Your Early Slate Open Thread

Was @ NYJ: This game features two above average D’s that get it done differently. The Slurs blitz a league-low 11% of the time and the Jets a league-high 53%. QB-wise Cousins has two pick-sixes that have lost games and Fitz hasn’t cracked 1,000 yds yet and has 6 Int’s to go with his 64.5 QBR. TO THE RUN GAME! Ivory  is a tough, slug-it-out between the tackles type that usually doesn’t go down after first contact. No wonder he’s had so much trouble with injuries through his career. Morris is a slogger as well, averaging 3.1 ypc this month. Looks like an old-timey fight-it-out-in-the-trenches kind of game to me. I think the under on this game is 3.

Ari @ Pit: Vick has a dog’s breath QBR of 28-dead last in the league but you already knew that and the fact that this game depends on Bell. ‘Zona’s wins have come against NO, the Bears, the 9er’s and Detroit. So yeah, they can beat down their weaker brothers but this is a test I think they’ll fail. According to PFF, DE Heyward and LB Harrison are the 5th and 2nd best at getting QB disruptions at their respective positions. I’m glad to see the Hall of Fame Fitz is having a big bounce-back year-he’s averaging 8+ targets per game and making the most of them, having scored 6 TD’s already.

KC @ Min: In KC, if you look to the West there are Charcandrick’s as far as the eye can see. Most of the talk in that town centers around how exactly will Andy Reid mis-use him. I’m going with, “chews up significant yardage, gets into a groove and then is taken out of the game for seven minutes”. Meanwhile, no worries in Minny about AP-he just moved into 10th place all-time for RB TD’s. As we all know, Smith is faced with the blitz often on 3rd down and can’t handle it. He’s ranked 34th out of 35 qualifying QB’s with respect to QBR on that down-expect the Vikes to have a series of small get-togethers in the Chiefs backfield over the course of the game.

Cin @ Buf: Dalton is my “Five Games In” MVP. He’s racked up 1500+ yards, 11 TD’s with only 2 picks-he’s doing everything right at the moment. Soooo…needless to say, die-hard Bengal-backers are wondering when the other cleat is going to drop. The Bills should get McCoy back today after Boobie brought the 2.7 ypc thunder against the Titans last week. Hey Look!-over there under “Questionable” status, it’s Percy Harvin getting comfortable again. It looks like Manuel gets the start today-maybe he’ll play really well and the Bills will have a QB controversey on their hands? Nah.

Chi @ Det: Yards per pass attempt-wise you’re looking at the two worst teams in the league. Of course an argument could be made that you’re looking at the two worst teams, period. Let’s move on, shall we?

Den @ Cle: The Bronc’s have given up 79 points total so far this year-don’t expect too many more to be added to that total today. What’s got only one functioning arm and is using it to hang on for dear life? The Peyton, that’s what. His 77 QBR is 20 points below his career average. He should use that big noggin of his to figure out that this is his last year. I’ve turned the corner on Josh. He’s thrown for over 1200 yards (to the likes of Barnidge, Bowe, Hartline and Hawkins-though Benjamin has been a surprise) with just the one pick. That said, he’ll probably double that total to two after this game. The Brownies have numerous problems but the QB spot isn’t one of them.

Hou @ Jax: Speaking of doubling up, one of these teams will do so in the win column today. Hopkins is on fire-his 578 yards and 75 targets lead the league. The one game I saw (yeah, I watched a Texans game, come at me) he did whatever the hell he wanted to do on the field, no matter the coverage and with ridiculous ease. Hoyermallet will get the start though if history is any indicator, we may see some Mallethoyer. The Houston coaching staff is looking more and more like that girlfriend that can’t quite decide between the red dress or the green dress. Over at a Jax fan site they’re celebrating the fact that they’re favoured for the first time this year. Hug that one point close Lennie, I mean Jags fans, but not too tight unless you strangle it a la Of Mice And Men. I do think that a steady dose of Yeldon, Hurns and Robinson should get this done though.

Mia @ Ten: Titans have lost their last 7 home games. Ouch. Meanwhile, new coach Campbell had this to say upon being hired, “Miso excited about this opportunity to turn this team around. Rest assured we will play Miller a lot more-he’ll be ramen left, ramen right and ramen right up the middle. Landry will dashi up and down the field, no doubt about that. The D is going to be more aggressive-I’ll be calling for bisques from all directions. We’ve got to get the opposing QB to say to himself, ‘What The Pho?’ Okay, I’ve got to go and prepare my team, GAZPACHO, one and all!”

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
1.1K Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

God damnit.

fleshwound_NPG

LIONS GET MEGATRON RULE’D AGAIN?!?

[it is Golden Tate]

PLZ MEGATRON RULE

Sill Bimmons

Congress calls for hearings in The Factory Of Sadness Riot. Court order allows workers access to shop floor, return to production imminent.

Gratliff

DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERP

Spur

-6 Passing yards for Vick. How the hell do you get negative passing yards?

blaxabbath

Screens.

His attempts downfield were nearly picked.

BUT HE’S A RUNNING THREAT!

King Hippo

Yet still be better than Landry jones

Doktor Zymm
Sill Bimmons
Brick Meathook

SMOKE BREAK EVRYONE

http://i.imgur.com/jNDB7Qr.jpg

There’s a woman ref in the Jets game. Odds Cro impregnates her before the game is over.

