Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!
NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.
Alright. I’m sold.
WHERE WAS MISTER SPOCK?
He’s a Force Ghost.
BOOOOOOOO!
TIME FOR MOAR ENDLESS AND POINTLESS SPECULATION
Oooh here it comes! Whip out those little dicks! Here we go!
/History of the World Part I
Hmmm, ESPN is owned by ABC is owned by Disney, Disney owns Star Wars. Checks out.
Never forget?
It’s a fucking trailer.
That is exactly what my gf said.
This Star Wars preview is terrible. This Brad Ford guy is a shitty Harrison Ford replacement, and based on the erratic movement of this brown space projectile, no one can actually use the Force very well.
Libs-154
Cons-90
NDP-22
eh?
I think its the Canadian election. Parliament seats?
CHARLIE DON’T MOTO-CROSS
Boomer could give no less fucks about space nerds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgqiSBxvdws
I wish the “Boomer’s Final Drive” segment consisted of a TMZ reporter interviewing a CHP officer while looking down onto a flaming pile of automobile wreckage.
“It appears the victim tried to circle his station wagon and lost control.”
ESPN is intentionally fucking us by making us sit through Boomer waiting for the Star Wars trailer.
I was anticipating this.
Bob’s Burgers for halftime WOO
http://25.media.tumblr.com/f7475faf2b5b28ac7ec144e8eee7c994/tumblr_mguhgjpGrF1qfrkf9o4_250.gif
Eli so upset he won’t be able to see the Star Wars promo
How impressive can a Star Wars trailer be? Was it dragged into an upscale neighbourhood? Does it have tinfoil wings duct-taped to its sides?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/e74ebe9adbad5ca9c2e29f87a9d952ae/tumblr_nsamz7doMM1s0wwqso1_500.gif
Um. Wow. Source?
Bre Blair & Mercedes Maso – Quarantine 2
GIS is your friend.
Ben Franklin has a boner!
Oh geez. Frank Gifford. No boner. No boner at all
Manning & Bradford:
Now watch the Giants run the kick back.
7:06? Don’t you scare me like that ESPN!
Maybe I’ll just dress all in yellow and be a penalty flag for Halloween.
As long as you toss yourself on the ground every five minutes
Only if you want to get thrown around a lot and never picked up.
I’ll just show up lots of places where I’m unwelcome
The only reason I’m staying up at this point in my old age is to see at halftime what new and interesting way J.J. Abrams has raped my childhood for the third or fourth time.
Did he lure you into the Dharma Project van, too?
I felt raped by the new Star Trek and I never really was a fan of Star Trek.
HE’S THAT GOOD
Im only staying up because I missed the Colts Puntfail last night and you know the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on me, fool me… cant get fooled again.”
I’m sure J.J. brought some lube this time.
I think “creampied my childhood” is a much classier way of saying it.
I can already see it now.
“Due to time constraints, we cannot show the new trailer to Episode VII. Now, HEERE’S BOOMER!!!”
LOTS OF TIME LEFT
Six seconds is enough time for a play, you fucking pussies.
It’s almost Star Wars time, so here’s a picture of Chris Berman.
http://www.empireonline.com/images/image_index/original/68545.jpg
He’s looking much better than Jason Whitlock
Bradford ran fucking right in to that. Jesus you idiot!
Holy shit. The ONLY thing you can’t do there is take a sack.
HAIL BLEERGH
WHAT IS FLAGGED MAY WASTE OUR TIME
Giants are gonna pull a Russia on Philly here.
“That’s a screw up!”
Mike Tirico, basically summing up the entire game.
The refs are joining the derp party, too.
Back breaking Bradford turnover in 3…2…1…
Puh-lease
Defensive holding on a run play? Da fuq?
FUN BRICK MEATHOOK FACT: Of the six existing Star Wars feature films, my name is in the credits for one of them. (Although Brick Meathook is my birth name, when I work on films I use a kind of dumb pen name)
Jake Lloyd?
Ahmed Best?
Best boy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwY5o2fsG7Y
MOAR FRAGS!
Tom Coughlin may retire before either Manning.
This is the last result on google images when I search for Zardoz; makes sense.
http://uberhumor.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/IVtgQTk.jpg
Also, why is there an end to my search results?
It definitely speaks to me.
She needs a cheesesteak badly…and so do I. But her, definitely her first.
I like skinny girls like that. They always know where to get the really good drugs.
450 million idiots.
Wow.
Are you talking about Star Wars or Canada?
We are 30 million and change of idiots up here.
Real Madrid supporters.
Carry on then
THIS GAME, I CALL IT EPISODE I BECAUSE WE’RE ONLY HERE BECAUSE OF STAR WARS BUT WE’RE SEEING A SHITSHOW ON OUR SCREENS!!!!
WELL DONE
Fuck Real Madrid. Futbol Pats.
Yes. Yes. Yes
Way worse than that.
No me gusta us porque no estamos ,, ppl forget that
Ertz So Good! Whoop!
http://i.imgur.com/GFBie.gif
Somebody needed 1 point from Ertz, there you go.
So I’m assuming the “election” in Canada is a farce put on by the ruling Communist Party up there? The only way to have free healthcare is communism, right?
EXACTLY. They should just get sicker and sicker until they need to go to the ER like we do in an efficient, free, God-fearing society!
So how does Bradford fuck this up?
By being born Sam Bradford.
The Giants traded for a punter?
For the Super Bowl half time show this year I want a punter/Rockettes crossover show.
The Force Awakes?
Isn’t it a little too early for Jameis and The Ben biopics?