Your Monday Night AFC East Disemboweling Open Thread

Let’s not regard this game tonight as the end of week whateveritis but see it for what it could be. This, this my friends is the beginning of a long, glorious week of sport-making that could cause the most loyal and understanding of significant others to say, “You’re watching sports AGAIN?”. Whatever you want you’ll get it. NFL Football? Natch. European football? Got it. Hockey? Got it. College AND NBA basketball? Got it. Something that is not-Baseball? YOU ARE COVERED. It’s a perfect ksunami (I prefer the silent “k”) of wonderfulness that is rarely equalled. Think back to the last week of July…..it was a living nightmare wasn’t it? Now fast-forward to today. This future’s so goddamn bright I’ve gotta throw shade. So watch that Cavs game tonight. Take in the Rangers. Check out the Spurs. I’m going to grab a piece of the LSU/Marquette tilt ce soir so that I can see with my own two eye-holes what the big fuss is about with this Ben Simmons kid. Don’t fight it. Just let the myriad sports options wash over you and bathe in their luxurious, soapy…umm, gotta go!

Buf @ NE: There are two scenarios here. 1. It’s a blow-out right out of the gate, like Secretariat at Belmont-level. 2. Rex comes up with a great game plan, hangs with the P*ts and goes in tied or slightly ahead at half-time. The problem is the damn mother-lover that coaches the home team will make the necessary adjustments and Rex will spend the second half looking up at the Jumbotron and thinking, “Huh, well that’s not working any more”. After the two touchdown loss he’ll wander into the press conference and talk about “key errors”, “lousy execution” and “he out-coaches me every time because my in-game defensive changes suck balls”. Happens every time.

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The Maestro

LOL HAHA. Even when the Pats fuck up, the Bills still get fucked. I love football.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is why we hate you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Gents and Zymm, just landed at O’Hare. Where’s the blowout?

WCS

Soon.

Doktor Zymm

It’s just getting started, gathering steam I assume.

Sill Bimmons

so unhappy

Doktor Zymm

It’s amazing how people the [*Redacted] s cut from their secondary go on to do better on other teams.

entropy

I feel the same way about every Jets receiver who leaves.

Doktor Zymm

It’s almost like the teams have systematic issues that lead to certain players failing to play up to their full potential….

entropy

You and your logic. I just prefer to call them underachieving bastards with no loyalty.

Sill Bimmons

This game is so fucking horrible already…

…then WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?

entropy

Nope, stayed horrible.

WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh man, too bad that flag’s on the Bills.

Sharkbait

Do. Not. Want.

WCS

A penalty against New England?!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WAH?

The Maestro

HAHAHA TOM BRADY CALLED A “REX RYAN” AUDIBLE

Doktor Zymm

And it was a run. “Taking to the feet” if you will.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Noel Gallagher looks great!

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Spanky Datass

Tequila Supernova?

King Hippo

bigger than Los Lobos?

The Maestro

Gotta love a Bills 3-and-out to get things started. However, i don’t what to do if this keeps going on all game. My penis can only get so erect…

Horatio Cornblower

Be prepared to call your doctor; it’s gonna be a steady four hours.

Sharkbait

The Ice Titans powerplay lasted longer than that possession.

WCS

Is a 0-0 score an insurmountable lead?

Doktor Zymm

If Mayo has kids he should name one of them “Aioli”

Sill Bimmons

That’s a middle name.

First names: Rosemary, Saffron, Sage, Thyme, Marjoram, &tc…

Doktor Zymm

Mango Chuntey Aioli Mayo the Third

Sill Bimmons

HOLD THE MAYO GODAMMIT AT LEAST YOU SAVE THE DOWN

Sill Bimmons

KEEP DOING THAT BILLS

Horatio Cornblower

Tyrod Taylor wanted to follow Mike Vick to college? Seems like a solid plan. What could go wrong?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

O/U for non-called Gronk offensive pass interferences tonight?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

One can be done outside the time frame of the other.

Doktor Zymm

Oooh, there’s never a bad time to read Pratchett. Though you can keep the game on in the background in case something interesting happens, like Grumblelord morphing into an actual troll.

entropy

Which Pratchett? If it’s The Long Earth series, they’re a bit of a slog for me (something about the mixture between Baxter & Pratchett drags the fun out of it), but if it’s Discworld, go forth.

entropy

Man, you are in for some fun reads, and you get to see him grow into the great writer he becomes toward the end of the series. Also, spare a moment for Good Omens, his collaboration with a then-little-known Neil Gaiman. It’s wonderful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You gonna go full Prachett?

entropy

You can always go full Pratchett.

