I didn’t want to make everyone queasy with a morning picture of aptly named manager Arsene Wenger (or any of their similarly hideous players), so instead I offer a slightly out-of-focus of pic of a random piece of art from my hairdresser’s shop. I am considering purchasing this as a Christmas gift for my oldest daughter, who is a cat freak, musically-inclined, and headed to college next August. Thoughts? Also, if you are ever in the Raleigh area and in need of a badass haircut, and/or your eyebrows waxed (SHUT UP, it’s not gay to not want to look like a goddamned werewolf), you are ordered to go to Devil’s Haircut on S. West Street.
Ahem, back to the task at hand. The English Premier League. All of NBC’s advertising is focused on the Manchester Derby, and yes, that’s an important game (Sunday, 10:00, NBCSN). Top of table City vs. #3 United. But the reason United won’t go back on top with a win? Fucking Arsenal, man. I can only make 4th place/Horatio’s locker jokes about them so long. They’re legit, folks. And it’s not just restricted to England – the Gooners dispatched Bayern Munich 2-nil midweek in Champions League group play. That just doesn’t happen for clubs like Arsenal. Well, it seems to be happening this year.
And with a home win over a humiliated Everton (who barely bothered to leave the dressing room in a shocking home thrashing at the hands of Manure last weekend), they will watch the Derby waiting to see if THEY will ascend to first place. This is “big boy” NBC’s featured match (Saturday, 12:30), but given what I’ve seen from my beloved Toffees of late, this one should be well in hand by the half. Tom Cleverley’s return is at least another week away, and that is the only thing this dispirited Evertonian can hang onto for any gleam of hope. Somewhere, Marty Schottenheimer’s ears are burning…
Leicester vs. Crystal Palace (USA) and Chelski vs. West Ham (NBCSN) are the best of the 10:00 Saturday matches. Everton’s slippage offers room for other sides to climb up to the upper-middle class, like the jackasses from Chelski. Hopefully, the more likeable Leicester and Hammers solidify their good standing instead. But I have grown very used to disappointment.
Speaking of disappointment, HOLY FUCK this Saturday JV dog slate…
Clemson at Miami (noon, ABC)
Da U can play da offense, so this might manage some entertainment value, at least. Clemson has enough athletes on defense (particularly in the secondary) to make enough stops to win comfortably, though. Provided they don’t get too self-aware. Their steady ass-pounding of Boston College has made me a believer, though.
Texas Tech at Oklahoma (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)
Yeah, this really, truly is the best game of the “prestige” window. Seriously, take a goddamned nap. The Red Raiders do not usually travel well, but Boomer Sooner is unpredictable as hell. As is Big 12 footbaw (Kansas excepted) in general.
Texas A&M at Ole Miss (7:00, ESPN)
No defenses need apply. Johnny Reb’s ass still hurts from that trip to Memphis.
Utah at Southern Cal (7:30, Fox)
Trap game for Team Secular Big Love. Will the Men of Troy fall to shit after the emotional loss in South Bend under their new interim coach? Or will they rally at home in true “fuck it” mode? It’s always hard to predict how fucking teenagers will react.
Everyone likes to say Bourbon street but my hometown as the most bars per place in the nation. Respect Appleton and it’s idiotic disposition to go and drink at the bars. As the son of an alderman, I know the police department is funded exclusively by drunk drivers fines
I think this rant was @yeahright, but nobody really knows that this point
Sure Pitt won but having a kicker by the name of Blewitt guarantees that your season will not end well.
There are still Q Ray ads?
I turned on the Northwestern game like 2 hours ago. 5 times it stopped working and I don’t know, I assume some football happened in between. Still payed no attention
Pitt with the successful fake punt.
3-3 Syracuse is pummeling #25 Pitt 20-20.
Now drinking: Wine? Am I pronouncing that word right?
There’s no “I” in wine, son…umm-wait a sec.
There’s both an “i” and a “we” in wine, so it’s great for sharing, or drinking alone!
There is no way you are back after an hour if you are playing Civ 5. Start playing Civ 5 and see us in 3 days
In all seriousness, it’s a Central Texas red blend and it’s really good. Smooth and smoky.
