Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week Eight

Week Eight, aka The Day of the Dead for reals. Le’Veon Bell, Matt Forte, Megatron, Fitzmagic, Ricardo Lockett (scary as fuck, but he’s ok), the entire San Diego front lines.

But let us all pause in a separate line/paragraph to honor that shoulder chip bearer/prolific baby puncher/all around interesting footballer Steve Smith Sr., whose career ended late in a 29-26 win over the Chargers. Thanks for the memories, now ice (and Vicuprofen) up, son!

Cincy/Yinzers was the marquee matchup of the 1:00 slate, but the game itself pretty much sucked. Andy and THE BEN took turns trying to give the game away, with THE BEN giving last (insert bathroom stall joke here). The Bungles may not have impressed anyone, but 7-0 with a road win over the Stillers pretty much wraps up the division and, barring a complete meltdown (their schedule is much lighter than NE and Denver’s), no worse than the #2 seed in the AFC.

Another week, another yuuuuuuuge (SNF prep) blown lead for Tampa Bay. 20-3 in the second half turns into 20-20 and we head to OT, thanks to a completely baffling “coverage” scheme against Julio Jones. But what’s this? The Bucs get a FG to open extra time, and somehow a stop after that, and get the win. Survivor pool executioners, these Bucs, winning at New Orleans and Atlanta. If anyone still has any belief in Atlanta’s somewhat gaudy record, you may want to get your head examined. Garbage team.

Holy shit, Giants/Saints. Elisha and Breesus go for about 1,200 yards apiece, and of course the game is decided by a questionable facemask call against the punter (and ensuing, game-winning Saints FG). Think I know where that suspended ACC crew from Saturday night’s Miami/Duke fiasco ended up.

Dunno if Zach ever got his selfie, but Mettenberger’s Titans lost 20-6 to a team that may not even exist. RedZone showed ONE highlight of this game, so I’m not really sure this game happened, to tell you the truth. DonT?

The Rams continue their Gurley and defense-based march toward wild card contention. The 49ers continue their march toward the 2016 Draft. They have no options but to play out the string. Just absolutely NOTHING there.

Arizona spotted Cleveland a sizeable lead, but the Factory authorized overtime shifts, and it vanished well before the 4th quarter. Like the Talking Heads song goes – “Same As It Ever Was.”

Never mind what I said last week. Derek Carr is at least an A-, and Oakland may just have a budding star on their hands. Legitimate playoff team, and could challenge Denver for the division. Welcome back, Geno!! We non-Jets fans have missed you, anyway. Side note – Todd Bowles’ annoyed grimace is fucking terrifying.

As noted in the RiveBrog, the Lions could justifiably leave Jim Caldwell in London, but it would be meaner to leave him in Detroit. I missed most of the first half watching Everton blow a 2-nil lead, then storm back to beat the Black Cats (topical!) of Sunderland 6-2!! WOO!!

Saw very little of CHI/MIN, but the Vikes were either totally inept offensively and/or the Bears’ D was surprisingly stout until very late…and it all fell apart. 10 late points, and Minny goes to 5-2 with a 23-20 road win.

Pete Carroll with the dumb fuck coaching move of the week, calling a run to the weak side of the field on 1st and goal, down 12-10, with 2:12 on the clock (and Dallas out of timeouts). Predictably, the run gains nothing AND goes out of bounds BEFORE the two-minute warning. Meaning the SeaTruthers kickoff up 13-12 with 1:06 left instead of :26. A whole lot of herp and derp ensued, which Seattle never should have had to bother with. They still hold on to win, but it doesn’t excuse yet another piece of horrid, braindead coaching. Dallas falls to 2-5.

And last, but certainly not least…my Broncos shock the everlovin’ shit out of me and run train all over Rodgers and the Packers. The beleagered OL was great. All three RBs were great. The pass rush was great. The coverage (LBs included) was fan-fucking-tastic. Most importantly…PeyPey was great. Not adequate, not good, GREAT. I couldn’t be happier, and really had no idea this was even a possibility. Just one game, but 7-0 feels much less like a mirage than 6-0 did, that’s for sure.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Did not spend the day well today. I broke down and cried more than once about my pups and then spent the majority of the day with him. Fuck my next door neighbor I stand by hating him.

Duchess

I am sorry to hear that man.

Doktor Zymm

Update on Lockette : There’s ligament damage in the neck requiring surgery. While he’ll be okay as far as normal life goes, that sort of injury could be career-ending, depending on the severity. Here’s an article about an MMA fighter with severe neck ligament damage : http://www.si.com/cauldron/2015/10/05/laree-hutchinson-mma-fighter-neck-injury-paralysis

entropy

That hit was vicious. I don’t hold that it was malicious, just nasty as fuck. Football’s violent, these things happen, and sometimes people get hurt. However, I’m glad he’s not paralyzed or anything like that. If this ends his career, that sucks, but better than a wheelchair or worse.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Not sure why it got flagged though. He led with his shoulder, hit him square on, nothing blind side about it.

