On a super lousy shitty type day there was some quality distractification going on in last night’s open thread. My thanks to all those who took part. It was badly needed. Hey!-speaking of distractification…
GB @ Det: Here be two teams struggling in their own respective ways to get to 8-8. Neither will get there. Rodgers has done the gentle call-out to his receivers, saying “We’re not on the same page”. Apparently the Packers WR’s are on page 634 of Infinite Jest and Aaron is perusing GQ “for the articles!”. Over the last three games QB Stafford has been playing like a guy that was drafted really high and is expected to lift an entire franchise out of the doldrums. His new “No more gravyshakes/whipped chocolate pizza/slaughterhouse tasting menu/raw dough and Miracle Whip smoothie/post-game athletic cup tequila shooters” diet is starting to pay dividends! If only we fans of the game were capable of such discipline… The new OC The Jim Bob has worked wonders with the rushing game. Did you know that since he grabbed the reins the Lions have averaged 18 more yards per game in that category? I hope you were sitting down when I socked you with that knowledge. Who’d a thunk that was the difference between stinking and winning? Statisticians at ESPN, that’s who.
“Sheldon and Amy go all the way”
Excuse while I go and stick my face into a bowl of sulfuric acid
Fat guy vulturedown please.
If I wake up tomorrow and see the Lions shutout the Packers, I’m going to wonder whether I’m still under the influence of something I inadvertently consumed tonight.
Oh good. That was close.
Oh my God, this game is more flaccid than Buddy’s cock in a Victoria’s Secret!
I tell you, it’s so heartwarming to see rich white people able to give each other luxury cars for the holidays. Really speaks to me and my $40k in student loan debt.
BLOOD FOAR THE BLOOD GODS!!
If there’s anyone who deserves a merry Christmas full of expensive gifts, it’s the oft-neglected rich white people demographic.
Really, it’s like THEY who are discriminated against now, amirite???
STOP PERSECUTING US!!!!!11!11
What kid at that age gives a fucking shit if Santa brought mom a new Lexus?!?
Doktor Zymm’s worst decision is so obvious, I don’t even have to ask.
Signing up for an account here, duh.
Hey there Mister RB nobody played or knew about!
The first step in blowing 20-0 lead? Giving up 3rd and 10.
Most Fridays I go to the gym at 5:30 am for an hour. Tomorrow I am working from home and thus can go to the gym at 7:00 am for an hour instead. It seems I am taking this as license to drink more than what I deem moderate or prudent. Eh, It’s been a while since I worked out hungover, it’ll be okay.
PS. Ask me about my past poor decisions!
So what kind of poor decisions have you made in the past?
I work from home everyday hungover!
“PS. Ask me about my past poor decisions!”
Do we want to go down the rabbit hole?
What happened the last time you worked out hungover?
Hey, Dok? Tell us about your 4th most past poor decision?
Aaaaaaannnnnd then?
There was a time in the past where I was dating an alcoholic Pat’s fan who was living with me. In the course of one month, I gained 10-15 lbs, mostly because I was drinking every day from shit dude brought home with him. I also have some fun stories of what are the best frozen veggies to use in place of ice when you have no ice for your drink. (Hint. Peas.) Anyway. I still kept up my workout regimen during this time, but I became notorious for showing up to 9:30 am weekday workouts hung really, really over.
Bravo! For your scientific research and escape.
I’ve found that cautionary tales are the best lessons.
You know who else spread harmony, Microsoft? Charlie Sheen
Sooooo….who all is staying up for the Farve return documentary after the game?
Why is the baseball stadium lit? You can’t baseball in December.
So all the copper wiring doesn’t get looted?
So people dont sleep in the outfield?
Detroit: not even poverty wants to be left in the dark at night.
There was a really awesome photo essay done a few years ago in Detroit when they were at the nadir of their public lighting; basically, all the streets were lot by a,Vientiane light from houses, storefronts, cars, etc. The photos were all taken in winter and the place looked hellish.
I gotta find that link again.
Ambient light. What the fuck happened to me there?
When you find it, please send it to me
The fuck was that Microsoft ad?