I am just going off assumptions, but if you are switching to wine at 2 pm. No you are not pronouncing it right.
Now I’m sipping a frozen concoction called ” Call-a-cab” at a bar called Wet Willies on Beale St.
This drink has rum and Everclear, one should do it.
Yes this is a walking tour today.
I have to ask. Why? Both of those are basically paint thinner
Sounds like a staggering tour thing.
Rum and Everclear? For Christ’s sake that sounds like a war crime.
It’s sort of like a hurricane. Beale St is trying real hard to become Bourbon Street.
Fairly tasty but it gave me like 5 brain freezes.
Just came back from my aunt/uncle’s surprise 50th anniversary party. My uncle has been sober for about 35 years or so but all the stories told about the guy centered around him tearing up this little old town drunk off his ass. From what I recall my dad saying about him it’s a near miracle he got through it alive and now he’s one of the wealthiest fellas around. Well done, Uncle W!
I know this is a jerk thing to say but I have been friends with people that have gone through a sex change, it was painful for them and something they worried about even their closest friends knowing.
Bruce Jenner is just an attention whore who changed his gender for media attention
My closest friend is kinda hot. She is 6’2″ but if you can get past being shorter she is good looking and pretty great to hang out with. I took Japanese and she was my assigned study partner
I meant my closest trans friend* I would actually have to do some work to reconnect with her. I mean I would if necessary and you wanted her number, but don’t want to be dishonest about how close we are
Holy shit what a save by Cech.
Who seems to be wearing a helmet for reasons I do not understand.
Holy shit:
http://espn.go.com/college-football/story/_/id/13959618/vehicle-crashes-spectators-oklahoma-state-homecoming-parade
I want to make a South Park old people joke, but, damn!
Don’t drink and drive people. It’s pretty easy these days to find another way to get home.
I wanted to reply with Caitlyn Jenner on South Park video but apparently there aren’t any without bullshit commentary from some random TV blog
Guy wearing a Nebraska hoodie just caused a 15 yard fan interference call on Northwestern and gave them a first down.
They are now saying it was a Northwestern fan but why is a guy in a Nebraska hoodie next to the Northwestern coach.
There is a VERY LOUD Carolina/Arsenal hybrid fat fuck fan in the bar. I may need that murder alibi, commentist party members.
You were with me the entire time.
Now take notes while I describe what Connecticut looks like…
Why yes officers, Hippo and I were across town gettin’ a goddamn snack.
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Hippo-Eating-a-Watermelon.gif
I was too drunk to know, but I think Hippo did it officer. Can I go home now? I don’t like cops.
Remember when Alabama playing Tennessee was a game that really mattered?
Yes great grandfather. We remember things from before we were born
http://36.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7ovp2UlLN1rb3xnao1_500.jpg
Reason # 1495 why cats are assholes.
One more because I had already found it and left the tab open
http://41.media.tumblr.com/76870ed84f78a6157a903113395fee74/tumblr_nu35qhKdIK1tbs59no1_1280.png
Dick ‘er? I barely know ‘er! (Obligatory)
/has a long standing fascination with Cintia Dicker
“fascination” = “restraining order”
http://31.media.tumblr.com/42433115d0c12a24d12aaa7d1b3da013/tumblr_n52aqsWUBS1tp9qzgo1_400.gif
Much more of a fan of this one. Was not a fan of my last post TBH
http://41.media.tumblr.com/901545c09d5c024e40ae8188098cdb73/tumblr_nu0zeuEOOp1tbs59no1_1280.png
So far I’m thoroughly enjoying Tropical Storm Daydrink.
I am enjoying “It is kinda rainy so you don’t have to paint” Saturday. I am celebrating it by drinking but to be honest not much. But that is something I can work on and do better
Possibly NSFW so breaking up the link
h ttp://40.media.tumblr.com/deb6187752517573c39948a19a7253e7/tumblr_nu1t80XXf21tbs59no1_540.png
I haven’t destroyed any civilizations recently. I’m gonna go play Civ 5. Laters!
Mini-GRONK SMASH sighting in Austin.
