Your Thanksgiving Game, Part 1 Open Thread

As I sit here at my Canada-centric desk, high in my ivory tower looking over the sweaty masses I wonder to myself, “Stomach flu?”, Allergic reaction?”, “Suppurating chest wound?”, maybe….”Penis cancer?”. What should be my go-to get-outta-here excuse? Or should I just be honest and take the inevitable harassment I’ll get for leaving early to watch “fartball”? Real mature guys. Now drop and give me a twenty. Two tens is also acceptable, whatever. It’s either that or I take it out of your paycheque. Sometimes they can be sooo childish. [walks to window, sticks tongue out] Only “we”, the DFO commentists can make fun of the ball that is footed. They haven’t earned the right yet. Savages.

Phi @ Det: I’m not going to break down this game because it’s broken already. There is a rumour floating about that a certain Sanchez will be quarterbacking a certain team today. But judging by Martha Ford’s erect nipples, (wear a bra for god sake, grandma!) the Lions are up for this one.

Let’s do this!

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Sharkbait

Did…did they just call the NFL the greatest thing in the history of the United States?

John Difool

NOONE DENIES THIS

JustStopDude

Greetings you fucks. about to load up food and xenophobic parents i to a car and drive to the retirement home for diner with my grandma who is pretty much crazir than my parents. For example, she refers to my mom as the “Jew Whore” (my Jewish mom married into a Catholic family but even worse, my old man left the priesthood so my mom is DETESTED by my grandma for costing her the ticket to heaven for siring a priest).

On a positive, got good and drunk and even a bit high last night. So the edge is gone thanks to a crippling hangover…

King Hippo

Nice to see that experience gave your mom such empathy for your current gf, eh?

The Maestro

Slip some Prozac into her turkey. Trust me, it’ll help.

The Maestro

Man, Joe Buck’s beard and hair situation is just disgusting this season.

John Difool

Bruce Jenner pulls off being a woman a lot better than Joe Buck pulls off being an alpha male.

laserguru

I hadn’t made an omelette in a long time so I made one with grilled chicken and cheddar cheese along with a couple of home made biscuits.

It did not suck.

Now a cup of tea and the football game as my last act of being civilized. The debauchery starts promptly in three hours.

The Maestro

Just mad I have to drag myself away from the TV today to go get my iMac repaired. Literally bought it two days ago and the hard drive already corrupted itself. Fucking magical shit.

litre_cola

Did you not see the Stevie Wonder commercial? Apple is great.

The Maestro

Nope. Not in MURRICA after all 🙁

litre_cola

Either am I, normally here in Canadia we get our own crap, but we got that Apple ad, and Burger King ad too. Soon I imagine a few Lexus’ with bows on them will be on my screen.

King Hippo

Their products are both overpriced AND complete shit. Why do you fuckers keep buying them?

Sharkbait

For the same reason they keep making a new Steve jobs movie every two years

The Maestro

They’re not total shit. Also, they’re the industry standard for music recording and production. Everyone I work with uses OS X. I dual boot and use Windows primarily on a day-to-day basis, but I don’t have time to put together a Hackintosh and rewrite an entire set of hardware kexts just to make my setup work.

Horatio Cornblower

THE SCULPIN IPA IS CRACKED! I REPEAT, THE SCULPIN IPA IS CRACKED! THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE!

Beerguyrob

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The Maestro

THANK YOU FOR THIS

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH IS CONFUSED

Beerguyrob

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Sill Bimmons

ALL HAIL THE TRINITY

Bortleback

……are there really enough people taking enough opiods to justify ads for a special medication to manage side effects?! Your yank ads confuse my european brain.

King Hippo

I only wish I could take more ,, smgdh

Truly, everything DOES fucking hurt. Getting old blows all the goats.

Sharkbait

CAPITALISM!

Horatio Cornblower

I’ll bet if you stop blowing goats you’ll have less injuries.

King Hippo

I gots to have something to know I’m still alive, man

Sharkbait

Grover Quinn. Only notable for starting 2 non consecutive games at corner.

/it’s a reach. Don’t judge me

King Hippo

WOW, the 14-year old’s apple pie looks fucking PERFECT.

litre_cola

Lawrence Taylor, is that you?

King Hippo

Revised, as soon as I realized that seemed less proud parent and VERRRRYYYY Trestman-y

litre_cola

Mark Chimura is that you?

litre_cola

Holy fuck, they look efficient. Sees our qb, waits.

King Hippo

Shit, shoulda gone all in on the Fuck Lions THEN doubled down on the Black Panthers.

/raises fist

Redshirt

So Burger King is pushing a thing that no one wants that’s going to be difficult to pass. Sounds like a politician to me.

King Hippo

Or my colon

litre_cola

What. The. FUCK. IS. THIS???

Sharkbait

Apple. Because….

I have no idea

Redshirt

This is a discussion thread where people share dick jokes and comment about the current football game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The over/under on the number of toes Jim Bob Cooter has lost in a threshing accident is 1.5.

Horatio Cornblower

Over.

King Hippo

NAWT TAINT

Doktor Zymm

Lots of fire trucks. I guess someone decided to try deep frying a turkey indoors.

Redshirt

Oh, great. Nowadays, this is going to end with it being illegal to cook turkeys because someone could get hurt.

King Hippo

They should let the muthafucka burn.

King Hippo

Taint to the left, Taint to the right, we swimmin in Taint!!

Horatio Cornblower

Because of various nagging injuries I did not run my usual road race this year for the first time in 20 years, but I did go and watch it and saw the finish.

I can truthfully say that I could not run as fast two my neighbor’s house as the first and second guys were sprinting at the end of a 4.75 mile race.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s not nice to refer to your wife as an “injury”.

litre_cola

Happy Thanksgiving American folk, or in Canada we know as call in sick day.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Have you ever thought: I just don’t have anything left in the tank?”

