A far less cynical commenter than I pointed out to me that this game isn’t exactly “eye poison”. Let’s take a look at this half-full game with some rose-coloured glasses, shall we?
Ten @ Jax: The Jags are 2-2 at home and with a win will tie the Luck-less Colts for first place in the AFC South. Bortles is tied for the league lead in game-winning drives. All three victories were the result of him marching his team down the field in the waning minutes for the last score. Not too shabby. Fantasy-wise the Jags feature the highest-scoring WR duo. Robinson made a bit of a splash last year but the real revelation is Hurns. He was the guy I made fun of in a snarky post at the beginning of the season. Well, he’s scored a TD in 7 straight, averages 17 yards a catch and caused me to place my tail between my legs when I picked him up off the waiver wire a few weeks ago. QB Mariota (do we have a nickname for this guy yet-I think he’ll be around for a dozen years or so) has thrown for 4 TD’s and no intercepts twice. He’s in a bad, interim-coach situation and hasn’t completely shit the bed which bodes well for his future but not his early development.
The score is 6-9.
I have no jokes for this.
BUT IT IS NOT NICE
YEAH FIELD GOALS! I LOVE THIS FUCKING GAME!!!!
I mean, who could find fault with up the middle three fucking times with a converted terrible college QB?
THIS GAME I CALL IT A BARNBURNER BECAUSE IT MAKES ME WANT TO BURN MY HOUSE DOWN
HE LIVES IN A BARN, WE HAVE ANDREW LUCK ON OUR LIVEBLOG OMG!!!1
THIS GAME I CALL IT CELLULAR RADIATION BECAUSE IT MAKES MY HEAD HURT AND I THINK IT’S FUCKING KILLING ME
“Just not enough deception”
Phil, they’re pretending this is an NFL game; how much more fucking deception do you want?
Holy shit, we might can has touchdown?
Maybe, but probably not.
We were found unworthy.
Haha. That’s what you get for having hope.
Rightly so. We deserve nothing but death’s sweet embrace.
How I’ll show up at my parents house for Christmas if I watch this game to the end….
http://cdn.hark.com/images/000/489/672/489672/original.jpg
http://alfa.gifs-planet.com/popular/21.gif
http://media.giphy.com/media/bGBQV839bsPnO/giphy.gif
When my wife was knocked up with our first she went out for Halloween as a torn condom.
http://img.izismile.com/img/img4/20110606/1000/funny_gif_selection_27.gif
THANKS OBAMA!!
I happily support both A and C cups.
I believe I speak for all of us when I say that I envy the color blind.
For the duration of this game, you can remove the word “color.”
These color schemes have to be an attempt to kill off epileptics.
That 47%, amirite???
For all those epileptics who don’t watch anime
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ligvpja6Me1qg0rnuo1_500.gif
Sup, Jagoffs?
http://gifs.gifbin.com/112010/1290603068_crazy-brazilian-murderer-interview.gif
I HOPE THERE ARE MORE FIELD GOALS
if we are good little boys and girl
KICKERS BATTLE IT IS WHAT WE WANT FROM THE NFL
Jesus God I just got my kid to go to bed and quit playing video games and WHAT IN THE BLUE FUCK IS THIS ON MY TV SCREEN!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?!?
Scheisse porn?
http://img.izismile.com/img/img5/20120806/1000/selection_of_funny_celebrity_gifs_15.gif
I just finished at the gym. Now I believe I may have dropped a weight on my head
Two-thirds of the Mark of the Beast.
Do not stare directly into the screen.
At least we haven’t shown a young Traci Lords film.
Traci Elizabeth Lords (born Nora Louise Kuzma on May 7, 1968) is an American actress, singer, model, writer, producer and director. Born in Steubenville, Ohio, she first became known for her underage appearances in pornographic movies. Initially accepting a job as a nude model at the age of 15, she then became a movie actress. “After being featured in the September 1984 issue of Penthouse magazine, Lords appeared in dozens of illegal videos between 1984 and 1986, and became one of the most sought-after pornography actresses of the era. During May 1986, when authorities discovered she had been underage while making all but one of her pornographic movies, distributors were ordered to remove all her material to avoid the risk of prosecution for trafficking in child pornography. The withdrawal of her movies cost millions of dollars and her case became the biggest scandal to affect the pornographic movie industry.”
Wikipedia, so take it FWIW
Yeah, yeah, I get it; posted the same thing on the other thread.
My TV has frozen. Even my Cable Box doesn’t want to see the 2nd half.
Did Jeeem just say “two suck up field goals?”
He said “this game sucks and all of you should go to bed.”
I learned a new thing. It seems that Daikon Sparkling Wine is a thing.
http://en.rocketnews24.com/2013/11/05/we-got-some-japanese-radish-sparkling-wine-but-didnt-expect-it-to-taste-like-this/
My favorite part of that article is finding out the Japanese have a specific word for bar food.
When I was in the Baltic they had separate sections on the menu for both beer snacks and liquor snacks. They have the best bar snack in the world. They take good rye bread, cut it into strips, roll it in garlic, and then melt cheese on there. I was in Vilnius for 10 days, I ate that stuff every day. If I lived there I would be dead within 5 years.
That sounds like a lovely way to go, though.
There was also fantastic local beer and brandy, and a surprising amount of good local music. Plus everything was super cheap. It’s on my list of potential retirement locations.
