex Smith sack…
It’s that kind of party, huh?
SMGDH
3rd and longer than your noodle arm can heave it
Amen brother, amen…
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So that’s what happened to Aaron Rodgers.
Draft Kings sounds like a documentary about people who dodged Vietnam
Time for three Charles runs and a punt
NAH.
/run, run, checkdown, punt
Sack, Sack, checkdown, punt.
Pretty close.
I’m just waiting for the refs to start a Zebra Conference and then we hear over the PA:
Referee: “Did you see the jugs in Section 104? Man, I just want to take my head and just dive right into those….what?…OH SHIT!”
Enrico Palazzo in the 21st century, clearly.
Arby’s: We have the meat.
Aaron Rogers: Go on . . .
Shouldn’t you be conducting community outreach interviews for the Texans?
I don’t get it – but again I’m sick and all medicined up
Earlier I posted a fake AP article declaring you Director Of Texans NFL Outreach after your anti-Green Bay take.
I’m considering mood altering substances for the Ravens-Steelers game on Thursday, here’s the short list:
1. IV hooked up to Bulleit bourbon handle.
2. Rubber mallet to the groin before kick off.
3. Beach towel soaked in ether.
4. Hose from car into living room.
5. Embolism caused by watching our secondary try to defend antonion brown
I’m considering mood altering substances for the Ravens-Steelers game on Thursday, here’s the short list:
1. IV hooked up to Bulleit bourbon handle.
2. Rubber mallet to the groin before kick off.
3. Beach towel soaked in ether.
4. Hose from car into living room.
5. Embolism caused by watching our secondary try to defend antonio brown
Game Managed the shit outta that one
http://media.giphy.com/media/BENVaY6CQkmyc/giphy.gif
Every DFOer’s worst nightmare.
Got a half handle of Woodford going. You’d be welcome to a shot, or 3
Fuck you 80
I’ll take forty. That should get me through tomorrow morning.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY
The DFO theme song.
I have a bunch of airplane bottles from my birthday pinata iffen you want.
I tell ya, the kids were REAL confused.
There’s nothing more lonesome, duller or sicker, than a sad DFOer in house with no liquor.
Arby’s just had to ruin brisket
This is why I miss natural turf. In the rain, this game would be fun.
Fuck yes. I want some mudball.
Oh my God, a muddy Ray Nitschke… don’t get Buddy all hot and bothered!
Can you imagine if this was snow falling instead of rain?
You shush that filthy foodhole!
“Ehhhhhhhhthe fuuurrrozen tunnnndruhhhhh.”
If you go to Taco Bell, that doesn’t make you a taco.
-Justin Bieber
I just read that, too, and thought “Yeah, but it does make you regret it.”
When I was in college, getting a worthless Communications degree, I worked in a mall that had a Taco Bell AND an Arby’s. I had many, MANY shame meals.
Don’t forget Sbarro, DTZM. Never forget.
Dear God, so many Sbarro’s slices… I’m just glad I worked in a mall when I was young and in shape. If I ate like that now I’d be…um…also fat.
The Philadelphia VA had a Burger King.
A Burger King. In a hospital.
You could get your Whopper your way. You know, served to you on your deathbed.
In Philly VA, Burger King is you!
After you die.
If you go to Wendy’s, that doesn’t make you a Wendy.
— MRA/PUAs
!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/d65e667b45c9f025652de481f1a37e23/tumblr_nhoq5umKRa1syvjuco1_500.gif
Well no, you have to order and pay for a taco before they make you a taco.
Ladies and Gentleman, Packers in the Rain.
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/02083/Adam_Cooper_2083719b.jpg
Did KC forget to hire a wr coach again?
“There are wide receivers?” -Alex Smith
“Oooooohhhhh yes.” –Aaron Rodgers
http://static.celebuzz.com/uploads/2015/05/Mad-Men-Peggy-Smoke-Some-Marijuana.gif
Peggy has the right idea.
