Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.
Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.
KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.
Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.
Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?
Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.
Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.
Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”
Jacksonville vs. Houston? Redzone, you should be ashamed of yourself. I’d rather watch ads for Ford trucks.
Taunting penalty on the Bills during a special teams play?!?!
I AM SHOCKED! SHOCKED I SAY!!!!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/00e858b4766d583b6f8f22292022047a/tumblr_nlquixBxme1qaqx8xo1_500.gif
Hey…where is Mike, Crow, and Servo?!?
Kenny Albert is just digging for positive shit to say. “He has never missed an extra point.”
In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, can we change the Browns’ name to the Cleveland Prolapses?
OK, there’s your points for the day, Wade. Make it hold up.
There are, no shit, 4 weekends a year where leave the doors/windows open. During 2 of those, I can watch football.
My neighbor is out running over branches with his lawnmower right now.
Can’t Joe Arpaio do something about this?
I’m in a fucking white neighborhood…
Kill him. Justifiable homicide.
Sneak a brick into the pile
Ivorydown!
Alright Vick show me those 2 yard throws and 3 and outs
Pete Morrelli has that perpetual look of “I don’t want to be here”
THESE BROWNS UNIFORMS I CALL THEM GOATSE GONE WRONG BECAUSE IT’S MOSTLY BROWN WITH A LITTLE PINK SHOWING INSTEAD OF THE OTHER WAY ‘ROUND
Decker believes in redeeming himself. ARE YOU WATCHING, MARSHALL?!
For being the Steel City, PIT’s stadium sure shows a lot of concrete and plastic.
HAVE SOME FUCKING PRIDE!
It seems only Donks/Shitpiles works. Dear god pink looks awful with those Browns unis.
In fairness everything looks terrible with those Browns unis.
I wish the NFL refs would at least be consistent with their pick calls.
Anyone else ever made kombucha? I bottled mine and, apparently, didn’t strain it well. Can I consume these solids collected at the bottom of the bottle?
That’s the best part
I feel like I shouldn’t trust this internet suggestion….
“Fitzpatrick has completed all three of his pass attempts.”
Fuck you, Kenny. Just…. fuck you,
Teddy Bridgewater is not sucking. This feels wrong.
Heinz field turf always looks like shit.
How does one run violently? Is he just stabbing and shooting people as he runs by?
Ray Rice
I had a boombox of taco bell last night.
I can tell you all about violent runs.
My violent runs usually come from a combination of Taco Bell and cheap beer.
Gentlemen.
Make PeyPey better, snow….
tryin
I wish more teams had disprespected Bruce Arians. He seems all about this PIT game and they took out Cutler for not hiring him.
“Dear DirectTV, you suck” email has been sent.
How much longer before I cave and switch over to the Bears game on local broadcast? I don’t particularly want to watch the Bears game….I would need to chug some liquor first.
“..and we will respond within 72 hours.”
Time to start using those powers for evil after all, , imo godbless
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?
It’s 1:20 and I’m already drunk. This is gonna be an iiiinteresting day, all right.
I am IMPRESSED.
http://i.imgur.com/xi4ICRy.gif
NO. BAD KUBES! FG!!!!!
Browns uniforms, still the worst ever.
FUBU is vying hard for that new merchandising contract I guess.
Has a TV show ever become cannon for a superhero franchise? I understand the Batman Animated Series fit in (in it’s own way) but is Gotham like, legit?
Golden Girls
Just get in FG range
http://33.media.tumblr.com/a50c73ca1f61e1a9b48c99c32a1cf3a3/tumblr_nuh1gpqjIf1s0wwqso1_500.gif
I dunno what buttchugging is, nor do I care to learn.
Let’s just say, when I heard that the latest school shooting was at Northern Arizona University, I paused. When I heard the victim was a frat boy, I went back to whatever I was doing.
Jags GO FOR IT on 4th and 2: BORTLESCEPTION nullified by D-holding.
ALL THE DERP!
Screens are back on the menu boys!
– Honey Badger
Vick did not impress on that opening drive.
So the choices are Skins-Jets, or Texans-Jaguars. It’s like choosing between herpes and syphilis.
Exhibit A in why we play fantasy.
DAILY fantasy? Have you about these one-day leagues that pay money?,
Wait, doesn’t syphilis win because it’s curable?
Supergirl gonna last what, 3 episodes?
I’ve heard that pilot is watchable, but it looks so fucking bad. Like “The Cape” bad.
Is she like supermans daughter?
Or is this like a chemical lab thing and they just go, “You’re like a girl superman!”
Garcon made Revis his daddy.
Garcon just put up a vacation house on Revis Island.
Cards are gonna put like 10 in the box.
Probably gonna get burnt by Heyward-Bay.
Is it acceptable to shotgun beers in your own living room? Or is that a tailgate-only thing?
It’s your fucking living room. If you can shoot someone for walking into it, I think you have the right to buttchug beers in there if you want!
Are you not wearing pants? Commenters need to know!
Even by Yinzer standards, the North Cakalaky fans here are really goddamned fat
There’s that Bears defense we know and loathe.
Playing against the best team in both my fantasy leagues and both played Devonta Freeman. Now I remember why I took two years off.
Also sat Shady. Fuck me.
Pour the booze in directly.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/0b20a51d5309efd86db41c32fb7f9831/tumblr_nsxp0cNEti1r8v54co1_1280.jpg
Bears doing what they do best: make the Lions look competent.
Chris Harris is a bad muthafucka
Dirty Landrydown!
Arizona just trying to give this one away early.
I had a dream last night where I called someone a “whoreasaur”
My unconscious brain is apparently awesome at making up insults, and while there will be no on camera shots of Dez Bryant’s mom today, hopefully I’ll still be able to work that one in somewhere.
Colts fan in a tank top.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/51020e3780a612570f9d883406d03bf1/tumblr_norf1vhhSb1u9ng0co1_400.gif
Bulbasaur with cheap makeup?
Tackling! It’s bold, I know, but if you do it, Jets, YOU’LL GET THE FUCKING BALL BACK!!!!
Getting the Derp going early in Pittsburgh.
Mike Carey you can fuck right off.