Northwestern is beating Nebraska? I watch none of the college football shows but I really hope they aren’t pretending the Big 10 west can compete with Big Ten east in the championship game. I forget the names they gave the conferences but they were worse than west/east
Leaders and Legends. Hate.
The best is our Gratuitous Simpsons Reference FF league. The divisions are Pitt the Elder and Lord Palmerston.
Van Hoooooooooooooooooooose
Goddamnit Everton. Way to harsh my buzz. Dickholes
From RonCo.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/ff55a7d04ac29bbd1973fcce2b0d4d46/tumblr_nlgqg8a4hy1tdowxko1_400.gif
I’m…. intrigued.
Hello.
[place flubby’s profile pic here]
http://38.media.tumblr.com/0d670a1ce4f8bebedfc5658c1e5604ff/tumblr_mvezbiO2OY1s91985o2_500.gif
Northwestern is always such fun to watch.
Relatedly, I need whiskey.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/2a0d67ca6f3c25dd00493c381d90347b/tumblr_nmayjddaOU1qzsq0xo1_500.gif
Whiskey is something I have a good supply of, and my dad is an alumus of there. Northwestern game it is.
I mocked King Hippo earlier for mentioning College football, am I gonna fall to his level and watch it now. In my defense I was much more of a dick about soccer
NC State has not won in Winston Salem since 2001. Fucking seriously.
Watching live in a pub with fellow grumpy old man imaginary friends to break the bad juju. With Sierra Muthafuckin’ Nevada. Wee Baby Seamus says HAI
After 1 quarter…NC State 28, Wake 0.
Woooo! HAI to you both!
Belatin’ HAI. Not to be confused with fellatin’ HAI.
DFO fucks up my fone.
I was watching nothing for the last 2 hours so I gave in and started watching Rugby. I need someone to tell me who to hate. Now it is just Hobbits vs. Hot Red Heads. The only South African I’ve met was a hot red head with giant boobs and an aversion to the sun.
The NZ All-Blacks are almost always at the top of the world rankings and do a haka before each game. There was a 30 for 30 about the Springboks when apartheid was ended http://espn.go.com/30for30/film?page=the-16th-man
I’ve never been to a rugby match, or watched in a large crowd of fans, so I can’t really say which team has more obnoxious fans.
Also, instead of making the field goal longer, I wish they had adopted the rugby rule, where you kick in line from where the try was scored.
Sin Bin is the best term for penalty box.
A friend of mine in college used to refer to a certain part of feminine anatomy as “The Sin Bin”. I could never decide if it was hilarious or horrifically vulgar.
That’s great wordsmithing hustle!
Buy that painting. Who cares if the cat can’t play low notes because that strap is way tight? He looks ready to Journey the hell out of any song.
The Longhorns just killed the KState QB.
I couldn’t even read this. Stuff about Soccer and then College Football? I think. I just skimmed it after the second paragraph. No one will ever learn to love soccer.
/ loves soccer
// still serious about skipping out on the rest of the article
Gunners!
I believe that win over BM, (giggle), was Arsenal’s first in Champion League play and they’re still at the bottom of their group in that comeptition.
At least I think I read that in the NY TImes; I’m still kind of new at this.
WOO! Gunners!
Now we’re going to wander over to the Peabody Hotel, apparently they have ducks that know how to use the elevator.
I’ve heard of cats than can ride the bus, but ducks that can ride the elevator? That’s just crazy!
Big deal; I’ve been using elevators for years now.
Are you kidding? Do not buy nice things for college freshmen! That painting will be missing/destroyed/covered in sharpie dicks within a month of moving in!
How was that a reply here?
Horray for hungover commenting…
AFLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!!
I read that as dicks. I was impressed for a minute.
Putting together Halloween costume for party tonight. My costume for next week is gluten (scary!), but tonight I’ll be going with a more traditional costume. Pirate? Artemis? Misc. steampunk person? The party is at a club, so I could go the sexy route, which would be French Maid or Librarian who is probably not following the dress code of the library.