Horatio Cornblower

The block was totally clean and the fact that it was totally clean convinces me that eventually football is going to have to change dramatically, because Lockette’s lucky to be breathing today.

entropy

True. And I have no idea why the hit was flagged, either, like I said, it wasn’t malicious, just nasty. The kind of thing that would completely lead off “Jacked Up” if they could still get away with that segment. No fine or penalties should have been assessed on that block.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dog only knows the neighbor dog because I found her once when she ran away and they never went to look for her. Dick dad of the house was talking shit about my dog loudly to his kids because both dogs were at the fence trying to find a way through. He was yelling every single word or I wouldn’t hate him this much. But it was heard 5 blocks away and not rational and I already am in protective dog owner mode.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am 6’2 250 and always go the passive way. I want to punch this guy this particular morning.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Sorry, some time between 2 and 4 central time. I have 2 wrong clocks in here

Old School Zero

I give the San Diego 2+x/3 more wins, where x equals the addition or subtraction (negative value) of healthy players per game.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Spent 20 min outside with my dog, back to hating my sis for being a dick for taking him over after he had a seizure yesterday. I think he is down to 45 lbs. He really could have died. 60ish is what vets want for Goldens, he has been slowly losing that for the last 2 years and if you have ever met me you know I spoil the shit out of this dog with human food all the time, just keeps slowly losing weight

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just spent another 20 min with pups. I am worried about him.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Spent another 20 min with him, he actually seems fine and my dad was nice to him for once and gave him cheese. I should probably stop worrying so much

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

And you missed nothing in the Chi/Min game. I chose nap over even trying to finish it and I am a Bears fan and finally had a game on TV in WI

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t quite quit smoking and I drink too much, almost exclusively on days with football, but I am almost certain when I die, drunk with a cig in my hand the doctors will blame it on the amount of diet coke I drink. 2 liters already today and I am just laying around watching Firefly

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus man, that is not good for you at all.

Doktor Zymm

I feel like I’m finally starting to get a handle on the teams this season. There’s still plenty of insane shit going down every week, but I now have a baseline that allows me to evaluate just how kooky bananas each thing is.

I’m tempted to do some research on the impacts of officiating this year compared to previous years. I sort of have the impression that inconsistent calls have decided more crap this year than normal, but I’m also pretty sure I think that every year.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I know that the only Packers’ scores last night were on drives that were extended by bullshit defensive penalty calls. That roughing the passer one in particular.

ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE Y’ALL!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Ditka, on wearing a Packers sweater: “THEY DROVE A DUMP TRUCK FULL OF MONEY UP TO MY HOUSE! I’M NOT MADE OF STONE!”

entropy

I honestly thought I imagined that while drinking.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Seriously fuck that guy.

/still going to dress as him for Halloween one year
//already bought the sweater vest.

Bugg

And now I have to watch Geno Smith fuck up another Jets’ season. WHAT THE FUCK?

entropy

If we’re really lucky, Geno will have cracked ribs, a punctured lung, and four separate tears in his rotator cuff. Most likely, he has an owie bruise on his chest and we’re doomed to watch him piss away the promise of a decent early season.

What I really did NOT like, however, was the defense apparently feeling that Fitz’s injury mean they could sit the game out, too. That shit must be handled ASAP.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If anyone wants a detailed breakdown of Bears-Vikes, come find me and shake my from my sobbing spell.

Bloody Lethal

Really good defense in that Giants game. Think u missd dat.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Brees’ 7 TDs earned me 113 points in Sill’s crazy-scoring league. It made my Sunday a LLLLLLLOT more interesting.

Enrico Pallazzo

The Vikings are apparently 5-2 and no one gives a shit.

Martin

Who?

montythisseemsstrangetome

Wait, the Steelers lost to THEM?
http://eightiesclub.tripod.com/6737f020.jpg

SonOfSpam

Interesting bit of trivia: The photographer didn’t like the way Susanna’s left hand looked, so they used mine as a stunt-hand for that picture. Finally, having small feminine hands paid off!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is so much bullshit everyone knows that is Alex Smith’s hand.

JerBear50

Nope, sorry Rikki. Susanna can score at will. Alex Smith, not so much.

entropy

Todd Bowles’ annoyed face may be the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. I honestly thought he might start punching Geno himself just to get his lousy ass off the field.

That said, I do enjoy his reserve after years of Rex’s visible meltdowns. There’s something that much more menacing about a quiet and angry man on the sidelines. Makes me think something might actually get adjusted before next week’s game.

Don T

The Titans are the league’s doormat. The ridicule is totally earned. Shrug City awaits.
But there’s a lot to be said about scoth and coconut water. Washes away the anger, renders frustration funny, and it’s pretty much hangover free.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Scoth is a hell of a drug.

ballsofsteelandfury

No thoughts on New Zealand winning the World Cup? That was a helluva lot better than pretty much every JV football game on Saturday.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

What’s a “New Zealand”?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s where the “Texans football team” is from.

blaxabbath

Well, hey, as long as he gets a bye week between games, I’m sure Peyton will be lighting it up like this every week!

(If this pattern holds true, we’re set for Bra[peD]y to winning Manning-Brady XLII.)

ballsofsteelandfury

The Brady PED scandal will be a thing of beauty. I really cannot wait.

Martin

I’m so glad I gave up on this shit.

Martin

I wouldn’t be the first person in my family sent to one.