Your Thursday Night Winner-Takes-Nothing Open Thread

[waves beige flag] Up here in The Canada we’re three days into Justin Trudeau’s Reign Of Liberal Terror. Not much has changed. Oh wait, last night on my way home I was dragged out of my car and forced to do a bong against my will. Bastard six year-old’s-I’ll get you some day! Actually, now that I think of it, I walked into work the day after the election and my new boss was an Inuit-and I own my own business. That’s not right. Well, I’m sure I’ll feel better at 4 pm tomorrow when I collect my first weekly $500 Happy Citizen Stipend. I can apply for more but I don’t want to seem greedy. I guess at some point I’ll get accustomed to all the changes but it’s going to take some time…

Sea @ SF: Is it week seven already? Then it must be the first of many must-win games for the dregs of the NFC West. The team that does the vanquishing tonight will greatly increase their odds of finishing third in the division. Despite Sherman’s bravado, you (if you are a team) can run, pass and wiggle the old kielbasa at The Legion of Boom and they won’t do much about it. Everyone gets well vs. the Niners this year but the ‘Hawks are wonky as hell. [light bulb appears over head] I’ve got it! “THIS GAME WILL NOT BE A MESS.” There ya go-I fixed it for you!*

 

*pssst…there’s hockey, college football, FIFA U-17 Football, wood nymph volleyball and even Grey’s Scatology on elsewhere-I won’t mind if those things come up every once in while down below.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
809 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brick Meathook

I don’t often drink vodka, but when I do I prefer Sav-On™ brand Charcoal Filtered vodka.

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s worth every bit of the $9.99

jjfozz

To that couple in the Lexus SUV commercial, I hope you both die of a blistering skin disease

Mother Puncher

The intern that thought up “SEA legs” just earned his lunch stipend.

New game: guess how the Seahawks will snatch defeat from the jaws of victory for this game.

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jimmy Graham is allowed to catch the ball?

litre_cola

Then dunk it like a good power forward.

Old School Zero

Yes, but he only gets one dribble.

Moonbatting Average

I thought he was only allowed to dribble

Old School Zero

IT’S COCKTAIL TIME! Blanco tequila, Cointreau, sweet and dry vermouth, orange bitters

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What’s that called?

Old School Zero

Tangible Triumph

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/how-to-make-the-tangible-triumph-a-tequila-cocktail-fo-1707719032

I’d like to get some mezcal and sub in maybe 1/2 oz of that in this at some point. I think that’d be a good twist on it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Hmm…methinks I’m too sober…

Sharkbait

*Looks at gin & tonic*
*Looks at OSZ*
I’ll have what he’s having.

Lothar of the Hill People

Ooooooh, look at Mr. Fancypants with his TWO different kinds of vermouth.

REAL MEN DRINK PAINT THINNER AND LIKE IT!

hippofant

Maybe someone should tell Boldin that if he can’t outrun a linebacker, he shouldn’t be playing.

Not… not me though. Someone else.

Moonbatting Average

Sill, I don’t know if you’re following Ice Steelers vs Ice Mavericks, but you should probably put away any sharp objects

Sharkbait

Ice Giants are tied with the Ice Cardinals. I may need a sharp object.

ThePirateSloth

Ice Pirates?

comment image

blordinaryfagicmox
Spur

Will Kaep be a 49er next year? 2017?

Dick E. Phuck

A screen to Reggie Bush. They’ll never see it coming.

Sill Bimmons

This game hasn’t really been very good so far, has it?

Dick E. Phuck

It’s been quite 7hitty

King Hippo

I reckon I will watch a good bit of JV footy

ThePirateSloth

It’s getting me drunk. That classifies as good in my book*.

*I have very low standards

King Hippo

Mattingly will take his sideburns elsewhere

WCS

While Ozzie Smith remains vanished off the face of the Earth.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ANNOUNCER: “That sleeper is out there.”

DARREN SHARPER: “I’m listening…”

Brick Meathook

That winning lottery ticket is out there, punk. Do YOU have the balls to pick it?

blordinaryfagicmox

7ragonfly coming

litre_cola

At the half Kap will have a tattoo of the fly reading the bible on his neck.

Gratliff

Tyler Breeze has been instantly ruined. INSTANTLY. Stupid, stupid creative.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Well…yeah.

WCS

Why, yes, I am eating the candy we ostensibly bought to give out on Halloween.

BUY YOUR OWN, YOU LITTLE FREELOADING SHITHEELS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“They would if Obummer would let them work!”

– Libertarians

Spanky Datass

HURL THE RAINBOW!

WCS

TASTE THE RAINBOW A SECOND TIME!

Lothar of the Hill People

I’ll say something positive: that EA commercial with Drew Brees, Clay Matthews, and Beef Moe in the college classroom is fucking hilarious. More commercials should be like that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So as I mentioned a while back, the guy who plays Garfield on “Another Period” moved in across from me. Since moving in, I’ve yet to meet him, and I haven’t even seen any sign of his presence in the last two weeks. Best. Neighbor. Ever.

Lothar of the Hill People

Better than my buddy’s neighbor who sunbathed topless on the patio her apartment shared with his?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I stand corrected. But he’s still a very good neighbor.

blordinaryfagicmox

Another Period: The story of a birth control pill gone horribly wrong.

Spur

Afternoons are for defecating and learning Latin.

bourb0nblues

Too Many Skittles

King Hippo

PUKE the rainbow

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Barf the rainbow.

Sharkbait

Gentlemen.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Sez you.

litre_cola

Me thinks not.

