AP’s “More NFC East Action Than You Can Shake A Stick At!” Open Thread

Dal @ Was: Thursday and Sunday featured wondrous Hail Mary’s, brain-shattering upsets, fingernail-biting excitement, win-streak-extending blow-outs, a clearly inferior team beating the Giants in overtime and some other things. If you want more of that this evening, boy/girl, did you ever come to the wrong place! Quite frankly, I question your judgement. The Slurs are 5-1 at home because they get a lot of support from their obviously racist fan base. It’s called math-look it up. That being said, if the Slurs can contain the running game that would mean that a certain washed-up, turnover-prone, in-over-his-head, doesn’t-know-what-he’s-doing, never-will-be-a-starter-again, stares-at-his-first-option, win-less-at-this-point, will-fumble-at-some-point, dump-pass-loving Matt Cassell will have to be a difference-maker. [snorts]

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Moonbatting Average

I need a ruling: is it BLEERGH or BEERGH? I keep seeing both. We must be unified in our mythology!

King Hippo

I prefer with the L, it seems classier

Moonbatting Average

Same.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Moonbatting Average

Duly noted. BEERGH it is!

King Hippo

I like when there’s a block in the back so fucking obvious that I notice, even when I’m not really paying much attention.

Redshirt

It helps that the blockee jumps with his hand in the air like he’s in West Side Story.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, so THAT’s what the acolyte meant when he prophesized that BEERGH was going to “make it rain” tonight.

jjfozz

Keep the change, you filthy animal

WCS

Each drive more puntier than the last!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh, you said puntier…. thought you were saying a BMW tagline.

litre_cola

BUT WHICH ONE WILL BE THE PUNTIEST??

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My cat keeps asking me how Cutler and the Bears did this weekend. I don’t have the heart to tell her.

King Hippo

She knows from your failure to make eye contact

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh my, I’d rather watch Paul Bernardo’s home movies than this.

litre_cola

I cannot believe that I have to put my hopes in JERRAHS team for the complete clusterfuck to unfold.

Doktor Zymm

The complete clusterfuck has really low odds, and even if they lose this one, the clusterfuck can still occur if they win out, and a bunch of other stuff happens.

litre_cola

Oh my dear doktor, I wish for the Iggles to be on top and I am going to need all the help I can get.

jjfozz

Also . . .
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Moonbatting Average

Safety time!

Redshirt

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King Hippo

MAXIMUM NFC EAST

jjfozz

I was ambivalent about this game, until one of the asshole Skins fan I know via social media posted something about welcoming the Ravens to mediocrity.

This is a perfect representation of the pure assholeishness of their fanbase.

Fuck that guy, and fuck the Skins.

Sill Bimmons

Wow.

More chutzpah than the Inglourious Basterds right there.

King Hippo

My dead Pappy and the DFO folks (led by Dok, of course) are the only Redacteds fans I’ve ever met that didn’t make me want to run into traffic.

That said, this rule applies to about 95% of the general public, so it’s probably just me.

entropy

Nah, aside from Dok and my dead friend Brian, every other Skins fan I know is a gaping asshole full of snail spunk.

Sill Bimmons

Youtube embed test:

https://youtu.be/2VVMVtuN9FY

Sill Bimmons

I give up. Fuck youtube.

entropy

I feel like that McFadden fumbles stat should read “first fumble since 5:47 PM today….”

King Hippo

This is gonna be a loooooong night, kiddies

WCS

Glad I already pilled up an hour ago.

Sill Bimmons

Last of the ashcatcher goodness here.

King Hippo

My timing exactly! BRO!!!

WCS

The DERP-O-METER is going to break in about seven more seconds.

Doktor Zymm

This game is getting off to a suspiciously advantageous start…I don’t trust it when things go well, especially this early….

Doktor Zymm

Ah, that’s better.

Doktor Zymm

Beergh : An artist’s rendering of his reaction to the game thus far

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John Difool

Sometimes, when you stare into the BLEERGH, the BLEERGH stares back into you…..

Moonbatting Average

BLEERGH IS MOST PLEASED

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just landed at DIA. Who drew the short straw to pick me up at the airport?

Sill Bimmons

Be right there!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, I don’t think Sill’s coming.

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

Doktor Zymm

It’ll make me really happy if the Cowboys somehow destroy their chances of something via an excessive celebration penalty.

entropy

Beckham Style!

Doktor Zymm

LET THE DUMBASS PENALTYS BEGIN!

Sill Bimmons

HAIL BLEERGH

John Difool

Well, looks like It’s gonna be an Elmer and the Boy’s kinda night.

entropy

Slowest. Fumble. Ever.

Moonbatting Average

So my Horrible Person Hope is that the [*Redacted] s win the division, host the Seahawks, and FedEx Field eats Russel Wilson. Who’s with me?

Doktor Zymm

I’m reasonably convinced that this will happen, though it’s always a tossup who the field takes as a sacrifice.

King Hippo

Seriously, shouldn’t there be standards for field surfaces, like there are in top-flight soccer? Might be something a union should bring up.

Moonbatting Average

Thafuq is a union?

entropy

Arena Football League team?

King Hippo

#blessed

entropy

Who’s that getting chewed up by FedEx Field? That’s right, Russell. YOU ARE. It already got RGIII, it’s YOUR turn.

—whispered menacingly by a replicant Macklemore.