Senor Weaselo

Uh, definitely to already happened?

John Difool

Shebra

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How embarrassing must it be to be losing 17-3 to Miami? At home?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

You get used to it.

entropy

The worst part will be the screeching tomorrow that the “Bro Method” of their interim coach is WORKING, and should be embraced league-wide!

King Hippo

Noooooooooooo, McManus is never supposed to miss. That is not the plan!

JustStopDude

Holy Shit Brandon Marshall had to use like 3 separate personalities on that catch!

JustStopDude

McDonalds new all day menu…because corporate America is now realizing that weed is getting legalized all over…and stoners get the munchies 24/7.

Doktor Zymm

So….is Bears/Lions the Disappointment Bowl?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t steal my bedroom’s nickname.

fleshwound_NPG

Decent game. Surprising amount of offensive competence by both, aided by defensive incompetence by both.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Is it me, or is the actress playing Supergirl really terrible?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, no, she’s “cute” and “charming”!

entropy

She is cute and charming. Can’t act worth a shit, but she’s very personable.

makeitsnowondem

Wasn’t she on Greek or something?

What I’m saying is, yes.

Sill Bimmons

3-3 still ain’t losing!

blaxabbath

#0-0-1

Spur

Who is still watching Survivor?

Sill Bimmons

That’s still on?

Even my parents gave up on that like 5 years ago.

fleshwound_NPG

Manning runs like my 60+ year old uncle

packman_jon

Is iTunes still a dumpster fire?

entropy

It was decent for a few versions, but has since gone full-bore into “you WILL enjoy our method of music management or we will remove features until you have no choice.”

Lord Joe Don Looney

Yes – Each time I figure it out, an update occurs. It likes to fuck with people. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

Doktor Zymm

There’s really only been the one incident, but I’m gonna go ahead and declare it “DAY OF THE BUTT”

http://a.dilcdn.com/bl/wp-content/uploads/sites/8/2013/07/Butt-Types-graphic.jpg

packman_jon

DIA DE LOS #BUTTS

JustStopDude

CBS pan of the Buffalo Bill gear decked out trailer, notice how they tastefully moved away from the dead hooker foot…

That’s quality production work there folks!

entropy

That right there is called “location scouting.” Save yourself a lawsuit, get a scout.

blaxabbath

I am really impressed how WRs catch balls with their hands. Just seems challenging.

Spur

Stop comparing Manning/McCown stats. It’s a waste of time.

entropy

Fucking Marshall and Decker. Without their bullshit fumbles this game is all Jets. The rum may be opened soon.

JustStopDude

Try Fan Duel Now. Enter Promo Code “INDICTMENT” now!!!

If you put in your Social Security Number, you get $5

Bortleback

I hear that using promo code “KINDAGAMBLINGBUTNOTREALLY” gets you a free FBI investigation.

fleshwound_NPG

If Fat Stafford can break three tackles on you, fire your front seven into the sun.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Remind me, are the Bills at home in America or America’s hat today?

packman_jon

LOLBEARS

John Difool

What the actual fuck was that Washington?

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, but when you have a bunch of new people on the O-line, not only can you not drop back and pass as much, but they aren’t going to be able to run block as well either…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if Vick is going to ask to be put through the concussion protocol?

/shameless self-promotion

Sill Bimmons

I really don’t like this game.

Gratliff

Is Tommy Maddox available?

Spur

I hate Ed Hochuli and his crew. Officials clock stoppage and flags all damn day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

Is Charcandrick West not playing?

bourb0nblues

Pick him up for FF, they said. It’s a good move, they said.

litre_cola

Him and Snead can fuck off I said.

Redshirt

How can Vick be 2 for 4 for -2 yards?

blaxabbath

Thrown 4 screens, I think.

Well, for receptions.

blaxabbath

2

blaxabbath

Laundry Jones Time!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I read Landry Jones as Looney tunes.

Doktor Zymm

It’s always fun when the commentators get to say “butt” a lot.

Senor Weaselo
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

THESE GUYS BRIDGEWATER & DIGGS, I CALL THEM THE CRYSTAL GEMS BECAUSE THEY ARE IN PERFECT SYNC!
http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/steven-universe/images/7/78/Garnet_and_Amethyst_fusion_05.gif/revision/latest?cb=20150623151054

King Hippo

I started Diggs in the DFO/snow league. I feel smart!

Senor Weaselo

3 mentions of the phrase butt down talking about the Marshall fumble.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79WuSva16CE

Old School Zero

Denver D for offensive MVP

tundrajim

Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[holds envelope to forehead]

“What does Todd Haley’s front yard consist of?”

Spur

Cardinals have been dominating, but haven’t made it really count.

blaxabbath

High highs…..very low lows.

Senor Weaselo

We’ve replaced the New York Jets’ receivers with the Texas Rangers’ infielders. Let’s see if anyone notices the difference.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The refs in the Arizona-Pittsburgh game are really brown-nosing BEERGH today.

Sill Bimmons

HAIL

Jets O wants to give Jets D some more work.

John Difool

Holy shit Marshall

Sill Bimmons
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

FLAGS FOR THE FLAG GOD!

1 3 4 5 6 7 13