ThePirateSloth

Mentlegen

Sill Bimmons

Salsa or pico de gallo?

Spur

pico de gallo

Sill Bimmons

That’s not the question I asked.

Sill Bimmons

Yes…yes I am aware…sigh…attempt at humor misinterpreted…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Jurassic world looks awful.

Just wanted to say that.

Spur

It was. At the end two rival dinosaurs basically fist bump.

blordinaryfagicmox

It looks even more awful when you watch the whole thing in chronological order.

Mother Puncher

It was but it’s all I have

WhyEaglesWhy

I liked it. But I have a different judging scale for popcorn movies than a lot of people.

litre_cola

Significant other is going to her 1st condo board meeting tonight. She has no fucking idea what she is in for.

“Do you want to come?”

“Does the room need to be filled with uppercuts?”

“Fine then.”

Sill Bimmons

Best of luck to you when she comes home!

litre_cola

BUT CAN HE CATCH FISH?????

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Jimmy Graham played basketball?! You’d think someone would have said something about it over the years.

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, that’s very distinctive and highly unusual for a foosball player to have played another sport.

Spur
Mother Puncher

Quit stealing OSZ’s bit.

Spur

The link died. It was Kaep hitting that guy in the head on the sideline.

hippofant
litre_cola

I have never sworn at a FF player than Doug Baldwin this year. There just are no other options… DO SOMETHING

Mother Puncher

To my fellow Ohioans: what do I vote on issue 3?

blordinaryfagicmox

Yes. Or No?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Didn’t they include bath salts with your voter’s guide? That should help you make up your mind.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A strongly definitive “Maybe.”

/not from Ohio

Sill Bimmons

THC Positive.

Brick Meathook

The smart money is on Trudeau.

Lothar of the Hill People

No. It’s all well and good to de-criminalize weed, but enshrining a monopoly to a single company in the state constitution is not the way to do it.

Just look at the clusterfuck legalizing casino gambling via constitutional amendment.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“Rawls, can you spell Lynch?”

“L…I…”

“FAIL!”

WhyEaglesWhy

“You don’t spell Lynch, son, you tackle it!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I know, I know!”

– Riley Cooper, raising his hand

WCS

“I-R-I-S-H.”

Oh, I thought you said Rowles.

Mother Puncher

At least this game is already better than the powderpuff game I had to officiate last night

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Chargers played last night?

Sill Bimmons

Roja or verde?

JustStopDude

VERDE!!!!

WhyEaglesWhy

Christmas.

Old School Zero

Yes.

litre_cola

Roja unless its summer where you are.

Jesus, Pheel great situational awareness there. That overthrow was totally warranted. No fucking Colin hits that open man after Sherman slipped.

JustStopDude

HOLDING?!?!

Clearly the refs are part of the Illuminati…

Spur
King Hippo

Welcome back, Kaep (aka Talibeard Squidward). Your brief flirtation with moderate competence was quite amusing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, this game is pretty much going the way I expected it to.

Spur

Evening. It’s all most basketball season. Go Spurs Go

King Hippo

Huh? That’s 3 weeks in mid-March to early-April, when gambling makes me care.

Over7hrow.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Wheee! Great America, bringing mediocrity to theme parks.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just realized that I have to work on Saturday morning, so I should probably do my Friday drinkin’ today.

blordinaryfagicmox
ThePirateSloth

You gotta love awesome sports ‘bros’ at the bar, who are compelled to keep opening their stupid mouths at you, trying to out-fan you.

/urge to kill rising

Sill Bimmons
JustStopDude

My favorite is when the get loud and obnoxious about a penalty…that was a clear penalty and correctly called…

“AWWW DUDE what was THAT?!?”

“Encroachment…literally one of the most simple penalties in football”

“NAAAAHHH BULLSHIT!!!!”

ThePirateSloth

There’s one of those on the other side of me.

Great, I’m surrounded by assholes.

JustStopDude

I love sports. I love the drama…the strategy, the hidden beauty. The level of skill and practice it takes.

I fucking detest my fellow sports fans. We are all the scum of the earth.

Sill Bimmons
WCS

Goddammit.

Sill Bimmons

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ThePirateSloth

Hahahaha

Old School Zero
WCS

OSZ has been replaced by an Uproxx writer. #SpiralForever

blordinaryfagicmox

It took forever to load for me, so here’s a smaller version
http://jimpunk.net/Loading/wp-content/uploads/loading1.gif

Old School Zero

Sorry, big file.

Sill Bimmons

Can we all agree that the 49ers are far more reprehensible historically than the C-Hox?

So, go C-Hox?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Well, sure, I mean…just, yeah.

Sill Bimmons

CONFIRMATION BIAS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I HAVEN’T SEEN A PATTON BREAK THROUGH LIKE THAT SINCE…eh, too easy.

Sill Bimmons

SINCE THE FAMOUS BOWLS ROUTINE WOO

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Congratulations, CBS, you proved to me that it *is* possible for me to be uninterested in watching a pretty girl rip her shirt open.

Lord Joe Don Looney

Hey! Wow! I did not know that I could eat breakfast anytime of day.

I used to call those meals lunch and dinner.

Old School Zero
blordinaryfagicmox

comment image

Lord Joe Don Looney

Oh Hai Danny!

Are you on drugs? Where did you get the drugs?
You are not my mother!

Oh Hai doggy!

blordinaryfagicmox

How many commercial breaks will there be before the next play not ending in a touchback?

WhyEaglesWhy

I think the Seahawks washed their uniforms in the same load with their new black jeans.