I was gonna ask if you had a trenchcoat and an earth toned buttoned up shirt to go as Mal from Firefly, but much more interested in what you would do with your sexy maid or librarian outfits.
button* I saw it and it bugged me until I posted this correcting it… Yeah, the shame will stay after this
If you can pull this off you should do it:
http://images-cdn.moviepilot.com/images/c_fill,h_1200,w_1920/t_mp_quality/qwv3rx0zljziyw4lb2i2/the-origin-of-margot-robbie-s-harley-quinn-revealed-in-suicide-squad-trailer-601292.jpg
Hard to pull off for an entire evening, but if you walk backwards in fits and starts you could be stepwise regression
Ha! Awesome.
Gluten costume:
If you’re going as Artemis, are you bleaching your butthole and blasting your nips?
/Sunny’d
Quick hotel diatribe.
I travel between 2-4 times a year and I noticed about 5 years ago that hotel bathrooms no longer have ventilation fans. What the fuck is that? You need the fans to vent the shower stream and if you are sharing a room the fan helps cover up, how do you say, potentially troubling bathroom noises.
FIX YO SHIT, HOTELS!
FUCKING SERIOUSLY. Back before I swore off dating, there were times when I seriously did self-consciously opt for the floor’s common area bathrooms instead.
Plus, the white noise factor for sleeping is also good, though I have learned to travel with a white noise machine if at all possible.
White noise machine? Black noise machine? I sense an SNL skit here…
The white noise machine be all “hush no sweetie go to sleep, go to sleeeeeeeep” but the black noise machine be all “Yo motherfucka go the fuck to sleep!” amirite?
/cue laughtrack.
I always thought the vents were for particularly stinky #2s…
So far, so good for the Hammers. Huzzah.
In looking for the Rugby World Cup on my tv, I’ve discovered that my pay per view options for the morning are as follows :
1) Rugby World Cup
2) Horny Amateurs: Hot Sex with Vibrators
or
3) TNA Wrestling : Legends
I’m kind of entertained that this is the adult version of Saturday morning cartoons.
I could have sworn that I saw a TV advertisement for teh Rugby, but it was for afternoon viewing so must be tape delay. What a fucking ripoff, for those interested.
There’s something on later tonight, which I set to record, and certain cable subscribers can stream via universal sports, but I ended up finding a free stream pretty easily. Not the best resolution, but good enough.
Might I suggest we liveblog choice #2?
Working on it.
NBC 2:30 is NZL v RSA. Should be amazeballs.
Gentlemen.
Art is subjective. Is a cool painting, but it only matters if your daughter likes it. Has she seen it? Has she made any positive comments towards it?
I say take her to the shop next time or send her a picture and see what she says.
I could always buy it, with the fallback of keeping it for myself if she doesn’t like it. She owes me money anyway LMAO.
Somewhere, Marty Schottenheimer’s ears are burning…
He wanted to see inside so he lit a q-tip.
Just kidding, Marty would never do something so risky.
Also – why pay to have your eyebrows waxed when you can just develop an crippling bout of trichotillomania?
Okay, I am not much of one to care about hairdressers, but that place sounds awesome, and you should definitely buy that painting.
Also of note : Rugby World Cup semi kicks off in a little over an hour. New Zealand – South Africa.
I gots gym type stuff to do, but Imma try to watch it when I finish that up.
Is it on TV or do we have to find a stream?
It looks like it’s pay-per-view, so I’m just gonna find a stream.
Not bothering with the gym. Would you walk half an hour in the rain to exercise? Screw that.
Morning folks.
First full day of Memphis and it’s fucking raining.
And now the age old question of whether I should laze around in bed for an hour or two or get up and use the fitness center?
Then again there is option 3, get up and have some biscuits and gravy.
Goddammit. I’m going fitness center. There is barbecue in the forecast.
Have fun in one of my favorite Chuck Berry songs!
https://youtu.be/KrbPlr4Wskc
It’s been a blast so far. Lots of family and lots of love.
Not to mention lots of beer and lots of Jameson.
One of the best meals I ever had was in Memphis: BBQ Nachos
http://www.seriouseats.com/images/2012/10/20121015-226317-BBQ-Nachos-Big-Bad-Wolves.jpg
I don’t remember where I got them from, but highly recommend you ingest some.