Your Faux-Existential Monday Night Thread

Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by  a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!

NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.

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Redshirt

Alright. I’m sold.

Brick Meathook

WHERE WAS MISTER SPOCK?

Redshirt

He’s a Force Ghost.

JustStopDude

BOOOOOOOO!

packman_jon

TIME FOR MOAR ENDLESS AND POINTLESS SPECULATION

Why Thank You Eddie

Oooh here it comes! Whip out those little dicks! Here we go!

/History of the World Part I

blordinaryfagicmox

Hmmm, ESPN is owned by ABC is owned by Disney, Disney owns Star Wars. Checks out.

Dick E. Phuck

Never forget?
It’s a fucking trailer.

litre_cola

That is exactly what my gf said.

Doktor Zymm

This Star Wars preview is terrible. This Brad Ford guy is a shitty Harrison Ford replacement, and based on the erratic movement of this brown space projectile, no one can actually use the Force very well.

packman_jon

eh?

Redshirt

I think its the Canadian election. Parliament seats?

Brick Meathook

CHARLIE DON’T MOTO-CROSS

Gratliff

Boomer could give no less fucks about space nerds.

blordinaryfagicmox
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish the “Boomer’s Final Drive” segment consisted of a TMZ reporter interviewing a CHP officer while looking down onto a flaming pile of automobile wreckage.

WhyEaglesWhy

“It appears the victim tried to circle his station wagon and lost control.”

WCS

ESPN is intentionally fucking us by making us sit through Boomer waiting for the Star Wars trailer.

Badger

I was anticipating this.

King Hippo

Bob’s Burgers for halftime WOO

Gatoraids

Eli so upset he won’t be able to see the Star Wars promo

Moonbatting Average

Um. Wow. Source?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bre Blair & Mercedes Maso – Quarantine 2

GIS is your friend.

Why Thank You Eddie

Ben Franklin has a boner!

Why Thank You Eddie

Oh geez. Frank Gifford. No boner. No boner at all

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Manning & Bradford: comment image

WCS

Now watch the Giants run the kick back.

Redshirt

7:06? Don’t you scare me like that ESPN!

Doktor Zymm

Maybe I’ll just dress all in yellow and be a penalty flag for Halloween.

Old School Zero

As long as you toss yourself on the ground every five minutes

Sharkbait

Only if you want to get thrown around a lot and never picked up.

Doktor Zymm

I’ll just show up lots of places where I’m unwelcome

John Difool

The only reason I’m staying up at this point in my old age is to see at halftime what new and interesting way J.J. Abrams has raped my childhood for the third or fourth time.

Old School Zero

Did he lure you into the Dharma Project van, too?

John Difool

I felt raped by the new Star Trek and I never really was a fan of Star Trek.

HE’S THAT GOOD

blordinaryfagicmox

Im only staying up because I missed the Colts Puntfail last night and you know the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on me, fool me… cant get fooled again.”

Dick E. Phuck

I’m sure J.J. brought some lube this time.

Badger

I think “creampied my childhood” is a much classier way of saying it.

Redshirt

I can already see it now.

“Due to time constraints, we cannot show the new trailer to Episode VII. Now, HEERE’S BOOMER!!!”

Gratliff

LOTS OF TIME LEFT

WhyEaglesWhy

Six seconds is enough time for a play, you fucking pussies.

Dick E. Phuck

It’s almost Star Wars time, so here’s a picture of Chris Berman.

http://www.empireonline.com/images/image_index/original/68545.jpg

packman_jon

He’s looking much better than Jason Whitlock
comment image

litre_cola

Bradford ran fucking right in to that. Jesus you idiot!

WhyEaglesWhy

Holy shit. The ONLY thing you can’t do there is take a sack.

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

Old School Zero

WHAT IS FLAGGED MAY WASTE OUR TIME

Gratliff

Giants are gonna pull a Russia on Philly here.

blackroseMD1

“That’s a screw up!”

Mike Tirico, basically summing up the entire game.

WhyEaglesWhy

The refs are joining the derp party, too.

Sharkbait

Back breaking Bradford turnover in 3…2…1…

WCS

Defensive holding on a run play? Da fuq?

Brick Meathook

FUN BRICK MEATHOOK FACT: Of the six existing Star Wars feature films, my name is in the credits for one of them. (Although Brick Meathook is my birth name, when I work on films I use a kind of dumb pen name)

Old School Zero

Jake Lloyd?

Redshirt

Ahmed Best?

blordinaryfagicmox
Sharkbait

MOAR FRAGS!

Gratliff

Tom Coughlin may retire before either Manning.

blordinaryfagicmox

This is the last result on google images when I search for Zardoz; makes sense.
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/IVtgQTk.jpg
Also, why is there an end to my search results?

Dick E. Phuck

It definitely speaks to me.

Why Thank You Eddie

She needs a cheesesteak badly…and so do I. But her, definitely her first.

King Hippo

I like skinny girls like that. They always know where to get the really good drugs.

Sill Bimmons

450 million idiots.

Wow.

Old School Zero

Are you talking about Star Wars or Canada?

litre_cola

We are 30 million and change of idiots up here.

Sill Bimmons

Real Madrid supporters.

Old School Zero

Carry on then

Redshirt

THIS GAME, I CALL IT EPISODE I BECAUSE WE’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE OF STAR WARS BUT WE’RE SEEING A SHITSHOW ON OUR SCREENS!!!!

Old School Zero

WELL DONE

Dick E. Phuck

Fuck Real Madrid. Futbol Pats.

litre_cola

Yes. Yes. Yes

Sill Bimmons

Way worse than that.

King Hippo

No me gusta us porque no estamos ,, ppl forget that

WCS
WhyEaglesWhy

Somebody needed 1 point from Ertz, there you go.

blordinaryfagicmox

So I’m assuming the “election” in Canada is a farce put on by the ruling Communist Party up there? The only way to have free healthcare is communism, right?

King Hippo

EXACTLY. They should just get sicker and sicker until they need to go to the ER like we do in an efficient, free, God-fearing society!

Sharkbait

So how does Bradford fuck this up?

John Difool

By being born Sam Bradford.

Col. Duke LaCross

The Giants traded for a punter?

Doktor Zymm

For the Super Bowl half time show this year I want a punter/Rockettes crossover show.

Dick E. Phuck

The Force Awakes?
Isn’t it a little too early for Jameis and The Ben biopics?

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