Your All-Devonta Thursday Night Football Game Open Thread

The Hipp was kind enough to post a JV thread which alludes to the fact that, though we love/hate the NFL ball, we don’t wear sports blinders. On the ice the Sens are playing the Pens and of course the Dodgers are hosting the Mets (deciding amongst themselves who will eventually be decimated by those goddamn PED-using, bat-flipping bastards up in the Toronto). So sit back and relax and I’ll set up the Falcons/Saints for you.

Atl @ NO: Why is the spread only 3, 3.5? Them Vegas-ians know something, don’t they? Julio has hamstring and toe issues-receivers and hamstrings in the same sentence is never a good thing. Devonta is on an epic run [snorts] these last few weeks, piling up yards and TD’s as though they were canned goods in anticipation of a supposed Cubs WS win which would surely signal the end of life as we know it. At this point the Saints look like the teamification of Sunday morning on Bourbon Street. The D can’t do anything  (blitz and hope for the best tonight?) and Drew can’t put up the points like he has in years past. I like Breezy-he got the short straw in San Diego and turned it into a fantastic career. Now however he’s stuck on the down-side with a team that doesn’t look like it will be competitive for 2-3 years. I read somewhere that 21% of their 145 mill. is tied up in paying players no longer on the club. That’ll slow up your rebuilding process. The good news is that Breezy can bathe in his solid gold bathtub, covered in $100 bills-that’ll take the edge off.

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makeitsnowondem

Coming up after the game, the pregame show, and once again we apologize to all our viewers for the temporal loop.

Well, we are guaranteed that a team with a 20+ year World Series win drought will finally snap it.

Moonbatting Average

This a great goodness

Porky Prime

Same as it ever was. Fuck you, Dodgers. Fuck you, Don Mattingly. FUCK YOU, BASEBALL.

Well…so how are the Raiders doing then?

Moonbatting Average

Well, Gentlemen, it’s:
Baseball Bears @ Baseball Jets
Baseball Argonauts @ Baseball Chiefs

nomonkeyfun

Time for drunken monkey.

Brick Meathook

I saw a lot of Mets fans in the stands at Dodger Stadium. I wonder how many make it out of the parking lot alive?

I wonder if there is a FanDuel wager on this…

blaxabbath

Only if there are DraftKings employees in the parking lot waiting with knives.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It’s what dodger fan teeth look like*

WCS
Sharkbait

That…seems like a lot of celebrating for a 1st round win…

Senor Weaselo

In fairness it’s the Mets.

Senor Weaselo

Aaaaand Donnie Baseball STILL can’t have nice things. Royals-Cubs it is!

blaxabbath

“Now is not the time for ATL to get away from the run game.”

-Freeman DFS Owners

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It can be used to access DraftKings AND FanDuel!*

makeitsnowondem

Trent Green: A Football Life

“Sure, I knew Trent Green well. He was a great mentor to me, and I don’t think I’d be the player I am today, NFL MVP Kurt Warner, without him.”

— Trent Green

Senor Weaselo

If Utley had gone yard I would have laughed as hard as I ever have at a Mets gopher ball since the game Felix hit a grand slam against Johan Santana. Which I called. From the upper deck.

Sill Bimmons

Can’t find my go-to Nosetradamus .gif.

Utley pitch hitting, damn Donny that’s first rate trolling.

Sill Bimmons

Now that’s a A Football Life I’ll watch.

Martin
blaxabbath

FanDuel promo code is Tuck?

Like, they’re gonna fuck you on some backwardsass obscure rule that favors cheaters?

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: The government uses it to spy on you and you still like it more than FanDuel*

Sill Bimmons
Martin

Bravo

Dick E. Phuck

I’m gonna tune in to this Mets game so that I can watch some Dodgers misery.

makeitsnowondem

It’s just as well I forgot to do my picks this afternoon. I’d have missed this one anyway.

Old School Zero

I think Phil is legitimately starting to lose proper brain functioning. Everything he’s said tonight has been wet garbage.

Sill Bimmons

Jeeem: The guy everybody loves! Because shouting!

Pheeel: That’s right, JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM! All your grit belong to him!

blaxabbath

Falcons need to pump in a defense.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: Any 53 members of their staff could be top 3 in the NFC South*

makeitsnowondem

God, this Mic’d Up segment is so stupar.

blaxabbath

I think Boyle from Brooklyn Nine-Nine should be down there pumping everyone up with his big eyes and food references.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: Steve Jobs has nothing to do with this so it’s not in a movie or six*

nomonkeyfun

Dodger Stadium is two years older than Shea stadium was, same architects and builders.
Reason #1 NYC can’t have nice things.
Any of you non-Mets fans insults Shea, I will cut you fuckers

Senor Weaselo

Well, there’s…
/sees last sentence
Well, there’s…

blaxabbath

You displaced your poor ethnics for Central Park. LA used their’s on Chavez.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It makes old shit look shiny and new*

nomonkeyfun

It’s the American way.

Just ask a Native American, if you can find one.

Senor Weaselo

4th and 26? WOO BLITZ!

litre_cola

How the hell is Magic Johnson still alive?

King Hippo

His AIDS didn’t try hard enough.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Apparently, you can keep the virus count in your body low by constantly ejecting it in your sperm. He’s like a biohazardous sprinkler

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

South Park says it was money…

nomonkeyfun

Large injections of concentrated cash.