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-28211-kate-upton-hula-hoop-gif-UvxN.gif
http://www.bostonherald.com/sites/default/files/styles/full/public/media/2014/07/29/072914patsar08.jpg
Moose giveth, and Moose taketh away.
Ice Giants tie the Ice Bucs.
/Better than this game
I have yet to automate my home to the point where a tiny robot butler brings me beers from the fridge. It’s good to have goals.
Oh what times we live in
http://laughingsquid.com/a-full-size-star-wars-rechargeable-remote-controlled-r2-d2-mini-fridge-capable-of-bringing-cold-beverages-to-you/
I like that it took you no time at all to find that link.
I have children with opposaable thumbs. Same diff.
This game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2ffEba46oQ
Reason #623 of why I avoid Titans games
You mean I missed the first “clean, well-played” first half of this season?! I feel so stupid.
How many bros do you think Dan Campbell has iced?
It has to be in triple digits.
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/52a74078e4b043d5180e3d12/t/52e884a3e4b07914f2efd007/1390970022058/ICE_Lineup_721.jpg?format=1500w
THE GODDAMN MASONS ARE BEHIND THIS!
http://www.ultimateflags.com/images/P/masonic-blue-yellow-flag.jpg
What kind of secret society makes their members wear rings and puts the goddamn stamp on EVERYTHING they own?! Silly Mason’s.
Instead of referring to games with this score as “defensive struggles,” can we rename them “remedial offense studies?” It seems more honest, somehow.
So ripped
Right now Satan is recording this game just in case it goes into overtime so he can show it on a loop in hell for the next few millennia.
White carrot ornate bondage; VERY SPECIALIZED FETISH!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/0cbef0414749f5665de6e1cdfa4e03ce/tumblr_nqc65qDPz71re5z1ko1_1280.jpg
You stay the fuck away from my carrot.
Dude, that’s not a white carrot, that’s daikon. It’s a type of radish!
You seem oddly knowledgeable about, and excited by, that fact.
It’s actually the only radish I kinda like.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOtJTn1xU2s
My bad; everyone know white carrot like it dirty.
http://www.thompson-morgan.com/medias/sys_tandm/8810027876382.jpg
or interracial.
http://www.recipegirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/carrots1.jpg
Man, white carrots are all about that three way.
http://rlv.zcache.co.nz/keep_calm_and_love_daikon_mug-r45fd9347fe5d45979a80bb86adfe17b5_x7jsr_8byvr_324.jpg
Going live now to an interview with Shad Khan, who found an entire football team while mining for gold in his nose.
Or maybe this is what happens when Sweden and Palau fight to the death?
http://palau.facts.co/palauflagimage1.png
Just gonna stretch
Fridge status: successfully moved and water lines/power connected.
Entropy status: two beers in, eating sammich, vaguely satisfied that I missed nothing in the first half of this game.
What’s up, everyone?
This game hurts to watch. It’s like watching two mentally handicapped lesbians trying to figure out how to use a double headed dildo.
Wow. That is, Wow,I don’t know.
I know, right? I’ve been trying to form a response for five minutes and I just can’t.
This game is brought to you by the number 7, and the letters S W E D E and N
http://media-2.web.britannica.com/eb-media/30/4530-004-E98C8B8D.gif
http://31.media.tumblr.com/1fda1b7214ed887782be9fbbcb5299ae/tumblr_n4atayTszV1tzpkfuo1_400.gif
How did I not know the Jax kicker was named Jason Myers?
A horror movie in himself.
Even when the Jaguras’ D does something right, they fuck up.
I’ve decided that I should start playing “Bustin’ Loose” every time there’s a fumble, as that’s clearly what the ball is thinking in such a moment.
For “various reasons?” How “various” is “he fucking sucked?”
Oh the many ways a QB fails
His passes could sail
His mechanics can flail
He can lose his pocket presence
He can bruise his confidence
OH the miss you’ll throw!
Ice Giants losing to Ice Bucs 1-0.
I hate Ben Bishop so much.
I AM SEEING WAY TOO MANY DIFFERENT HATS ON THE SIDELINES! CAMO, REGULAR HATS, SOLO COLOR HATS! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
UNIFORM MOSH PIT
Blake Blind Bortles of ‘Bama
Blake Bortles is too good to be an SEC QB.
AJ McCarron is more their speed.
The idea of these teams playing in an AFC championship game is ludicrous.
Just gave Fozz III a pep talk about playing basketball. (I sucked ass at hoops. I was winging it.)
Sometimes, the night calls for four pieces of supermarket fried chicken, half an avocado, and a beer.
stomp stomp FART?
FAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRT art art art art
I think you have the ratios wrong.
Ice Stillers hang on 4 — 3.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoo
Fuck. It’s going to snow tomorrow. I was hoping this was the year we broke the planet enough to go through a Michigan winter without snow.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/d5a398babaf85ba62ef4a02f52bbfb95/tumblr_nqg84eKqH01qc1sduo1_500.jpg
GIVE THAT GAL AN IRON CROSS
For the first time in my life I have something good to say about the Nazis.
Gott im Himmel!
Hell HHitler
Hitler’s secret weapons. #lesbiannazi
The eye make-up and hairstyles don’t seem authentic and the girl laughing in the back ground would make me suspect it is a 70s exploitation film.
Half the distance to the goal? Okay, 49 yard penalty it is.
My dream NFL game is one that ends on a series of no fewer than ten half the distance to the goal penalties.