Yes, this morning, in fact, when that little light next to my fuel gauge lit up.

Sharkbait

Time to add more booze

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There is nothing I want more this Thanksgiving than “Buttfumble 2: Electric Buttfumbleroo”.

John Difool

“Pick ’em up, mess ’em up”I guess you just can’t say ‘smear the queer’ on t.v. anymore.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And thanks to Nate Solder, “kill the man with the ball” is now off-limits too.

The Maestro

He already has one DOINK on the day. I’m just waiting for DOINK 2: the DOINKening

litre_cola

As an Iggles fan I am starting to believe that Chip Kelly is the 2nd coming of Steve Spurrier, which is better than the 2nd coming of Bobby Petrino.

The Maestro

Which is better than the second coming of Nick Saban.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

grumble grumble I hope your mom is ready for the second coming of Bill Belichick grumble grumble

The Maestro

DOINK

Redshirt

Caldwell’s face expresses the perfect blend of indifference and confusion.

Redshirt

My mother just showed me all the food she bought for the family. I’m going to miss being able to see my feet.

Beerguyrob

After the diabetes kicks in, you can cut them off and mount them on the wall & stare at them for eternity.

Doktor Zymm

If I put egg whites in a gas-canister powered whipped cream dispenser…..will I make meringue, or just break the dispenser?

Doktor Zymm

Internet says yes! Hells yeah!

John Difool

About time someone created deviled-egg whipped cream.

Sill Bimmons

Won’t know nail you try!

Doktor Zymm
entropy

Ten minutes until I carve the bird for the family. Can I drink a full beer and a Jameson n ginger in that time?

Yes. Yes I can.

Sharkbait

Come on buttfumble.

Sill Bimmons

Joyous Empire Day!

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Sharkbait

Happy thanksgiving fellow degenerates.

Already had 2 kahluah coffees and 2 vodka tonics. Yet this game still looks terrible.

Doktor Zymm

I should make my lights, what, orange and yellow maybe? Those are good Thanksgiving colors.

King Hippo

You can tell how moved Caldwell is by the anthem.

King Hippo

Having written my JV NFL writeups this morning, we really are in for a couch potato smorgasboard this weekend. Who says laziness doesn’t pay off in spades??

Doktor Zymm

Oh goddamn I cannot wait to eat this pie. I licked the whisk clean and that filling is CRAZY GOOD.

Redshirt

♪ I can’t feel my fingertips ♪

Redshirt
King Hippo

Let the footy begin WOO!!!!

I have started Golden Taint (full PPR at least that is some justification) both due to hunch and to keep things interesting. I’m 5-6 squaring off against the 10-1 Dreamboat/Gronk team (Dolphins fan doing the “embrace the enemy for profit” theory so might as well go full lunatic.

One of my 14-year old twins making her first apple pie today (at my house, in preparation to take to her mom’s for Thanksgiving). I am proud of her determination. Hope it’s also good!

The only thing I have made all day is coffee. A kid will bring me back some leftover turkey later, and I shall likely make some oatmeal in the 2nd quarter of the Lions shitshow. Don;t be all jelly.

Old School Zero

Oatmeal is the bomb. If your daughter has any pie questions, just post them here and we’ll crowdsource it (spoiler alert: the answer is add bourbon).

blaxabbath

Ok – going to start on pie #1

blaxabbath

It’s not called Altimer’s Disease, dummy!

entropy

Duh. It’s “old timers disease.”

laserguru

Mos first t of the just found hard prep is done. I’ve got the potatoes and casserole dishes to make and the family is supposed to start arriving around noon. Just some clean up and football watching this morning.
We’re expecting 14 today.

And speaking of expecting, my youngest daughter is going to be having a baby! Her first. I just found out last night.
I’m going to be a granddaddy again!
Yay procreation!

laserguru

I may have just had a stroke typing that up.

entropy

I actually wondered that until it started making sense.

Then I was afraid I was having a stroke, too.

entropy

Congrats, sir.

blaxabbath

Too busy to read it all but I don’t think I’d celebrate my 14 year old daughter getting knocked up.

Beerguyrob

Football is Family. Try to get an endorsement deal so it’s not a Bengal Baby.

Old School Zero

Congrats! NOW EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT

Redshirt

Congrats, Grandpa!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In honor of my favorite Thanksgiving movie (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles), here’s Ray Charles, doing the Mess Around.

Beerguyrob
Doktor Zymm

I make the best giant salad in the world, unless you’re one of those weirdos who doesn’t like blue cheese or bacon or pomegranates or hard boiled eggs or apples or walnuts.

I’m gonna go finish my pie filling, and maybe make the gelato mix before the first game starts.

entropy

Dear Lord. I’m not a salad guy but that sounds pretty good.

King Hippo

Just don’t sit downwind of anyone after!!

entropy

I have made it to baby sister’s place for dinner, where everything smells delightful and her potbelly forgets she is not a lapdog. She cooks, all I had to do was build the table a few years ago (and it’s a damn fine table, if I do say so myself).

I am three beers and two shots deep. Happy Thanksgiving, you magnificent bastards.

entropy

Pitbull. Jesus, phone. What the fuck.

Old School Zero

Starting my dinner roll making. Gonna be a bunch of hurry up and wait, but fresh made rolls are worth it.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m biking to the market (sustainability!) to get some last-minute things. I’m going to make the corn pudding thing that was posted last night. It sounds horribly good.

Old School Zero

Corn pudding/corn bake is an easy but amazing dish for holidays. Good choice!

laserguru

Use the stomach virus excuse.
Nobody ever wants to verify if somebody else has the shits.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is true. Plus, you can let out a squeaker and they’ll let you go ASAP.

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