Your Monday, Not At All Funday Open Thread

Your job sucks, the apartment/house is a mess but you don’t feel like cleaning , the kids/dog/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend is/are howling at you-you need some peace, don’t you? Well here comes good old football to fill the void that family and loved ones can’t. Now just pull up your Chevy Silverado to the old TV, crack open a Bud Lite, and get face deep into a bag of Doritos while you wait for the Papa Johns to arrive. All better? All better. Now remember this feeling tomorrow morning when you get that twitch that tells you to plow into that damn crossing guard. GOD, Could She Take Any Longer To Walk Halfway Out Onto The Road And Back?

KC @ GB: She’s gonna be a sloppy one tonight folks. I checked the weather for the area and it’s 72 degrees but it feels like, ah, 72. There’s a 100% chance of rainy days and Mondays getting you down, as a skeleton once chirped. Here’s something to wrap your noodle around-Smith is only 4 yds behind Rodgers in passing yards. Rodgers pulls way ahead in overall charisma and endorsements though. The Packers rush D is a bit confused these days-they gave 141 yards to Forte but only 41 to Marshawn. JC will end up somewhere in the middle with some receiving yards to boot. Lacy and Davante Adams are listed as probable and if you tune in you can say that you were there when the WR TD drought ended because the Chiefs listed Kelce at the position. IT WAS THE ONLY WAY IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. Andy Reid is chewing the fat right now, trying to figure out what to do with CB Jamell Fleming. QB’s that pass on Fleming have a 111 rating. Guess where Rodgers is going to focus his energies? Hopefully, Justin Houston will get some pressure on Rodgers. Who the heck is Houston? He’s the guy that isn’t JJ Watt because the former actually led the league in sacks last year. The knowledge-I dropped it on you.

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Senor Weaselo

HEY WAIT THIS GAME ISN’T O–never mind.

JustStopDude

http://rack.1.mshcdn.com/media/ZgkyMDEzLzA4LzEyLzIyL25vY2FyZXMuZjNmODUuZ2lmCnAJdGh1bWIJODUweDg1MD4KZQlqcGc/032a9602/e7f/no-cares.jpg

I’ve accepted it. I stayed up late to watch Alex Smith fucking play like dog shit….

Doktor Zymm

WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF THEY MAKE THIS PLAY.

MAYBE THIS!!

http://freshinfos.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/frost-flowers-arctic-2.jpg

JustStopDude

Wait…is Gruden surprised the Chiefs are going for two?!?

JustStopDude

Smith understands that time of possession does not override the actual score….right?!?

JustStopDude

“Alex Smith underneath”…dear god if you made a drinking game out of that phrase…

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2012/06/swanson-dance.gif

Porky Prime

“I’d love to play Alex Smith Underneath.”–Aaron Rodgers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Old School Zero

Is that, like, when Andre The Giant goes all \.//

WCS

Somewhere, Jason Pierre-Paul shakes his head sadly.

...

I’m excited to see some Andy “Irving School District style” Reid clock management.

JustStopDude

Alex Smith…not the hero we need…but the hero we deserve…

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2012/12/captain-america.gif

...

This is hypnotic.

Doktor Zymm

3:06 in the NFL is like…15 minutes real time. So, I should pour another rye?

Senor Weaselo

Yes.

Porky Prime

If you have to ask…

Doktor Zymm

Validation from imaginary internet people is still validation.

nomonkeyfun

Yes.

Besides, there should be more beefcake pictures. You’ve made me aware of my misogyny
http://www.wearysloth.com/Gallery/ActorsL/tve10285-19641224-238.gif

nomonkeyfun

comment image

makeitsnowondem

Alex Smith just did the most Alex Smith thing you can do with a free play.

JustStopDude

Why…why why why…does it seem like everything is so difficult for Smith?
http://media.giphy.com/media/NcK52ClIVmlcA/giphy.gif

WCS

One of the North Korea Army’s greatest field exercises!

blaxabbath

Did chicken parm and she isn’t home yet. Just texted that she’s getting on her shift now. I already ate and am now getting high with my dogs. You know, the NFL should really get tax benefits running a series of ads outlining nurses boyfriends as the #unsungheroesofunsungherosUnited

blackroseMD1

That catch by Maclin lost me my paid league game.

Dammit.

Senor Weaselo

YOU COULD HAVE A NEW PAID LEAGUE WITH ONE-WEEK LEAGUES ON DRAFT DUEL! DRAFT DUEL, WHERE YOU COULD WIN MONEY BY HAVING BEERS FIGHT EACH OTHER!

Doktor Zymm

I actually really want to see the rest of that car too.

nomonkeyfun

My Aunt helped my Uncle put a poster of Eastwood in his room. She was shocked a couple of years later when she found out he was gay.

/My Aunt isn’t the sharpest tool in the box.

JustStopDude

Rare Smith family home videos…

http://i.imgur.com/xd91Y.gif

nomonkeyfun

Hey, did you sleep with my mother to get a video of me as a little kid?

Infinite Jets

Ah, local political ads airing during MNF. Actual dialogue spoken by 70 yo actress. “I’m voting for ___________. Because ya don’t mess with a good thing!”

blaxabbath

Is that actress the head of Goldman Sachs?

makeitsnowondem

“Some thought Abdullah interfered with Rodgers.”