So those Mexican volleyballists from the other night are from a Carl’s Jr./Hardee’s ad.
These Mexican volleyballists:
?quality=88&strip=all&w=650&strip=all
Please post this on trump’s campaign Facebook page
Trump loves his cheap immigrant labor that comes from the entire world, not just Latin America.
That’s why he’s dragging the immigration issue so far to the right that the other GOP candidates can only shoot themselves in the foot in response to his lunacy.
He’s a Trojan Horse, but not for Hillary.
For Donald Fucking Trump.
2/7? Two for seven? How is that even possible in 2015?!
I know, I mean who only throws 7 passes?
Alex Smith game middle manager
Porn is a weird thing, eh?
So..the Bears have already given up on the season? I’m gonna go ahead and assume I’ll be able to get Skins @ Bears tickets for less than $50.
I think you misplaced the decimal point.
You can watch Skins @ Bears at Buddy’s bar for free! But you do have to sign a waiver
Halftime summary: JESUS
Chris “that tire fire sure is” Berman
As Peter Gabriel sang….
Here Comes The Flood
Trying to watch el beisbol just to avoid goddamned Berman…you really forget how truly boring it is in close comparison to el futbol norteamericano.
YOU JUST DONT UNNERSTAND THE NOOWANCE
Having hickory-marinated, bacon-wrapped pork tenderloin roasted and finished under the broiler.
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/50366653.jpg
I was at a Jewish wedding this weekend that had bacon wrapped scallops as an appetizer. If I were to ever practice a religion, it would be barely observant Judaism.
That’s hilarious.
My Aunt had shrimp at my cousin’s Bat Mitzvah.
My mother and wee laughing for twenty minutes while cleaning the shrimp.
Most Jews here in NJ have been to Temple University but never Temple
Berman just looks like he smells sooooooooo bad.
Definitely some sort of rank cheesy odor.
Permanent behind the ear stink.
How long has Andre Rison been out of the league now?
He’s gonna have to die before Berman retires that one, I guess.
I’m just here for the Brie/Jacobs gifs.
Oh, and I guess to see if Jamaal can score me some fantasy points.
But mostly the gifs.
http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0xswi9yQQ1r3gtgco1_500.gif
I’m happy to oblige.
You, sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.
If you could read my mind you wouldn’t be calling me a gentleman.
I just love Monday Night Football games where at halftime the score is so bad that if it was a boxing match it would be stopped by the ref due to a boxer being Outclassed.
10-Run Rule.
Nice tie, Berman.
Screw it…I’m flipping to Rick and Morty…
Twas excellent this week.
Does it get better than the pilot? Couldn’t finish the pilot.
pilot was worst episode by like factor of 10. AWESOME SHOW. I don’t even like sci-fi, generally.
Coo, I think Hulu has a season or two. Guess I’ll try again.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mc6o70aVNd1r426i4o8_250.gif
If you’ll excuse me I’ll be back in 30 seconds.
What are you going to do with the other 27 seconds?
Cleaning up, and that was 29.675 seconds of clean up. I always leave my women satisfied.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–2fjAoGEV–/1166394113222297959.jpg
An Andy Reid team sucks in the two-minute drill? I’m shocked.
Who is asking “Why would you give the ball to Jamaal Charles?” No one is asking that.
People who forget that the quarterback is Alex Smith.
As a Kelce owner, I am asking that.
Am I accidentally streaming LiveLeak? Cause all I’m seeing here is a physical assault.
Me: Hey, Second Beer. Should I have you?
Second Beer: I think you know the answer to that, OSZ. /wink
Me: Yes. Yes, I do.
It’s only fair. You can’t play favorites and love your first beer more than your second.
Glad to hear NSZ didn’t clean you out.
Whatcha got?
Weihenstephaner Oktoberfest. Like the Warsteiner Oktoberfest before it, it’s nice and bready.
http://gifsoup.com/view6/2712571/homer-tries-to-eat-pie-o.gif