Is there something wrong with me that the Microsoft “spread harmony” ad fills me with incoherent rage?
Evidently not
Yay for poor social adjustment skills!
There is no way this microsoft commercial happened.
UCLA up 15 on Kentucky, 2nd half.
Microsoft vs Apple Christmas gang war
Fuck you. fuck all of you.
Linux wins!
Reading a book about the death of Jon Benet Ramsey – unbelievable how the Boulder police fucked that up
Small town cops are pretty good at shit like that…
Yeah preserving evidence procedures went out the window on that one…
That’s fucked up on so many levels. That poor little girl.
Most of the homes in Bethlehem have old coal rooms in the cellar that I call “Jon Benet Rooms” because they are usually forgotten and contain something awful.
I had a Ford in my late 20s. He was a lot like the car: decent mileage, and a leather interior.
Will my prediction of the Lions blowing a 20-0 third quarter lead come to fruition? Call my hotline now, $4.99 for the first minute, $2.99 for each additional minute!
How fast do you talk? Are you a prince from Nigeria?
MY 5 STAR LOCK OF THE WEEK
Whatever happened to Las Vegas tout infomercials?
Are you wearing a neon blue teddy and matching shoes?
That fan’s sign was both inspirational and sad as hell at the same time!
9-7…that’s a pretty sad dream…
One of the best presents I ever received:
http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g154/naturehouse/Toys2Remember/Mazinga1.jpg
I LOVED my shogun warriors as a kid.
Those glasses on Ms. Ford’s face hide bottomless, soulless holes that will burn your brain to a cinder if you glance into them.
Three consecutive days at the gym (hey, loogit that, I’m actually following my diet!), and The Sore is sinking in. I really should get around to training my cats to bring me bourbon.
Way to go WCS! Good luck with the cat thing.
I go to the gym most days before work. Don’t bother, you feel better and can do more pushups, but your body adapts. Also, the problem with cats or drones or anything, lack of opposable thumbs. How will the cat open the bottle? You have to set up taps, and that’s a recipe for the cat just leaning against the tap and bleeding away your alcoholic gold.
That’s why you’re the Doktor, and I’m the geography talklin’ guy.
I can tell you’ve actually expended energy thinking about this and I totally understand why.
“We thought we fired coach caldwell. Based on his reaction we thought he understood. Now we’re too terrified to tell him again.” ~martha ford
When I was a teenager, the only thing redeeming about Pittsburgh was being able to stare at Tony Dorsett’s ass every week on TV.
Oh and don’t get Buddy started on that bear John Hannah! Mmmmmmmm.
Look man, this is America and you can say whatever you want, but when you say such outrageous shit as there being ANYTHING redeeming about Pittsburgh, I gotta call you on your shit.
Hey, hey, HEY. No, wait, you’re right.
Another Xmas memory. My mother’s father giving me sherry on Christmas Day, and getting me buzzed. And me throwing up halfway home as my father yelled at my mother for letting my grandfather get me tipsy on sherry.
Maybe it was Budweiser. That memory is cloudy.
“Looks like a Packer”
Cause he is White….
I thought it was only Kris Kross who would make you wanna jump?
I thought it was only Cypress Hill that was insane in the membrane.
That is the straight up truth. Though if you ask a string theorist, “Ain’t got no brane” has a totes diff meaning.
House of Pain will also make you want to jump. But only if you’re Irish and live in Boston. And horribly drunk.
Do not discount House of Pain. They will make you get out yo seat and Jump Around.
Bush campaign commercial…
We still trying to make Bush III a thing?!?
JEB!!!!!! Fever. Catch it. Then get inoculated, because that shit’ll kill you.
I went to college in New Hampshire. Election years are the fucking WORST up there. Glad I left.
Coldplay at the Super Bowl is like Gore Vidal at a Rodeo!
I’d rather watch the Lingerie Bowl than Coldplay at Buddy’s Bar, and I’m as gay as a naked romp through Augusta on Palm Sunday, honey!
Rodeo Gore Vidal is the best laugh I’ve had all week. And makes me wish I was better at photoshop.
