As I sit here at my Canada-centric desk, high in my ivory tower looking over the sweaty masses I wonder to myself, “Stomach flu?”, Allergic reaction?”, “Suppurating chest wound?”, maybe….”Penis cancer?”. What should be my go-to get-outta-here excuse? Or should I just be honest and take the inevitable harassment I’ll get for leaving early to watch “fartball”? Real mature guys. Now drop and give me a twenty. Two tens is also acceptable, whatever. It’s either that or I take it out of your paycheque. Sometimes they can be sooo childish. [walks to window, sticks tongue out] Only “we”, the DFO commentists can make fun of the ball that is footed. They haven’t earned the right yet. Savages.
Phi @ Det: I’m not going to break down this game because it’s broken already. There is a rumour floating about that a certain Sanchez will be quarterbacking a certain team today. But judging by Martha Ford’s erect nipples, (wear a bra for god sake, grandma!) the Lions are up for this one.
Let’s do this!
Did…did they just call the NFL the greatest thing in the history of the United States?
NOONE DENIES THIS
Greetings you fucks. about to load up food and xenophobic parents i to a car and drive to the retirement home for diner with my grandma who is pretty much crazir than my parents. For example, she refers to my mom as the “Jew Whore” (my Jewish mom married into a Catholic family but even worse, my old man left the priesthood so my mom is DETESTED by my grandma for costing her the ticket to heaven for siring a priest).
On a positive, got good and drunk and even a bit high last night. So the edge is gone thanks to a crippling hangover…
Nice to see that experience gave your mom such empathy for your current gf, eh?
Slip some Prozac into her turkey. Trust me, it’ll help.
Man, Joe Buck’s beard and hair situation is just disgusting this season.
Bruce Jenner pulls off being a woman a lot better than Joe Buck pulls off being an alpha male.
I hadn’t made an omelette in a long time so I made one with grilled chicken and cheddar cheese along with a couple of home made biscuits.
It did not suck.
Now a cup of tea and the football game as my last act of being civilized. The debauchery starts promptly in three hours.
Just mad I have to drag myself away from the TV today to go get my iMac repaired. Literally bought it two days ago and the hard drive already corrupted itself. Fucking magical shit.
Did you not see the Stevie Wonder commercial? Apple is great.
Nope. Not in MURRICA after all 🙁
Either am I, normally here in Canadia we get our own crap, but we got that Apple ad, and Burger King ad too. Soon I imagine a few Lexus’ with bows on them will be on my screen.
Their products are both overpriced AND complete shit. Why do you fuckers keep buying them?
For the same reason they keep making a new Steve jobs movie every two years
They’re not total shit. Also, they’re the industry standard for music recording and production. Everyone I work with uses OS X. I dual boot and use Windows primarily on a day-to-day basis, but I don’t have time to put together a Hackintosh and rewrite an entire set of hardware kexts just to make my setup work.
THE SCULPIN IPA IS CRACKED! I REPEAT, THE SCULPIN IPA IS CRACKED! THIS IS NOT A DRILL PEOPLE!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MzzBXdCqlNo/Tt1ng0NTraI/AAAAAAAAA7M/kfj_erc4AFE/s1600/Screenshot-defcon.png
THANK YOU FOR THIS
BLEERGH IS CONFUSED
ALL HAIL THE TRINITY
……are there really enough people taking enough opiods to justify ads for a special medication to manage side effects?! Your yank ads confuse my european brain.
I only wish I could take more ,, smgdh
Truly, everything DOES fucking hurt. Getting old blows all the goats.
CAPITALISM!
I’ll bet if you stop blowing goats you’ll have less injuries.
I gots to have something to know I’m still alive, man
Grover Quinn. Only notable for starting 2 non consecutive games at corner.
/it’s a reach. Don’t judge me
WOW, the 14-year old’s apple pie looks fucking PERFECT.
Lawrence Taylor, is that you?
Revised, as soon as I realized that seemed less proud parent and VERRRRYYYY Trestman-y
Mark Chimura is that you?
Holy fuck, they look efficient. Sees our qb, waits.
Shit, shoulda gone all in on the Fuck Lions THEN doubled down on the Black Panthers.
/raises fist
So Burger King is pushing a thing that no one wants that’s going to be difficult to pass. Sounds like a politician to me.
Or my colon
What. The. FUCK. IS. THIS???
Apple. Because….
I have no idea
This is a discussion thread where people share dick jokes and comment about the current football game.
The over/under on the number of toes Jim Bob Cooter has lost in a threshing accident is 1.5.
Over.
NAWT TAINT
Lots of fire trucks. I guess someone decided to try deep frying a turkey indoors.
Oh, great. Nowadays, this is going to end with it being illegal to cook turkeys because someone could get hurt.
They should let the muthafucka burn.
Taint to the left, Taint to the right, we swimmin in Taint!!
Because of various nagging injuries I did not run my usual road race this year for the first time in 20 years, but I did go and watch it and saw the finish.
I can truthfully say that I could not run as fast two my neighbor’s house as the first and second guys were sprinting at the end of a 4.75 mile race.
It’s not nice to refer to your wife as an “injury”.
Happy Thanksgiving American folk, or in Canada we know as call in sick day.
“Have you ever thought: I just don’t have anything left in the tank?”
Yes, this morning, in fact, when that little light next to my fuel gauge lit up.
Time to add more booze
There is nothing I want more this Thanksgiving than “Buttfumble 2: Electric Buttfumbleroo”.