Horatio Cornblower

What are we drinking folks?

Ballast Point Grapefruit Sculpin here.

I’m deluding myself that the grapefruit makes it healthy!

Sharkbait

Eagle Rare on the rocks.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh an he fancy!

Spanky Datass

Rum, ginger beer, lime on the rocks.

bourb0nblues

Eggnog and Appleton now, pure Appleton later.

WCS

Who is this person and why is she on my television?

Sharkbait

A former senator’s daughter. She won’t go away.

The Maestro

Because bewbz, probably.

Sharkbait

You’re not an up and coming country music star Ayla. Your dad was a senator. That’s why you’re a thing.

Sill Bimmons
Doktor Zymm

One of us should break into the Patriots locker room and replace Brady’s PEDs with female hormone pills.

http://www.freakingnews.com/pictures/91000/Tom-Brady-Gay-Football-Player–91386.jpg

WCS

Welp, my penis is now officially only for show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WOULD BANG!!

Sill Bimmons

PROGESTERONE HO

ballsofsteelandfury

Thai Football League?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice!

The Maestro

WOOHOO TIME FOR ME TO DRINK IN ALL YOUR TEARS TONIGHT. YOUR SADNESS GIVES ME SUSTENANCE.

Oh, sorry. Stupid autocorrect. What’s up, guys?

bourb0nblues
Sharkbait

Bonus points for actually finding a Far Side comic online.

entropy

Bloom County is back, all I need now is for someone to find Bill Waterson and have him bring bacl Calvin & Hobbes, and then throw buckets of money at Larson to bring back The Far Side, and I will be a happy happy entropy indeed.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

“Necessary adjustments” meaning transcripts of the Bills’s first-half playcalls….

entropy

“Necessary Adjustments” = “repositioning the cameras recording the opposing team’s bench”

Doktor Zymm

What are the chances of another catastrophic QB knee injury this week?

WCS

PleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBradyPleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBradyPleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBradyPleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBradyPleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBradyPleasebeBradypleasebeBradypleasebeBrady

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

For Brady? The chances are not good enough

Brick Meathook
Sharkbait

I havent watched a MNF intro in a long time. They actually put in the fail mary in the opening?

Croooow

They had it last year too. Never understood why they would be proud of that moment enough to feature it.

entropy

Wait til the put the Buttfumble in there. Then we’ll know for sure the NFL has been trolling us for years.

Doktor Zymm

This seems like a game that would be better with Thai food. Actually, that’s probably most games.

King Hippo

Thai is the only food genre that all three kids and I can ever agree on. Sushi Thai in Cary is thusly the universal birthday dinner locale.

Doktor Zymm

I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone who didn’t like Thai food. Such a person would be an odd one.

King Hippo

But we are an odd bunch. 3 of the 4 won’t eat cheese on our pizza. Only I will eat fish. And that’s the tip of the iceberg.

entropy

What the fuck? No cheese on pizza? What kind of monsters have you raised?

The Maestro

Can’t eat it. Peanuts allergy. Prefer to live while I can, even if it means missing out on Thai.

Doktor Zymm

There is non-peanut containing Thai food, but it’s probably not worth the risk of cross-contamination.

Bugg

Expect by the time “Fargo” comes on, the Cheatriots will have out the game in the W column.

Ice Jints 1 Ict Titans 0.

Sharkbait

Starting with his last game I’ve taken a drink every time Rick Nash has scored. I will happily accept Rick Nash induced alcohol poisoning.

King Hippo

Mike Milliigan reciting “The Jabberwock” FTW

entropy

This season has been incredible.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

The fuck is an “Ice Titan”?

entropy

Sort of like a Norse Frost Giant, only Greek?

WCS

Currently second in the Insanity League, and already won this week. First-place Balls has already lost. I wholly expect to drop to 7th this week, because Insanity League.
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entropy

That movie is pure joy.

“Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin’?”

King Hippo

I’m the pater familias!

entropy

Well, ain’t this place a geographical oddity! Two weeks from everywhere!

WCS

I don’t want Fop, I’m a Dapper Dan man!