“Gore Vidal at a rodeo” is a fantastic assembly of words.
What kind of swinger house is this?
Least likely artist to play the Super Bowl. I’m gonna start off with DMX.
And go!
I.C.P
Lemmy…
He would never agree to do it.
Iron Maiden!
Yoko Ono
tom Waits
The Ramones
The corpse of Stevie Ray Vaughn.
Ween!
Children of Bodom
Clutch
Kanye West.
Good God, imagine white America losing its shit.
Kanye would perform and make us bow down to the Kardashians.
Janis Joplin
News reports saying shooter had been in contact with radicals that were under surveillance by the FBI
Luckily, I know my fellow Americans will take this news in stride and wait for confirmation, and more proof, before responding with reasonable, well thought out dialogue.
Hahahaha. WE’RE SO FUCKED.
FUCK YOU TRUMP IZ RIGHT DEPORT ALL THE MEXICANS ISLAM IS HATE MORE SKIN ON HBO SHOOT ALL THE LAWYERS!!!! THIS IS L H PUTTGRASS, HEADING FOR THE TUB! ALERT TED KOPPEL.
ITS A RED FLAG OP TO TAKE OUR GUNZ!!!
-everyone with an NRA membership
I absolutely LOVE the false flag claims. That’s just such a fantastic level of denial I don’t think I could ever come close it.
+1 crying girl crisis actor
Fucking square root of two. I always knew he was a piece of shit.
huh, you wouldn;t think a scoreless 2nd quarter would be THAT odd
WEIRD
The Browns don’t play Miami often enough for people to get used to that sort of thing.
What second half adjustments will we see from Green Bay? For starters, they will begin playing football instead of whatever the fuck THAT was, and Rodgers promises to warm his hands up before stroking the center’s ball sack.
Yes, I have stumbled in there a few times.
So in Seattle anyway we currently have at least 4 Marshawn Lynch local ads. 2 for car dealers, 2 for pest control. He’s on TV more than Jake from State Farm. Has more speaking roles too.
He’s just about that ad space…
…boss.
He’s just there so he gets paid.
Its in San Fran? Well Santa Clara, roll out Journey and the chinese guy.
Oh good. Another daily fantasy site.
Xvideos?
If I could like this more I would.
I was buying pornography.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kthOJJT93IY
Cold-fucking-play?
OK, it’s clear the NFL just flat-out hates and despises us now.
aye, tis a cold and unfeeling world
hey people
g’day fair lady
Springsteen crotch slide into the camera > Coldplay.
I cannot live in a world where Jim Caldwell has fee-fees.
Also…coldplay.
The NFL…we feel the pulse…of a rotten corpse.
Essentially, they determine who will play any given super bowl halftime by looking at the top ten pop artists of 7-10 years prior to the Super Bowl itself, depending on the median age of who stayed in the halftime committee meeting after all the donuts were gone.
7 is generous.
Listening to Coldplay makes me think of the feeling of my own urine running down my leg.
Whatever Martha Ford is saying in Detroit, it is working!
“If you fuckers don’t start winning soon I will shoot one member of your family in the fucking head for every point scored against us. Don’t believe me? This is DETROIT. No one will even investigate, let alone convict me.”
Seems legit.
To be fair, I would admire the honesty and sheer aggressiveness on behalf of an owner.
I’d rather see that marching band perform at the Super Bowl.
THIS
Shit yeah, battle of the bands style!
Most vivid Christmas memory ever: going to bed, with those kick ass electric candles in the window that made your room all bright and warm, and listening to my mom outside on the sidewalk, speaking to a neighbor while they both smoked cigarettes. They were comparing cookie recipes and gabbing about Xmas preparations.
So vivid and comforting – and it has nothing to do with presents. Weird, because I was a greedy little fuck.
Looks like that nyquil’s kicking in
Where you from?
Baltimore
I knew that, but needed confirmation. You ever go to Sidebar?
Yes, I have stumbled into that place a few times.
I have drank/injured myself or others/almost been arrested there enough that I’ll always love it. Should you want to grab a beer there some time in the week before X-mas I’ll be in town, let me know.