“Pick ’em up, mess ’em up”I guess you just can’t say ‘smear the queer’ on t.v. anymore.
And thanks to Nate Solder, “kill the man with the ball” is now off-limits too.
It feels like a Caleb Sturgis kind of day, doesn’t it?
He already has one DOINK on the day. I’m just waiting for DOINK 2: the DOINKening
As an Iggles fan I am starting to believe that Chip Kelly is the 2nd coming of Steve Spurrier, which is better than the 2nd coming of Bobby Petrino.
Which is better than the second coming of Nick Saban.
“Rick Pitino’s first coming was underwhelming.”
-Karen Sypher
grumble grumble I hope your mom is ready for the second coming of Bill Belichick grumble grumble
DOINK
Caldwell’s face expresses the perfect blend of indifference and confusion.
My mother just showed me all the food she bought for the family. I’m going to miss being able to see my feet.
After the diabetes kicks in, you can cut them off and mount them on the wall & stare at them for eternity.
If I put egg whites in a gas-canister powered whipped cream dispenser…..will I make meringue, or just break the dispenser?
Internet says yes! Hells yeah!
About time someone created deviled-egg whipped cream.
Won’t know nail you try!
I’m gonna make this as my Thanksgiving cocktail now :
http://www.notmartha.org/archives/2012/07/26/ramos-gin-fizz-a-new-technique-for-a-classic-recipe/
Ten minutes until I carve the bird for the family. Can I drink a full beer and a Jameson n ginger in that time?
Yes. Yes I can.
Come on buttfumble.
Joyous Empire Day!
hey guys
Happy thanksgiving fellow degenerates.
Already had 2 kahluah coffees and 2 vodka tonics. Yet this game still looks terrible.
The Drink Gods cry, “MORE!”.
I should make my lights, what, orange and yellow maybe? Those are good Thanksgiving colors.
You can tell how moved Caldwell is by the anthem.
Having written my JV NFL writeups this morning, we really are in for a couch potato smorgasboard this weekend. Who says laziness doesn’t pay off in spades??
Oh goddamn I cannot wait to eat this pie. I licked the whisk clean and that filling is CRAZY GOOD.
♪ I can’t feel my fingertips ♪
Happy Turkey Day!
http://www.noisyroom.net/blog/watchers112312B.jpg
Let the footy begin WOO!!!!
I have started Golden Taint (full PPR at least that is some justification) both due to hunch and to keep things interesting. I’m 5-6 squaring off against the 10-1 Dreamboat/Gronk team (Dolphins fan doing the “embrace the enemy for profit” theory so might as well go full lunatic.
One of my 14-year old twins making her first apple pie today (at my house, in preparation to take to her mom’s for Thanksgiving). I am proud of her determination. Hope it’s also good!
The only thing I have made all day is coffee. A kid will bring me back some leftover turkey later, and I shall likely make some oatmeal in the 2nd quarter of the Lions shitshow. Don;t be all jelly.
Oatmeal is the bomb. If your daughter has any pie questions, just post them here and we’ll crowdsource it (spoiler alert: the answer is add bourbon).
Ok – going to start on pie #1
Eating or making? Either way-pace yourself.
It’s not called Altimer’s Disease, dummy!
Duh. It’s “old timers disease.”
Mos first t of the just found hard prep is done. I’ve got the potatoes and casserole dishes to make and the family is supposed to start arriving around noon. Just some clean up and football watching this morning.
We’re expecting 14 today.
And speaking of expecting, my youngest daughter is going to be having a baby! Her first. I just found out last night.
I’m going to be a granddaddy again!
Yay procreation!
I may have just had a stroke typing that up.
I actually wondered that until it started making sense.
Then I was afraid I was having a stroke, too.
Congrats, sir.
Congrats! Great family news at a great time for family.
Too busy to read it all but I don’t think I’d celebrate my 14 year old daughter getting knocked up.
Football is Family. Try to get an endorsement deal so it’s not a Bengal Baby.
Congrats! NOW EAT EAT EAT EAT EAT
Congrats, Grandpa!
In honor of my favorite Thanksgiving movie (Planes, Trains, and Automobiles), here’s Ray Charles, doing the Mess Around.
A classic.
https://youtu.be/u2pu0m9iTo4
If my phone doesn’t ring for any half-hour period I’m racing home.
I make the best giant salad in the world, unless you’re one of those weirdos who doesn’t like blue cheese or bacon or pomegranates or hard boiled eggs or apples or walnuts.
I’m gonna go finish my pie filling, and maybe make the gelato mix before the first game starts.
Dear Lord. I’m not a salad guy but that sounds pretty good.
Just don’t sit downwind of anyone after!!
I have made it to baby sister’s place for dinner, where everything smells delightful and her potbelly forgets she is not a lapdog. She cooks, all I had to do was build the table a few years ago (and it’s a damn fine table, if I do say so myself).
I am three beers and two shots deep. Happy Thanksgiving, you magnificent bastards.
Pitbull. Jesus, phone. What the fuck.
Starting my dinner roll making. Gonna be a bunch of hurry up and wait, but fresh made rolls are worth it.
I’m biking to the market (sustainability!) to get some last-minute things. I’m going to make the corn pudding thing that was posted last night. It sounds horribly good.
Corn pudding/corn bake is an easy but amazing dish for holidays. Good choice!
Use the stomach virus excuse.
Nobody ever wants to verify if somebody else has the shits.
This is true. Plus, you can let out a squeaker and they’ll let you go ASAP.
I haven’t shit my pants in over two weeks. I think it’s that time again.