King Hippo

Don;t get JustStopDude started again!!!

Sill Bimmons

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John Difool

So, I was in my twenties the last time Washington was atop the NFC East in December….. no wonder I hate December.

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to my myself a nice soothing cup of valerian tea.

There was a project on kickstarter for smart beer mugs. One of the options was to hook the mugs up to a sports feed and have the mugs change to your team colors whenever your team scored.

WCS

via Sill

Sill Bimmons

If you’ve never watched a single RLM video, watch this.

They’re never as good as when they’re taking Lucas behind the woodshed.

WCS

Since Sie Doktor had not seen it before…

…or, perhaps, she had seen it, and her brain suppressed the memories.

King Hippo

I just think you and Sill has seen EVERYTHING

Sill Bimmons

Hardly.

Just a sixteen-year vendetta against George Lucas for ruining everything I held dear as a child.

King Hippo

Well played and FAIR POINT. Is he intentionally a dick, or just kind of clueless, ya think?

Sill Bimmons

He is an evil without parallel.

AOTC is beyond dickishness or cluelessness.

Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

Hey somebody who can actually fucking sing for a change

Doktor Zymm

Wow, they didn’t even bother to apply the green spray paint between the hashes for this game.

WCS

The State Farm radio ads are somehow geometrically worse than their TV counterparts.

Redshirt

Marionette theatre? I see MNF lost their budget betting on Brady yesterday.

King Hippo

There will be puppetry tonight? HOT!

WCS

“Have you been up all night eating cheese?”
“I think I’m blind…!”

Doktor Zymm

I still stand by my theory that Snyder will change the name in exchange for a large, publicly funded renovation to move the whatever-dumb-name-Synder-picks-insteads back to RFK. I will be okay with the name Redtails. That will not be the name, it will be something far stupider, and somehow still racist, like “Wizards”

Sill Bimmons

You must not have seen the movie “Red Tails.”

If you had you would not be OK with this.

Doktor Zymm

What movie is this?

Sill Bimmons

George Lucas’ take on the Tuskegee Airmen.

It makes Attack Of The Clones look like The Phantom Menace.

Seriously, it’s so unbelievably bad it defies description.

entropy

It is so bad I immediately blocked out watching it as soon as it was over. It was insulting, inaccurate, poorly written, and all around shitty.

Sill Bimmons

I met the man that the character who spends the film arguing with Bryan Cranston (Why, Bryan? WHY) was based on while I was a resident at the Philly VA.

I can still hear him spinning in his grave.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, that’s actually pretty damn depressing. Way to fuck up awesome historical events, Lucas.

entropy

Look at it this way: Michael Bay Presents: Michael Bay’s Alternate History Take on Pearl Harbor is somehow better than Redtails.

Sill Bimmons

It’s true.

It’s more accurate as well.

John Difool

I’m still holding out hope for The Washington What The Fucks.

Gratliff

WHOO DALLAS YEAH

Redshirt

Who’s the Cowboys’ QB or have they decided to snap the ball directly to the running back and field two fullbacks?

Sill Bimmons

WING-T FTW

King Hippo

Who dares mock the RAW SEXY POWER of teh CasselVANIA??

King Hippo

I face a dilemma. My oldest kid did NAWT make the school musical (likely because there IS a dance element, and there is absolutely no rhythm section on either end of the gene pool). Naturally, she very dramatically wants to sleep in and not have to face everybody who got in tomorrow. This seems like bad parenting (and more than a little silly, but I realize I may just be being a boy here), but on the other hand…the younger two are at their mom’s, so I could sleep in as well.

Suppose I really should ask myself – WWAnCTRD?

/What Would ArtsnCrafty Tony Romo Do?

John Difool

Make her a Crownie for breakfast.

entropy

“I re-wrote the play without any dancing — or talent, not unlike the Cowboys with me and Dez –, so you just enjoy that Mormon morality play, OK.”

John Difool

Psyched myself up for this game by watching The Thin Red Line to soul-crush proof myself.

entropy

Hmmm. A “clearly inferior team” beat the Giants, huh? You’re not taking that loss hard at all, are ya, Scotchy?

Doktor Zymm

Greetings all. I am bravely facing this game with the intention to refrain to alcohol and go to bed at halftime, no matter what’s going on in the game. I didn’t deplete my will-power much during the rest of the day, so there’s a chance I might actually do both those things.

John Difool

Abandon all hope and never go without alcohol Ye who enter here.

entropy

You’re going to watch a Cowboys game without alcohol? I salute you, madam.

WCS

/Dan Snyder sues Doktor by suggesting going to bed at halftime is slanderous

Beerguyrob

Sounds like you’re going to need a whole sixer of Eli’s juice boxes.

Redshirt
King Hippo

Also, tee hee BRAVE-ly

Doktor Zymm

hooray for puns

Redshirt

Hurry up, NFL! I’m watching Monday Night Raw and I’m losing the will to live at an alarming rate!

King Hippo

Of all the things that were a thing when I was a child that would still be a thing 30+ years later…never would have guessed that one.

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Spanky Datass

sup

Sill Bimmons

yo

entropy

Yo.

Redshirt

Keep this link nearby WCS. You might be using it often.

Sill Bimmons
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jon Gruden actually said the words “I love length” with a straight face.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

If we’re honest with ourselves, who doesn’t?

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