WCS

Matty room temperature

Dick E. Phuck

Matty Light

Sill Bimmons

Spaghetti and meatballs is hard to eat off a paper plate.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I fold the plate and make it a bowl.

litre_cola

*paper taco

Dick E. Phuck

Just thinking about McDonald’s all day breakfast gives me hemorrhoids.

Sharkbait

So fucking happy I didn’t have to drop a fuckton of money on an engagement ring. Family heirlooms FTW!!!

Martin

Works even better if you don’t marry

Thursday Night Football is fucking dumb for the NFL, but dear ol’ Roger & co. will go out of their way to ruin what they are supposed to act as stewards for.

Martin

Sports are dumb

King Hippo

I still endorse Uncle Joe’s idea that we keep Thursday Night Football, we just play it on Friday instead.

Porky Prime

Assuming they lose the Dodgers will send a guy to the Mets locker room to collect the empty champagne boxes. Mattingly will need them.

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Would making a Fail-cons pun be in bad taste?

nomonkeyfun

It’s always acceptable to insult an Atlanta sporting team. As for the pun, is it a bad pun? If so, I encourage it.

Martin

Insult them until they BURN

Sill Bimmons

I keep reflexively wanting Ingram to score because of last year.

I need to stop doing that.

makeitsnowondem

It’s cool.

Dick E. Phuck

I guess the Falcons D thinks they’re still playing against Kirk Cousins.

Sharkbait

Drew. Throw it to Sneed?

litre_cola

Please?

Senor Weaselo

You need a Sneed.

King Hippo

This could also describe what it’s like trying to obtain sex in your 40s. You know, without directly paying for it.

Sill Bimmons

NOAP HAHA

makeitsnowondem

I mean, I’ll accept another Ingram touchdown.

blaxabbath

“Throwing the ball to the end zone is risky!”

Holy shit these announcers are awful. Now I get all the comments.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: Use it to access WebMD after discovering Phil and Jim*

King Hippo

So is leaving it a 2 goddamned score game. Dumbasses.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been watching most of this game explaining football to my mother while splitting a bottle of cava. She’s been very nice in pretending to be interested.

Senor Weaselo

As far as explanation games, you could have done much, much better.

Doktor Zymm

Well, this is more on the level of “some things are not a catch” or “that may look like a big mess, but really they have specific things to do” or “it’s actually quite hard to see on the field, because everyone is tall and moving around”

nomonkeyfun

Have you tried explaining your imaginary internet friends?

King Hippo

oh, that kinda thing results in an intervention, at minimum.

Doktor Zymm

Nah, I still haven’t managed explaining text messaging.

litre_cola

Why the fuck do all of the talking heads always throw around a goddamn football in those clips or on set. They look ridiculous. I would rather see Berman twirl a baton.

Sharkbait

Berman doing a line would be much more entertaining

blaxabbath

It’s a golden football.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: It’s not gold*

Porky Prime

He’d call it the Baton Death March.

nomonkeyfun

+1 “Johnny” Bravo to you.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Especially if Berman smacks himself in the head with it.

King Hippo

how about pulling anal beads?

Sill Bimmons

That was pretty awesome.

blaxabbath

“Hmmm….these schemes worked with Seattle’s 2014 roster.”

-Dan Quinn

Dick E. Phuck

Look at that, Cooks actually caught something!!

blaxabbath

I want to go to the November ARI at 49ers game just so I can see those four tools from the ticket exchange commercial.

And taunt them.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: #EatFr3sh*

Sill Bimmons

Tombstone style showdown between my niece’s cats.

makeitsnowondem

Announcer: TOUCHDOWN, FREEMAN

Freeman:

Matt Ryan: Hey Freeman great job buddy!

Freeman:

Jairus Byrd: Whatever man! Scoreboard! Scoreboard!

Freeman: [slaps Byrd with crowbar, is sucked through portal to Xen]

Old School Zero

That Freeman is only good for two good scores, but never a third.

Sharkbait

He was really channeling Shonn Green’s locker with those responses there.

makeitsnowondem

for more content like this follow @freeman

Moonbatting Average

I’d rather follow @Alexis

nomonkeyfun

I think I’ll ask Marcel Marceau what he thinks.

jjfozz

Opiod induced constipation – no thanks, I’ll eat a bowl or three of frosted mini wheats

Porky Prime

Das besten.

Sill Bimmons

Am I really watching a constipation ad?

blaxabbath

Seems more appropriate for IND at GB.

Old School Zero

Oh, good. Now drug companies are selling you drugs to treat the symptoms of the drugs they get you addicted to.

King Hippo

Hey, if it speeds the way for vicuprofen to be sold in 1,000 pill value size bottles over the counter…I’m down with it.

Sill Bimmons

Gotta take advantage of the OxyContin plague somehow!

blaxabbath

Holy shit. Movantik commercials look straight out of TV Fun House on SNL.

*Posted from my Chrome Browser. Chrome: More relevant than SNL*

Martin

FYI: Diora Baird is acting again after having a kid, and her comeback is doing a sex scene where she shows off her magnificently large tits.

http://gfycat.com/MintyEasygoingHamadryas

Dick E. Phuck

That’s a lucky kid.

Col. Duke LaCross

You’re doing the lord’s work sir.