Shogun Marcus

You slump-shouldered sack a nuts! We caint get our own midget now, looking like a buncha Johnny come latencies! Don’t matter how stumpy!

entropy

God I love this site.

Sill Bimmons

Soon I will explain the insanity league.

entropy

Oh yeah, midway through the 4 PM games yesterday, a buddy came by and after watching five minutes of football we went to YouTube channel binge drinking. By 6:30, he introduced me to the “Love on the Rocks” Drinking game.

Boils down to you have to start and finish a beer during Neil Diamond’s Love on the Rocks, but you can only drink while Neil’s not singing, and after the first round, you have to sing along.

It got ugly quickly.

Sharkbait

Ice Giants 0-0 Ice Titans

Patriots welcome the WWL to Foxboro. I’m hoping for a “Morts a liar!” Chant this evening, on par with the “Where is Roger?” from week 1.

King Hippo

GOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLL, Sunderland!!!

Hope for the semi-shitty Bills?

/probably more for the uber-shitty Sun Devils

WCS

WVU 45 Bethune-Cookman 22 halftime

Huggy is an entirely underrated interview.

King Hippo

The King of Track Suits. He ain’t care.

Sill Bimmons

Everything we accept as fact is the result of a formerly accepted fact having been proven wrong.

WCS

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Sill Bimmons

It all comes back to It’s Always Sunny.

It’s like a live action Simpsons for after the Simpsons died.

bourb0nblues

I bought a large amount of eggnog and a notsmall amount of rum.
The holidays begin here and now, calendar be damned.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been thinking of making my own eggnog this year. Yummy stuff.

Spanky Datass

Damn Eggnog sounds good right now.

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Sill Bimmons

amen bro

entropy

I started on Friday with Wawa Eggnog. If you’ve ever had it, you know it is wonderful. And if you throw some whiskey or rum or really ANYTHING into it, it’s even better.

bourb0nblues

I would also accept brandy.

entropy

Agreed, but I enjoy my whiskey, and am willing to accept multiple delivery systems for it.

Sill Bimmons

If anyone ever claims that there is a better Eggnog than Wawa Eggnog I will join you in throwing batteries at them until they relent or die.

entropy

Cool! And I can throw really heavy batteries really far, so it shouldn’t take up too much of our day.

Sill Bimmons
Horatio Cornblower

Except not go to the Sixers.

King Hippo

I know less about the NBA than I do astrophysics, but isn’t going to the Sixers like winning a vacation to Lebanon?

entropy

I don’t know, with the Sixers you get all the charm of a bombed-out hellhole without having to actually, y’know, dodge bombs. Or be expected to win ANYTHING.

Sill Bimmons

I hear this Bimmons kid has a real future in blogging and Boliviano futures!

http://www.boliviabella.com/images/bolivia_facts_money_currency_50bs_front.jpg

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

WCS

Greetings.

Sill Bimmons

yo

all i have is salt and vinegar almonds

Redshirt

Salutations.

Doktor Zymm

I’m probably gonna watch the first quarter, and if it sucks monkey nuts I’ll go back to building my lighting fixture. I got the basic part done already, and I’ll make the shade tomorrow when the leather shows up and then I can install it next weekend. Woohoo!

King Hippo

NC State fans need to be like AA sponsors for Arizona State hoops fans. Let them know there can be at least occasional joy again, now that HWSNBN (our acronym for Herb Sendek – aka He Who Shall Not Be Named) is gone.

Then again, there really aren’t any ASU hoops fans, which explains how HWSNBN survived his desert exile as long as he did.

King Hippo

Also, am watching DVR of Crystal Palace/Sunderland as my pre-game. NO SPOILERS!!!

WCS

SPOILER: Balls are kicked.

King Hippo

Not many goalward, though. He holds it. HE HOLDS IT!!

WCS

WVU-Bethune Cookman tip-off comin’ right up!

Redshirt

The sports editorialist was unusually blunt to Bengals fans in today’s paper, and yes, I do still read the newspaper.

http://mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-457482-4-6361_7685_500.png

King Hippo

So do I! Even though the price keeps going up and they waste too much ink on Dook and the Holes…it’s nice to have hard copy news to shit to.

King Hippo

By the time Satan’s minions are up 3 scores, NC State and Arizona State will tip off on ESPN3!

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