[raises hand]

— Irving mayor Beth Van Duyne

JustStopDude

http://media.giphy.com/media/u6BI1GSiTcKsM/giphy.gif

Yeah…the Chiefs still have life…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t watch reality shows, but she seems an odd one out:

http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3jdovwQuM1r4eezho1_1280.jpg

bourb0nblues

The show is fairly boring, but I gladly watch the scenes featuring her.

Doktor Zymm

A thought. What do we have to do to convince the NFL that we are legitimate journalists that need free tickets to the Super Bowl and all associated events and parties?

nomonkeyfun

Provide PK with Nutmeg infused Lasagna?

...

Well that’s the strangest description I’ve ever heard for a vagina.

Old School Zero

We just need a connection; some sort of “in”. We may have to produce a podcast of some sort.

Senor Weaselo

Would we have to bring back Matt?

The Maestro

Well, realistically, if we did, the most they’d send us is two tickets.

So then I suppose we’d have to have a Kingsmoot or something similar to figure out who gets to claim them.

I guess this battle should probably take place on a neutral field or something.

Probably, like, Wichita. Maybe.

Senor Weaselo

I was going to say a raffle, but your idea works better.

JustStopDude

I would honestly have zero desire to go to the Super Bowl. I can’t imagine the traffic and I can’t afford the booze required to make the crowds tolerable.

King Hippo

THIS

...

Plus it’s overrun by corporate types who only have the tickets due to rich connections and are just there to be there.

Doktor Zymm

The associated events and parties would most likely have free booze. I would suggest that the commentists who are actually fans of the teams involved would get priority, unless it’s the Patriots.

Doktor Zymm

I should learn how to surf.

Old School Zero

2/10 his butt goes all the way up to his neck

Porky Prime

That’s Obama, right?

Old School Zero

In his native Kenya.

JustStopDude

I would love to live next to Dan Marino in real life.

I would work in the fact that we both have the same number of Super Bowl wins into every interaction we would have.

Porky Prime

You would find bags full of assumed-to-not-stink shit on your porch.

Doktor Zymm

I will make a martini/drink of your choice for anyone who wants to get me a set of these :
http://www.founditemclothing.com/shop/images/D/beer-koozie-front-2xl.jpg

...
Doktor Zymm

While fun, those are not a Repo Man reference. You have seen Repo Man, yes? If not, you are in for a treat.

Shogun Marcus

I’m pretty sure that “chip” has been gone for awhile. Maybe ever since he got that trophy for being best at the footed ball.

Porky Prime

With Andy Reid, it’s a good bet that all the chips have been gone for a while.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm
The Maestro

Nutritional Value: shut up, libtard

WCS

comment image

Old School Zero

Alex Smith’s jersey should just read “Quarterback”

...

HEY YOU GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT RODGERS SLID REALLY FAR IN THE DRAFT?

(The Bears picking Cedric Benson is not even mentioned which makes me cry.)

JustStopDude

Honestly to god…I am shocked that Alex Smith has a winning record…

Doktor Zymm

Being a #1 pick seems horrible. Yes, you get a bit more money, but you have to play for the team that got the #1 pick.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
makeitsnowondem

Habanero Sculpin

Old School Zero

Weihenstephaner Oktoberfest was surprisingly honey-laden.

Porky Prime

I wish I were Weihenstephaner-laden.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blackroseMD1

Alright Rodgers…now do a 9 minute drive ending in a field goal.

JustStopDude
The Maestro

My Twitter avatar!

JustStopDude

Welll….this is awkward…

http://i.imgur.com/dhfExl7.gif

WCS
Doktor Zymm

TECHNICALLY A TWO SCORE GAME!! I’M TOTALLY…not actually that excited.

Doktor Zymm

Aw, I like that they hugged and made up. I know who gets the good sportsmanship award!

Senor Weaselo

James Harrison took the good sportsmanship award away.

bourb0nblues

HOT POTATO

Senor Weaselo

So, 20-play drive culminating in a field goal, right?

...

Better than a punt.

Or ten punts.

🙁

JustStopDude

I usually bitch and moan that they are overly protective of the QB’s in this league, but how is it two defenders are going head first into a sliding QB, and that doesn’t warrant a flag?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

The funny thing that according to rumors, he really does.

He’s shake it at people in the Senate bathrooms and called it “Jumbo.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He is on a White House tape talking about a tailor who has pants that have room for “Jumbo.”

nomonkeyfun

For decades he talked about how big he was. Robert Caro, in a now four volume academic biography felt the need to mention the size of his “Johnson”. Hell, ask Doris Goodwin about it. I”m pretty sure I remember her on Meet the Press or some other Sunday morning show talking about his member. She certainly talked about his lack of shame in general with regards to his member.

And yes, I know I used the word member twice in this post.

King Hippo

SHIT, he’d take it out in the parking lot.

/have read all teh Robert Caro books

nomonkeyfun

Hippo,
Have you read Powerbroker?

nomonkeyfun

If so. You should read The Ungovernable Cit, by Vincent Cannto. About John Lindsay as mayor of Fun City. Basically, the anti-Moses. Lots of good ideas, but doesn’t have the ability to follow through for various reasons.

makeitsnowondem

Busy reading about Jimmy Clausen’s historic ineffectiveness.

...

🙁

Moonbatting Average

The Stand is shorter, and involves less apocalyptic imagery